Hey, Y’all!

Here we are at 1:54 am. I cannot believe I am up this late. I went to bed tired, and I was sure I would fall asleep. Instead, I am right here writing to you all. There has been a week or so lapse in entering any blog entries because it has been putting in the work on my base goals.

I am fighting tiredness and feeling sick off and on.

I am happy I have my calendars filled out and ready to go for the month. Having the calendars completed and the ability to make my lists each day helps me feel more organized and goes a long way in being initiative-taking each day. I am realizing I have work to do on the inside of myself to be more assertive in the right way in situations.

There are emotions I am fighting that have led to depression that I must overcome.

I tell myself that it all will be better tomorrow. It may take more than tomorrow to feel better. Even during the times, I say I give up; I have not given up. I still get back up.

It sucks at times because a group may be going through our life lessons at the same time. For me, it is always hopeful I have not burned new bridges that have taken years to build. I also hope I am not disappearing from older friendships.

The calendars and lists: they tell me where I am so I can figure out where I am going. I want to excel at a faster rate than what it is taking and that is where the emotions and doubt come in. It is where I fight myself because I want to be better.

Inside my head, I scream you must do better! I am impatient with myself.

I keep holding on to a friend’s words he said to me about eight or nine years ago. “It will not always be this way.” I am angry at the slowness in myself. It seems and looks like others can just change overnight. The truth is I know it took them longer as well.

It all goes back to cautioning myself to not compare ourselves with one another.

We never know where another person is at their starting point of change. We do not know the work everyone else had to do to get where they are. We do not know what sacrifices each of us has made to do better or to get better.

To make a real change in this life gets to the core of our being. We run the gamut of emotions from screaming, crying, laughing, and silence. We must keep hanging on for one more day. I will get through these twenty-four hours just as I have all the past days.

1. I am thankful to have courage.
2. I am thankful for my portion.
3. I am thankful for smiles.
4. I am thankful for hope.
5. I am thankful that change does happen.
6. I am thankful for life lessons.
7. I am thankful for others helping me figure out what I cannot figure out alone.

Acts 17:28 ESV

28 for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!