Its good to be back to write again. I do not know if I can keep up writing consistently, but I will keep trying.
I am just going to share how I feel and the progress so far medically. I am not sure how much progress, but I will share all I can.
I guess really this new normal is still hard to adjust to. I think all of us are going through emotions from the fall out of it all.
I did spend some time in the parking lot tonight of our complex because I needed out of my four walls. I talked to God during that time and told Him how I feel and I how I knew I needed to do better, while also asking Him to let me stay longer I wasn’t done experiencing life on this earth.
No, I am not dying anymore than most people are dying. I know that I have an irrational fear of dying so I call myself on it as much as I can.
One of the things I asked God to help me with was exactly watching what I say more. Because I do throw out that I am done with this life a lot, when things are not going my way.
Its one of the ways I have coped to make everything so dramatic and it causes me a lot more harm. It no longer serves me it just keeps everything in a fear base.
I also realize today a lot of this spells out self-pity. I want to be done with self -pity and treat those in my life better. They have been my help and guide me to comfort.
I want to be the encourager God created me to be.
I mentioned in my last post about having a tribe. I do have a huge tribe. Yet only a few know me. Everyone has given me so much and a big part of that is they gave themselves to me and I need to do the same in reciprocation
The other side of that coin is we all hide from each other during our challenges. We want to appear to have it all together.
The bottom line is I want to better honor my family and friends.
Its still about keeping my side of the street clean. My side is junky right now. But again, my life is turned upside down with this PICC Line in my arm.
I will say I have learned to rearrange furniture with one arm. Okay I cheated a couple times too and so far, lucky I have not damaged PICC Line.
My apartment is finally really becoming a home. I am so happy about my recliner because its like my own spot I can claim better for meditation and some writing. Its also my Tv chair. I can go to it to escape from my office.
I cannot wait to do some therapy baking and have my home in order to take pics and show off my small piece of heaven here on earth.
I am so thankful for what I have today, and I must let that be the forefront.
Medically, the wounds I have are looking better the skin color is better. I am sleeping a lot because of the medication and the infection both. I have been going through irrational fears as a result of this line in my arm.
I do love all my nurse’s past, present, and one who became my friend. I need to catch up to her. I think they have all become my friend in one sense or another.
Tomorrow I will see the podiatrist a doctor and wound clinic.
Today I will get blood drawn.
Thank you, God, that I do not control the universe! I am too tired.
God Please help us all at whatever level we may be. Thank You God for getting us this far.
This is living clean and sober for me folks!
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over out!
God Bless Y’all Everybody!