Hi Family and Friends!
The paragraph below is what I came up with on Google. This is from Mental Health America.
Since 1949, Mental Health America and our affiliates across the country have led the observance of May is Mental Health Month by reaching millions of people through the media, local events, and screenings.
As one who has and dealt and deals with chronic depression, I am reminded at least every week what contributes to my mental health.
- Diet and Nutrition
- Regular Schedule
I do deflect from most of the list above in most of my sessions with my therapist. It does make it harder for me to combat the chronic depression. I hate confrontation of any kind. Worse yet I hate being accountable, but it is what I need.
Refusing to make a choice, is still a choice. Choices are in actions. So, the same is true by not taking an action. It is still an action and it reflects choice.
The responsibility of my choices and actions lie with me, no one else.
The basic need for all things considered is a regular schedule. I detest a regular schedule because it boxes me in and makes me feel agitated and resentful for needing structure of any kind.
The bottom line to it all, is self-care.
Self-care is needed so I do not fall apart. We fall apart when we do not take care of ourselves. I fail to take good care of myself despite the fact, we say it all the time in ending our time with others for the moment.
Take care! When we fail to take care of ourselves, is when we lose our real freedom. We lose any chance of having a rational thought or action. We are not okay.
This whole entry was based on the fact of it being National Mental Health Month. Yet another reason combined with that was, someone I knew of died from a self-inflicted gunshot almost two weeks ago.
It has made me reflect on what could have led him to this action. He put a date and time at the end of his dash. Nothing is sadder than when there is a date and time at the end of your dash. There is no more time for happy memories.
What could have made it better? We do not get to answer that question when the last date is entered after our dash.
This has been the hardest article to write because it forces me to look at everything in my life. Death riles up anger in me because it is an ending. There is so much pain in death and then no pain at all.
I get panic attacks surrounding death; realizing one day life ends as we know it there is no more communication. We are lifeless. We cannot change anything after we are dead.
Death does change us that are left behind. I think at first it only changes us for the short term. As we go through more goodbyes and rest in peace deals, we start changing a lot.
The anger, bitterness, all of it turns us inside out. We are no longer the same as we once were. For some, maybe that is a great thing.
In the early 2000’s I went to like 5 funerals in one week. It was not my hobby. Add to that in the following few year was my grandpa, dad, and cousin’s funerals. A few more years down the road was one of my uncle’s funerals.
I imagine all of us feel at least some part of our family died with each person that died.
Since then quite a few people have died from diseases, natural causes, and some from suicide, or undetermined causes.
There is so much I do not understand, it feels like I must question why?
I do know what it feels like to be suicidal, but the truth is I was so sick I did not understand it was permanent if I succeeded.
My dad dying, for me was the hardest death to take. I have always had issues with death and the fear of it.
I have hoped to not take things for granted. The truth is maybe I have so I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not dying first. I feel guilty because I refuse to quit doing some things that could cause my death earlier than if I would take care of myself.
It boils down to fear in the end. There are even things I have said earlier today that have me even questioning God if He will truly forgive me.
Death takes so many shapes as well.
Physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual. Its like we are preparing our whole life just to die gracefully, I guess.
I must find a way to take good care of me. I do not want to be lost before I die. But I do not want to follow anyone’s rules to be able to take good care of me. I am tired of restrictions while alive!
I finally have a voice to say so. I do not need approval or agreement from anyone but God.
Death is hard. Mental Health is challenging. We will always search for the easiest way to find peace.
Let us not forget each other!
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!
God Bless Y’all Everybody!