Hello My friends! I have had a lot to deal with emotionally and physically. Part of this journey has been the stumbling in and out of things and still keeping clean and sober.
I deal with tremors in my hands at times. The most has been dealing with my feet and legs and resting and fighting the cold weather that zooms in and out of my state.
Thankfully what we are finding is my tremors actually count as part of my pulse. Which means it’s been giving false reading, of like 113 beats per minute.
I do let agitation run my blood pressure too at times. Thankfully with the steps it has lessened some.
I am finally back at that point where I love me best when I am not trying to perform. I am doing some soul searching again.
It’s all about giving up the parts of you that keep you sick and realizing some of those parts when they are given up to God, He has a plan for them.
In my past and present both, I have hurt out of my hurt. I am asking for help each day that my behavior in that way, would be stopped. You see it’s up to me to stop the cycle of that hurt. That hurt keeps me sick and it spreads sickness like a wild fire.
Forgiveness of others and myself is still the key to happiness.
In my soul searching and letting go of things are some questions I have even had to ask myself tonight, in pondering it all.
- Do I realize the gifts I was even given before to get me out of a place where I was sure to die alone and empty?
- Do I realize that even when things were bad, all anybody wanted was the best for me, even in my hatefulness?
- Do I realize how much God and man power it took to get me out of a really, really, bad place?
I took a lot for granted. That’s the truth. Today I count my blessings now with this mini inventory of sorts.
There seem to be no shortcuts in doing this deal. It’s all messy. The only way to heal is to walk through the mess and pick it up and throw it away. The only way to do that is to own up to it and ask for forgiveness. You make your amends and go forward.
If you can do this much maybe, just maybe, your whole tribe won’t be afflicted by yours and my own sickness.
Part of the hell, in my thought is dying and not doing anything to change for the positive before you die. We must change and we must heal otherwise life is meaningless.
My world has been turned upside down in my reflections. I have to be willing to do my part.
We ask God to heal our land, to heal our loved ones, and anyone we may meet along the way. Isn’t it time for us to heal today? It’s time for me to heal and I am not sure what it looks like, except that I trust the process.
Happy New Year and Happy February! I am thankful to have made it through January. Together we can!
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike. Over and out!
GodBless Y’all Everybody!