My Hope is to get out all that I have wanted to share for this time of year.
This is the last day of 2019 and the last day of a decade to begin a new one tomorrow.
There is a lot I have learned in the past several years and even more so in these past few months. One being I can do more and I can do better. I don’t have to stay stuck today.
The other thing I can say just because I don’t stay stuck doesn’t mean I don’t go backwards at some points. It’s not always easy to keep the flow going. I forgive myself for not always being perfect and moving forward.
I say this in faith right now. The reason for that is I am naturally hard on myself and beat myself up for mistakes and stupidity. It all happens because I am human and I don’t always think before I speak.
While I even write this, I pray I choose my words with care and wisdom.
There has been much I have wanted to change and the willingness has gone back and forth. However, I am getting better.
I have learned praying for those you resent actually changes how you feel about them and you become more willing to see them as sick people.
“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” This is Step Six of The Twelve Steps.
The defects of character for me include my anger and resentment. Realizing I am holding others for ransom so they feel the rage of my anger I feel they deserve.
What I did not always realize is this formula kept me sick. Often my anger was even directed at the wrong ones as well. I have to become humbled and, in some ways, I am humbled just by the simple forgiveness of others.
I am letting go. I believe it’s all in degrees. I am not perfect by any means, but I am willing.
I want to leave my anger, resentments, bad choices, and hatred behind in 2019.
Today, I started reading the second edition of “Drop the Rock.”
While reading this book will not take away my defects of character, I believe I will gain a better understanding and let go of the rock I am holding.
I believe it’s all by spiritual design and God will choose how these defects of character are removed. My only responsibility is becoming entirely ready.
I have made a good beginning but it is only to say it’s just barely scratching the surface.
Today, I will choose sanity over hurting myself and others. Life is too short to choose otherwise.
I do want to love me today. I haven’t really loved me my whole life. I have never thought I have been worth it. Not really.
I still don’t know I am worth it all. But I know I want to try harder than ever to let go of the past as much as humanly possible.
Today, I let go of all that binds me that I may move forward.
Here’s to a better year! Let’s close this curtain now!
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike! Over and out!
God Bless Y’all Everybody and Happy New Year!