truth

True Ambition and Pressing Through When Tempted

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True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and humbly under the grace of God.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions AA Pages 124-125) 

Hi Everyone, 

This afternoon I finally finished the third column of my fourth step inventory. I was so grateful to get the push I needed. 

I was reminded as I was doing my step work of the wonderful bonfire with friends last night and how awesome it was that we are mix of people under normal circumstances probably wouldn’t have mixed.  

So, we have a singleness of purpose somehow guided by the God of our understanding. Tonight, as I did my work and even writing now, I have a candle lit. Believe me it is nothing compared to the awesome bonfire. 

I really want to let go of everything and be free of the prison in my mind. All of us that gather together its representation of exactly those who are in the process at least, of being freed from what our minds have created within ourselves. 

I found out today in my journey, to let myself stay untreated in the steps means I could go way off the beam. I can’t afford to pay that price today. I am not willing to go to prison because of an unwillingness to work the steps. 

I am ready to press through. Today for these 24 hours, I will do whatever is necessary. The three legacies which are unity, service, and recovery: These are what remind me about to thine own self be true. 

Gathering together and giving it away, to keep it. I need people and they need me. I can’t stay a hermit and be okay. I have to be willing to go outside my comfort zone and be real. Tell people where I am so I can find out if Iam headed for trouble. 

I cannot afford to be alone in my own head anymore. It just doesn’t work. It’s suicide if I do.  

I didn’t know crazy can fake itself and look calm like today. It’s enough to scare you into doing whatever you have to do, to keep crazy away. 

Prayers alone are not enough it takes work and action. You must open your mouth no one is a mind reader. 

There is one who has all power. That one is God may you find him now. We read this at every meeting and it’s so true. Alone, I have no power but together we can. 

Half measures availed us nothing, let’s press on! 

  • I am grateful for sponsorship. 
  • I am grateful for the bonfires, candles, gathering and a loving God as he may express himself. 
  • I am grateful for the singleness of purpose. 
  • I am grateful for the life saver. 
  • I am grateful for choices today. 
  • I am grateful for get out of jail free card, that’s in the steps if we work them. 
  • I am grateful we can work at demolishing the prison we built. 
  • I am grateful to be loved regardless where I am. 
  • I am grateful for homecoming.  
  • I am grateful for the strength to get through today when I was very tempted to nap. 

Thank you reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by BoxcarMike over and out! 

God Bless Y’all Everybody! 

Came To Believe A Power Greater Than

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hi Everybody! It’s great to be back to share about Step 2 of the 12 Steps. 

Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  

A lot of us joke that we should have had sanity first before we could be restored to us. Others of us it hits very close to home. I like to think that it’s a God or a power greater than, that is restoring my whole self and that it would include sanity even if I didn’t have sanity before. 

When I first came to the rooms, I was willing I thought to do anything it meant to stay sober. Sure, I repeated prayers and gave all the answers I thought they wanted to hear.  

I was not really ready for God. I didn’t want to hear about God or the belief thing. The fruit of my soul even proved that. I kept on not being able to stay sober because of it. I didn’t even realize that until now as Iam writing this but that’s the truth. I couldn’t believe that you believed because it was not enough.  

Though I would mouth the words I believed. I was definitely a belligerent one on the inside. As a child I believed God for anything and believed Him on His word.  

This is an important part of the journey. This is where we are making a formation of our journey ahead. It’s important to know what we believe in and what we are coming to believe to restore us to sanity.  

As an adult I was not so ready to believe. I had to stop the lies and lying. Steps One through twelve are all about surrendering to a program of action. This comes by believing in a power greater than myself, I do call God today.  

I first started by mouthing the words and just trying to follow along with the rest of the requirements. It was not enough. I had to come to believe. I was still reeking of alcohol and alcoholism. You see it was a thinking problem too. This is why I needed sanity. I need sanity still today. 

This means stopping the fear too. I still have alcoholic thinking even after 15 years of not drinking. So, when I first got here it was about not being willing to believe. Lip service just leads to another drunk. 

Today it is about doing it piece-meal with my belief. It allows me to grow in a relationship with God. I didn’t have to swallow all of the God concept at once.  

I have more to write on this as well as more reading to do. I will add a part two to the second step. 

This is a good resting place for now. 

  • I am grateful for God the power greater than myself. 
  • I am grateful for the second step and that I can be restored to sanity. 
  • I am grateful I can pause today and think about everything that it took for me to believe and have faith. 
  • I am grateful for prayer and meditation. 
  • I am grateful for friends. 
  • I am grateful to my readers. 
  • I am grateful that I can take the time to trace my anger back to what fear it is Iam having today. 
  • I am grateful for lunch with a friend. 
  • I am grateful for that cup of coffee first thing in ther morning. 
  • I am grateful for laughter. 

Thanks for reading! This is Boxcar Mike with another day of gratitude and sharing on the steps of recovery. Over and Out! 

God Bless Y’all Everybody!