Remembering Family And Lamenting Over How It Was

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Hi Family and Friends!

I never know what its truly going to be about here in this blog entry until I start typing or pecking away as the case may be.

I mourn a lot about how things once were and how much I have taken for granted over the years.

I have talked about wanting a life plan and trying to take responsibility for my life today.

There is much more to write about why that is important to me today. I grieve over the past with my family and wishing I had treated them warmer and held them more closely than I did.

Nothing has driven the point home more clearly about how I have treated people than living through this pandemic and knowing I cannot be close to family and certain others.

A lot of that is due to how I have treated them and, in some cases, acted as if they did not exist. I really thought that at the time it was about me just hiding inside myself afraid to be present because I did not want to get knocked down

Like it or not, we did that a lot in our family with plain sarcasm or snide remarks. I played in that part. I wish to God I could take it all back and would have been more loving or only plain showed up!

I am lamenting some here over my family and what was and is no longer.

Its priceless when I get to text with my brother and mom. I love them both and their new lives.  I miss my brother’s family and I wish I could give my nephew that hug and share with him about the great things about our family.

The great things are we were all hard workers we grew a garden together. We never hired anyone to fix things we could do ourselves. Some things we just learned as we went.

We did family celebrations. We went to church together. Some where in there was love and I ran away from it many times. I wish I could take back the day when my sister tried to comfort me as we made the choice to let my dad just go peacefully.

I pushed her hand away not because I was rejecting her but because I was trying to ask a question. She never knew that. I never explained it.

I love them all more than anything, but I am not sure we could spend more than a day together at a time.

Just a quick note my dad was going to die no matter what and, in the end, he died on his own terms. I choose to see it that way.

I am writing and confessing this because, there are others out there and you want your family to take all the blame. At one time, before I made peace with my parents, I wanted them to take all the blame.

I will say this because of grace, humility, love, forgiveness, and peace that passes all understanding; I got to love my dad, and my dad got to love me before he died.

Because of this, I also get to love my mom and mom loves me today.

We have a big family there fore I will always have a long way to go in making those lifelong amends.

The other side of the coin for me is I did not know how to be family and I still do not know how. It is just one day at a time. For everything there is a season.

I was told long ago one day you are going to miss this and never get it back. I did not believe them. I wish I had.

I will close with this verse which is appropriate from the Holy Scriptures:

Ecclesiastes 3 English Standard Version (ESV)

A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

How Will I Work A Life Plan?

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brown train railway
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Hi Everyone,

I took part of the day listening to podcasts, sermons and reading blog entries of others and doing my own research.

What I am writing today is not fair to even say that I have a plan to plan out my life.

What was interesting was to see how everything flowed together in some fashion.

I started reading a blog entry that talked about a life plan. It is most important to have a life plan to be successful. We all want to have a favorable memory left behind when our lives end here on earth.

I was really turned off by the blogger, mainly because he had his course email sign up not once but twice on the front of the blog, which made me clear them twice. This was before I could even read the content he was providing.

I like the idea of living life on purpose.

You can live your life on purpose. It begins by creating a “Life Plan.” This won’t insulate you from life’s many adversities and unexpected twists and turns, but it will help you become an active participant in your life, intentionally shaping your own future. Michael Hyatt

  1. 1. God
  2. Self
  3. Health
  4. Growth
  5. Rest
  6. Family
  7. Friends
  8. Writing
  9. Finances
  10. What kind of ministry or help I could be?

 The above are items to consider in my life plan.

The thing is, I am not so positive all the time. On any given day Id do my best to talk myself or anyone out of doing a life plan. I sure did not get negative overnight and I am not going to be Mary Poppins either.

That is why I think the second sermon I listened to on living out your faith was so important and interestingly flowed in today.

It was my pastor friend I listened to and I miss him a lot.

It reminded me of a few things in fact:

I do not want to be foolish and silly thinking I can do this life without God.

  1. I need to be able to ask God and others questions I have.
  2. Everyone needs a team of people not just one or two.

We cannot allow ourselves to get so bogged down in planning our life either. We do Have to live life and as most of my friends say, we insist on enjoying life.

In the coming days, I hope to have more to write on this subject.

10 Things I am Thankful for:

  1. I am thankful for a breath of fresh air.
  2. I am thankful for wisdom.
  3. I am thankful for a loving God as I always say even when I can be most unlovable.
  4. I am thankful for the strength to get through today.
  5. I am thankful for good gifts from God and that I may take what he gives me and grow.
  6. I am thankful for supportive friends and family.
  7. I am thankful for my Pastor Friend this one really brings tears of joy.
  8. I am thankful for the chance to live out faith.
  9. I am thankful we can be silly even as tension rises.
  10. I am thankful for anyone reading.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

 

What Will I Do Until The End

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Hi Everyone,

I am glad to be on my second day of writing.  I am hoping to make some sense and to grow into a human being that isn’t just sucking life’s air.  I have been in some type of recovery, for what feels like my whole life. I just want to do my best today and maybe have a plan with reasonable goals.

This journey as I have said before, is messy at best. I do some how keep getting up and pushing forward. I figure my life span is somewhere between 7 and 20 years left. I hope I will have left a legacy somehow, even without having children of my own.

I don’t want the end of my life to be just a few words and then finished. Otherwise then it would seem it was just a prison sentence, right?

A book is not quite enough either. I think it must be real changes and hard work.

The challenges before me are difficult. Its physical, emotional, and spiritual. It’s more than any song. It’s more than weeping bitter-sweet.

It’s about taking my thoughts captive and taming my tongue and flesh. Its trusting in God and allowing Him to take control when I am strong or weak.

The questions I now must answer are:

  1. What are my goals?
  2. What makes me happy?
  3. Where is God at in my life?
  4. Is God evident to others in how I am living?
  5. What is my responsibility today?
  6. Can I or have I truly let go of past hurts and wounds?
  7. What can I do in helping others mend?
  8. Have I stopped hurting and wounding others?

I must find these answers inside myself. We do have to ask ourselves the hard questions to be totally open and honest. Otherwise, there is no solid foundation.

Some days I feel like I am adrift much the way in the movie, Castaway with Tom Hanks and Wilson.  I don’t want my life to end just barely keeping my head above water.

I know there’s life out there. I want to show I have lived and left something good behind. I used to think I knew what that something is.

I am not so sure I know anymore. I am going to have to dig and see what I can come up with. I hope you continue to see me on my journey.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful for my life and the ability change.
  2. I am thankful for everyone who is and has been a part of my life.
  3. I am thankful for the time to write.
  4. I am thankful for honesty from others and that I get to be honest with myself today.
  5. I am thankful for medical transporters, EMT’s, home health aides, doctors, nurses, custodians, truckers, teachers, fast food workers, store associates, policemen, firemen, correction officers, therapists, and all of whom are taking risks to be of service.
  6. I am thankful for solitude verses loneliness.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to contemplate what the rest of my life might look like.
  8. I am thankful for siblings.
  9. I am thankful for my mom and her husband.
  10. I am thankful for mercy and grace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

I am Answering My Own Questions

/ boxcarmike / 2 Comments
man in brown shirt standing on train rail near coconut palms

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Hi Everyone,  

My days and nights are still mixed up, but I finally slept enough to feel better and some tension is relieved.  

It was very hard week for me physically. However, now with the much-needed sleep and rest I think I can heal more. 

I challenged us all to answer questions and I did. I have not discussed them with friends yet. I did discuss them with my therapist who is like a friend in my mind, anyway. 

Here are my answers: 

1.What are you doing to take care of yourself?  

I am sleeping when I can. I am eating at least two meals a day maybe three on good days. I am keeping up with doctors and medications. I am meditating and praying for others. 

  1. How are you sleeping? 

I am sleeping erratically but getting it in. 

  1. How are you eating? 

A lot of the time I am earing too much but at least getting in two meals a day. 

  1. What exercises are helping you? 

Walking is helping a lot.  

  1. Are you really taking quiet time or are you justday dreamingand whistling in the dark?   

I am really taking quiet time and doing my best to shut out the negative voices. I am doing my best at arranging my home to be a sanctuary of calmness. (Decluttering is key). The other part is I think some of us, just can’t always meditate. We are always on overload much of the time, so some days it’s hard not to be just whistling in the dark. 

  

  1. What are you doing to help someone else? 

I blessed someone else with something they needed that I could get for them.  

  1. Are you taking precautions for covid-19?

I am not taking too many trips out; I am staying in for the most part and staying clean. 

  1. What areas have you improved on in your life? 

I am a work in progress. I am working on facing me more when I am alone. I am learning to compromise more. 

  1. What areas in your life need work? 

All of the areas of my life need work with a regular schedule. 

  1. Will you hold on for one more day? 

Yes, I will take each day at a time. 

  1. How much hope do you have? 

I have more hope today than a week ago. 

  1. What’s one positive thing you love about yourself?

That I can be under a lot of stress and finally get sick enough of it to get up anyway and at least set a plan in motion to change things. I am edging other’s opinions about me out because they are none of my business. 

The advice I am giving myself is to go over these questions every two or three days, in hopes of just being accountable to myself. 

I am also still encouraging myself to discuss these questions with one or two friends. 

We often say, if we knew better, we would do better. I want to do better and not according to anyone else’s standards. Every day is a work in progress.  

 10 Things I am Thankful For: 

  1.  Sleep 
  1. The ability to know myself and listen to what my body is telling me what I need 
  1. That I don’t want to stay stagnant and whiny about others or feel the need to criticize others always. 
  1. Healing  
  1. Smiles and joy 
  1. I have been able to provide a roof over my head continuously for over 3 years going on 4 years. 
  1. That I can take criticism when it is shared in a nice way 
  1. My bills are paid  
  1. That I am doing better at admitting wrongs more promptly 
  1. I am not going hungry

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out. 

God Bless Y’all Everybody! 

 

 

 

Covid-19 What Is Normal?

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photo is one I had

Hi Everyone,  

It’s been quite a while since I have written anything. I have gone through a gamut of emotions and thoughts. I have had a lot of different experiences.  

I have needed a long break and physically writing is very hard on my hands and fingers. 

When we entered the year 2020, we all knew it would be a different year. None of us including officials could be prepared for COVID-19. Oh, did you think I wouldn’t bring it up? It’s been all of our experience hoping for it to pass.  

It’s been the marking of an end of eras for many people and saying goodbye to many people who have made our world go around. Some have lost loved ones. Who, where, what, do we blame? 

Talks of a new normal, is now normal. What does that look like? How do we reconcile our faith and hope? Do our dreams count anymore? 

I realize this post may be all over the map and hard to follow. So is life these days. 

I basically took a week off of Facebook except I did check in once or twice, once was just get a picture saved in my albums. I wish I could say it was enough for me to have felt grounded. On the other hand, I know it was good for me.  

I want to start limiting my time more on Facebook on a regular basis and go back to remembering why it was so great to reconnect. I want to grow as a person who is more than just a human being and is spiritual.   

I am not there by a long shot. I know myself to be too selfish.  I am one who bought toilet paper to last 2-3 months at a time when I could. I started running out around stay at home orders. This has been difficult knowing I can no longer do this. 

I am trying as of today, to catch up to people. Just in short bits is all I can really handle, and that is on me. I am the one with the problem. 

My wonderful therapist has been asking about the writer. He is wonderful, really. I don’t always take direction, but I should. I need to press through the difficulty and remain grateful. I am finding that hard to do. 

It is hard to keep writing because I do want a positive spin on everything but that’s not how it is in living it out. I am trying to get there in my own way and definitely on my own terms! 

Trigger warning for cuss phrases: I say WTF out loud and to myself probably 20 times in one day, maybe more. 

Life is a lot like that poppet game; where you pound the ground hogs with a hammer game at fairs and what not. You pop one problem and they keep coming in. You get to accept a new normal for the day and here’s a dozen more all at once. I mean WTF?  

Okay I am done with cussing for the moment. But here’s the thing, it doesn’t serve me well. My blood pressure rises and I am to a point of screaming. I can’t even blame that on my growing up or parents. I think I may have come out of the womb that way. 

Some questions now might be as a follow up: 

1.What are you doing to take care of yourself? 

2. How are you sleeping? 

3. How are you eating? 

4. What exercises are helping you? 

5. Are you really taking quiet time or are you just day dreaming and whistling in the dark? 

6. What are you doing to help someone else? 

7. Are you taking precautions for covid-19? 

8. What areas have you improved on in your life? 

9. What areas in your life need work? 

10. Will you hold on for one more day? 

11. How much hope do you have? 

12. What’s one positive thing you love about yourself? 

These 12 questions are important for you to answer to yourself and maybe discuss with someone else. All kidding and jokes aside. They also could point to you needing someone to talk to professionally. 

I personally will be pondering these questions for the next few days and see how honest I can answer these questions. I plan to discuss them even in my circle of friends and therapist.  

Here’s your challenge to getting to be the best version of you possible, just for today. 

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike over and out! 

God Bless Y’all Everybody! 

There’s More Than Enough To Go Around

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Today I am writing from my heart from the weekend to present in reflection of my choices. 

There always begins a new theme as I reflect on my choices in this journey. I feel so deeply and find that I really want my passion for life to stay alive. I look at my friends and family. 

There’s so much to be grateful for and so much of life seems to be the push and pull at the same time.  

My one friend his words to me at the most horrifying and scariest moment of my life said… “It won’t always be this way.” I have had people say it since and you know what those words are to me now? Those are words of love and affirmation. 

The words are validation that I matter and everything eventually changes. 

When you’re on this journey there’s plenty of laughter, tears, and love. It’s letting go of the hatred. Holding on to love. 

Love comes in many different packages and it’s not always wrapped the way we think it should be. In accepting those gifts however, they may come gives us freedom and the person who gives, they get freedom as well. 

We get to reflect on memories and making new ones. We get a chance to roll with change no matter how scary and painful it may feel at times. 

Maybe for the first time I am recognizing I live alone; but I am never alone.  

Sometimes I am embarrassed for the way my life is and how it turned out. I get in self-pity. I am afraid to admit that sometimes because things just feel unfair. It really is a process. 

I told someone the other day, I realize I have rights but sometimes now I don’t always want to trump with my rights if it means giving up peace.  

Growing up, I always thought to that love was just peace, physical touch, hugs, and just reminding others with words. 

Today I know love is, a friend not letting you leave the house like a total slob. Love is sometimes being pushed out when it is so scary and you are begging them to please not make you go. 

Sometimes people have to move away and you are sad and you don’t want to watch them leave; but you stand there waving because they are the best gift that ever came into your life.  

You hit a midlife crisis thinking you can be a teenager and age finally sets in, and you realize you don’t want all the chaos. 

The afternoons or evening curled up with a book and a cup of coffee are the best times now. 

We let go of the negative things. We let go of the bad. It’s just a process and doesn’t happen overnight.  

We hold on to all the good and we pass it on. We walk each other home because finally we understand, there’s more than enough to go around.  

We try to not hurt ourselves or each other. We are not saints! We get a chance at freedom. Just for today. 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out! 

God Bless Y’all everybody! 

Its Time To Heal To Make Progress

/ boxcarmike / 3 Comments

Hello My friends! I have had a lot to deal with emotionally and physically. Part of this journey has been the stumbling in and out of things and still keeping clean and sober. 

I deal with tremors in my hands at times. The most has been dealing with my feet and legs and resting and fighting the cold weather that zooms in and out of my state. 

Thankfully what we are finding is my tremors actually count as part of my pulse. Which means it’s been giving false reading, of like 113 beats per minute. 

I do let agitation run my blood pressure too at times. Thankfully with the steps it has lessened some. 

I am finally back at that point where I love me best when I am not trying to perform. I am doing some soul searching again.  

It’s all about giving up the parts of you that keep you sick and realizing some of those parts when they are given up to God, He has a plan for them.  

In my past and present both, I have hurt out of my hurt. I am asking for help each day that my behavior in that way, would be stopped. You see it’s up to me to stop the cycle of that hurt. That hurt keeps me sick and it spreads sickness like a wild fire. 

Forgiveness of others and myself is still the key to happiness.  

In my soul searching and letting go of things are some questions I have even had to ask myself tonight, in pondering it all. 

  1. Do I realize the gifts I was even given before to get me out of a place where I was sure to die alone and empty? 
  1. Do I realize that even when things were bad, all anybody wanted was the best for me, even in my hatefulness? 
  1. Do I realize how much God and man power it took to get me out of a really, really, bad place? 

I took a lot for granted. That’s the truth. Today I count my blessings now with this mini inventory of sorts.  

There seem to be no shortcuts in doing this deal. It’s all messy. The only way to heal is to walk through the mess and pick it up and throw it away.  The only way to do that is to own up to it and ask for forgiveness. You make your amends and go forward. 

If you can do this much maybe, just maybe, your whole tribe won’t be afflicted by yours and my own sickness. 

Part of the hell, in my thought is dying and not doing anything to change for the positive before you die. We must change and we must heal otherwise life is meaningless. 

My world has been turned upside down in my reflections. I have to be willing to do my part. 

We ask God to heal our land, to heal our loved ones, and anyone we may meet along the way. Isn’t it time for us to heal today? It’s time for me to heal and I am not sure what it looks like, except that I trust the process. 

Happy New Year and Happy February! I am thankful to have made it through January. Together we can! 

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike. Over and out! 

GodBless Y’all Everybody!  

Goodbye 2019 Dropping The Rock

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My Hope is to get out all that I have wanted to share for this time of year. 

This is the last day of 2019 and the last day of a decade to begin a new one tomorrow. 

There is a lot I have learned in the past several years and even more so in these past few months. One being I can do more and I can do better. I don’t have to stay stuck today. 

The other thing I can say just because I don’t stay stuck doesn’t mean I don’t go backwards at some points. It’s not always easy to keep the flow going. I forgive myself for not always being perfect and moving forward. 

I say this in faith right now. The reason for that is I am naturally hard on myself and beat myself up for mistakes and stupidity.  It all happens because I am human and I don’t always think before I speak. 

While I even write this, I pray I choose my words with care and wisdom. 

There has been much I have wanted to change and the willingness has gone back and forth. However, I am getting better. 

I have learned praying for those you resent actually changes how you feel about them and you become more willing to see them as sick people. 

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” This is Step Six of The Twelve Steps.  

The defects of character for me include my anger and resentment. Realizing I am holding others for ransom so they feel the rage of my anger I feel they deserve.  

What I did not always realize is this formula kept me sick. Often my anger was even directed at the wrong ones as well. I have to become humbled and, in some ways, I am humbled just by the simple forgiveness of others. 

I am letting go. I believe it’s all in degrees. I am not perfect by any means, but I am willing. 

I want to leave my anger, resentments, bad choices, and hatred behind in 2019. 

Today, I started reading the second edition of “Drop the Rock.”  

While reading this book will not take away my defects of character, I believe I will gain a better understanding and let go of the rock I am holding. 

I believe it’s all by spiritual design and God will choose how these defects of character are removed. My only responsibility is becoming entirely ready.  

I have made a good beginning but it is only to say it’s just barely scratching the surface. 

Today, I will choose sanity over hurting myself and others. Life is too short to choose otherwise. 

I do want to love me today. I haven’t really loved me my whole life. I have never thought I have been worth it. Not really.  

I still don’t know I am worth it all. But I know I want to try harder than ever to let go of the past as much as humanly possible. 

Today, I let go of all that binds me that I may move forward. 

Goodbye 2019! 

Here’s to a better year! Let’s close this curtain now! 

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike! Over and out! 

God Bless Y’all Everybody and Happy New Year! 

Learning To Walk Graceful and Give Grace

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There is so much to share tonight. I dedicate this to our families and loved ones, who have not given up on us. May we continue our walk forward. 

Some of our biggest teachers come from the mommas and the grandmas who pray without ceasing on our behalf. It doesn’t matter what you believe; it’s not about that. 

I had no intention of writing tonight. However, I went to a meeting and upon returning there was a package at my apartment door waiting for me. 

I couldn’t wait to unwrap it as the address and name it contained was from my mom and her husband. Both people I love dearly! 

Inside were shirts which I needed and a size that works and my favorite colors. I couldn’t wait to get a comfy shirt on, it had long sleeves. The kind you can roll half way up and it had a pocket! 

What a beautiful gift! Thank you and for your prayers, Mom and B,!  

Thank you also Grandma for always praying. 

Some people have walked this journey with me the past several months of really getting honest with a program of action.  I have a lot of anger in the past and it’s still with me in some ways. 

But this gift reminded me of grace and love. I am currently working on finally letting go of the anger to free me up. As long as I hold on to anger, I will never be able to walk in the grace I have been given. I will never be able to extend that grace until I let go of the anger. 

I have been holding on to all these bags of rocks in case they were needed. Don’t you know I want to throw these rocks at people who I get vibes off that remind me of certain people from my past. 

But those bags of rocks have been holding me down. They weigh me down. They cause pain for me. Not the other person. The traps I set for others have trapped me. They have enclosed the walls on me. I am suffocating myself. 

We are so busy often looking for an answer to prayer, our prayers, our momma’s prayers, our grandmother’s prayers, our friend’s prayers, when we ultimately, are the answer to prayer. 

All we have to do, is let go and everyone’s prayer is answered. We get to be free. That’s what I want today on my journey. It is time to let go and be free. 

It’s in the program of action.  

  1. Admit my life is unmanageable. 
  1. I get to ask to be restored to sanity 
  1. Turn my will and life over to the care of God as we understood Him. 
  1. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory. All my secrets are written down. Lots of anger and resentments. 
  1. Admitted to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. (Everything I have held on to). 
  1. We’re entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. (Dropping our bags of rocks). 

There’s more to share but this is where I am. I know in a previous post I said I was at step 7, but this is where I am. 

I get to accept what has happened and I get to pray for those in my 5th step that I hold ill will against. This is how I become the answer to my own prayer and everyone else who has been praying for me. 

It’s going to take walking in the grace to get through this step. If I do this then I have a shot at sanity today. I am not affected by some emotional mental disorder if I just let go. 

If I can be free, it’s worth it. 

Thanks for Reading! 

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike! Over and out. 

God Bless y’all everybody! 

Changes In My Pathway By Doing Footwork

/ boxcarmike / 2 Comments
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This is an entry started weeks and weeks ago. 

I seem to get behind for one reason or another. Here I am trying my best today to find that conscious contact with God.  

About a month ago my mom was reminding me of my faith and as it related back to my teenage years with Christian Music Artists. Today I know my spirituality is on the same level as I have with tolerance. 

A lot of times my tolerance is out the window and I need those small reminders of prayers or music, to get me back on a spiritual plane. It even starts with the simple gratitude list. 

I wake up crabby and really need my coffee and quiet time. Some days it seems impossible to get. That is until I realize I can start my day over anytime I choose to. It means getting my head straight and thinking with right motives. 

Being restored to sanity through prayer and meditation can be done. But how willing am I to do that today? Sometimes it feels easier to scream at things and say how unfair things are, but I pay a high price to continue on as such. 

I have friends who remind me I am only as happy as I allow myself to be.  

To catch up to today I have done the 4th, 5th, 6th, step and I am now working on the 7th step. 

I won’t say I am proud of myself because that’s just too vain in my book. However, I am pleased I have worked this far.  

I woke up at 10 pm tonight to my helper-worker person saying something in a text. Instead of flippantly replying angrily. I found myself calling her and saying, “Help me understand.” This is not my behavior at all according to my records of communication. 

I have to believe there is a sovereign grace at work with in me when I choose to do the foot work. 

When I do the footwork, the teacher shows up and change happens. Unfortunately, in some cases I kind of was already written off by some and as I work further, I will make amends as necessary. 

I never see the changes until they have already begun. Others see changes in us usually way ahead of us. 

I found out Saturday I will lie about stuff if given the chance. But I also tell on myself after I have fixed it. It does not make it okay to lie. It is noteworthy so that I check myself at the time it happens, so I can change that behavior. 

I will repeat as I have said in other posts, we cannot do this thing alone. It is a program of action which enables us to change our behaviors, actions and reactions. The way we respond to situations makes the difference. 

A side note worth saying is, to not respond is a response. It’s all about self-parenting today. 

I am a horrible self-parent I will neglect my needs, health, sleep, discipline, and beat up on myself.  

Thankfully for the closed mouth people in my life today and a God of Love I can change. I don’t have to continue the same patterns. 

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!  

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike. Over and out! 

God Bless y’all Everybody!