This is an entry started weeks and weeks ago.
I seem to get behind for one reason or another. Here I am trying my best today to find that conscious contact with God.
About a month ago my mom was reminding me of my faith and as it related back to my teenage years with Christian Music Artists. Today I know my spirituality is on the same level as I have with tolerance.
A lot of times my tolerance is out the window and I need those small reminders of prayers or music, to get me back on a spiritual plane. It even starts with the simple gratitude list.
I wake up crabby and really need my coffee and quiet time. Some days it seems impossible to get. That is until I realize I can start my day over anytime I choose to. It means getting my head straight and thinking with right motives.
Being restored to sanity through prayer and meditation can be done. But how willing am I to do that today? Sometimes it feels easier to scream at things and say how unfair things are, but I pay a high price to continue on as such.
I have friends who remind me I am only as happy as I allow myself to be.
To catch up to today I have done the 4th, 5th, 6th, step and I am now working on the 7th step.
I won’t say I am proud of myself because that’s just too vain in my book. However, I am pleased I have worked this far.
I woke up at 10 pm tonight to my helper-worker person saying something in a text. Instead of flippantly replying angrily. I found myself calling her and saying, “Help me understand.” This is not my behavior at all according to my records of communication.
I have to believe there is a sovereign grace at work with in me when I choose to do the foot work.
When I do the footwork, the teacher shows up and change happens. Unfortunately, in some cases I kind of was already written off by some and as I work further, I will make amends as necessary.
I never see the changes until they have already begun. Others see changes in us usually way ahead of us.
I found out Saturday I will lie about stuff if given the chance. But I also tell on myself after I have fixed it. It does not make it okay to lie. It is noteworthy so that I check myself at the time it happens, so I can change that behavior.
I will repeat as I have said in other posts, we cannot do this thing alone. It is a program of action which enables us to change our behaviors, actions and reactions. The way we respond to situations makes the difference.
A side note worth saying is, to not respond is a response. It’s all about self-parenting today.
I am a horrible self-parent I will neglect my needs, health, sleep, discipline, and beat up on myself.
Thankfully for the closed mouth people in my life today and a God of Love I can change. I don’t have to continue the same patterns.
Happy Belated Thanksgiving!
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike. Over and out!
God Bless y’all Everybody!