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National Mental Health Month Death and Dying

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Hi Family and Friends!

The paragraph below is what I came up with on Google. This is from Mental Health America.

Since 1949, Mental Health America and our affiliates across the country have led the observance of May is Mental Health Month by reaching millions of people through the media, local events, and screenings.

As one who has and dealt and deals with chronic depression, I am reminded at least every week what contributes to my mental health.

  • Diet and Nutrition
  • Sleep
  • Exercise
  • Spirituality
  • Connections
  • Regular Schedule

I do deflect from most of the list above in most of my sessions with my therapist. It does make it harder for me to combat the chronic depression. I hate confrontation of any kind. Worse yet I hate being accountable, but it is what I need.

Refusing to make a choice, is still a choice. Choices are in actions. So, the same is true by not taking an action. It is still an action and it reflects choice.

The responsibility of my choices and actions lie with me, no one else.

The basic need for all things considered is a regular schedule. I detest a regular schedule because it boxes me in and makes me feel agitated and resentful for needing structure of any kind.

The bottom line to it all, is self-care.

Self-care is needed so I do not fall apart. We fall apart when we do not take care of ourselves. I fail to take good care of myself despite the fact, we say it all the time in ending our time with others for the moment.

Take care! When we fail to take care of ourselves, is when we lose our real freedom. We lose any chance of having a rational thought or action. We are not okay.

This whole entry was based on the fact of it being National Mental Health Month. Yet another reason combined with that was, someone I knew of died from a self-inflicted gunshot almost two weeks ago.

It has made me reflect on what could have led him to this action. He put a date and time at the end of his dash. Nothing is sadder than when there is a date and time at the end of your dash. There is no more time for happy memories.

What could have made it better? We do not get to answer that question when the last date is entered after our dash.

This has been the hardest article to write because it forces me to look at everything in my life. Death riles up anger in me because it is an ending. There is so much pain in death and then no pain at all.

I get panic attacks surrounding death; realizing one day life ends as we know it there is no more communication. We are lifeless. We cannot change anything after we are dead.

Death does change us that are left behind. I think at first it only changes us for the short term. As we go through more goodbyes and rest in peace deals, we start changing a lot.

The anger, bitterness, all of it turns us inside out. We are no longer the same as we once were. For some, maybe that is a great thing.

In the early 2000’s I went to like 5 funerals in one week. It was not my hobby. Add to that in the following few year was my grandpa, dad, and cousin’s funerals. A few more years down the road was one of my uncle’s funerals.

I imagine all of us feel at least some part of our family died with each person that died.

Since then quite a few people have died from diseases, natural causes, and some from suicide, or undetermined causes.

There is so much I do not understand, it feels like I must question why?

I do know what it feels like to be suicidal, but the truth is I was so sick I did not understand it was permanent if I succeeded.

My dad dying, for me was the hardest death to take. I have always had issues with death and the fear of it.

I have hoped to not take things for granted. The truth is maybe I have so I feel guilty.  I feel guilty for not dying first. I feel guilty because I refuse to quit doing some things that could cause my death earlier than if I would take care of myself.

It boils down to fear in the end. There are even things I have said earlier today that have me even questioning God if He will truly forgive me.

Death takes so many shapes as well.

Physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual. Its like we are preparing our whole life just to die gracefully, I guess.

I must find a way to take good care of me. I do not want to be lost before I die. But I do not want to follow anyone’s rules to be able to take good care of me. I am tired of restrictions while alive!

I finally have a voice to say so. I do not need approval or agreement from anyone but God.

Death is hard. Mental Health is challenging. We will always search for the easiest way to find peace.

Let us not forget each other!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day Mama and All Moms

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Hi Family and Friends,

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers! This most importantly to all of you where you gave birth or stepped in to be the caring one for any child. To be a stepmother, foster mother adoptive mother, or plain mom to anyone.

Some of us are blessed more than once and have had multiple moms along the way. I am so grateful for the ones I have. But I am especially grateful for my Mama. I gave her plenty of reason to give up on me more than once she never did.

She just found more love and forgiveness. We have had to mend fences along the way, but she has showered me with love and grace.

I am especially proud of my Mama because, she has learned the value of taking a stand when need be and not be a doormat. She is strong and able. She finds time for everyone she loves. She asks for nothing but love and grace back.

She has fed the hungry and been there to help. She is content in plenty and when there has been a lack of things needed. She truly lives on her faith in God and believing the best about others.

When she wants to bless you, she does not just say it with words. She shows you.

white petaled flowers

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She has been a caretaker for her husband whom she loves more each day. She loves who she loves and will not apologize for it. What is more no one should ever ask her to.

My Mama, she has had to fight for things but only out of love. She is sweet, caring, and nurturing.

My mama believes in having a plan taking her time and doing anything right the first time. She also believes in a learning curve too; I think that is where she learned grace the most.

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She and my dad adopted me in my teens, and I think their family and friends must have asked; are you crazy?

My Mama has been patient and kind that is just her nature. She loves her coffee and quiet time. Please let her have it. Without it she could lose to an unbelievably bad day. I wish I would have understood that more growing up but often I was selfish.

She is just the closest thing to perfect I have ever known. This includes even the times I was not happy and did not always have a kind word for her. She was still graceful and forgiving.

Perhaps the most graceful time I ever saw her was one moment a very lovely bride to my dad for almost 43 years to becoming a widow and figuring out her life from there.

She reinvented herself and carried on their shared business. She signed up for college and traveled all over. She helped teach English as a second language.

She has done different kinds of ministry with videoing and crafty type stuff. She has fed all kinds of people and prayed with many.

She met the next love of her life whom she already knew. They had been friends for years even with my dad.

Since then she has been on journey and not always joyful but full of faith. The two have them have made it for a long while now after being married.

It wonderful to see her tenacity and true to her vows when they married.

I think her walk has just made her that much more graceful and loving.

I love you Mama!

Thank for reading!

This has been a testament to my Mama by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

 

 

 

 

Checking Off Our Needs List And Reality

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Hi Family and Friends,

Today’s writing and points to ponder would be based on several questions I keep asking myself about other people. Without further explanations I will start listing the questions.

  1. Do I believe the best about a person?
  2. Do I believe the worst about a person?
  3. Is it easier to believe the or the worst about someone?
  4. What is my track record for believing about a person?
  5. Why is it easier one way or the other and how does it apply here?
  6. How much history do I have with the person in question?
  7. If I have a negative fact with this person can I forgive it and move on with this person?
  8. Can we both still have our needs met in the arrangement we have with one another?
  9. Will I be hurting this person by asking for my needs to be met?
  10. Will I be hurting myself by not getting my needs met?

This is like a mini inventory of questions; I need to ask myself when I start feeling guilty. Not everything is my fault when something negative happens.

As someone in recovery I can be honest and tell you both in recovery and out of recovery I have made bad choices. The difference is I try to fix them today if they are truly mine to fix.

It means taking responsibility for my side of the street. Because I have been in the wrong so many times, I am willing to believe the worst about others. I also take responsibility for things that are not my responsibility.

Sometimes it is hard for me to separate the friendship part of a work type relationship and let them know my needs. I have also been guilty of asking too much of just true friends.

Somewhere in the middle is a balance and learning to work it out peacefully in this messy world.

It is never okay to let oneself off the hook for wrongs done. We still have the responsibility for clearing away the wreckage. We also must realize what is not our responsibility and not let it hook us like a fish.

That can be manipulation. That is why questions are always needed to check our motives.

Once we know better, we can do better. I am a believer in that choice.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful I do not want to intentionally hurt others today.
  2. I am thankful for choices today.
  3. I am thankful I want clear motives today.
  4. I am thankful I feel a relationship with God being restored.
  5. I am thankful I can be honest today.
  6. I am thankful for friends and professionals helping me.
  7. I am thankful I can help others.
  8. I am thankful I see the difference between needs and wants.
  9. I am thankful I can share part of me today and be real.
  10. I am thankful for me not giving up today.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Hope So We Don’t Give Up

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Hi Family and Friends,

Each time I get at the keyboard to really be determined to follow through, my writing seems to be directed. Its like I get a slight clue and feels uncertain until it hits home.

I knew the title would be something about being under construction. Sometimes I feel like I need to wear a sign saying I am under construction or, I am just a work in progress. I also think it would be easier if others wore their signs too!

Wouldn’t it be easier, if we knew exactly who it was that lost hope, I mean has no hope left? To really know what that looks like.

I have lived through a few times where I felt I lost all hope. However, I made it through somehow. Evidently, I was able to hang on tighter. However, some people did not get that grip, they slipped, and they did not wake up today. They ran out of hope and they felt there was no one they could tell that to.

Their friends, colleagues, and loved ones are left behind grieving.

I have found I am judgmental of other people. I have a history with accusing others of being judgmental of me. It is one of those areas in my life that still needs work.

I have always figured others, must have it easier. But this is not the case. Its because of judgments like this it makes it even harder for others. That is the truth that I have found.

However, on personal experiences it is hard for everyone.

On the slippery slope of depression no one is immune to it. The sad part is in depression we become much more selfish in ways, if we were in a right mind, we would never treat others the way we do.

In the progression of this writing I am broken hearted. I think it is selfish for me to be broken hearted.

The sad part is a well-known pastor left behind his family with lots of questions, I am sure.

No one has it all together. We all make mistakes and we will make ourselves pay for those mistakes the rest of our lives; or we will let them take our lives from us.

I can only imagine a fraction because none of us know what the final snap was. I have been suicidal before and yet I am still alive. Therefore, I cannot fully know how someone feels, who follows through successfully, in taking their own life.

I do not know if reading this sometime later, will help me in my own times of depression. I can only say this is my way of dealing with something I find tragic and finite.

I guess I would hope that if dealing with someone suicidal, I would get in the way of any plan of ending their own life I could and help them find hope. That is not always possible. The truth is, as people we hide a lot.

My prayer is that God’s peace holds these people together that are truly the ones left behind.

My memory of the one person I mention, is how much he believed in the God of the Fatherless. That they finally be fathered, so that they can be the fathers, they were created to be.

How tragic this is, above all on Mother’s Day Weekend. God’s peace that passes all understanding, to his wife and children.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Truth Shall Set You Free

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Hi Family and Friends,

Its great to be able to reach you all today. I hope what I share today has value and helps even one person besides myself.

A lot of stuff I have shared this week, I have shared before. Maybe not as truthful and maybe not with me taking more personal responsibility. I think it all deals with the personal relationships and spiritual connection.

For me for years I have just grieved and grieved and not healed. Today I am healing and working to get some where in the grieving process. It becomes an honor and not just pain, but real love.

I do not know why it takes almost 40 or 50 years to say I was wrong.

Believe me when I say this there are times there are no second chances.

All we can do is clean our side of the street when those times happen. It is a continual process of living out amends to others. I do not give up hope, but there are times I am worn down. I do feel like I have given up at times, but somehow, I just keep getting back up and say okay, we can do this.

That somehow, is God, friends, and family. I am not alone in anything I do. But I will say that at times, it feels alone. How selfish to think so though?

Because of others, the chance to look at, and say the truth today, I am given many opportunities for growth. I do not always take every opportunity, but I am given them regardless.

There are times I do get stuck and feel like I will never be able to climb out of the dark hole. It is a little more bearable today than what it was. I am content with most things in my life and see some hope ahead today.

I will get better at some things, but I doubt I will do anything perfectly.

I promised myself I would at least make progress on honoring my dad and get things more ready for his spot in my apartment. I stuck to that promise and transplanted a peace lily plant into a bigger planter.

I have a picture of my dad printed out. I am still decluttering my apartment, to make it easier to live in. So progress is the key. Years ago, I was more of a hoarder while today its just getting of a few junky items.

I can be happy about that today.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful for the ability to see growth in myself.
  2. I am thankful for God, friends, and family.
  3. I am thankful for ways to make myself follow through today.
  4. I am thankful for the ways of nature and that some things are just natural.
  5. I am thankful for fellow writers and bloggers.
  6. I am thankful for friends I have made from professional helpers in my life.
  7. I am thankful I am still here to tell my stories.
  8. I am thankful I do not need anyone’s approval today or their permission for me to be human.
  9. I am thankful for being able to still smell rain at times.
  10. I am thankful for everything beautiful

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

Making Room This Is How I Roll

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hi Family and Friends,

Thanks for joining me today. Yesterday I shared about family and my lamenting over what was and how that will never be the same.

This is like the third time I have been trying to plan to make a spot in my apartment to honor my dad in remembering him. I only plain got too tired yesterday, to even start the process after doctor appointments and a late supper.

Today instead of saying it will be completed I will commit to at least starting this process. This way I will not break any promises to myself or my readers.

For anyone who wants to knit pick in how long it takes me to complete things. I will say I do things in Mike Fashion, and that is okay today. I do not need anyone’s permission or approval.

I started going through fear after my writing yesterday. I was also being afraid when I was on my way to the doctors. I really want things a lot different from where they are.

Even with the one doctor, the expiration date for all of us on this earth came up as a topic. I am all over the place because so much is uncertain.

Let me steer us back to things about my dad and why I love the fact of honoring him. This also will also bring out things we loved as a family.

My Dad’s cooking and grilling were at the top. Mom and he loved picking out things for home made nachos and taco soup. My aunt fits in there also as well as one of my sisters.

On Sundays we loved breakfast for supper. Also, at times even though my mom might be under the weather would step in and make hot ham and cheese sandwiches. I know he would even do eggs occasionally.

As men we loved chili; my dad was one of the best at chili.

Grilling he even trusted me with some grilling like all the meats and he would do the fish himself. That was his expertise.

He did the smoker for hams and turkeys. While these were just general things, we all loved it still brought in that family time. We did not always have things this way. Many times, we could be short on supplies.

A ham bone in the freezer, beans, and cornbread were the whole weeks menu. We did a lot of praying.

I do not want to lament continuously over the past. My dad would not want that either. I want to remember the good times and honor my dad for the good he did.

The spicy hot food contest we would have. Usually one on one contests when it was serious game on. Eating a handful of peppers to see who could last the longest.

My mom and dad both, believed in helping people even in their own time of need. There are so many lessons we learned on both sides of that coin.

I am always purging more and making room, to keep the good stuff.

I guess I just see my own expiration date not real clear but knowing its there with in reach. I do not want to leave this world, with one word of good left unsaid.

I love my dad always and forever. This is how I roll.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

 

 

 

 

Remembering Family And Lamenting Over How It Was

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Hi Family and Friends!

I never know what its truly going to be about here in this blog entry until I start typing or pecking away as the case may be.

I mourn a lot about how things once were and how much I have taken for granted over the years.

I have talked about wanting a life plan and trying to take responsibility for my life today.

There is much more to write about why that is important to me today. I grieve over the past with my family and wishing I had treated them warmer and held them more closely than I did.

Nothing has driven the point home more clearly about how I have treated people than living through this pandemic and knowing I cannot be close to family and certain others.

A lot of that is due to how I have treated them and, in some cases, acted as if they did not exist. I really thought that at the time it was about me just hiding inside myself afraid to be present because I did not want to get knocked down

Like it or not, we did that a lot in our family with plain sarcasm or snide remarks. I played in that part. I wish to God I could take it all back and would have been more loving or only plain showed up!

I am lamenting some here over my family and what was and is no longer.

Its priceless when I get to text with my brother and mom. I love them both and their new lives.  I miss my brother’s family and I wish I could give my nephew that hug and share with him about the great things about our family.

The great things are we were all hard workers we grew a garden together. We never hired anyone to fix things we could do ourselves. Some things we just learned as we went.

We did family celebrations. We went to church together. Some where in there was love and I ran away from it many times. I wish I could take back the day when my sister tried to comfort me as we made the choice to let my dad just go peacefully.

I pushed her hand away not because I was rejecting her but because I was trying to ask a question. She never knew that. I never explained it.

I love them all more than anything, but I am not sure we could spend more than a day together at a time.

Just a quick note my dad was going to die no matter what and, in the end, he died on his own terms. I choose to see it that way.

I am writing and confessing this because, there are others out there and you want your family to take all the blame. At one time, before I made peace with my parents, I wanted them to take all the blame.

I will say this because of grace, humility, love, forgiveness, and peace that passes all understanding; I got to love my dad, and my dad got to love me before he died.

Because of this, I also get to love my mom and mom loves me today.

We have a big family there fore I will always have a long way to go in making those lifelong amends.

The other side of the coin for me is I did not know how to be family and I still do not know how. It is just one day at a time. For everything there is a season.

I was told long ago one day you are going to miss this and never get it back. I did not believe them. I wish I had.

I will close with this verse which is appropriate from the Holy Scriptures:

Ecclesiastes 3 English Standard Version (ESV)

A Time for Everything

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

How Will I Work A Life Plan?

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hi Everyone,

I took part of the day listening to podcasts, sermons and reading blog entries of others and doing my own research.

What I am writing today is not fair to even say that I have a plan to plan out my life.

What was interesting was to see how everything flowed together in some fashion.

I started reading a blog entry that talked about a life plan. It is most important to have a life plan to be successful. We all want to have a favorable memory left behind when our lives end here on earth.

I was really turned off by the blogger, mainly because he had his course email sign up not once but twice on the front of the blog, which made me clear them twice. This was before I could even read the content he was providing.

I like the idea of living life on purpose.

You can live your life on purpose. It begins by creating a “Life Plan.” This won’t insulate you from life’s many adversities and unexpected twists and turns, but it will help you become an active participant in your life, intentionally shaping your own future. Michael Hyatt

  1. 1. God
  2. Self
  3. Health
  4. Growth
  5. Rest
  6. Family
  7. Friends
  8. Writing
  9. Finances
  10. What kind of ministry or help I could be?

 The above are items to consider in my life plan.

The thing is, I am not so positive all the time. On any given day Id do my best to talk myself or anyone out of doing a life plan. I sure did not get negative overnight and I am not going to be Mary Poppins either.

That is why I think the second sermon I listened to on living out your faith was so important and interestingly flowed in today.

It was my pastor friend I listened to and I miss him a lot.

It reminded me of a few things in fact:

I do not want to be foolish and silly thinking I can do this life without God.

  1. I need to be able to ask God and others questions I have.
  2. Everyone needs a team of people not just one or two.

We cannot allow ourselves to get so bogged down in planning our life either. We do Have to live life and as most of my friends say, we insist on enjoying life.

In the coming days, I hope to have more to write on this subject.

10 Things I am Thankful for:

  1. I am thankful for a breath of fresh air.
  2. I am thankful for wisdom.
  3. I am thankful for a loving God as I always say even when I can be most unlovable.
  4. I am thankful for the strength to get through today.
  5. I am thankful for good gifts from God and that I may take what he gives me and grow.
  6. I am thankful for supportive friends and family.
  7. I am thankful for my Pastor Friend this one really brings tears of joy.
  8. I am thankful for the chance to live out faith.
  9. I am thankful we can be silly even as tension rises.
  10. I am thankful for anyone reading.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

 

What Will I Do Until The End

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hi Everyone,

I am glad to be on my second day of writing.  I am hoping to make some sense and to grow into a human being that isn’t just sucking life’s air.  I have been in some type of recovery, for what feels like my whole life. I just want to do my best today and maybe have a plan with reasonable goals.

This journey as I have said before, is messy at best. I do some how keep getting up and pushing forward. I figure my life span is somewhere between 7 and 20 years left. I hope I will have left a legacy somehow, even without having children of my own.

I don’t want the end of my life to be just a few words and then finished. Otherwise then it would seem it was just a prison sentence, right?

A book is not quite enough either. I think it must be real changes and hard work.

The challenges before me are difficult. Its physical, emotional, and spiritual. It’s more than any song. It’s more than weeping bitter-sweet.

It’s about taking my thoughts captive and taming my tongue and flesh. Its trusting in God and allowing Him to take control when I am strong or weak.

The questions I now must answer are:

  1. What are my goals?
  2. What makes me happy?
  3. Where is God at in my life?
  4. Is God evident to others in how I am living?
  5. What is my responsibility today?
  6. Can I or have I truly let go of past hurts and wounds?
  7. What can I do in helping others mend?
  8. Have I stopped hurting and wounding others?

I must find these answers inside myself. We do have to ask ourselves the hard questions to be totally open and honest. Otherwise, there is no solid foundation.

Some days I feel like I am adrift much the way in the movie, Castaway with Tom Hanks and Wilson.  I don’t want my life to end just barely keeping my head above water.

I know there’s life out there. I want to show I have lived and left something good behind. I used to think I knew what that something is.

I am not so sure I know anymore. I am going to have to dig and see what I can come up with. I hope you continue to see me on my journey.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful for my life and the ability change.
  2. I am thankful for everyone who is and has been a part of my life.
  3. I am thankful for the time to write.
  4. I am thankful for honesty from others and that I get to be honest with myself today.
  5. I am thankful for medical transporters, EMT’s, home health aides, doctors, nurses, custodians, truckers, teachers, fast food workers, store associates, policemen, firemen, correction officers, therapists, and all of whom are taking risks to be of service.
  6. I am thankful for solitude verses loneliness.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to contemplate what the rest of my life might look like.
  8. I am thankful for siblings.
  9. I am thankful for my mom and her husband.
  10. I am thankful for mercy and grace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

I am Answering My Own Questions

/ boxcarmike / 2 Comments
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Hi Everyone,  

My days and nights are still mixed up, but I finally slept enough to feel better and some tension is relieved.  

It was very hard week for me physically. However, now with the much-needed sleep and rest I think I can heal more. 

I challenged us all to answer questions and I did. I have not discussed them with friends yet. I did discuss them with my therapist who is like a friend in my mind, anyway. 

Here are my answers: 

1.What are you doing to take care of yourself?  

I am sleeping when I can. I am eating at least two meals a day maybe three on good days. I am keeping up with doctors and medications. I am meditating and praying for others. 

  1. How are you sleeping? 

I am sleeping erratically but getting it in. 

  1. How are you eating? 

A lot of the time I am earing too much but at least getting in two meals a day. 

  1. What exercises are helping you? 

Walking is helping a lot.  

  1. Are you really taking quiet time or are you justday dreamingand whistling in the dark?   

I am really taking quiet time and doing my best to shut out the negative voices. I am doing my best at arranging my home to be a sanctuary of calmness. (Decluttering is key). The other part is I think some of us, just can’t always meditate. We are always on overload much of the time, so some days it’s hard not to be just whistling in the dark. 

  

  1. What are you doing to help someone else? 

I blessed someone else with something they needed that I could get for them.  

  1. Are you taking precautions for covid-19?

I am not taking too many trips out; I am staying in for the most part and staying clean. 

  1. What areas have you improved on in your life? 

I am a work in progress. I am working on facing me more when I am alone. I am learning to compromise more. 

  1. What areas in your life need work? 

All of the areas of my life need work with a regular schedule. 

  1. Will you hold on for one more day? 

Yes, I will take each day at a time. 

  1. How much hope do you have? 

I have more hope today than a week ago. 

  1. What’s one positive thing you love about yourself?

That I can be under a lot of stress and finally get sick enough of it to get up anyway and at least set a plan in motion to change things. I am edging other’s opinions about me out because they are none of my business. 

The advice I am giving myself is to go over these questions every two or three days, in hopes of just being accountable to myself. 

I am also still encouraging myself to discuss these questions with one or two friends. 

We often say, if we knew better, we would do better. I want to do better and not according to anyone else’s standards. Every day is a work in progress.  

 10 Things I am Thankful For: 

  1.  Sleep 
  1. The ability to know myself and listen to what my body is telling me what I need 
  1. That I don’t want to stay stagnant and whiny about others or feel the need to criticize others always. 
  1. Healing  
  1. Smiles and joy 
  1. I have been able to provide a roof over my head continuously for over 3 years going on 4 years. 
  1. That I can take criticism when it is shared in a nice way 
  1. My bills are paid  
  1. That I am doing better at admitting wrongs more promptly 
  1. I am not going hungry

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out. 

God Bless Y’all Everybody!