Goals

I Am Determined To Be Back On Top

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Cody King on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I am determined to get back on top of everything. In my last blog post, I mentioned that I must roll with the changes, or at least, it was implied if I did not specifically say it outright. Little did I know that changes would follow the very next day. My home health aide quit unexpectedly. It was for the best.

It was a substantial change because I was doing my best to accept and accommodate her needs besides expressing my own. I wished her well and nothing but goodness in her future adventures. I am also relieved. This may be the first time I ever accepted a change in the right way.

On Monday afternoon, a new helper will be introduced to me as well as a new assistant office manager for the agency that helps me with my home health needs. I am looking forward to meeting the new people. I am hoping this change helps benefit the changes that I need to take responsibility for in my own life.

My writing is important to me, but I have just been drifting and staying in a depressed state these past few months. With each setback in gaining a total of four wounds, I have accepted them. However, I cannot deny they have affected my emotional well-being.

It affects my well-being because new wounds make me feel I am losing a battle for healing. What caused the new wounds was fluid build-up, as well as tunneling that happens from wounds, already present traveling to present dead skin. This is over ten years’ worth of decay.

This is now taking debridement as well as soaking and dressing in compression wraps to treat the wounds. The good news is as the wounds form, we are aggressively treating the wounds, so they are short-lived.

Today, I woke up at 4:17 am and enjoyed a continental breakfast at home. Getting up early has allowed me to have more personal time, as the new helper has a different schedule. I am grateful for the change, as the previous schedule was exhausting. I am hoping this will now be a routine.

The previous schedule took away my time with friends as well as diminishing both my afternoon and evening time.

I feel hopeful right now. I am now ready for a new day!

The changes I am making begin with taking responsibility just for myself. I am also hoping for better communication and to start addressing any problems as soon as they crop up and not let anything fester into resentments. I also know that not everything will always go my way. This is where acceptance enters the picture.

However, reasonable requests for cleaning, preparing meals, and errands that are nearby should not be a problem. I also can let go of taking responsibility for receipts and turning in expense reports to the office. This will take the stress off of me.

Being prepared by having daily tasks posted for my helper to do will go a long way with communication and also meet my needs. I will also have a written outline of my expectations for Monday. This is taking responsibility for communicating and advocating for my personal care needs.

This is the difference between being assertive and passive. Meaning what I say, and not saying it mean. This is not negotiating or asking questions, rather I am stating my needs so they can be met properly.

Having all of this in place will help me move forward with my emotional and spiritual growth. Having a new helper will also take time for me to be off my feet and allow physical healing. This will enable me to comply with my medical team. It is also within the bounds of being compliant with the home health agency.

In the past, I have vocally been aggressive and or passive rather than assertive. Being passive or aggressive does not accomplish anything. It escalates resentments already present. Being assertive promotes clear communication and squashes any resentment.

My hope in accomplishing all of this will stop other things, other people, and myself from wasting my time. This in turn will help me write more consistently.

I am ready for a positive outlook now and climb out of the mud and mire. I am grateful for all of you reading this and for all of those in my tribe. It is time to press forward now.

Philippians 3:12-14 (ESV)

“12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Still Working On Goals Happy May Day!

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

Here we are at 1:54 am. I cannot believe I am up this late. I went to bed tired, and I was sure I would fall asleep. Instead, I am right here writing to you all. There has been a week or so lapse in entering any blog entries because it has been putting in the work on my base goals.

I am fighting tiredness and feeling sick off and on.

I am happy I have my calendars filled out and ready to go for the month. Having the calendars completed and the ability to make my lists each day helps me feel more organized and goes a long way in being initiative-taking each day. I am realizing I have work to do on the inside of myself to be more assertive in the right way in situations.

There are emotions I am fighting that have led to depression that I must overcome.

I tell myself that it all will be better tomorrow. It may take more than tomorrow to feel better. Even during the times, I say I give up; I have not given up. I still get back up.

It sucks at times because a group may be going through our life lessons at the same time. For me, it is always hopeful I have not burned new bridges that have taken years to build. I also hope I am not disappearing from older friendships.

The calendars and lists: they tell me where I am so I can figure out where I am going. I want to excel at a faster rate than what it is taking and that is where the emotions and doubt come in. It is where I fight myself because I want to be better.

Inside my head, I scream you must do better! I am impatient with myself.

I keep holding on to a friend’s words he said to me about eight or nine years ago. “It will not always be this way.” I am angry at the slowness in myself. It seems and looks like others can just change overnight. The truth is I know it took them longer as well.

It all goes back to cautioning myself to not compare ourselves with one another.

We never know where another person is at their starting point of change. We do not know the work everyone else had to do to get where they are. We do not know what sacrifices each of us has made to do better or to get better.

To make a real change in this life gets to the core of our being. We run the gamut of emotions from screaming, crying, laughing, and silence. We must keep hanging on for one more day. I will get through these twenty-four hours just as I have all the past days.

  1. I am thankful to have courage.
  2. I am thankful for my portion.
  3. I am thankful for smiles.
  4. I am thankful for hope.
  5. I am thankful that change does happen.
  6. I am thankful for life lessons.
  7. I am thankful for others helping me figure out what I cannot figure out alone.

Acts 17:28 ESV

28 for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Focusing On The Fuel Tank For Each Area Of My Life

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

Hey, Y’all!

I worked on the workbook again this morning. It is important to do the work. At the same time, I must live in the now, and the chores do not do themselves. I have been getting six or seven loads of laundry done, the last is in the dryer. I mention this because I had planned to complete a considerable number of tasks.

Plans do not always go the way you have them set in your head. Improvising becomes a necessary tool for the alternative. I did so with gritted teeth I must admit. When things do not go my way, I can spit rusty nails with the best of them.

Writing today’s blog entry is calming for me.

In watching the full training video this morning, I learned we each have immense potential. The potential we have is useless without action. We get excited, and we might feel motivated, but until we do something, it is just our heads in the clouds dreaming.

About an hour before someone was supposed to show up, I had to decide how to still make this day work regardless of their issues. Other people’s issues are not my issues. Now, I could sit here all day long thinking about how I might do the laundry. I still have a choice and I wanted to get up and make that laundry happen instead of thinking about it all day.

Having the potential to do the laundry was not going to be enough. Getting up and doing the laundry did get it done. It is the same way with goals. We can have the potential to set goals and even carry them out. However, until we start moving to make the goals happen, nothing is going to change even six months from now.

Now, as for the chores I wanted done, I have only been able to do part of my list so it might be wise to lower my expectations. The reason is that I am only one person. When I planned out the chores it was for two people working together. One man cut my power in half when he gave me the information, I would be doing the chores alone. I must be reasonable; it is all part of improvising.

We always get examples in lessons when we need them. I did not know I was going to get the chance to live this example out in my life. Yet here we are.

Those of you reading this, get this lesson, I am sure.

Things I am thankful for:

  1. I am thankful for clean laundry.
  2. I am thankful for exercise.
  3. I am thankful I can walk.
  4. I am thankful for practical lessons.
  5. I am thankful for rest.
  6. I am thankful for automatic washers.
  7. I am thankful for the heated dryers.

Philippians 4:13 (ESV)

13. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Making 2024 My Best Year My One-Word

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Hey Y’all!

I am about three months behind on planning for my best year. I am doing something I have done before and that is taking advantage of a Mel Robbins print-out workbook challenge. “Making 2024 Your Best Year”

My original thought was if I could just prevent myself from needing hospitalization or surgeries. Along with this, I want myself to be healthier and prevent infections. But I do want more. I want a real life.

One of the things to first acknowledge is to know where I am, so I can know where I want to go.

I have unplugged and now it is time to restart. One of my experiences this past week was using Google to get to a friend’s workplace. Google does not always get you to your destination! It would be best if you had specific directions. This means asking for directions instead of assuming you can find your destination.

Other people’s experiences and knowledge can go a long way if we just listen.

My objective this year is to make things better. In the past, I have rehashed scenarios, made unrealistic goals, and promised to do better than I was capable. I made myself crazy. I have wasted money, and energy, and allowed the stress to take a toll on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

While I may be behind timewise, I can only start from where I am.

I usually pick a word for the year. That said, I have picked start as my word for the year.

I need to start from where I am. I will start making my routine. I will start doing as I say I am going to do. I will start making things better. I will start being responsible just for myself. I will start blogging regularly. I will start decluttering my mind. I will start showing up for myself.

7 Things That Make Me Happy:

  1. Having A Clean Home
  2. Gray Days
  3. Good Food
  4. Good Friends
  5. Good Family
  6. Praying and Meditating
  7. Writing

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am Healing.
  2. I Can Walk.
  3. I am Not Responsible for Other People’s Feelings and Responses.
  4. God Has Brought Me Through So Much.
  5. My Family.
  6. I am Changing and I Have Made Changes.
  7. I Have the Ability to Do the Next Right Thing.
  8. I am Gaining Physical Strength.
  9. God’s Blessings and God’s Forgiveness.
  10. People Want Me Included for Me.

There is always something for each one of us to be grateful for even in tough times. I put thought into each one of the things I am grateful for and each one of the things that make me happy. The things listed are not just a grocery list.

My limitations are more than I would prefer. Such as when my body needs rest, or I cannot do a hill with just my cane. When projects in my home require waiting until someone can help otherwise I risk falling.

I have a long way to go in terms of being able to be healed and independent but, I am farther along than in the past few years.

Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Thank You for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Wrenches Thrown In Plans By Sleep Issues

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I had supper at 9:30 p.m. tonight. When eating this late, I would have had peanut butter and jam or just peanut butter, and called it a night. However, I wanted to make my blog post entry yet, tonight. I decided to have a cheeseburger with pickles and glad I did. I could feel an immediate change in my body.

The day started badly it kept going not so well after oversleeping. Then technology threatened an appointment I had today. Wrenches get thrown into plans with oversleeping. I made it through a good part of the day until early afternoon when a four-and-a-half-hour nap caused other plans down the drain as well.

At any rate, I have muddled through this day. I did not find it necessary to go berserk aside, from the technical issues which I hope, have been resolved. No phones or laptops were thrown. I consider this even successful. I want to do better, and I will get there.

If I have ever been fighting default mode, this has been the week for it. I believe tomorrow will be better. I did get some things accomplished today and had some really good talks to alleviate some past and present anxiety in relationships with people. I admit there must be more action, than talk going forward.

Talking, planning, writing, and good intentions are not getting the actions done.

However, if nothing else this whole process is making me write more consistently. It is also allowing me to find out what needs to be readjusted to succeed. I hope to write more consistently at a regular time if possible.

I admit, I get anxious and worry over the smallest things. I will need to find what will help me to end this madness.

I hated missing two different encounters this evening. I will let it go and strive for better.

For the past two blog post entries, I have meant to share more about what was shared in my men’s meeting. It is along the lines of planning goals and taking more control over our thoughts. I need to take all my thoughts captive daily and redirect my thinking.

Anyone who has at least taken a college course or quite possibly, by today’s educational system made it into their senior year, of high school has heard of using S.M.A.R.T Goals. They are made by specific terms., attainable, realistic, and time-based.  

I found this important several years ago and helpful. It still takes action versus thinking on our part. Deciding goals is not doing the action. However, it does give us a starting place.

The other thing I am hoping for, in making my goals is setting my intentions. What is my motivation for change? Why would I make this change and what is it going to do to help serve me?

The next step is to visualize my goals and what that change will look like and what it will mean. Then we decide, commit, and keep the goals posted where they are visible and handy, so we can take action.

Before any of this can be done it means getting ourselves unstuck from our thoughts, anxiety, stress, and being overwhelmed.

As important as it is, that we get the physical clutter around us eliminated, it is just as important that we unclutter our minds, and refocus.

As renew our minds and think n that which is good we can finally come to a place of reevaluating our hearts. We start doing what is important, not forgetting to have an attitude of gratitude.

We must allow room for readjustments. We must give ourselves grace so that we remember, to give others grace too.

Psalm 127:2 ESV

It is in vain that you rise up early

    and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

    for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

My One Word For 2023 Is Consistency

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

It is cold here in Southeast, Missouri at 29°. It is feeling like winter for sure. Christmas weekend is predicted to be cold. I do not feel ready for that kind of wintry weather. However, ready, or not I am certain sooner rather than later Winter will make its presence known.

This weekend I am being productive in getting my carpets cleaned. I started getting a schedule started for 2023 on my calendars, so I do not feel rushed at the beginning of the new year to put everything in the calendars.

It is a clever idea to have a plan together to arrange transportation when needed. It also helps me to understand my schedule so I can give a fair answer to others wanting to schedule me into their plans. It is mostly dealing with the professionals of doctors and visits from health care workers. It also allows me the freedom to schedule time for myself.

I want to do whatever I can to create less stress for myself. It helps me not become angry and ready to scream. I need to be able to do things at my speed and not just be pushed. Pushing myself is better than someone else doing it for me. I do admit sometimes it is important that I reevaluate my speed.

I am striving for less stress and tension and reminding myself it is not the end of the world if my plans do not pan out.

I am just now continuing this blog post entry, this Wednesday Morning with my fresh hot cup of coffee. I began this entry a few days ago.

I talk big for plans most of the time but bringing everything to fruition is a whole other ball game.

I believe the key thing for me is to have smaller goals and to be consistent with the steps to completing those goals in 2023.

What I am discovering and have discovered over and over is being consistent with a smaller list of goals brings better results than doing a larger list never gets completed. There is so much I am behind on, and I want to do better overall rather than just do enough to scrape by.

In the men’s group, I attend we talked about the fact of trying a process once or twice and failing.

The reasons for falling back are not working through the process and our destructive thoughts.

The first thing in many instances is that we do not know the process until we have fully worked through the process. Our destructive thoughts include worrying, timidity, and thinking we are not good enough. We give up before we ever succeed.

When we freeze up, our destructive actions come into play indecisiveness and procrastination.

Committing to the process and giving everything, we have is what is going to get us to grow and succeed.

I am ready for a change to stick to and to keep growing. I do not want to keep falling back and keep starting over.

One of the most freeing things said that jumped out to me from my latest meeting: “What may be a part of my story is not who I am today!”

I am not giving up today!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

What Will I Do Until The End

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

train on railroad tracks against sky

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone,

I am glad to be on my second day of writing.  I am hoping to make some sense and to grow into a human being that isn’t just sucking life’s air.  I have been in some type of recovery, for what feels like my whole life. I just want to do my best today and maybe have a plan with reasonable goals.

This journey as I have said before, is messy at best. I do some how keep getting up and pushing forward. I figure my life span is somewhere between 7 and 20 years left. I hope I will have left a legacy somehow, even without having children of my own.

I don’t want the end of my life to be just a few words and then finished. Otherwise then it would seem it was just a prison sentence, right?

A book is not quite enough either. I think it must be real changes and hard work.

The challenges before me are difficult. Its physical, emotional, and spiritual. It’s more than any song. It’s more than weeping bitter-sweet.

It’s about taking my thoughts captive and taming my tongue and flesh. Its trusting in God and allowing Him to take control when I am strong or weak.

The questions I now must answer are:

  1. What are my goals?
  2. What makes me happy?
  3. Where is God at in my life?
  4. Is God evident to others in how I am living?
  5. What is my responsibility today?
  6. Can I or have I truly let go of past hurts and wounds?
  7. What can I do in helping others mend?
  8. Have I stopped hurting and wounding others?

I must find these answers inside myself. We do have to ask ourselves the hard questions to be totally open and honest. Otherwise, there is no solid foundation.

Some days I feel like I am adrift much the way in the movie, Castaway with Tom Hanks and Wilson.  I don’t want my life to end just barely keeping my head above water.

I know there’s life out there. I want to show I have lived and left something good behind. I used to think I knew what that something is.

I am not so sure I know anymore. I am going to have to dig and see what I can come up with. I hope you continue to see me on my journey.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful for my life and the ability change.
  2. I am thankful for everyone who is and has been a part of my life.
  3. I am thankful for the time to write.
  4. I am thankful for honesty from others and that I get to be honest with myself today.
  5. I am thankful for medical transporters, EMT’s, home health aides, doctors, nurses, custodians, truckers, teachers, fast food workers, store associates, policemen, firemen, correction officers, therapists, and all of whom are taking risks to be of service.
  6. I am thankful for solitude verses loneliness.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to contemplate what the rest of my life might look like.
  8. I am thankful for siblings.
  9. I am thankful for my mom and her husband.
  10. I am thankful for mercy and grace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!