action

Consistently Committing To The Hard Work And Determination

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hey, Y’all!

I have a lot to share and put into action myself today. I did say I may write a few posts today and so far, that does seem to be the plan.

I am enjoying my coffee and being in my writing mode.

I want to be quick to point out, I am not just writing, talking, or thinking about things today, as on this last day of the year. All I have is today. What will I get done in these last twelve hours?

I am working on the never-ending decluttering of my desk and tables. I have a little stand to put together. I have gathered clothes for the task of doing laundry. I have dishes soaking in the sink and I plan to mop my walls with bleach today the mop bucket is out.

Each day there is a plan to get things done. Why is it important so much gets done today? I am not willing to wait another day to get things done that I know I can be finished with today. I am determined today is the bottom line.

This is a way I can take care of myself. The more I can get done the less anxious I will be.

I am no one special. We all have these types of things waiting on us to get done daily.

I am not waiting on the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth day of January, or never, to get started completing even the smallest of goals. I want to live more simply, and not always feel in a rush to be on top of things.

Oh my gosh! I was taught, not that I managed the concept well, or even carried it out if we prepare ahead of time, we do not have to sweat the small stuff. Thinking about it, talking about it making lists for it, is still not doing it.

It is doing the behind-the-scenes grunt work, which is going to give us the jump in living our daily life. Hard work and determination get us farther than just thinking about things. It is what will make us successful. The key is sticking to making that commitment daily.

I have thrown away some old ideas and listened to others on what makes them successful. The problem becomes, as in some of the new things I am learning my brain still goes into default mode because it has not fully learned the new ideas.

Change does not happen overnight. It never has and it never will. We must put the information into our brains and most of the time that is done by doing. Taking the action necessary to make changes.

One of the biggest things for me to get the concept of is that I do not have to react to change by screaming, getting into a huff, or slamming the door, because the process is hard. Change is doing what is unfamiliar.

Change can look like a threat. It is a threat to our default mode. Yet change is part of life, and it happens daily.

Finally, if we have set ourselves like flint to stone, we have arrived at acceptance. We have a choice. We have a life choice before us. It can make or break us

What will we choose?

It is time for me to get on with my tasks for the day. I am hoping to come back one more time at least, with more of my thoughts and actions of the day.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Reframing The Negative Thoughts We Get Changes Feelings

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
I have borrowed this from Dandelion quotes .com

Hey, Y’all!

It has been another minute since my last writing.

I am here to share my experience, strength, and hope. My experience is going through repetitive lessons. Most of life seems to be a repetition.

I am experiencing a lot of the same lessons. My lessons go deeper in learning more each time.

I am picking this piece of writing from last week. I write a thought. Yesterday, the nurse said I needed to go to The Emergency Room by today. It conjured up all kinds of thoughts and feelings.

I am in the middle of getting my clothes and hygiene items together on the high probability of admission to the hospital. I am very scared by the conversation we had. I cannot be more specific. Suffice it to say I went into meltdown mode.

I had to call or text my tribe members. I am following through in fear. I have learned from past mistakes, not to put things off until I have no choice left.

I have cried out of fear and raised unanswerable questions. I must believe that God will make things okay, but that faith is weak right now. I tell most people; I wish that someone could just hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I wish I could just know that there is nothing to fret about.

There are considerations and things I do not know that only doctors can decide on. I wish that I could walk away with no consequences. The fear of the unknown is strong. For every action, there is a consequence.

I must get some breakfast, take my medication, make my regular morning phone call, and come back to explain how I am going to reframe my negative thoughts.

I first had to produce a plan in just the last few minutes.

I am going to face this dragon head-on. There is already an X-ray ordered which I will have done when I first get to the hospital, and then go directly to the ER.

The negative thoughts are still an issue, but I shall overcome them. I fear the things required for my health. I am not looking forward to a Picc Line in my arm limiting my activity.

Reframing these thoughts means I am in fear of the unknown. I am not a medical professional therefore the orders will be to help me heal properly and safely. Everyone wants me in good health. I want myself in good health.

I am willing to follow the instructions needed to get through this bump in the road.

While things may be frightening, I will walk this road and see the courage I have gained by following through. I will lose the fear with each step I take forward.

I want to be good to myself and trust in God’s plan for me. I will come out on top of this and not lose control of my emotions or let everything be based on fear.

This is my journey as I am reporting on it today.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Taking Action to Make Changes Happen

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Vlad Cheu021ban on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone,

I really cannot say I have accomplished a lot in the way of moving forward to look for a new place to live. I also have done horrible staying in touch with people. But again, I will not give up. I can do better and vow to do so.

I did make a list with due dates for each task and a place to mark in my progress, until I have completed the list. I made such a list years ago to motivate myself to complete such tasks.

It already has motivated me to get rid of the piles of papers on my desk and put them in folders. One thing that was important for me was to get all my bills down to a zero balance. This has relieved a lot of stress and undue pressure on myself.

This last week I had a face-to-face therapy session. One of the great things about this session was to find and feel that spiritual connection again. It has stayed on my mind since last Friday.

It has been a long time to find the spiritual part under all the human brokenness in me. Its just junk that I have been carrying around. I do not always know how to let go or deal with it rationally.

It was as if God Himself, pushed all the junk aside and asked if I would meet him in the middle so I can be free. This getting ready to move is like the physical act of cleaning the junk out and taking responsibility for myself. I do want to be willing to let go of the crud and stop being afraid of everything.

When I feel halfway decent, it is like all the things are being put in place for me to keep busy and not be distracted. As I write this, I see how I finished one task completely. I have 11 more tasks on my list to complete by the end of the week.

The other thing I need to address is that I need to put in the work of showing care for all those in my tribe and doing my best to reply to people more promptly. This is especially true with those of you in my own tribe. I do value each and everyone of you who read what I have to say.

I guess all in all when we say we are ready to make a change we must take physical action. If we do not act, it makes it hard to show the seriousness in making the changes needed.

I guess as I reflect over my life right now, I see this as a moment I am choosing to want to make a change. In this moment I get to take the steps necessary to make this change.

Acting, gives me freedom to choose and not be forced into moving where I do not want to move. Real self-care begins when you take the forcefulness out of your life by doing the next right thing.

I am now really excited for this journey to continue.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Facing Everything and Recovering This Too Shall Pass

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train with smoke

Photo by Gabriela Palai on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone and Welcome! 

 I have been more than a few days and once again, I am switching gears. 

We will get back to the 4th step, just not right now. 

This week is a busy week and I hope to try to stay current in my writing. It is important for me to write even if it is not always the best writing. It is what helps keep me sane, it does help me process, and I hear it even helps others. 

In the past week, I have mourned over a friend who died. I have been dealing with physical and my own emotional issues as well. 

We all have been dealing with the pandemic and the ramifications of everything to do with it. I know you are sick of hearing about it, as well as myself. I do not want to have to deal with it another day, but that’s not reality. 

It is the suggestion of everything for most of us. For others, it is not that simple. They are facing it head-on. God Bless each one of you. 

I have learned a few things about myself this week. It is important to have the schedule and stick to it. It is the small stuff that trips me up. The reason being when it is small stuff, it adds up and becomes overwhelming.  

For me personally, when I am overwhelmed I have a habit of just staying in bed, not answering the phone, and doing anything I can to avoid the pain. While this is not new to me; it is something I acknowledge. I will not let it remain this way, because after a while there are repercussions of avoiding.  

Inevitably, it is all got to be faced and dealt with. I cannot do this by myself. It is imperative that I have help from others and a power greater than myself. 

I must believe in hope. Without hope, I will perish. I die inside each time I start to give up and say no to those things that would aid in me being able to flourish. 

It goes back to our thoughts, self-talk, and mindset. I am having to ask God to help me change each of these. 

Throughout the day, I have found me yelling at myself to stop it! Then the next breath,  Devil you are a liar and only God’s Word is true.  

This has been my experience. Sometimes it is easier than other times to stay on top of this 

It has been difficult as usual to stay in contact with people who are good for me as well. I must do it and start being consistent with to not be defeated. 

The pain gets real without taking steps to take care of myself. The willingness to go forward means facing it all, feeling it all, and still take responsibility for taking care of myself, the best that I am able. 

It means making those lists and checking them off as I do each thing.  

I hope my actions in writing prove my willingness and consistency. This has been a big challenge I hope to change in. 

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out! 

God Bless Y’all Everybody! 

 

 

 

 

Learning To Walk Graceful and Give Grace

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Josh Hild on Pexels.com

There is so much to share tonight. I dedicate this to our families and loved ones, who have not given up on us. May we continue our walk forward. 

Some of our biggest teachers come from the mommas and the grandmas who pray without ceasing on our behalf. It doesn’t matter what you believe; it’s not about that. 

I had no intention of writing tonight. However, I went to a meeting and upon returning there was a package at my apartment door waiting for me. 

I couldn’t wait to unwrap it as the address and name it contained was from my mom and her husband. Both people I love dearly! 

Inside were shirts which I needed and a size that works and my favorite colors. I couldn’t wait to get a comfy shirt on, it had long sleeves. The kind you can roll half way up and it had a pocket! 

What a beautiful gift! Thank you and for your prayers, Mom and B,!  

Thank you also Grandma for always praying. 

Some people have walked this journey with me the past several months of really getting honest with a program of action.  I have a lot of anger in the past and it’s still with me in some ways. 

But this gift reminded me of grace and love. I am currently working on finally letting go of the anger to free me up. As long as I hold on to anger, I will never be able to walk in the grace I have been given. I will never be able to extend that grace until I let go of the anger. 

I have been holding on to all these bags of rocks in case they were needed. Don’t you know I want to throw these rocks at people who I get vibes off that remind me of certain people from my past. 

But those bags of rocks have been holding me down. They weigh me down. They cause pain for me. Not the other person. The traps I set for others have trapped me. They have enclosed the walls on me. I am suffocating myself. 

We are so busy often looking for an answer to prayer, our prayers, our momma’s prayers, our grandmother’s prayers, our friend’s prayers, when we ultimately, are the answer to prayer. 

All we have to do, is let go and everyone’s prayer is answered. We get to be free. That’s what I want today on my journey. It is time to let go and be free. 

It’s in the program of action.  

  1. Admit my life is unmanageable. 
  1. I get to ask to be restored to sanity 
  1. Turn my will and life over to the care of God as we understood Him. 
  1. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory. All my secrets are written down. Lots of anger and resentments. 
  1. Admitted to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. (Everything I have held on to). 
  1. We’re entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. (Dropping our bags of rocks). 

There’s more to share but this is where I am. I know in a previous post I said I was at step 7, but this is where I am. 

I get to accept what has happened and I get to pray for those in my 5th step that I hold ill will against. This is how I become the answer to my own prayer and everyone else who has been praying for me. 

It’s going to take walking in the grace to get through this step. If I do this then I have a shot at sanity today. I am not affected by some emotional mental disorder if I just let go. 

If I can be free, it’s worth it. 

Thanks for Reading! 

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike! Over and out. 

God Bless y’all everybody! 

Changes In My Pathway By Doing Footwork

/ boxcarmike / 2 Comments
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com

This is an entry started weeks and weeks ago. 

I seem to get behind for one reason or another. Here I am trying my best today to find that conscious contact with God.  

About a month ago my mom was reminding me of my faith and as it related back to my teenage years with Christian Music Artists. Today I know my spirituality is on the same level as I have with tolerance. 

A lot of times my tolerance is out the window and I need those small reminders of prayers or music, to get me back on a spiritual plane. It even starts with the simple gratitude list. 

I wake up crabby and really need my coffee and quiet time. Some days it seems impossible to get. That is until I realize I can start my day over anytime I choose to. It means getting my head straight and thinking with right motives. 

Being restored to sanity through prayer and meditation can be done. But how willing am I to do that today? Sometimes it feels easier to scream at things and say how unfair things are, but I pay a high price to continue on as such. 

I have friends who remind me I am only as happy as I allow myself to be.  

To catch up to today I have done the 4th, 5th, 6th, step and I am now working on the 7th step. 

I won’t say I am proud of myself because that’s just too vain in my book. However, I am pleased I have worked this far.  

I woke up at 10 pm tonight to my helper-worker person saying something in a text. Instead of flippantly replying angrily. I found myself calling her and saying, “Help me understand.” This is not my behavior at all according to my records of communication. 

I have to believe there is a sovereign grace at work with in me when I choose to do the foot work. 

When I do the footwork, the teacher shows up and change happens. Unfortunately, in some cases I kind of was already written off by some and as I work further, I will make amends as necessary. 

I never see the changes until they have already begun. Others see changes in us usually way ahead of us. 

I found out Saturday I will lie about stuff if given the chance. But I also tell on myself after I have fixed it. It does not make it okay to lie. It is noteworthy so that I check myself at the time it happens, so I can change that behavior. 

I will repeat as I have said in other posts, we cannot do this thing alone. It is a program of action which enables us to change our behaviors, actions and reactions. The way we respond to situations makes the difference. 

A side note worth saying is, to not respond is a response. It’s all about self-parenting today. 

I am a horrible self-parent I will neglect my needs, health, sleep, discipline, and beat up on myself.  

Thankfully for the closed mouth people in my life today and a God of Love I can change. I don’t have to continue the same patterns. 

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!  

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike. Over and out! 

God Bless y’all Everybody! 

Surrendering Got Me To Step 1

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Welcome Back Y’all ! 

I go from cold, to hot, to cold, along this journey. I won’t hide that from you. I am in hopes of being able to stay the course now. 

What I have been describing and sharing with others in this journey whenever I have mentioned my anger, is going back to that alcoholic thinking. I have wanted to control things and make an impact so that I can have my way. It doesn’t work.  

Anger has stopped working for me and I did not realize it the same way I was with alcohol. It had been a long-time quit working for me, before I could acknowledge it wasn’t working anymore.   

My self –reliance and self-will cannot cure it or make it go away. I needed help and I finally asked for it, like a dying man. My world was crumbling and even as I write this it is fresh what my thinking and ways were doing to me even yesterday morning with just thoughts alone. 

I have not found it necessary to pick up a drink in fifteen years. However, of real serenity I have had very little. Why? Because I have been unwilling until now! I am grateful I never picked up in these years and a lot of help along the way and I have even had some growth but it’s not enough anymore. 

When I finished writing last night I was chatting with a friend and I finally admitted unless I do these steps I will self-destruct. I asked for help and direction.  

I get to change my ending in a brand-new way today by being willing and as a reader suggested, finally surrendering! Isn’t it so much easier to just surrender than whistling in the dark? It’s a lot less lonely too.  

As usual these days I am in tears as I write this because I finally want that freedom, I have craved. The funny thing is the only way I will get it is by telling on my disease and surrendering.  

Here’s a key for you. This is one of those diseases that will lie to you and tell you nothing is wrong with you. But I admit my life is unmanageable and without help it is too much for me to bear alone. 

Step 1 became my admission that I am an alcoholic and my life is unmanageable. Along with that I am filled with rage, I am an addict, and I can be a narcissist.  

While I have made progress, I am here to tell you I have done things to get me where I am, that my life is unmanageable. I did those things to me out of not being responsible for me. I have to take responsibility for my life today.  

This is where the steps come into play and real recovery starts. It starts each day and no matter what, refusing to give up or give in. 

  • I am grateful for the truth today. 
  • I am grateful I can surrender to a program of action today 
  • I am grateful for a loving God who can express Himself in me and make known the desires of my heart. 
  • I am grateful I don’t have to stay suck today or lie to cover up another lie. 
  • I am grateful for help and direction. 
  • I am grateful I don’t have to live in fear today. 
  • I am grateful I could see joy in another human being yesterday. 
  • I am grateful for all of my friends each one is different and I see each of their unique ways as a colorful world. 
  • I am grateful for aunts, grandmothers, mothers, brothers and sisters who pray. 
  • I am grateful for the strength to write this today and Iam not falling apart I get to pick up the pieces today. 

This Boxcar Mike! Thanks for reading ya’ll Over and Out! 

God Bless Y’all Everbody!