My Last Day of 57 Years On This Earth

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2024 Mel Robbins Workbook

Hey, Y’all!

I am up late because I have napped and I needed time to write about this fifty-seventh year. I will begin a new year tomorrow. However, that is tomorrow. I have enough to deal with in these twenty hours. I am present now.

I have been working on my workbook by Mel Robbins, “Make 2024  Your Best Year.” I still have like two or three more sections to finish in this workbook. I was tempted to rush through it but, I need to make it about me because it is everything about me.

I want the foundation to be my best foot forward and that would not be possible to do with rushing through it. I want to be good to me so I have enough in me to be good to others. If I do not have it together for me; I do not have anything to offer anyone else.

I am still working on changing my behaviors and reactions which are my go-to normal. I want to change that setting. Rushing through things never taught anyone much. I will continue to use Anne Lamott’s book “Bird by Bird.”  It is a great example of there is no fast way to do anything that has been put off even for very good reasons.

I had to let a lot of things go on autopilot for a while in this past year and even let go of things completely, I am stronger getting back up this time. I am working hard on making strong decisions after all. I want to be happy.

I want to make goals that are reasonable and attainable. For me to meet those goals, it means making decisions. This is what I am learning as I do this workbook.

I needed a clear picture of the past year. I needed to find out what I did. What happened to me, what I loved, what I hated, where I am, what worked, what did not work, what I want to change, what will I stop, and what will I continue to do that has worked? One of the best tools is using the rating system and answering why. So again, a clear picture of the state my life is in. The reason I cannot rush this process is that I am responsible for making a plan to make this my best year.

The bottom line is I am responsible for myself, my happiness, and my behaviors. I cannot wait to share more about what I am learning in this workbook and more change is always guaranteed. We all love change! I am right about that, right?

Things I Like:

  1. Finishing the necessary paperwork
  2. Sleep
  3. Not having to rush
  4. Having things in order in a clean space
  5. I get to change things about me to make me happy.

Things I am Thankful for:

  1. I have had 57 years of life.
  2. The constants in my life that help me want more for myself.
  3. I am not responsible for anyone else, and I am not their judge.
  4. I have gained strength.
  5. It is well with my soul my sin not in part, but the whole, it is nailed to the cross.
  6. I am making more opportunities for myself by making decisions.
  7. I have more faith today than yesterday.

Matthew 6:34 (ESV)

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Working My Workbook Prayerful Meditation Happy Easter

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St Joe Park St Francois County March 2024 By Boxcar Mike

Hey Y’all!

Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates Easter!

March has gone by too soon for me.

I have worked on my workbook slowly. I look at what I want differently after seeing areas of my life and deciding how to do them with different results.

I find opening myself up to others and trying to learn new things along the way gives me new challenges and opportunities to gain experience. I get to put into practice the changes I want.

I have reflected on my life. There is much more I want. It takes doing the footwork to make the changes happen. I have not had the willingness as I do now to do the work required for changes. I wanted to take the work like a buffet taking what I want only; it does not work that way.

There is work required I may not want to do. It is in doing that work I do not want to do that the change will happen.

When I hit the bottom with my drinking, I said I wanted to be sober. While it has been a few twenty-four hours since my last drink and drug, that does not mean the insanity automatically stopped. I agree with the phrase for the stupid stuff we do, “When you do stupid stuff, you win stupid prizes.” Just because you decide to change your ways does not mean you escape the consequences of previous stupid stuff you have done.

Changing includes stopping the insanity I create. I can only choose to stop my insanity. I have no control over people, places, and things. This is why I choose to do things that force me to look at my life. I want to make the necessary changes to stop the insanity in my life. I also want to make sure that I am living in truth.

I do have a connection with God as I understand Him. A friend asked me to speak next weekend as I said yes, I could feel God say; “Do not lie to my children!” This includes me. I cannot change by lying to myself. This does not mean dumping my stuff, it means being honest. But I cannot be honest without an honest look at myself.

This means doing continuous work required for change. When you grow others can see it even when you cannot. It is all within the journey.

I have taken two weeks to write this blog post entry. Changes have happened. I ended up being ill this past weekend. So, I missed my opportunity to speak. It made me sad in ways but again, it was out of my control.

I have a lot of work ahead of me and I feel so far behind because I am at a slower pace. I am praying I am done with being sick. I am hoping to reclaim more time for my workbook and writing. I need to take inventory of my time and go back to trying the timeline method for my day to help me meet my deadlines and meet goals more efficiently.

I want to share seven things I like.

  1. Being able to write freely.
  2. Phone calls to and from friends and family to support each other.
  3. Being able to see God’s creation at work with a Solar Eclipse.
  4. Clean and clear counter space.
  5. The weekly and monthly appointments with my therapist.
  6. The memories that I can recall correctly.
  7.  Sweet and funny cards.

Five Things I will do to make changes:

  1. Commit a specific time for each task.
  2. Allow myself the freedom to be happy.
  3. Go through shelves and closets to purge the stuff I will never use and throw out or give away.
  4. Allow my helper to start cleaning my carpet today.
  5. Make more time for people I love and miss but not forget the others I still love and do get time to be with. Remembering nothing and no one will be perfect here on this earth, including me.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)

5Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Making 2024 My Best Year My One-Word

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Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Hey Y’all!

I am about three months behind on planning for my best year. I am doing something I have done before and that is taking advantage of a Mel Robbins print-out workbook challenge. “Making 2024 Your Best Year”

My original thought was if I could just prevent myself from needing hospitalization or surgeries. Along with this, I want myself to be healthier and prevent infections. But I do want more. I want a real life.

One of the things to first acknowledge is to know where I am, so I can know where I want to go.

I have unplugged and now it is time to restart. One of my experiences this past week was using Google to get to a friend’s workplace. Google does not always get you to your destination! It would be best if you had specific directions. This means asking for directions instead of assuming you can find your destination.

Other people’s experiences and knowledge can go a long way if we just listen.

My objective this year is to make things better. In the past, I have rehashed scenarios, made unrealistic goals, and promised to do better than I was capable. I made myself crazy. I have wasted money, and energy, and allowed the stress to take a toll on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

While I may be behind timewise, I can only start from where I am.

I usually pick a word for the year. That said, I have picked start as my word for the year.

I need to start from where I am. I will start making my routine. I will start doing as I say I am going to do. I will start making things better. I will start being responsible just for myself. I will start blogging regularly. I will start decluttering my mind. I will start showing up for myself.

7 Things That Make Me Happy:

  1. Having A Clean Home
  2. Gray Days
  3. Good Food
  4. Good Friends
  5. Good Family
  6. Praying and Meditating
  7. Writing

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am Healing.
  2. I Can Walk.
  3. I am Not Responsible for Other People’s Feelings and Responses.
  4. God Has Brought Me Through So Much.
  5. My Family.
  6. I am Changing and I Have Made Changes.
  7. I Have the Ability to Do the Next Right Thing.
  8. I am Gaining Physical Strength.
  9. God’s Blessings and God’s Forgiveness.
  10. People Want Me Included for Me.

There is always something for each one of us to be grateful for even in tough times. I put thought into each one of the things I am grateful for and each one of the things that make me happy. The things listed are not just a grocery list.

My limitations are more than I would prefer. Such as when my body needs rest, or I cannot do a hill with just my cane. When projects in my home require waiting until someone can help otherwise I risk falling.

I have a long way to go in terms of being able to be healed and independent but, I am farther along than in the past few years.

Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Thank You for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

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May 2016

Hey Y’all!

I am back!

Right before Christmas, I was in ICU for a day and I was moved to a regular room for another several days. I remained ill for some time and the rest has been trying to get back to life.

I am very blessed to have people praying, calling, and answering when I call as well. I also received a few cards for which I am grateful and over three months late in thanking people for them.

I struggle with trying to find a normal routine.

Tonight, something happened to help me find my happy place in writing again. A teenage Boy Scout interviewed me! His dad, who is a friend of mine, was present. But it was in his dad’s prompting and his asking me questions that I realized I want to organize my thoughts better and be more dedicated to the things I love which also enrich my spirituality.

The funny part in all of this is they were coming after a scout meeting to give jump the battery of a car I am driving at present. But they more than helped me. I hope that I was of help to them also.

I had every intention of going to bed early, but I became excited enough to write.

Everything that I love points back to God. It is because of God that I am reminded of everything I love that feeds the soul and connection between others, me, and God. I am here because of God and others are around because of God and connecting with my soul seeing me when I do not.

Sometimes chance meetings or interviews are just divine appointments reminding us that we are genuine and that we have a message to share. The most important message sometimes that we have to share comes from deep within our souls that we also need to hear.

What I heard from my friend sharing with his son about my story in that little bit of time reminds me more, we are walking each other home. It feeds my soul. We feed each other.

The boy inside of me needs to hear the message inside of me in my soul. If you catch me most days, I deny how I love people; but I am wrong. I love people! I want to know, share, and exchange with others our stories.

I say I hate people in a way to deflect because of the hurt I have caused and the hurt I felt. I say it sometimes to think that I am being funny. What I truly hate is the fact that each of us can hurt each other. It is painful and cuts us deeply with just a careless word.

Now there is another point here, and that is knowing when you must stand up for yourself and not allow yourself to be steam-rolled. Sometimes that includes a real fight and war. It means defending yourself and what is yours.

Is that not always the question, where is the balance? We find balance in the true message. Let’s keep seeking, walking, helping, loving, hoping, and praying.

It is good to be back, I love y’all!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

My Journey For The Past Three Months

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My Patio

Hey Y’all, 

Today is my first attempt at writing about my journey currently and what has happened in the almost three months break which I never intended.  

I have experienced some short-lived joy and some sadness, but mostly doing what I need for my health. There have been at least two surgeries and two inpatient hospitalizations. It started as soon as I returned from visiting my mama and attending my grandma’s funeral. 

I also lost my tomatoes and jalapeno peppers which were making me happy to have living things growing. Also, my patio has been replaced with new dirt and rock. I do feel getting the dirt replaced was a blessing considering the state did that to get rid of the lead in our ground. 

I am healing from having the head of one of my bones taken from my foot. I hope to finally get the stitches taken out this week coming up. I am supposed to see a vascular surgeon next week. Some of this I feel is routine when it is not supposed to be. 

There have been lots of prayers on my behalf that make me feel grateful. Did I mention life stops for no one? Well, let me be one to tell you it does not stop, at least not until you draw that last breath. But then it is only the one that draws that last breath that it ends for on this side of everlasting life. 

My mama and friends keep me going. Without my mama I am convinced I would be a ridiculous fool and I guess I do behave as such sometimes. 

I am also currently going through things such as trying to keep life as simple as possible, but it feels rough much of the time. People talking behind your back does add stress. I can say people are ignorant because they are ignorant of the facts of what is needed to live my life. 

I am challenging myself to post pictures of my apartment and to prove as a single person you can keep a house clean daily and that you do not live in filth. Even through the holidays. Not that I have always been perfect but to prove I am not an unclean person. These are the types of things people make assumptions about, especially if you are a smoker. 

I will put in extra work because I want to do the extra work for myself and do what makes me happy. So, it is a win/win. Shut people’s mouths and be satisfied. 

I am not decorating this year because there is no need to. I do keep cards and do try to send them, but it is not as important to me as living happily and having peace. 

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. Besides, are not the true decorations in the heart and living a life of thankfulness? Holidays are not a time for competition, to keep up with others or to try to outdo someone. 

You give of yourself and the true gifts that you were born with as we try to do each day. 

No one’s journey is easy. So, should our aim not be for love, peace, and happiness? This is where we connect and find joy. 

  • I am thankful for life.  
  • I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. 
  • I am thankful I have gratitude during storms.  
  • I am thankful to share what I have with others. 
  • I am thankful for the connection. 
  • I am thankful for those who remind me: “Praise The Lord Mike!” 
  • I am thankful for the gift of writing and connecting with God. 
  • I am thankful man is not the true judge. 
  • I am thankful that joy comes in the morning. 
  • I am thankful for a clean safe home

I may fall and fall hard but I am getting up! 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV) 
In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out! 

God Bless Y’all, Everybody! 

If Forgiveness Was Easy Would It Be Forgiving?

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Remembering my plants 2023

Hey, Y’All,

It has been a while since my last blog post entry. It seems I say that starting every entry.

Going through my journey has taught me a lot of life lessons. Some of those lessons I keep repeating. Some lessons I cannot seem to grasp. It is very similar to banging my head against the wall.

Before I share my experience lesson with forgiveness, I want to share I did celebrate 19 years of sobriety and clean time. You see this time is not possible without the work put into it. It is done because people have helped place tools before me and their help in guiding me.

Forgiveness comes down to letting go of my thoughts and realigning them with harmony in this life. It takes prayer and asking forgiveness for myself. Even in what I imagine as harm to myself I can cause harm to others. In most cases, I have done just that.

I must realize once more that I am powerless over people, places, and things. My dependence upon God in this lesson is vital yet, I feel far away. I am asking for his help and again letting go of the rock that will for sure drown me.

Forgiveness is akin to going through grief to process everything.

This weekend may not be the healthiest I have been coping with the sadness by eating comfort foods and being thankful for the same plants that were destroyed through what I perceived as harmful to me.

Someone else gave them to give me happiness and hope. I went through anger and perhaps some anger is still left. I am mostly sad and feel bad that I allowed it to make me angry. Then I cried and felt bad that perhaps I even appeared ungrateful for the original gift. I am grateful I was given the chance to grow something living.

My tomatoes were just beginning to grow, and the peppers were just multiplying. To have it all stopped by things beyond my control was heartbreaking!

All of life and living things and beings are a gift. How blessed we are to experience life in different ways.

Just like anything else you work for and work through, forgiveness means freedom.

Forgiveness has become another lesson in freedom and once more doing the next right thing. It is important to be the best version of me I can be.

The best version of me means being good to others and myself. It means taking care of myself and doing what is necessary to heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Forgiveness means I am not blocking any healing.

Change is uncomfortable but necessary. I must do whatever is necessary to make it through this situation at hand. Including finding a healthy closure so it can be put to rest. It will take physical work to make the symbolic pieces laid to rest. I want peace more than being right. I must remind myself of how often I have been forgiven.

This has been one of the hardest lessons to walk through.

Colossians 3:13 (ESV)

13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All, Everybody!

Live Usefully and Walk Humbly Under The Grace Of God

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

It has taken me a few days to get back behind the keyboard since a recent hospital stay. While I was in the hospital, I was hoping to get well and that I be more alive and do more once I healed. I still want to do more to show I am alive.

While I scream inside for my independence, I am realizing the need for help from others. It is very humbling to ask for additional help. However, this is the road toward more independence for now. It will not always be this way. This is how I will recover and be better.

At one point I was fearful I was on my way out of this world. Thankfully, it was a low-sodium level without major repercussions.

I believe I am grieving over the death of my grandma. I think I am angry because I had to do whatever the medical staff said just days after returning from her funeral. So, I did not get the chance to process the whole thing slowly and fully.

There were moments of healing that took place during the time I stayed with my mama for the funeral and at the funeral itself.

My friends Sandra and Doug just getting their hugs helped so much and the time to talk with Sandra and my family members as well. I do regret not talking to all the family because I am very self-conscious in ways, especially if it is like not knowing them.

I am grateful for making sure there was peace made with those I could and for recognizing my changes and theirs. I want to keep changing and do even better.

I decided with everything that has taken place, to make sure people know I love them and hope only the best for them.

One key message at the start of my journey was I have no control over people, places, and things. I can only control my decisions and actions. I still have a hard time accepting that at times to the point I attempt to still try to control people, places, and things.

However, I still find the answer of not mine to control. All these things change when I surrender and realize acceptance is the only answer. Sometimes I feel I am blind feeling my way around these same things. Thank goodness, for The Grace of God!

Surrender to win what a paradox!

Early on in my journey, I read a definition of true ambition. While I did not know how to get there, I knew it was something I wanted. I am not saying I have it all now, but I am on the road to learning it.

Here is the definition I read: “True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God.” (Taken from the book The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions by Alcoholics Anonymous Pages 124-125).

In the end, we are forced into change by the things around us or we can choose the changes now by simply making decisions and acting on them. Make no mistake, by not deciding and not acting on it, you are still making a choice and then you are forced only into what comes.

I have decided to live in peace with myself and not be forced.

John 21:18 (ESV)

Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.”

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I Am Loved By God Family Friends and Me

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Photo by Jordan Benton on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

There are friends, family, and people I don’t even know in some ways: I wish to thank them for their heartfelt condolences, prayers, and thoughts. You know who you are on Facebook and other places, offline people too, I felt so much encouragement. It was a blessing reconnecting and healing as well.

I am trying to take things I have learned in processing things and put them to use in my life now that I am home.

Life is truly short. This is not new; it is just more real to me now than ever. Time stops for no one as they but there are moments it feels like a lifetime of missed opportunities. I hope I am living every day to the fullest from here on out.

Families and all relationships are messy. I told one of my brothers I do messy all by myself. I love my family and miss them all.

Not everything has to be catastrophic today. Life is a process of many events and love makes the difference. We love the best we know how, and when we learn better, we do better. We have a lifetime of adventures to still live out.

I am reminded of the fact that there is a time for everything under Heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (ESV)

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Hindsight is 20/20, especially in love and war. With messy lives, it often feels like love and war. We will fight to keep our family and to keep love alive. It is hard and painful at the most inopportune moments, but if it were easy, we would just keep taking it for granted. Do you not agree?

There is always something to be grateful for no matter what. If I can just remember this in all things.

One of my new lessons is when things are aggravating and stressful is to say. “Praise The Lord!” I can see a situation for what it is and believe me I need more improvement, but it makes me less anxious than the alternatives.

Life is what you make it, right? I will do the best I can just for today!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I’ll Fly Away Left Me Bawling When Least Expected

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Photo by Rahul Pandit on Pexels.com

I had to edit enough to get it all on the page…

Hey, Y’all!

My Grandma met Jesus face-to-face at 4:15 p.m. Saturday. I thought I was done crying earlier in the week. I guess I am not!

I was not there physically with her but as my mama relayed what had all happened, I was there in spirit. You see I imagined my Grampa, dad, and two uncles in a boat. As I saw it, they were fishing and probably a friendly debate.

I figured they were going to meet her, and I was sure they were dilly-dallying. But as information came across to me, she was the one keeping them waiting. Then I remembered the many times leaving after service waving at Grandpa as he sat in the car waiting for Grandma.

It all finally makes sense. I am not here to tell you information second-hand. It is just not my story to tell.

I loved my grandma a lot. I wish I had shown her more love, as I wish I had shown a lot of my family more love when I had that chance.

I think I cry more because I truly connect with my spirit in this weak body. Compared to my spirit my body is weak. I am not 98 but I am not 29 anymore as my grandma used to say after whatever birthday it was.

My grandma did whatever it took to love. She prayed with anyone for anyone, she cleaned, she taught, she sang, she cooked, she babysat, she set rules, and she had fun. She helped in whatever way she could. She never left my grandpa to go without doing these things. She lived!

I thought I was done crying. I prepared to go to bed and got in bed listening to a pastor on a podcast. I then listened to some hymns to lull me to sleep. Then it happened! I’ll fly away played and I was imagining Grandma set free over and over.

The next thing I knew I was bawling. She was a true gift to me.

You bet I have never valued the people I love enough in their lifetime or mine.

Several are gone now! I am doing what I can to keep changing that. I can be sad and realize I am just going to cry when I need to cry. The world is not going to fall apart because I cry.

However, I have the hope of seeing her on the other side and many other loved ones and the stories we will share. It is because of Christ in me The Hope of Glory.

I will never be rested enough on this earth.  I only hope to have a pinky tip full of hope faith and love that woman showed to everyone. Grace and mercy.Again, I am reminded of,

1 Thessalonians 4:9-12(ESV)

9 Now concerning vbrotherly love wyou have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been xtaught by God yto love one another, 

10 for that indeed is what zyou are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you,

 brothers, to ado this more and more, 

11 and to aspire bto live quietly, and cto mind your own affairs, and dto work with your hands, as we 

instructed you, 

12 so that you may ewalk properly before foutsiders and be dependent on no one.

This is how my grandma lived. This is how my grandma and grandpa lived together. My grandpa himself did not have a lot to say. When he had something to say, he said it.

I hope to continually stay busy and mind my own business.

I will always love my grandma!

I’ll Fly Away

“I’ll Fly Away”, is a hymn written in 1929 by Albert E. Brumley

1. 
Some glad morning when this life is o’er, 
I’ll fly away; 
To a home on God’s celestial shore, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away). 

Chorus 
I’ll fly away, Oh Glory 
I’ll fly away; (in the morning) 
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away). 

2. 
When the shadows of this life have gone, 
I’ll fly away; 
Like a bird from prison bars has flown, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away) 

Chorus 

3. 
Just a few more weary days and then, 
I’ll fly away; 
To a land where joy shall never end, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away)

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Numerous Anniversaries Some Sweet Some Not So Sweet

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Angel On My Patio 2022

Hey, Y’all!

This blog post entry, I started earlier this month. I am going to bring it up to date because I cannot let it go unfinished. I am still editing this blog post entry as late as a day before this month’s last day.

While celebrations are usually defined as happy occasions, some are bitter-sweet. Some anniversaries are just sad. The latest mark on the calendar is one that is bitter-sweet.

I have felt a whole gamut of emotions. My life is both different and the same. I named the weekend of July 4th, as my Independence Day a couple of years ago. I was released from a skilled- rehabilitation unit.

I have signed 8 leases in total, since moving to these apartments. I moved once as a condition of my being released from the rehabilitation unit, securing a street-level apartment. I have made it my home.

My life got better, it got worse, and now it is better again.

However, it is spiritual and takes believing God exists especially when things are beyond our control. We scream out in fear, wanting control. The heart pounds heavy. The tears seem endless. The realization comes to us that we are dependent upon prayers and faith.

This is not unlike my last post that it takes friends, family, God, hope, love, faith, prayers, meditation, forgiveness, and letting go. It all works together with balance and checks.

Real recovery is taking steps to be freed from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It does not happen without a spiritual experience.

For me, the spiritual part only began after finding gratitude. Without gratitude, we have no hope.

One thing is for sure, as my grandma would say, “The sun will rise again in the morning.” My grandma said this was hope, and that we always have hope because Jesus lives in our hearts.

One more important thing my grandma said was when I was mad that it was okay, I was mad. “You will get glad in the same pants you got mad in.” I did not always listen to my grandma especially when she told me I needed to make things right. She was usually referring to making things right with my dad.

It would take a long time to follow that advice. Eventually, grace and mercy would come into the picture to change things. I take that back. Grace and mercy have always been in the picture, rather it has taken a bit for it to be acknowledged by changing and making things right.

Some things I have not been able to make right. Thank goodness for forgiveness.

While I needed forgiveness it has been just as important, I forgive as well to let go of that which holds me back and it is the only way to heal. If something pops up to drudge up old feelings, I must repeat the process. To forgive is a most holy moment of setting me free.

I need reminders often that always it is my job to forgive now since much has been forgiven of me. Unforgiveness makes me stay sick and stuck.

I must remember this with all people. All means all.

A calendar of anniversaries has taught me a lot about life. Every day you must be thankful for the experience.

Today as I close, I will miss my grandma forever on this side of Heaven. But I have the hope of seeing her again on the other side.

Romans 14:8 (ESV)

8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!