writing

Mindset Changes For Living A Fuller Life

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Hey, Y’all!

I am enjoying my coffee in the wee hours. I want to catch up on everything that seemed impossible to get done yesterday.

I started this entry off by saying a prayer.

I forgot how important saying a prayer is before I do anything, so I may have the right attitude. I want changes and to have changed means changing how I operate so I have more than words. Anyone can say the right words but change only happens by action.

Prayer is key in changing me so that I may have the right motives and attitude. If I begin with prayer, I am opening communication with God. In effect, prayer enables God’s hands in being able to help me. In other words, it is not just my will at work.

Prayer involves the conscious contact with God I have always desired.

I know I have shared this before but as a little boy I went to the bluffs for serious talks with God. I knew I needed His help. No one else could or would. I often seem to forget that as an adult, now over forty years later I need to go to Him first and foremost.

Prayer for direction, safety, help, peace, and love will get me much further in accomplishing the things I am supposed to do.

The next thing is finding gratitude so that I am grateful no matter how situations and circumstances may be. This helps me build consistency.

Consistency is a challenge for me. It is my word for the year instead of a resolution. I want to be consistent in doing the next right thing. I cannot say I am doing well with that, but I am aware, and I am doing better in some areas. More work is needed in other areas of my life.

It does help me if I start with prayer and gratitude.

The next thing I must watch out for is the thoughts that pop in. Not only thoughts but lies I tell myself in my thought life. I also get thoughts that are nothing but lies. I need to catch those early and call them out as the lies they are and speak the truth.

Stopping the lies and negative thoughts is imperative to my change and growth.

I am finding I need to remind myself of this daily. As I remind myself of the untruths, I need to seek God for truth and call out those truths and realign my thoughts accordingly.

Some of it is simple stuff.

I can eat a balanced diet that is right for me.

I do not have to think badly of that person.

I do not have to talk ugly to those people.

They did not do it intentionally to ruin my day.

I am not always a failure.

I can walk. I can climb in and out of the truck without difficulty.

I am not a bad seed.

Not everything I touch turns to crud.

They do not think badly of me.

I can tell the truth.

My life does matter.

I do have a purpose.

  1. I am thankful for my nurses and doctors.
  2. I am thankful for joy today.
  3. I am thankful for friendships.
  4. I am thankful for forgiveness.
  5. I am thankful for the mindset changes.
  6. I am thankful for being able to read and write.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to make my own decisions.
  8. I am thankful for healing.
  9. I am thankful for a Loving God
  10. I am thankful for my life.

As I close, I leave you with this Holy Scripture:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

It Becomes A Holy Moment In Recovery

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Hey, Y’all!

I am back and looking forward to sharing more in this entry.

I have shared some about my recovery and my journey since being clean and sober. I can tell you now that in my experience finding recovery in your inner being and seeing it work is holy. You find it in others and it is just as holy seeing it work in their lives also.

When changes happen by forgiving and allowing your will to change.

You see in my world, there is law and order mandated by God. Yet God in His divine ways, which are higher than my ways, made a way for grace and mercy. Because of grace and mercy, a way gets made out of no way.

I found forgiveness is for me when it comes to me forgiving others. What forgiveness does for me is much more than I ever knew. Forgiveness means I am letting go. Forgiveness means I am withdrawing myself from that story. If I have been offended it means something touched me deeply that was awakened in me.

Forgiveness gives me the freedom to finally deal with myself and God.

I thought being forgiven had taught me something. However, when I learned about being the forgiver, I was in for a true awakening. I am still not finished learning about forgiving and being forgiven.

To reiterate why forgiveness is holy is that it means I want peace more than my right to stay offended. It frees me and the other person both. I do not have to stay enslaved to the pain and hurt. It is one less thing to carry in my excess baggage.

There is yet another part of forgiveness and that is forgiving ourselves. It is another way of saying that excess baggage because when I arrived in the rooms of recovery I had a long list of both hurts I had caused and a mountain full of hurts in my mind of what was done to me. Also, not all of the hurts were just in my mind. On both counts, I wore that shame. My heart was hard and I was scared of facing a day without a drink and having to face the real stuff. I let them lead me to doctors for pills.

Okay, let’s do pills. What could they hurt? A lot especially, when you go back out and add alcohol. Smoking a joint was trickery for me Id get high and then am paranoid as heck.

But I digress, shame was at the root of everything. Wrongs were done both drunk and stone-cold sober. My heart got very hard back then.

Recovery has changed me. I have to face myself and everything I am still in the process of letting go. In my journey recently my heart was hardening some. I was staying angry and holding on to some things.

I was starting to doubt my recovery and it welled up in me in a moment and shocked me as I saw it work in a particular moment with another person. I had my mind made up Sunday Night that I was gonna blast someone with words Monday Morning.

It changed at a moment’s notice when communicating with someone else we ended up helping each other. It softened my heart. It changed the course of my actions.  Today has been a day of more softening of my heart and more rest for the body and soul.

I will say I cannot afford to keep going in circles. By not forgiving I am allowing my shame to deepen, therefore, making it even harder to forgive.

I am the one who makes me crazy when I refuse to forgive. I want recovery more than ever. This is not philosophical, this is real.

As I close, I am leaving you with these three verses from The Holy Scriptures.

  • For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14 (ESV)
  • 15. but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16. since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”  1Peter 1:15-16 (ESV)
  • 8. He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Life’s Experiences Have Given Me Many Blessings

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Hey, Y’all!

It is great to be behind the keyboard again. I apologize for ghosting my blog for the past couple of months.

When I am not writing, I get scatterbrained because I lose my center. I want to change by getting plugged back into writing. I am looking forward to wound healing and healthy tissue progressing. Things are looking great with my wounds.

There have been many obstacles that got in the way of my healing. However, my body seems to be overcoming the obstacles. The weight loss progress is a different story. I am looking at what to do differently and taking in new information and calling upon what worked before.  

I will take the good parts of any day over the negative results.

I am not that person who wants to show grotesque pictures to the whole world or even to my loved ones. At one time I did some things like that but I just want to take the healing and not have to look at how bad things are I suppose.

The other side of the coin is, multiple times a week for years I have seen pictures of my wounds. I did show others once in many years what seemed to be an endless nightmare. I am not healed yet, but I feel healing is manifesting for sure.

Right now I am dependent upon taking my blood sugar and the pills to control it. However, I still take care in choosing what I eat most of the time. My blood sugar is excellent being controlled at 5.2. I am very happy with this result.

In other news, I have rearranged my house (my apartment). I am staying busy going through the drawers and getting rid of papers and things to make life more manageable. It is so much easier when less is more.

This evening after a long day of doing wound care and a doctor’s appointment, I took a nap. I was tired and needed the rest.

I have a lot of work ahead of me.  I have many goals to meet in all of the different areas of my life. Sometimes I get sidetracked and focus on stuff that has no real meaning or place in my life. This is why my writing is important, if even insignificant to others. It helps keep me grounded.

I am so grateful for my friends and for learning that they are not to be taken for granted. I also get to see where I am a friend to them and I also have learned I am not to be taken for granted either. I get to be a friend to me today and I am learning to treat myself better.

Life is one big recovery field I get to glean from and learn how to change and grow. This takes losing to gain so much more. It means less of me and mine to get to us. Together we can do this. Alone, I cannot accomplish as much.

Gratitude goes a long way in my recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of body, mind, and spirit. I must count my blessings.

Numbers 6:24-26 (ESV)

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Willing To Do Be BetterThan Yesterday

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Hey, Y’all!

We want things to change and be better. We want everything and everyone around us to be of a higher standard and to meet our needs accordingly. The sky is the limit! We are reaching for those stars. If we pay attention and look closely, maybe everything is better than we could ever hope for.

Here begs the question. Are we willing to do better and be better than yesterday? Are we willing to come up to a higher standard? I am just remembering after reading so many times, “we cannot transmit something we have not got.” If we do not have something we cannot give it.

I know from my experience, one day I can turn around and see the change in others. However, I may still be holding on to judgments, pettiness, and anger. Meanwhile, everything and everyone else around me has changed and come up to a higher standard. Suddenly, it is a whole new ball game. The team is ready for us. Are we ready for the team?

We suddenly realize it is not about who is better.  Are we willing to be better than yesterday? Even if we have something, we can lose it or give it up. In most cases, we give it up in trading what we might have for something newer, shinier, and bigger.

If we are not careful death becomes us.

In the beginning, the thing we most wanted was to free ourselves and all of those around us. Our vision becomes clouded by the things we refuse to let go of. What we know suddenly becomes everything we have believed from assumptions and decisions we made long ago. We decided and so it was until we decided to change. That is if we make that decision.

Pain has been my biggest motivator in making changes. It has taken both physical and emotional pain. Sometimes, even just seeing the pain caused in others by my decisions and actions. I admit, mostly it is my personal feeling of pain.

If we just take the opportunity to be open to hearing others out. I said the words not too long ago; that most people just need us to listen so they can unlock themselves. I remember once a friend of mine suggested that I have tunnel vision.

I was so wrapped up in myself that I had not even noticed the sarcasm in his voice. I asked him if it was fatal and if it was permanent. His answer was plain, it could be fatal, and it could be permanent if I was not willing to change some things.

It would be many years before changing my ways. I am still changing and have gone back and forth.

Some days are simply better than others. On the whole, everything is better, and I am better than I once was.

Yesterday I heard the word, humility. Humility is in the way of not waiting or wanting applause for choosing to do the next right thing by others.

It comes down to putting off our selfishness and letting go of my old ideas. It is seeing the good in everything and everyone.

It boils down to finding gratitude in the hardest of things we often go through.

We soon learn to be grateful for all the doors that close and the doors that open to us.

Psalm 119:105 (ESV)

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

I hope to continue writing and sharing my journey more consistently.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Come With Me On My Journey By Accident

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Hey, Y’all!

It has been too long again, y’all! It has been over a month since I have written. I woke up after an hour and a half nap and knew it was time to write. Let us just walk together, as I tell you things that have happened along my journey. I woke up laughing.

In my sleep waking up I was listening to Jase Robertson share something along the lines of God is not going to stop everything in creation to say; Hey hold up everyone, Jase made a mistake! We need to wait. (Note: Jase, if you read this I may have taken your words out of context). People tell me I hear wrong a lot of the time.

Once I said the words, God is ready for me to write out loud to myself, this light that has been burned out for a week, suddenly flickered on! Is this by accident? I think not. I even told my mama today; I have not written in like a month.

It seems I could not go on without another infection happening, this new year. The ailments that go along with the infection of being tired all the time and dragging. Some more effects in which I will belabor the point.

However, there is a difference this time in treating the infection. Thankfully, the days of needing the PICC Line are gone. The labs in the pharmacy take an antibiotic and some pumps of this gel mix it up and put it directly on the wound.

However, knowing the cause of the infection type and what bacteria is growing from a culture is necessary to know in this treatment.

I caution everyone to seek a professional. DO NOT ATTEMPT ON YOUR OWN!

Suffice it to say in my experience this is working! Hallelujah! What a miracle. Thank you, God!

My wonderful care worker (L) has gone on to another client so that he/she could get better hours, meaning a full-time check. Before L left, I asked L if I could pray for L. This is out of my comfort zone, yet it happened!

God told me to pray for L. I asked for forgiveness in that prayer if anything I said or did cause harm or was a stumbling block for healing and forgiveness and that L would be blessed as L went forward. At the end of that prayer, we both just said Wow!

I talk to God, I tell Him how badly I mess up at things.

I just could not get over what I thought I heard Jase say. It is like am I that self-absorbed to think all of creation must stop because I am struggling with all kinds of mistakes? How selfish! If it is what Jase said or not, those are the words I was to hear. I can laugh at the incredulous of my thoughts.

Micah 6:8 (ESV)

He has told you, O man, what is good;

and what does the Lord require of you

but to do justice, and to love kindness,

and to walk humbly with your God?

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Holding Up The Whole Wide World, Really!

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Hey, Y’all!

Ain’t it heavy?

Man! I am telling you, it is heavy if you are thinking and trying to hold up the whole world by yourself! You are not alone.

We all fall into this thinking trap, thinking we are alone and trying to do it all ourselves. We do not even know half of it if we had to do it all by ourselves. I had one of those times by the end of the day, yesterday.

I am here to tell you I know some days it feels like we are in this world all alone. I am also here to tell you in those times we need people to tell us we are believing a big, fat lie! When my security is threatened by a letter that gets sent out by a computer glitch error, I went into a meltdown mode.

Thank goodness from a friend for giving me some direction. Even though there were directions in the letter I did not know how to do it at that moment. I had to hear directions verbally. I was able to get a live person by the second time I called the number. It was only after hearing and following directions, that I could admit I overreacted.

I was not alone. I had people who could help me help myself. In this world today sometimes, it feels like there is a rain cloud directly over your house. Your roof has all kinds of holes and all you have is one little pail, running from leak to leak trying to catch all the rain, hoping you can save your home from flooding.

It is useless and wasted energy to keep running and screaming. It accomplishes nothing. We will always find trouble at every turn. None of us can keep it all together. We can learn to remain calm and not fear the worst. People and technology make mistakes all the time.

However, it is important to remember while we remain calm, that we have responsibilities. We may have to wait and see how some things turn out but we keep moving on in the meantime. I am still learning and making progress, even making mistakes along the way.

The world is not as heavy when I let go. I am not alone in this life. This is another lie I believed until I was shown the truth. We have to weed out all the lies we believe so that we can live. We do not have to be miserable.

I strive for happiness today. This means changing my mindset and stopping the lies I have believed. If I believe that I am always right, there is no room for change and I will remain miserable and lose out on a lot in this life. I want more for myself and others.

I am not alone. I cannot hold up this world. I will never be perfect, but I can do better than I do. I am not always right. I must keep changing to learn to enjoy life.

There is a plan and I know a man who can. It gets better than this, I promise.

John 16:33 ESV

33 I have said these things to you, that n me you may have peace In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!  

Freedom Begins When We Stop Comparing Ourselves

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Hey, Y’all!

I am up late writing because I am experiencing some physical pain. I cannot control the pain. I hope and pray by following the suggestions of my doctors and nurses, I can help alleviate the pain. It helps stop the pain when I use the lymphedema pumps on my legs and feet. Praying helps but actions do back up the prayer.

Following directions is imperative for my healing. This is something I have had to learn in the past decade or more.

I must admit that following directions is not something I have done well. I have improved over the years. I hope to achieve a better understanding of how to keep improving, on listening and doing what is suggested in all of the areas of my life.

We can ask for help, but if we are not listening and following directions, we will not know how to change or improve our state of being.

I have heard that changing takes patience, practice, and time. Time takes time. If all we have are words, we cannot change without actions that match up to the words. I am impatient with myself and others when it comes to change.

I have parroted phrases thinking it was enough to make a change in myself. Why? I was comparing myself to others and others said it was the right way. I tried mimicking others, but I did not have the directions for making the changes.

Anyone who has ever worked an equation with algebra knows you can have all the right letters, numbers, and powers to the numbers, but if you do not have the directions for solving the equation, you cannot show the work for the answer.

I am above no one. I did not know how to make the necessary changes in my thoughts. I compared myself to others and had lofty thoughts of who I thought I wanted to be. That has always been the case in my life. It still gets me in trouble, to this day.

I need reminders so that I do not get myself isolated or bogged down in my thoughts because I am comparing myself to others. It is that which I compare myself to that keeps me bound. When I compare myself to something unrealistic, I am enslaved, trying to be that which I am not.

Today I have some directions and suggestions from others and it is helping me change. Some days are better than others.

When I compare myself to others or try to be someone I am not I cut myself off from God and others.

I heard it said years ago if you hang around a barbershop long enough you will get a haircut. Being the people watcher I am, I started watching the different haircuts and would pick one out thinking it would change me. I was not the cool person I saw. I was still me; I was doing the same things I had always done.

It is the thoughts of ourselves we must change. We are not all that and a bag of chips. We are neither lowly nor miserable pieces of garbage. We can live a life that is true to what we are supposed to be. But it is doing necessary action daily.

We start finding gratitude and seeing the beauty in life. We learn what having respect for ourselves and others means. We not only start speaking differently but we take the actions necessary to grow in deeper love for life. We find that we are not only hearing mere words but directions that we comprehend.

We lose our chains and become free.

Proverbs 4:26 ESV

Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Comfortable Saturday For Rest And Refocusing Today

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hey, Y’all!

I am here today thanking You, God!

I purposely slept in until 10:30 a.m. and I did enjoy it. I am still enjoying my coffee from a small brunch I made myself. My candles are lit, and the music is turned on to keep me calm and quiet in my heart. I just need to enjoy the day and still accomplish a few things as I rest.

I most enjoy not having anyone here today because I just need time where no one is invading my space. Though, I know people are here to help me. Sometimes, though, it feels like I am paying rent to just have people here to interrupt my day. Perhaps, that is their purpose after all.

If left to myself on a given day, I might lose my sense of purpose. I know in some way; I might be helping them as well.

Today is comfortable, and it is not like I am giving up all my responsibilities.

I am refocusing today on how this next week might go, and what will better help me accomplish more.  

Someone asked that I add them to my calendar next week. I said that I must call them next week as I see how it plays out. I have more people to add to my calendar as well.

The people I want to add to my calendar, have not been able to talk about realistic dates and times possible. The main cause we have the thing in common is just seeing how we are going to do with our new goals and regular work weeks.

I am listening to this song called “Fear Is a Liar’ Fear, he is a liar. He will steal your rest and happiness. This is true. When I allow fear to come into my head, my rest and happiness get stolen. I do not wish to live my life in fear.

I must find faith and act on it. This takes reordering my thought process. I must think good things. If I concentrate on negative things it takes me back to fear. I have allowed much over my lifetime to be taken or, how about this, I gave away.

I gave away too much. In return, I was called dirty and trash. I was called worthless and a bad seed.

I did not get clean and sober to live in a way, that brings those negative things upon me. No one should ever say those things to another human being. Ever! It is not about showing you my scars; it is to make a point about living a real life.

I have a purpose in this life otherwise, I would not be here. If we did not have a purpose none of us would be here. Our mission is to find that purpose and live it. I do not want to fade away. Living a life of faith is hard at times.

I do see failures this past week. I also see, I still got up each day. That in itself is a success for me.

You see, today is a comfortable day for me. I am running to God today, hoping to change my thoughts and renew my mind. I want to think about good things. I am refocusing so that my efforts for the upcoming week shall be more successful.

Here is a short story, and then I will be close closing. This story takes in a small town in Missouri next to some railroad tracks.

I was 19 or 20 years old. I am driving this big and heavy car. In fact, for my car people out there, it is a 1970-something, Mercury, Montego. It had been raining. Sure enough, a train is coming that will take some time to pass. The liquor store is only minutes from closing. This shows my priorities.

We must get to that liquor store before it closes. Mind you, there is a full carload of people. In my intelligence, I decide to make a U-turn on this narrow road with mud on both sides of the road.

Well, I fishtail and slide off into what is a ditch of solid mud! I am determined to get back on the road. The tires are spinning. It becomes apparent, we are going to need to push this car. Well, I go to get out of the car. Holy Cow! The car door will not open. That is right, I spun the wheels so much that I buried the frame of the car.

The next day, a farmer towed the car out with a tractor. Thankfully, the girls had walked to the liquor store.

What is my point in telling you this story? The point is you need some traction so you are not just spinning your wheels. If you have no traction all of your efforts are futile. The more you spin, the deeper you are burying yourself.

I do not want my efforts done in vain. I am going to get some traction, by thinking positive thoughts with renewed energy.

Philippians 4:8-9 ESV

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Wrenches Thrown In Plans By Sleep Issues

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Hey, Y’all!

I had supper at 9:30 p.m. tonight. When eating this late, I would have had peanut butter and jam or just peanut butter, and called it a night. However, I wanted to make my blog post entry yet, tonight. I decided to have a cheeseburger with pickles and glad I did. I could feel an immediate change in my body.

The day started badly it kept going not so well after oversleeping. Then technology threatened an appointment I had today. Wrenches get thrown into plans with oversleeping. I made it through a good part of the day until early afternoon when a four-and-a-half-hour nap caused other plans down the drain as well.

At any rate, I have muddled through this day. I did not find it necessary to go berserk aside, from the technical issues which I hope, have been resolved. No phones or laptops were thrown. I consider this even successful. I want to do better, and I will get there.

If I have ever been fighting default mode, this has been the week for it. I believe tomorrow will be better. I did get some things accomplished today and had some really good talks to alleviate some past and present anxiety in relationships with people. I admit there must be more action, than talk going forward.

Talking, planning, writing, and good intentions are not getting the actions done.

However, if nothing else this whole process is making me write more consistently. It is also allowing me to find out what needs to be readjusted to succeed. I hope to write more consistently at a regular time if possible.

I admit, I get anxious and worry over the smallest things. I will need to find what will help me to end this madness.

I hated missing two different encounters this evening. I will let it go and strive for better.

For the past two blog post entries, I have meant to share more about what was shared in my men’s meeting. It is along the lines of planning goals and taking more control over our thoughts. I need to take all my thoughts captive daily and redirect my thinking.

Anyone who has at least taken a college course or quite possibly, by today’s educational system made it into their senior year, of high school has heard of using S.M.A.R.T Goals. They are made by specific terms., attainable, realistic, and time-based.  

I found this important several years ago and helpful. It still takes action versus thinking on our part. Deciding goals is not doing the action. However, it does give us a starting place.

The other thing I am hoping for, in making my goals is setting my intentions. What is my motivation for change? Why would I make this change and what is it going to do to help serve me?

The next step is to visualize my goals and what that change will look like and what it will mean. Then we decide, commit, and keep the goals posted where they are visible and handy, so we can take action.

Before any of this can be done it means getting ourselves unstuck from our thoughts, anxiety, stress, and being overwhelmed.

As important as it is, that we get the physical clutter around us eliminated, it is just as important that we unclutter our minds, and refocus.

As renew our minds and think n that which is good we can finally come to a place of reevaluating our hearts. We start doing what is important, not forgetting to have an attitude of gratitude.

We must allow room for readjustments. We must give ourselves grace so that we remember, to give others grace too.

Psalm 127:2 ESV

It is in vain that you rise up early

    and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

    for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Upon Waking Taking Every Opportunity To Succeed

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Hey, Y’all!

Today, my schedule includes a wound care appointment. I will have grafts applied to my wounds. I am hoping all the grafts take. To see the healing progress of the wounds is good. I do have more optimism as I see the progress with each dressing change.

I woke up at 3:50 a.m. before the alarm sounded. I decided to get up anyway to take advantage of the extra time. I am anxious this morning as I write. I am anxious because it is clear, no matter how much time I have, there is always more to do. Managing the time and tasks is still challenging.

I had started this entry early this morning and time caught up to me once more. I have done some walking and I took a nap once I got home from my appointment.

I am grateful today at my appointment my fears were put to rest by the Nurse Practitioner and my Nurse. There was some thick calloused skin to be removed. It was causing me pain. All the wounds look good, and I am approved to keep going with the skin grafts.

I am pressing through once more writing while my chore worker is here. I am having my worship music going to try and keep me focused on just my writing. This can be challenging. I prefer to not have to communicate during this time.

My silence communicates loudly. We only have an hour to go as it helped to do an hour of overtime yesterday. I can do this more nicely!

You see I have learned any kind of anger can make my writing time unenjoyable. My whole point in writing is to get a message out and enjoy it at the same time. It does not serve me well to be angry or resent the situation.

I am taking every opportunity to find ways to manage my time. The nap did help me physically. However, it did cost me more time than I intended. My lesson today is about learning to be okay with readjusting accordingly.

Inside I am screaming mad, and my mind feels so cluttered with all the information I have soaked up in changing my approach to what it means for me to be consistent. I am also trying to accomplish too many tasks at once. I will take a breath, now.

I was reminded this morning that I am doing great. I do need to remember this is the first week of making changes. I do have too high of expectations of myself, in that I want it as though I have been living in a new way, all my life.

Cutting out the clutter in my mind is a process. It is going to take time.

I am not forgetting to be thankful in this process of change.

  1. I am thankful I want to be intentional.
  2. I am thankful for reminders to breathe.
  3. I am thankful I am responsible for my progress.
  4. I am thankful I am not doing this alone and I have wonderful supportive friends. But especially one friend and my Mama.
  5. I am thankful for a new way to communicate with my brother and his family.
  6. I am thankful I took a moment to breathe and just connect with my chore worker for a few minutes today.
  7. I am thankful this process is taking place and I will not be defeated in following it through.
  8. I am thankful I can encourage others.
  9. I am thankful I can fight the disease with the tools I have been able to acquire.
  10. I am grateful that being thankful with all my heart can change the balance of all things.

In the end, today has been a success through my gratitude.

Philippians 4:7 ESV And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!