truth

Mindset Changes For Living A Fuller Life

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Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I am enjoying my coffee in the wee hours. I want to catch up on everything that seemed impossible to get done yesterday.

I started this entry off by saying a prayer.

I forgot how important saying a prayer is before I do anything, so I may have the right attitude. I want changes and to have changed means changing how I operate so I have more than words. Anyone can say the right words but change only happens by action.

Prayer is key in changing me so that I may have the right motives and attitude. If I begin with prayer, I am opening communication with God. In effect, prayer enables God’s hands in being able to help me. In other words, it is not just my will at work.

Prayer involves the conscious contact with God I have always desired.

I know I have shared this before but as a little boy I went to the bluffs for serious talks with God. I knew I needed His help. No one else could or would. I often seem to forget that as an adult, now over forty years later I need to go to Him first and foremost.

Prayer for direction, safety, help, peace, and love will get me much further in accomplishing the things I am supposed to do.

The next thing is finding gratitude so that I am grateful no matter how situations and circumstances may be. This helps me build consistency.

Consistency is a challenge for me. It is my word for the year instead of a resolution. I want to be consistent in doing the next right thing. I cannot say I am doing well with that, but I am aware, and I am doing better in some areas. More work is needed in other areas of my life.

It does help me if I start with prayer and gratitude.

The next thing I must watch out for is the thoughts that pop in. Not only thoughts but lies I tell myself in my thought life. I also get thoughts that are nothing but lies. I need to catch those early and call them out as the lies they are and speak the truth.

Stopping the lies and negative thoughts is imperative to my change and growth.

I am finding I need to remind myself of this daily. As I remind myself of the untruths, I need to seek God for truth and call out those truths and realign my thoughts accordingly.

Some of it is simple stuff.

I can eat a balanced diet that is right for me.

I do not have to think badly of that person.

I do not have to talk ugly to those people.

They did not do it intentionally to ruin my day.

I am not always a failure.

I can walk. I can climb in and out of the truck without difficulty.

I am not a bad seed.

Not everything I touch turns to crud.

They do not think badly of me.

I can tell the truth.

My life does matter.

I do have a purpose.

  1. I am thankful for my nurses and doctors.
  2. I am thankful for joy today.
  3. I am thankful for friendships.
  4. I am thankful for forgiveness.
  5. I am thankful for the mindset changes.
  6. I am thankful for being able to read and write.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to make my own decisions.
  8. I am thankful for healing.
  9. I am thankful for a Loving God
  10. I am thankful for my life.

As I close, I leave you with this Holy Scripture:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Thankfulness For The Tools In My Toolbox

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Farmington, Missouri

Hey, Y’all!

I know it has been a few days. It has been hard to keep on top of my game. However, I have managed to make it through each day regardless.

  1. I am thankful for having gratitude as one of my tools
  2. I am thankful for the ability to take inventory of my behavior and motives.
  3. I am thankful for being able to follow directions and take suggestions.
  4. I am thankful for knowing how to pause when necessary.
  5. I am thankful for the truth and to know when I am lying to myself.
  6. I am thankful there are muscles to stretch. Taking the time to stretch those muscles before just using them is advisable.
  7. I am thankful for outside resources and for being able to express my needs.
  8. I am thankful for the people in my life who hear me practice before I find myself in a situation.
  9. I am thankful I can call myself out and admit I am wrong.

Today, it is about finding the answers and keeping my side of the street clear. There is always room for improvement. I do not always make the right choices. I am not perfect. I just hope to do better than the day before.

I watch things happen and sometimes they seem to happen in slow motion. However, as I am ready to scream no, it is often too late.

I do not have to participate in the insanity. I can make better choices. Yet here I am.

To not make a choice is leaving myself open to the insanity of this life.

I have more self-respect than that. I want more for myself than just allowing things to happen to me. I want to enjoy life and be free.

There is something about minding my own business and doing my best to lead a quiet life.

This is not to say I do not get excited about life and want to live life out loud.

It is those quiet moments of a pause with coffee, prayer, and thought given to the day ahead, where I will find the most peace.

It is an important part of my day to strengthen me, for the tasks ahead.

My actions for the day:

I will choose joy.

I will choose happiness.

I will be in pursuit of peace as far as it depends on me, that together we can make it through this day.

I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible when anyone reaches for help so that I can at least point them in the direction of help.

Most times, most people just need their thoughts and fears heard. It is in listening that I can provide the most comfort. What most people need is someone to listen. We all need someone to listen.

It is the encouragement found in pausing, reflecting, sharing, and engaging with one another, that brings about the courage to keep pressing on. We keep putting one foot in front of the other.

We just do the best we can, and in doing the next right thing, we can sleep at night.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Are We Not The Deceiver Of Ourselves?

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Kateryna Babaieva on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

First off, Happy September!

Second Happy Monday! and Happy Labor Day!

Here we are for another look in the mirror. It is all that time and space filled with trips in our brains filled with memories of fun, happiness, joy, sadness, anger, grief, hope, gratitude, and peace.

Our dreams and nightmares have it all wrapped up inside us. How we respond and live each day is in direct proportion to what we hold on to. We hold on to stuff because we either have not found a way to make thing things right or we have not made peace with it. In other words, we have not cleared our side of the street.

Are you interested in what started this ball of regret, cluttered, and dysfunctional life of living hell started? Are you ready for the truth? It has taken me 50-plus years to produce the same answer told to me many years ago.

It started with a lie! The lies that others told me and the lies I believed are some of the same ones I told because I thought they were the truth. I was not so good at making up my lies I had to practice those lies. I had to lie to myself hoping, I could believe my lies so that others would believe them too!

No matter how small a lie is it can take you to some dark places. What woke me up to this was a nightmare I had last week. I was never so scared and grateful to wake up from it. I woke up to the ringing of the phone. Thank heavens, quite literally! I was in Hell.

For some backstories, I have gotten lazy in my writing. This is usually a clear indication I am lazy in self-care. This means even prayer and meditation are suffering. This also means there is a ticking bomb inside me ready to go off if someone I allow lights the fuse.

A friend called and we were going to go through a study together. I leaped out of that bed to do exactly that. In another time and place, I probably either slept through the phone or woke up staring at it and telling it to shut up. I even said to my friend I have never been so grateful for a phone call.

Here we are! I write a letter once telling a lie, I was not going to mail it but still, it had that lie. The letter was found in a trash can by someone else, who then confronted me with the letter. I then quickly lied, by saying I lied about something else so I could escape this situation I found myself in.

I then tried to tell myself none of this was happening. One, being confronted by someone with a letter of lies, two that what had happened in the past, did not happen since I just made the new lie up. How do I keep up with this lying?

There was so much wasted energy wasted time, and then burning bridges on fire at present! It did not stop there!

Love and romance were for me, or so I thought. I just wanted to be a normal cool guy. Heartbroken by number one and soon number two, she was a genie in a bottle who held the bottle of Jack Daniels and a joint. Nothing was going to stop me now.

She lied to me! Why would she lie? She messed up everything. I let her because I lied to her too! I did not see all that was coming. Why would a Genie lie to me? In a smashed-up Mustang convertible, she and I lied but we had been hit by a drunk driver. I escaped with my life with barely a scratch. She escaped too with a broken arm or leg but with her life.

I watched as the officer poured out our Jack Daniels. The true love of my life was being poured out on the ground, and I am underage! Lies full of lies!

The Love Train was a train wreck! Miraculously, we were not charged with public intoxication, and she did not get a DUI! Her web of lies my web of lies it all kept working till she and I both destroyed me in my family’s church, and it was trying to destroy my family.

I can tell this story because it is my story.

Not once had I laid a hand on her, not once had I talked to her like trash or threaten her but a whole church believed her. Yet, I had no idea this was even being said. I was oblivious to it. I let her lie.

That is just the beginning, with some middle parts of the story of lies in my life that I created or believed.

Now, all this has me singing in my head, George Strait’s song, “I Let Her Lie.”

We all believe what we want to believe in the end. Who and what are you going to believe in your own life today?

I do not know about you. I am seeing some solid foundation, finally.

It is time for some more coffee, scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Integrity Not Only In Words But Action

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone!

I am very excited to finally be writing tonight. I have had many technical interruptions that held me off from writing today.

There has been a series of events that happened because of my willingness to change and trust different processes along the way.

In my previous posts, you will have read about my hospitalizations and time in a rehab center following many falls from bed. Plus, there were a host of many things brought on by my health difficulties, of gaining weight, diabetes, wound ulcers swelling, and unwillingness to be hospitalized until a time it was close to the last call.

So, the very first thing I want to share is my right leg and foot are wound-free. Every wound is closed and healed on that leg and foot!

To me, that is a huge miracle! I am so thankful to God for this very thing. I am thankful to drivers’ nurses, doctors, friends, family, and support in all different ways. It took everything and everyone. I do have to keep compression wraps on that leg. But is so amazing.

The left leg and foot where the wounds are, very close to closing. They have a little way to go yet. However, it is so much better.

I left the rehab right before July 4th, 2021; It was then, I made a promise to myself and others, that nothing was going to be the same ever again.

Used by permission of meltblogs from Facebook.com

This right here is what I am replacing my negative self-talk with. Read the words in that meme picture.

I began making changes in my diet asking for help more. At the time I needed more help.

My own photo of What I prepared homemade.

There has been a mountain of changes. Exercising and working with physical therapy, walking more and more so recently. Doing my best to make life less complicated, more organized, and simpler.

I have had to clear my mind of the junk I have held onto for years. I have had to stop excuses for my behavior. It has truly become a program of action. It comes in forgiving others and learning to let myself off the hook for things that were not my fault.

In The last few weeks even, most recently, this week I have drawn some lines in the sand for myself. I have had to get real with God and my faith. I have had to admit some wrongs. I continuously take inventory of myself and even a few lingering details of my past.

I have had to return to a relationship with God built on total honesty and his mercy and grace through all my trials.

I went home and moved to a street-level apartment. I was home for two months or so. Then it was to only be back in the hospital for like a week and diagnosed with osteomyelitis.

I was doing everything I could to get off the PICC line. I was scared I would be on antibiotics for the rest of my life. I have been off antibiotics for about a few weeks now think.

The night I got home from the hospital I talked to God and said I was not ready yet.

I found out I have a whole lot of life left in me. I am making the changes, I am sharing who I am today, what I have done, and this broken mess of a life, I have been leading.

Walking With my walker “Cadillac Jack”
Photos of my walk

I am stopping the negative self-talk, the complaining about not enough. The secret thoughts, I am bringing them to light; I want to show them for what they are and to put them down.

I do want to figure out something as I heal more and more to generate an income and be able to get off government aid and disability. I want to own my own home.

The time is getting real folks! Inflation is going to eat us up.  I won’t sit by and just be quiet anymore. I am also ready to say let’s fire every single one in office as “We the People.” Because almost every single last one in the office is not for the people of this country. We are going to have to pull together no matter which side you are on and be self-sustaining people! Buy Local! I am hearing it from farmers and truckers alike. We must figure out how to replenish what we take from our communities. If we do not, we all go under.

I am getting off track but on track too!

Integrity is taking on the responsibility of my whole self and being true, through and through.

I want to live comfortably in my skin and call a spade a spade. No more hiding. No More on the fence!

I hope you enjoy the many pictures I am sharing as well.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

My Helper’s Motivating Me To Do It

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

Hey Everybody !

Here I am again. This time I am talking about, using my caregiver as motivation for me to just do it. It is hard for me to comprehend just how set I am in my ways of doing things. I am telling you; I have higher expectations for doing a task than most are willing to do.

I am having to set reasonable boundaries; this is something brand new for me and stick to them. It makes me nervous and anxious because for me it is usually confronting something.

I remarked to her face that washing hands are important when touching food, dishes, anything, or anyone, that washing hands is important. She is temporary. Therefore, she is my motivator for me to do my own tasks.

I will just have her do things that are not in direct contact with me. I do not dread this woman; I feel sorry for her. That can be a downfall for me too. She is helping me get stronger; in the fact, I can do more for myself.

How does this fit in with gratitude, recovery, and my spiritual life? Physically, it is helping me do more and be more active. This also helps me emotionally. I have gratitude for being able to do more than I have been able to do in the last 4 years. I must slow down and think what I am going to say; and take those pauses so that I speak clearly, nicely, and still make my statements.

I feel like this helper is to teach me more about understanding rather than me being understood. However, I am also finding my voice and to live peacefully as possible.

Everything changes and I am hoping to keep changing with learning to be more tolerant.

I am loving myself today. I love my apartment and want to take care of it and me. There is more work to do on improving myself and my apartment. The main thing is keeping the promise to myself to do better. There are things I have not done well. I am keeping stock of those and trying to correct those things. They are a huge struggle. In the meantime, it is about being grateful for what has changed, and what I continue to do for improvement.

I refuse to go back to the way I once lived. One day, I hope to get the thorn out of my side and be free. I am working up to trying to get out at least once a month for something I want socially.

Even with all the help and money in the world, no one can do our work for us.

  • I am grateful for hot coffee on such a freezing morning.
  • I am grateful for changes.
  • I am grateful that I can see myself truthfully today.
  • I am grateful for my own space.
  • I am grateful for God who loves and understands me trying to better know Him amid my wrongs.
  • I am grateful I get to change my story today.
  • I am grateful for the desire to have a sincere relationship with myself.
  • I am grateful for the way out.
  • I am grateful for the different seasons and patience.
  • I am grateful there is more life, and that I get to take care of what I currently have in all things.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

Remembering I am A Spiritual Being Inside Flesh

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Hi Everybody,

Here I am in the first eight days of this new year. This time I may be going a little deep and getting to the root in my spirit, first purposed by God creating me. This is based on my beliefs.

This is all part of my journey because I believe coming into this world with harsh realities and not always having the support and care needed, we become conditioned, destroy our spiritual side.

Now that cannot be my excuse for who I am today. I have learned to take responsibility for my own behaviors that become my self-defeat.

There came a point where I knew life had to be better but somehow could not grasp on to the positive and loving reinforcements of love, care, and nurturing.

I have run so far from me in the things I previously sought out to escape the pain, hurt, and terror.

I bought the bitterness, rage, hate, and destruction because as I believed, it was the only way to defeat the evil that came upon me. I did not always consciously understand that I was being just as damaging to other people, places, and things that came upon me.

I became the tornado in other people’s lives continuing in the vicious cycle of self-affliction, blind and oblivious to the harm and injury I caused. I even called it love, much of the time in believing it was and trying to get others to believe it.

That is not to say it was all blind, in fact, I even had a list of people in my head That deserved the judgment, sentencing, and execution of my wrath upon them. Vengeance was paramount as far as I was concerned.

I kept on drinking the poison hoping the evil people would die.

What I was not comprehending is that all my efforts were killing me. Those other people were going on free as I stayed trapped inside myself and at times taking other hostages with me. The hostages were often innocent bystanders and unintended targets of my wrath.

Oh, the remorse I felt when confronted by my behaviors but often in a state of denial, and outright lying. In most cases, I was only remorseful because it was a negative thing. I had no understanding of the impact of my acting out upon others.

The changes started happening when I realized I could follow directions if it meant saving my own life.

I was in a relationship to have because I did not want to be alone. That relationship was 8-10 years of me waking up every day full of hate and wanting to die. I was incapable of being honest with anyone but mostly lying to myself.

In that relationship it was saying I hate you; I love You; I hate you please do not leave me!

It was a circumstance of convenience, self-preservation, using, abusing, self-indulgent, moments of trying to make a show of love as it became, an act. Mostly it was not comprehending the negative impact I caused upon us both.

It has been years of living amends facing the fact I was a sick alcoholic, and addict desperately searching for love in various kinds of ways. However, I was incapable of loving myself.

Today we are friends, and we get to at least share celebrations and grieve over friends and others who passed away. Life has gone on for both of us. But absolutely cheer each other on.

After bouts of drinking, smoking marijuana, pill-popping, and withdrawal somehow, I am staying clean and sober a little over 17 years. It has been at a slow pace but trudging through with changes. The changes are both great and small. But life-changing.


Each day I decide to either keep or rid myself of behaviors that no longer serve me. Make no mistake, it is a choice even living passively making no choice. That is still a choice that has been hard to comprehend.

Challenges gave come and gone. There are challenges that are still present but becoming smaller.

There are tools to help me today and friends that do encourage and support the positive changes in me. The prayer attributed as The St Francois prayer seems to be the way I wish to live out.

The only thing left now is to make direct amends and continue my living amends.

I want to repair the damage I have done and keep sweeping my side of the street. I want to recognize and acknowledge each day. Your side of the street is none of my business.

I am seeking out that spiritual side that heals the human part of me. This makes it possible to repair part of the damage I have caused. There is damage that is irreversible.

There is still a better life waiting.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

My One Word For The Year 2022

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Free picture (New Year’s Shiny happy new year 2022 background) from https://torange.biz/fx/2022-background-year-new-happy-shiny-212262

Happy New Year!

I am happy to be writing to you after a long silence.

For the past few years instead of doing resolutions I have been picking one word for the year. It has usually been a group of us updating and checking in with each other.

Busy lives and the changes with Covid, I have personally used it as an excuse to not check-in. But now I really want and need those check-ins.

2021, had fallen and rose just as my chest rises and falls. Believe me, I really want to forge ahead but not forgetting my lessons I have learned as well.

I will not keep making promises and breaking them as has been my record in writing and other things. There are circumstances that are beyond my control at present that may limit me from being able to get my entries into my blog.

My solution so far, is that I would be able to do a bunch and upload them at least bi-weekly.

Now that I have detoured from the subject at hand, let me get back to the subject of one word.

Words are powerful and can be life-changing. Words are used to tear down or build up. They can add to beautiful things or take away the beauty. Lives are built on words. In fact, I choose to believe this entire world was created with words. Yet lives have also been destroyed words.

We all get to choose our words and how they might be used. My Mama has said to me, that I may wish to think hard and choose my words wisely. I also get that same advice from others and I have passed it along, myself.

The word I have chosen is “seek”. I hope to really find the truth in what all I do seek.

There are things, I have not had to seek to find the truth. Rather, it was accepted and facing the truth even when painful and other things are just by sheer joy and beauty.

Sometimes the days seem so long, harsh, and seeking out the truth and holding on is all we have.

The advice for all time is we may not like everything we find in hearing or seeing for ourselves. But that is when we find gratitude in just having the experience. Having the experience is life.

I want the good stuff. The good stuff is in the truth I seek. That does not mean there are not ugly truths as well. We can only change what is ugly inside of us and we all have some ugly in us.

We would not be human, otherwise.

Everything is a day at a time. Sometimes it is a heart neat at a time. We breathe in and we breathe out. Sometimes I forget to breathe and then other times I just do it without thinking.

There is so much to try to put in me that I want. There are negative and ugly parts to rid me of, to let more in. I hope to pour more out of me along this journey.

Peace out to all!

Thanks for reading!


This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Let It Go, Don’t Shoot The Wounded

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Anthony on Pexels.com

Good Afternoon Everyone!

The past week has been working through things one day at a time.

A week or so ago, I left off with grace being my word for the year. Grace is a real need in my life and important for me to give grace to others. I have been one to always build these monumental images up in my head of how bad a situation can be. In other words, I must look at the fact that some situations just are not that bad.

When things are overwhelming, I seem to lose focus and have a distorted view of reality. Yes, I am saying sometimes my troubles are of my own making whether that is intentional or not. In many ways I can say, “What a relief… it is just my own head.”  I can take a deep breath and say a prayer to pause and ground myself for a moment.

Sometimes the mountain in my life is just tackling the stacks of papers on my desk. I have been grieving over so many I have known over the years just dying in big groups anymore, or so it seems. I have found I have no more words for those dying and I have finally resigned from taking their inventory or fault finding. I am no longer qualified to judge anyone, and the truth is I never was qualified to do so.

It is only in grace that I can even begin to start loving myself, believing the best and seeing the best in others. By grace I can breathe in and out. By grace I can finally admit that the war I have been fighting has been the war of self. I want better for myself.

I have friends who have yelled in a hushed whisper “Mike! Mike! Michael! Let it go!” I never wanted to let go of anything I thought was my cause.  No matter which group of friends I found next, they would all have the same chant. Was there a group all these same friends signed up for after they got to know me? Perhaps so.

In short, I have learned to let go and realize my dog is not in that fight. I still sometimes slip up and fall backwards. The great thing is it does get less and less.

Today most of my friends both present and those whom maybe we do not have a chance to talk, are some of my greatest heroes. I even count my family who I do not get to see, are my superheroes as well. Every single human has fought wars which we may know nothing about.

They say do not shoot the wounded. I was reading that the other day and there was another line after it. You might be the wounded next time. Oh man, it tugged at my heart because that is exactly what I was doing a lot of times. I do not want to be so selfish. Today I want my tribe and myself to be cheerleaders for each other. I believe most of us are exactly that. I am one of my mama’s biggest fans even and I try to show her that same love and care she has for me all these many years. I do not even come close to it in my own mind; however, it does not take much in the fact of my own energy as it takes grace for me to even do it.

Because of grace my mom and I have forgiveness for each other’s mistakes in the past present and future. Love covers a multitude of sins. I have read that before, and I believe it. I wish to walk with everyone I am with along this journey in that same way.

If you are reading this and thinking hogwash, do not give up on me.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

I Am Dramatic, Wheres The Fainting Couch?

/ boxcarmike

dramatic tattooed male sitting at piano

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Hello Everyone!

I have been reading other people’s writings and announcements. I am becoming freer, while tethered to a PICC line.

The mind is powerful, and life is overwhelming these days. My keyword today would be trauma.

I have been sharing with anyone who will listen that 2020 has surely brought trauma to everyone’s household. The fact of so many different things taking place, restrictions, divorces, illness, deaths, medical procedures, loss of income, loss of jobs, and homes.

In the past twenty-four hours, I have been enlightened to the fact yes, I am dramatic. I love and hate that about myself. It is a real tug of war for me.

When I tell my story, it is of both wounds and victory in some cases. I admit a lot is from a place of wounds and trying to be okay. It is how I process and maybe I always have processed that way.

The biggest freedom in all of it is the realization that I have been trying to apologize for being dramatic when maybe it is the most normal thing for me to do.

I was reminded this is the stuff I drank over before. Let me just say this, a handle of southern comfort or rum and cokes, could not even touch what 2020 has brought with it. (There has been good too).

I have more than one nurse now affirm that my body is reacting as it is in trauma. I believe I have been in denial over that fact. I am finally free of feeling the need to apologize.

I do have reason to be dramatic. I just need to find a healthy way to funnel the dramatic feelings. I also need to trust those in my tribe to tell me if they see me slipping.

Being the dramatic person, I am, a few weeks ago while going through fear one of the hardest things to admit, was that I needed help.

I never knew how hard it was to admit I needed help with a simple task of washing my hair. Getting my back rubbed with cream was another thing I had to ask for help with.

Being that vulnerable is not my thing. I think I was 15 years old when my mom came in and rubbed me down with apple cider vinegar for sunburn.

Life is messy. I was never one to color inside the lines either. I usually did not see the lines.

I am reminded that courage is to walk through the mess, even afraid.

I have no idea how it all will unfold. I do not know how all the pieces will connect. What I do know is I am putting one foot in front of the other until I cannot. I am asking God for help.

I must tell myself it is going to be okay and sometimes I ask others to just please tell me that. But there is one person, she always tells me you are going to get through this. (there may be more than one person who does tell me that).

We all will get through this stuff.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thoughts and Living Sober In The New Normal

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

train personnel standing beside train

Photo by Mateusz Turbiu0144ski on Pexels.com

Hi Everybody!

Its good to be back to write again. I do not know if I can keep up writing consistently, but I will keep trying.

I am just going to share how I feel and the progress so far medically. I am not sure how much progress, but I will share all I can.

I guess really this new normal is still hard to adjust to. I think all of us are going through emotions from the fall out of it all.

I did spend some time in the parking lot tonight of our complex because I needed out of my four walls. I talked to God during that time and told Him how I feel and I how I knew I needed to do better, while also asking Him to let me stay longer I wasn’t done experiencing life on this earth.

No, I am not dying anymore than most people are dying. I know that I have an irrational fear of dying so I call myself on it as much as I can.

One of the things I asked God to help me with was exactly watching what I say more. Because I do throw out that I am done with this life a lot, when things are not going my way.

Its one of the ways I have coped to make everything so dramatic and it causes me a lot more harm. It no longer serves me it just keeps everything in a fear base.

I also realize today a lot of this spells out self-pity. I want to be done with self -pity and treat those in my life better. They have been my help and guide me to comfort.

I want to be the encourager God created me to be.

I mentioned in my last post about having a tribe. I do have a huge tribe. Yet only a few know me. Everyone has given me so much and a big part of that is they gave themselves to me and I need to do the same in reciprocation

The other side of that coin is we all hide from each other during our challenges. We want to appear to have it all together.

The bottom line is I want to better honor my family and friends.

Its still about keeping my side of the street clean. My side is junky right now. But again, my life is turned upside down with this PICC Line in my arm.

I will say I have learned to rearrange furniture with one arm. Okay I cheated a couple times too and so far, lucky I have not damaged PICC Line.

My apartment is finally really becoming a home. I am so happy about my recliner because its like my own spot I can claim better for meditation and some writing. Its also my Tv chair. I can go to it to escape from my office.

I cannot wait to do some therapy baking and have my home in order to take pics and show off my small piece of heaven here on earth.

I am so thankful for what I have today, and I must let that be the forefront.

Medically, the wounds I have are looking better the skin color is better. I am sleeping a lot because of the medication and the infection both. I have been going through irrational fears as a result of this line in my arm.

I do love all my nurse’s past, present, and one who became my friend. I need to catch up to her. I think they have all become my friend in one sense or another.

Tomorrow I will see the podiatrist a doctor and wound clinic.

Today I will get blood drawn.

Thank you, God, that I do not control the universe! I am too tired.

God Please help us all at whatever level we may be. Thank You God for getting us this far.

This is living clean and sober for me folks!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!