Praying

A Faith Walk Cannot Be Fake Its Real

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Garon Piceli on Pexels.com

 Hey, Y’all!

I am here to write another blog post entry.

I woke up this morning and felt fear gripping me. As of now, I have no answers. Right now, it means waiting it out as some tests are to be scheduled and doing what I am told to do.

I talked to my friend who calls every weekday morning. I was just trying to be positive, failing miserably I might add.

I sat here inside my head for a while. I called my prayer partner I let it ring three times and I said to myself out loud, well, if they don’t call back it is okay because I am not going let this turn into one of my hallelujah breakdowns. They called back. I was feeling a little better. I am stronger now.

I decided to get ready for my physical therapist. I decided all I could do was do what I was supposed to do.

I made a walk farther than the physical therapist had planned and came back did my exercises and felt much better. My physical therapist asked how I was. I told her about my morning she agreed prayer was the best thing.

Every day I think about my whole belief system. This one thing I know, prayer works. When I am weak in faith I need help.

I started to listen to an artist, Brandon Lake. I listened to him sometime back. My favorite song of his is Talking To Jesus.

When I play that music and pray I am strong in faith. I just lay on the bed, listen, and pray. Here lately I am playing Jesus music a lot because especially in a Faith Walk there is no room for sitting on the fence or playing. In years past, I have sat on the fence a lot. The reason I do think about my belief system is because I do not want to be fake. I did a lot of faking before and I did not feel very good inside. I need to be able to live in my skin. Because this works, I cannot deny it.

I make mistakes for sure, and I get tempted to falter. But I know it is like everything else. You have to keep at it. I refuse to give in or give up. I will follow directions and believe in goodness.

Living this way is changing my life. I have not had to take a pain pill today.

Something changed inside of me during this last hospital stay. I am still changing. I am making better choices and changes.

I admit coming home has had more challenges than I had expected. I am better. I expect even better yet.

I am driven to my knees over my brokenness. I am determined to keep praying and to be real.

For me to choose my one word as faithful is no accident and feels like a test to be faithful. The difference in knowing what is true for me happens when no one is watching. It does not mean I do not mess up. It is just different.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 (English Standard Version)

 24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God bless Y’all, Everybody!

Taking Control Starts With The First Step

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Front of my Workbook.2023 With Mel Robbins

Hey, Y’all!

Taking control begins with the first step!

I woke up early this morning. I was excited because I woke up early on a Saturday.

I changed the choice of my morning coffee I was given some Duncan Donuts Iced Coffee bottles. So I had one of those with two doughnuts.

I thought about accomplishments for this week and things I was supposed to do but missed out on as well.

One thing, in particular, was missing out on a meeting I was supposed to call into but slept through because I was too tired because of wasted energy on being angry. I was too concentrated on just appeasing another person meanwhile anger festering inside.

I will tell you I did confront that situation the next day and I did so in the right way. It brought positive results. I was able to navigate and come to an agreement with the person.

The mind gets weary with wasted energy and shortens our life much more so. I am not willing to waste my energy on things that make me angry. Sometimes we must take a break and do some baking.

I was able to have my apartment to myself long enough to boil some chicken and shred it off the bone. I wanted to try making this Chicken Casserole recipe. I was very pleased with how it turned out.

I did take three different recipes and came up with my own. I also used the casserole to use in my confronting conversation. Sometimes conversations go better with comfort food.

Boxcar Mike’s Chicken Casserole:

Preheat oven to 350 °

I boiled 4 Frozen Chicken Quarters until done.

Shredded the Chicken after letting it rest for 15 minutes.

Spray a 9×13 glass pan with nonstick spray.

I Opened 2 cans of Cream of Chicken and spread them evenly in the pan.

I mixed the chicken with 1 can of cream of mushroom soup.

I opened 1 large can of my mixed veggies which included lima beans, potatoes, carrots, a few green beans, corn, celery, and lots of pearl onions.

I opened a regular 15 oz can of cut green beans and added 3 dips of the chicken broth I made from boiling the chicken probably adding up to 1 1/2 cups of broth.

I also put in 3 huge globs of sour cream I am going to guess 2 ¼ cups.

I topped it with some turkey stuffing (I crushed stuffing with a meat tenderizer) and let it bake for 45 min covered with aluminum foil. After 45 min top again with stuffing and put it back in for 15 minutes more.

Add spices as you wish.

Below is a picture of how mine turned out.

I have leftovers and I am missing my neighbor and friend Shirley. This is something I would have shared with her. I am going to eat some after I finish this entry.

My point in this whole post is we do the things that help us help ourselves. We do not have to take control with an iron fist. It is taking steps to change the things we can. It is also accepting those things over which we have no control.

I made up my mind to walk today even while it was sprinkling telling myself I will not melt.

It is empowering to be awake today and take the steps I can.

I want to be better for myself without everything being a struggle. It is possible.

Today, may we travel lightly.

22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Realizing I Cannot Do It By Myself

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

I seem to fall asleep as soon as I say I am going to try to stay awake until it is a decent bedtime, and invariably it becomes a late night. So here I am writing mainly out of gratitude that I am not in the hospital or hurt myself by some part of me that felt the need to control things.

As we get older, we want more freedom and simultaneously we have more limitations, which we try to ignore.  I have always accused others of being controlling. Ironically, I am the controlling one. This became news to me. It is not recent news trust me on that.

I always want things a certain way. I do not want to have to express that I want things a certain way, or even ask for help in getting things the way I want them. Perhaps I do want people to read my mind and then resent them because they cannot do so.

It was twenty-four hours ago I was trying to help myself get up off the floor because I had knelt and realized I could not get up off the floor. My knees were locked underneath me. I had no strength whatsoever.

Between 2:00 am and 2:30 am my neighbor heard me crying and screaming for help after the 2 hours or so of me praying and asking God for help. It was a total of about 31/2 to 4 hours. I never felt so scared or helpless in my whole life.

I was so grateful for the paramedics and my neighbor. I have vowed to leave things alone that I cannot control. It has been a wake-up call to my situation that I cannot do it all by myself and that I do require help.

There also seems to be another lesson make sure before you take to social media your loved ones are aware and are reassured, you are okay. I still have a few I am way behind on.

I must do some research and figure out away to get me better. I never want to feel that helpless again. However, in the meantime it is about recognizing I have true limits. Respecting my limits is a must.

I find myself happy to be able to be sitting up texting and even writing blog entry. If you had told me even 3 years ago a day was coming, I would not be able to pull myself up off the floor, I would have called you a liar. Yet here I am. My absolutes are, always having my phone and cane on me. I hate having phone on me all the time.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I want to see phones die a horrible death under a tractor trailer. It is not just my phone that annoys me, it is your phone too! The necessary evils they are just makes me want to say bad words.

This comes from a 30 something (Who counts their age after 39 anyway?) who used to be a teen who spent hours and hours on the phone.

I am so grateful for the love support and encouragement from friends and family. I love ya all.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

I Have Been Running Trying To Free Myself

/ boxcarmike / 2 Comments
Photo by Ruslan Zzaebok on Pexels.com

Good Morning Everyone!

I find I take a lot for granted until time and resources are lost. I want to make the most out of every opportunity going forward.

My days have been filled with empty promises. I do not want to live that way any longer. I deserve better from myself. Those around me deserve better as well. My promises from now on need to be no promises. I just need to do the best I can for each twenty-four hours and accept it as such.

The other day I took a new picture of myself. For the first time in a long time I saw the gleam back in my eyes. The hazel colored eyes that are mine. The softness of my skin. The less weary rough and rugged face.

The hair that lays so nicely atop my head, along with a genuine smile.

I am not so sure I am writing this all so correct. But I see in me the writer that is passionate about who he is, what he has seen, where he has been, and all he hopes to be. I saw all that wrapped in love and grace.

I do not deserve grace that is for sure as none of us really do. It is unmerited favor. It is one of the greatest gifts freely offered.

My feet are rough and sore. They have holes in the skin.

My legs are weak and hurt so bad some days.

I was trying to run on these limbs not even realizing it.

I see hope in me again.

I want to paint a picture now of the days and nights, before finding me.

You see I had lost hope or thought I had.

The nights were filled with horrible images and a darkness shadowed. My nights were not so sweet. I was crying and afraid. I screamed!

I am not sure I even knew how to pray anymore. I honestly thought as many a time before, this was the end of my life. I cried out for my mom. I always cry out for her when I feel I am in trouble. She could not save me.

I felt as though my heart and gut were being ripped from me. I froze.

There was nothing I could do but see a door shutting down on me. I was being force and locked into the ground and I could not make a sound.

This was true fear as it gripped my life. I must get up and walk for this is not a game. This is for keeps. I will not play this round again.

The days are plagued with images from the night and it is all about this rock.

This lady, this man, another man, another lady, my mom, this group of people, are all shouting at me to drop this rock! Unbury yourself! You are not dead! Come out among the living and be free!

Oh, this rock, has been the problem the whole time! The rock holds the garage door I tried to hold up for my family. It holds the tears and fears. The trauma of my childhood[MR1] . and all the things I have done in word thought, and deed.

I am tired of tripping over this rock and letting it bury me. I picked it up to run with it so I do not trip over it.

Oh Mama! it hurts so bad! Please make it stop!

My friend Kay (not her real name) says: “Honey she did not create it, she did not cause it, and your mama cannot cure it. Drop the rock!”

I am trying! I want to be free! Kay says again, “Drop the rock! No one can do it for you. Only you, can drop it.”

I am ready with sobbing that floods all around me. Still, it is not enough until I drop the rock.

Thanks for reading!

Authors Note: The conversation with Kay only happened in my head. But she has said so many words similar. Let us make it clear I love my Mama and I love Kay my dearest friend forever. Both are incredibly special people.

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!