Physical

Its Changes In Latitudes Changes in Attitudes

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Hey, Y’all!

Life is full of changes and challenges. As the great Jimmy Buffett once said: “It’s those changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, nothing remains quite the same. With all of our running and all of our cunning, if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.”

Let us embrace the changes, maintain a positive attitude, and find humor. In the past month or so, it seems like one curveball after another keeps coming at me. As I have talked with others, this is their consensus as well. I had no idea I would be in my late fifties learning how to effectively deal with these curveballs. In the past, my answer would have been that nothing can be done about them. Today, it is all about taking each day at a time.

My health issue curveballs have been dealing wounds as always. I am hoping to continue dealing with these at home with the home health nurse and visit the wound clinic on an outpatient basis.

We make plans and set goals without knowing what challenges lie ahead. There is no way to plan for everything, so we do our best to cope.

In my life, it has been all about health issues. This includes physical and mental health issues. I am a firm believer that you cannot heal the physical without also addressing the emotional health as well. It does not stop there; it also encompasses spiritual health as well.

Change does not happen overnight in most cases. In my world, miracles and cures are mostly of the educational variety. It works this way so I can learn. The other thing related to healing is forgiveness. Learning to accept forgiveness and to forgive others.

Being forgiven let me understand there was no way I could ever make right what was forgiven. Forgiving others in return frees me.

I would be remiss if I did not include the importance my therapy and recovery have played a part in trying to be healthy today.

You would think in twenty years I would have retained the knowledge and importance of having a routine. This is the best advice ever given to me. My best friend for over twenty years now shared this with me when he asked me a question. What is your routine? My answer was I do not know. He shared this, get one. Twenty years later he still says you know when I stick to my routine, I do a whole lot better.

In therapy, there are questions my therapist asks me or tries to do every week if I am cooperative. I finally understand that I also need to ask myself these questions.

  1. How are you?
  2. What are you feeling?
  3. Have you eaten today?
  4. Are you taking your medications?
  5. How is your sleep schedule?
  6. What did you do this week?
  7. Did you go anywhere or do anything fun besides doctor’s appointments?

I take my vitals every day without fail. The same is true about my medications. Very rarely do I miss either of those two things.

My grandma used to say, if you make your bed first thing when you get up you will get a routine going.

Boxcar Mike says, give others the latitude they need and none of the attitude.

One of the things I told my worker today is that we all must practice self-care. If we take care of ourselves today, we can be stronger tomorrow.

3 John 1:2 (ESV)

2 Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.

I hope to share more soon.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

One Decision Away From A Different Life

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Hey, Y’all

It has been a little bit again since I last posted anything.

We are now on May 1st, 2023. This means we have completed one quarter of the year 2023. The last four months are gone. We cannot get months, nor any day of those months back!

All we can do is start from where we are right here, and now.

I realized over the weekend I needed to restart once more. Here I am doing what I can to reframe how I hope to take more serious my writing, emotional, and physical well-being.

What if I told you each of us is just one decision away from a different life?

Thank goodness we have today to turn things around. It can only be today. The reason is, all we have is this twenty-four-hour period or what is left of it anyway. I have decided, I must follow through with consistency.

I must reframe how this is to be done by acting on my decision.

I have bombed out at being consistent since the beginning. I must accept the fact I have done the best I could in this last quarter. Today is the day to decide and do better.

I did not even realize until this moment that I cannot succeed at something unless I practice the art of mindful self-compassion.

One of the ways I do that is by giving myself the loving talk and positive reinforcement by saying to myself, “I love you and I am proud of you for showing up today.” I need to say this is my second time saying it to myself and meaning it.

The old me would say something along the lines of it being a bunch of horse hockey and that it will never work. Do not knock it until you try it.

Oh, how I would cringe before to have to say that to myself! You would have thought I was cussing myself out. I want this change badly and it is not for the faint-hearted.

It did take me practice. Today it took deciding that I want a different life. This is only the beginning of a different life. Reframing the way, I look at things. Starting honestly right from zero in most aspects. That is not to say there have not been two decades or more of years of therapy.

I want to have the capacity to give more to myself and others.

Making the changes will naturally add to my gratitude which in turn gives me a boost in my day.

I was asked if I wanted to make changes and learn mindful self-compassion just this last weekend. I eventually said that I would like to try to learn how.

This syncs with other training I am in the middle of doing. Life is precious and so is time. All we have is today folks!

I have a good friend and others too. They tell me and I used to need to hear it a lot, “Things will not always be this way.”  They were right!

As friends, we always remind each other of the truths we find along the journey.

I said another thing over the weekend. I said, “I want the religious spiritual part I used to feel back.” I felt it as I was writing this entry. Writing can be spiritual for me. In writing is healing. Healing brings restoration.

The song going through my head as I wrote this was an old hymn “I Have Decided.” Only the version mostly how Amy Grant sang it because it is true for me.

“I have decided being good is just a fable. I just can’t cuz I am not able…/”

On my own I cannot be good I need God’s help.

We are one decision away from a different life!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

The Countdown Begins Happy New Year’s Eve!

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Hey, Y’all!

I am hoping to get this blog post entry on time.

Today has been a day of action. I am still in the process of finishing all the tasks, I had hoped to finish.

I refuse to let myself off the hook for finishing the task as they are reasonable to have finished by the end of the day. The only exception would be putting together the stand. That is only because it involves assembly with screws, bolts, and shelves that are awkward to manage. Even so, I do believe I can manage it.

Aside from the tasks, tonight is a night for me to be thankful for the things I have gone through on my journey in the past year. I also want to pray and meditate for the next year coming up. I need God’s help to stay committed to being consistent in the next year.

I believe the next year will surely have challenges. But we cannot cry and shy away from takings the risks necessary because it is difficult.

On a side note, I may not finish this entry in time for WordPress to count this as part of today. However, I hope the relevance of the message is more important.

As I look to find better ways along my journey, I hope to extend my life by being more initiative-taking with my health. I want to be more loving to myself. I want to show myself more grace while still pushing forward. I am harder on myself than anyone and judgmental of my failings.

I do love the current changes I have made and hope to correct the wrongs I have made along the way.

I love my therapist in the way of a brother that has some insight and is not judgmental. He is supportive regardless of if I am supportive of myself in a few or many single sessions, or not. That is another point in my journey, I do want to do better and be present for myself.

So yes, the upcoming year is a chance for a huge reset and to do the things that help me thrive physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I hope in the next year to embrace the Nature God Created, hug a tree, feel the grass beneath my feet, in walking to see the beautiful colors, and soar high with eagles in meditation and prayer.

There is beauty in this life that gets bypassed in the business of the day.

I hope to even get back to my spiritual journaling and write a lot like what has been attributed to David the Psalmist. I did write a lot like that at one time and made me feel much closer to God. I need that, to be fresh and free spiritually.

I am not sure many can relate but it is more of a thing of being more in my spirit, poured out first, to God. It is okay if you do not understand it. What is important is that I do and that I take that action.

I do not know how to fit it all in daily, but the timing will come, as does this New Year!

Thanks for reading!

Happy New Year’s Eve, Y’all!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Coffee Time On A Way Too Early Saturday

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Heading Out To Bismarck Lake 2018

Hey, Y’all!

I am still waking up even if I have been up since 5:30 am.

Norman Greenbaum, Red Bone, The Eagles, and me. I love my music.

I have been thinking about changes and what it all means since last evening. You can feel resistance from those around you when you are in the middle of making changes or doing what you need to for self-care.

You must keep moving and keep changing regardless. Someone wise says you wish those people well, pray, and hope the best for them. God love them.

What I do love is the ones from your tribe show up. They remind you that you are on the right path. My friend showed up with a turkey we are going to thaw that baby out and cook it this next week. I am looking forward to that because I am going to bake the turkey with a keto stuffing recipe.

I went searching for a turkey recipe a couple of months ago and did come across it. I do want to be healthier. I am not always willing to put in the work for it, but somehow there is always a way out.

I do not have to entertain anyone else’s insanity today. My excuses for my choices are more than enough to deal with on most days. I must answer for me and me alone.

How we answer for ourselves comes in all forms. There are a lot of days my door is open too much. Believe me, Friday comes, and I want that door closed. I want to keep out as much nonsense as possible.

It looks like a lot of loneliness but not so much anymore. It is freedom. I have learned that if you stop stuff at your door then you only contend with what is inside of you. That is more than enough for me to contend with most days.

Have I mentioned the month is slipping by? This means the year is slipping by as well. I am not even close to all that I had hoped to accomplish this summer. Maybe surviving and stopping the insanity in part is what I was meant to accomplish. There is always more to do. There is always more revealed.

I am stronger emotionally, spiritually, and physically. A week ago, I thought it was about explaining that to others. This week I realize it is more about explaining that to myself. The fact is I still need others.

I cannot do this alone, but there are more things I can do without supervision.

I of course need guidance overall. To me, it is a mixture of many different things. Life is not at all the black and white solid force of nature. Life has a lot of grey areas. There are absolutes and I am still finding my way through both of those.

I am not the person to tell you, you are wrong. Your way may work for you. That does not mean your way works for me, nor my way works for you.

Saturday and Sunday both slipped by, so I am posting now on Monday.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

National Mental Health Month Death and Dying

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brown and black train under white clouds

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Hi Family and Friends!

The paragraph below is what I came up with on Google. This is from Mental Health America.

Since 1949, Mental Health America and our affiliates across the country have led the observance of May is Mental Health Month by reaching millions of people through the media, local events, and screenings.

As one who has and dealt and deals with chronic depression, I am reminded at least every week what contributes to my mental health.

  • Diet and Nutrition
  • Sleep
  • Exercise
  • Spirituality
  • Connections
  • Regular Schedule

I do deflect from most of the list above in most of my sessions with my therapist. It does make it harder for me to combat the chronic depression. I hate confrontation of any kind. Worse yet I hate being accountable, but it is what I need.

Refusing to make a choice, is still a choice. Choices are in actions. So, the same is true by not taking an action. It is still an action and it reflects choice.

The responsibility of my choices and actions lie with me, no one else.

The basic need for all things considered is a regular schedule. I detest a regular schedule because it boxes me in and makes me feel agitated and resentful for needing structure of any kind.

The bottom line to it all, is self-care.

Self-care is needed so I do not fall apart. We fall apart when we do not take care of ourselves. I fail to take good care of myself despite the fact, we say it all the time in ending our time with others for the moment.

Take care! When we fail to take care of ourselves, is when we lose our real freedom. We lose any chance of having a rational thought or action. We are not okay.

This whole entry was based on the fact of it being National Mental Health Month. Yet another reason combined with that was, someone I knew of died from a self-inflicted gunshot almost two weeks ago.

It has made me reflect on what could have led him to this action. He put a date and time at the end of his dash. Nothing is sadder than when there is a date and time at the end of your dash. There is no more time for happy memories.

What could have made it better? We do not get to answer that question when the last date is entered after our dash.

This has been the hardest article to write because it forces me to look at everything in my life. Death riles up anger in me because it is an ending. There is so much pain in death and then no pain at all.

I get panic attacks surrounding death; realizing one day life ends as we know it there is no more communication. We are lifeless. We cannot change anything after we are dead.

Death does change us that are left behind. I think at first it only changes us for the short term. As we go through more goodbyes and rest in peace deals, we start changing a lot.

The anger, bitterness, all of it turns us inside out. We are no longer the same as we once were. For some, maybe that is a great thing.

In the early 2000’s I went to like 5 funerals in one week. It was not my hobby. Add to that in the following few year was my grandpa, dad, and cousin’s funerals. A few more years down the road was one of my uncle’s funerals.

I imagine all of us feel at least some part of our family died with each person that died.

Since then quite a few people have died from diseases, natural causes, and some from suicide, or undetermined causes.

There is so much I do not understand, it feels like I must question why?

I do know what it feels like to be suicidal, but the truth is I was so sick I did not understand it was permanent if I succeeded.

My dad dying, for me was the hardest death to take. I have always had issues with death and the fear of it.

I have hoped to not take things for granted. The truth is maybe I have so I feel guilty.  I feel guilty for not dying first. I feel guilty because I refuse to quit doing some things that could cause my death earlier than if I would take care of myself.

It boils down to fear in the end. There are even things I have said earlier today that have me even questioning God if He will truly forgive me.

Death takes so many shapes as well.

Physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual. Its like we are preparing our whole life just to die gracefully, I guess.

I must find a way to take good care of me. I do not want to be lost before I die. But I do not want to follow anyone’s rules to be able to take good care of me. I am tired of restrictions while alive!

I finally have a voice to say so. I do not need approval or agreement from anyone but God.

Death is hard. Mental Health is challenging. We will always search for the easiest way to find peace.

Let us not forget each other!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Checking Off Our Needs List And Reality

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train on railways during nighttime

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Hi Family and Friends,

Today’s writing and points to ponder would be based on several questions I keep asking myself about other people. Without further explanations I will start listing the questions.

  1. Do I believe the best about a person?
  2. Do I believe the worst about a person?
  3. Is it easier to believe the or the worst about someone?
  4. What is my track record for believing about a person?
  5. Why is it easier one way or the other and how does it apply here?
  6. How much history do I have with the person in question?
  7. If I have a negative fact with this person can I forgive it and move on with this person?
  8. Can we both still have our needs met in the arrangement we have with one another?
  9. Will I be hurting this person by asking for my needs to be met?
  10. Will I be hurting myself by not getting my needs met?

This is like a mini inventory of questions; I need to ask myself when I start feeling guilty. Not everything is my fault when something negative happens.

As someone in recovery I can be honest and tell you both in recovery and out of recovery I have made bad choices. The difference is I try to fix them today if they are truly mine to fix.

It means taking responsibility for my side of the street. Because I have been in the wrong so many times, I am willing to believe the worst about others. I also take responsibility for things that are not my responsibility.

Sometimes it is hard for me to separate the friendship part of a work type relationship and let them know my needs. I have also been guilty of asking too much of just true friends.

Somewhere in the middle is a balance and learning to work it out peacefully in this messy world.

It is never okay to let oneself off the hook for wrongs done. We still have the responsibility for clearing away the wreckage. We also must realize what is not our responsibility and not let it hook us like a fish.

That can be manipulation. That is why questions are always needed to check our motives.

Once we know better, we can do better. I am a believer in that choice.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful I do not want to intentionally hurt others today.
  2. I am thankful for choices today.
  3. I am thankful I want clear motives today.
  4. I am thankful I feel a relationship with God being restored.
  5. I am thankful I can be honest today.
  6. I am thankful for friends and professionals helping me.
  7. I am thankful I can help others.
  8. I am thankful I see the difference between needs and wants.
  9. I am thankful I can share part of me today and be real.
  10. I am thankful for me not giving up today.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Will I Do Until The End

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train on railroad tracks against sky

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Hi Everyone,

I am glad to be on my second day of writing.  I am hoping to make some sense and to grow into a human being that isn’t just sucking life’s air.  I have been in some type of recovery, for what feels like my whole life. I just want to do my best today and maybe have a plan with reasonable goals.

This journey as I have said before, is messy at best. I do some how keep getting up and pushing forward. I figure my life span is somewhere between 7 and 20 years left. I hope I will have left a legacy somehow, even without having children of my own.

I don’t want the end of my life to be just a few words and then finished. Otherwise then it would seem it was just a prison sentence, right?

A book is not quite enough either. I think it must be real changes and hard work.

The challenges before me are difficult. Its physical, emotional, and spiritual. It’s more than any song. It’s more than weeping bitter-sweet.

It’s about taking my thoughts captive and taming my tongue and flesh. Its trusting in God and allowing Him to take control when I am strong or weak.

The questions I now must answer are:

  1. What are my goals?
  2. What makes me happy?
  3. Where is God at in my life?
  4. Is God evident to others in how I am living?
  5. What is my responsibility today?
  6. Can I or have I truly let go of past hurts and wounds?
  7. What can I do in helping others mend?
  8. Have I stopped hurting and wounding others?

I must find these answers inside myself. We do have to ask ourselves the hard questions to be totally open and honest. Otherwise, there is no solid foundation.

Some days I feel like I am adrift much the way in the movie, Castaway with Tom Hanks and Wilson.  I don’t want my life to end just barely keeping my head above water.

I know there’s life out there. I want to show I have lived and left something good behind. I used to think I knew what that something is.

I am not so sure I know anymore. I am going to have to dig and see what I can come up with. I hope you continue to see me on my journey.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful for my life and the ability change.
  2. I am thankful for everyone who is and has been a part of my life.
  3. I am thankful for the time to write.
  4. I am thankful for honesty from others and that I get to be honest with myself today.
  5. I am thankful for medical transporters, EMT’s, home health aides, doctors, nurses, custodians, truckers, teachers, fast food workers, store associates, policemen, firemen, correction officers, therapists, and all of whom are taking risks to be of service.
  6. I am thankful for solitude verses loneliness.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to contemplate what the rest of my life might look like.
  8. I am thankful for siblings.
  9. I am thankful for my mom and her husband.
  10. I am thankful for mercy and grace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!