I am glad to be on my second day of writing. I am hoping to make some sense and to grow into a human being that isn’t just sucking life’s air. I have been in some type of recovery, for what feels like my whole life. I just want to do my best today and maybe have a plan with reasonable goals.
This journey as I have said before, is messy at best. I do some how keep getting up and pushing forward. I figure my life span is somewhere between 7 and 20 years left. I hope I will have left a legacy somehow, even without having children of my own.
I don’t want the end of my life to be just a few words and then finished. Otherwise then it would seem it was just a prison sentence, right?
A book is not quite enough either. I think it must be real changes and hard work.
The challenges before me are difficult. Its physical, emotional, and spiritual. It’s more than any song. It’s more than weeping bitter-sweet.
It’s about taking my thoughts captive and taming my tongue and flesh. Its trusting in God and allowing Him to take control when I am strong or weak.
The questions I now must answer are:
- What are my goals?
- What makes me happy?
- Where is God at in my life?
- Is God evident to others in how I am living?
- What is my responsibility today?
- Can I or have I truly let go of past hurts and wounds?
- What can I do in helping others mend?
- Have I stopped hurting and wounding others?
I must find these answers inside myself. We do have to ask ourselves the hard questions to be totally open and honest. Otherwise, there is no solid foundation.
Some days I feel like I am adrift much the way in the movie, Castaway with Tom Hanks and Wilson. I don’t want my life to end just barely keeping my head above water.
I know there’s life out there. I want to show I have lived and left something good behind. I used to think I knew what that something is.
I am not so sure I know anymore. I am going to have to dig and see what I can come up with. I hope you continue to see me on my journey.
10 Things I am Thankful For:
- I am thankful for my life and the ability change.
- I am thankful for everyone who is and has been a part of my life.
- I am thankful for the time to write.
- I am thankful for honesty from others and that I get to be honest with myself today.
- I am thankful for medical transporters, EMT’s, home health aides, doctors, nurses, custodians, truckers, teachers, fast food workers, store associates, policemen, firemen, correction officers, therapists, and all of whom are taking risks to be of service.
- I am thankful for solitude verses loneliness.
- I am thankful for the ability to contemplate what the rest of my life might look like.
- I am thankful for siblings.
- I am thankful for my mom and her husband.
- I am thankful for mercy and grace.
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.
God Bless Y’all Everybody!