growth

Life On This Earth Is Temporary

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Walthers Park

Hey, Y’all!

I am here again beginning the second week of my recovery of my post-surgery.

Today is a busy day starting with an early phone call and making breakfast. I am taking my medicine and getting ready for my ride for a lung cancer screening and a trip to the wound clinic for a dressing change.

As of Friday, I have been tracking my vital signs and taking my blood sugar test daily. It is all part of me taking care of myself.

I am dealing with feelings and emotions. I am looking at how my behavior has been and what it is I am looking for and want so that I might reach some goals to make my life better.

I am not always proud of how I behave but I am improving with time.

What do I want my life to look like?

I want to be successful and find a way to be prosperous, and simple. I want to be an example for others. I want to show others and prove to myself I can do anything I set my mind to and to live positively and mindfully that will allow me to be free and not hang on to the guilt of past mistakes.

What will help simplify my life?

Having an organized routine and making the changes possible to follow through. So often we allow people and things to bombard our lives when we are trying to set a routine.

We must be selfish when it comes to our time and spend it wisely because there are only 24 hours in a day and how we spend those 24 hours is completely up to us. We must take responsibility for our decisions because we have a limited number of twenty-four hours allotted to us.

Once we have this perspective it makes it easier to know what we are willing to spend our time on much like having a budget with a bank account.

Our bank account may look limitless but will run dry if we do not invest money and put more in our bank account.

The same is true with our time. We need rest. We must rest otherwise we become depleted of energy and life.

What is acceptable and reasonable?

Taking care of the responsibilities that are mine and which will help further my self-improvement. To have my understanding of God expanded and to understand that God loves me and that I can be loving and accept myself too.

I can take time to answer questions I do not need to respond to immediately just because it is demanded by others.

To have a positive outlook and change things up. To be willing to try new things as the occasion may arise.

To follow a daily routine and realize changes may come that may be pertinent.

What is unreasonable and unacceptable?

Guilt trips from others to try to manipulate my decision process are not okay.

To be irresponsible with time and resources have unnecessary consequences I cannot afford. If I can look at each activity throughout the day and realize the price tag each item has, I would be all the wiser.

What are my accomplishments?

I have completed a GED and obtained my GED in 2011

I have overcome Osteomyelitis through surgery and have all my limbs.

I have made blog entries off and on for years and working my way to writing full-time and getting better with time.

I have made dietary changes and have had to make changes based on finances.

I am initiative-taking in my health care and doing things to help enhance my health. I still have room to grow in this area.

I am taking responsibility for my actions.

What is it in my life that needs improvement?

My writing needs improvement constantly and to be more consistent with my blog.

My daily diet needs improvement. I need more exercise.

I need to call out others when they are responsible for the care of my physical health and neglect those needs fearlessly.

I need to not be a wimp and realize I have rights and stand up for myself in the right ways.

To be more consistent in my routine.

What does success look like for me?

Making money doing what I love and helping others.

To be a rock star at writing and turning my life around.

To be an encourager and full of faith.

To assert me and know my values and treat others with the respect they deserve.

The things I am thankful for:

I am thankful for this second week of recovery and for being willing to be well and grow.

I am thankful for everyone still praying and checking in on me.

I am thankful for the ability to be home, drink my coffee make my own meals and write.

I am thankful for a clean home and a bed and all the basic things.

I am thankful for prayer and meditation and a Loving God as He may express Himself in my life.

Thanks for reading!

 This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I am Starting With Thankfulness With Another Self-Talk

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
The Bluffs 2016

Hey, Y’all!

I am here and ready to share my thankfulness and another conversation in my head.

  1. I am thankful for early morning calls.
  2. I am thankful for the moments of silence and prayer with my coffee.
  3. I am thankful for the challenges to help me see when things can go right. Going right does not mean it always goes my way. Going right means it is good and often it is way better than my plans.
  4. I am thankful when I feel like crap, I can choose to make it better by choosing to be more positive. It takes just doing one thing at a time and remembering to encourage others!
  5. I am thankful my alone time is more solitude and a chance to claim sanity.
  6. I am thankful I am not the same person as six months ago.
  7. I am thankful for not having to wrestle with my honesty and sanity like I once did.

Today, I can see more choices set before me. I am thankful I get to participate in my own life instead of waiting for things to happen. There are things and people that are important to me. I am important to me today.

I can care for those close to me and listen to others. I pass on to others what I have. I get up when I fall. I know when to ask for help more so than I used to. I can follow directions. Sometimes in life, we must back and reread the directions.

I am thankful for the people in my life not giving up on me.

I am thankful for my recovery and spirituality. When a day comes along and not always feeling it, I can take a longer pause, say a prayer, and change my view.

You are going to do better because you want better. You are better.

You finally dropped the rock to grab the life preserver. You are well into the continuous journey of making wrongs right. You are having regular conscious contact with God seeking through meditation. You are going through and admitting when you are wrong more quickly and seeking to make things right where wrong has taken place.

You pass on your experience, strength, and hope and do your best to not claim anything you do not have. You have more clarity as the journey contuses.

You have hope today that you have never had before. It is never just enough because we learn until our last breath. We learn as we change. We change as we take necessary action.

The strength and bonds you have with people are much stronger. You hold life closer and try to not take for granted the time we have left on this earth.

Failure is never final if we get up. Our past does not have to dictate the future.

Hold on to thankfulness, hope, peace, and love. One more day of packing into the stream of life and not just taking from it.

This is how we live.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Integrity Happens Because I Decide My Behavior

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Walthers Park DeSoto, Missouri 2016

Hi Everyone!

I hope once again to dive deeper into the subject of integrity.

Choosing my behavior begins as soon as I stumble from my bed and get my coffee ready so I can say a prayer.  While it has only been as of late to be consistent with this, so far I am finding it works.

My prayer starts simply: God, please help me today I cannot do this without you. God, please direct my thoughts today to help me to be divorced from self-pity and that I may be of help to others where I can. Help me to pause when angered or agitated. Help me to stay in the right behavior and help me to be mindful of you. Thank you God for another day and help me to live life to the fullest amen.

I look at past behaviors and realize without doing my prayer I would stay stuck the whole day because I did not take that needed moment. I do this before I talk to anyone. Unless of course, I am awakened abruptly.

I try to be as open and honest as I can. I try to be motivated by the right things realizing I am not perfect. None of us are perfect.

I have key people in my circle who I run things by to make sure I am on the right track. Sometimes, it means a talk just to see what is going on inside my head. A lot of times, it means listening to others and not just so I can think of the next thing to say. Sometimes it means being a sounding board to stay out of my head.

Integrity for me means being true to myself and admitting when I am wrong revealing my motives. It also means slowing down a minute and looking at myself through the eyes of others. We cannot always see what others see in us. It also means doing the right thing when no one is watching.

I do my best to avoid behaviors that are going to threaten my freedom. I do my best to avoid behaviors that can lead me back in my addictions. I avoid situations that will threaten my sanity. Peace of mind and minding my own business are priceless today.

I do my best to stop myself from gossiping or entertaining gossip. It has no value in a productive life. However, yes do we all not enjoy a good story every once in a while? I will say it is a trap and can start a trend. It messes with my peace today. I want better for myself.

I write gratitude lists from time to time because otherwise, I can slip into not being grateful. I do not want to be selfish today. Being ungrateful certainly does lead to being selfish.

One of the hardest parts I believe is looking at the exact wrongs and harms I have done to others. But perhaps the hardest of all is making those harms and wrongs right.

Some people and situations will never be the same. My hope is never to do the same wrongs and harms ever again.

For me, it has come down to doing the right thing or not doing it at all. There is no middle ground anymore.

There is more to be continued with this subject of integrity and behavior.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Remembering We Are Enough To Be Loved

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Jan Kroon on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone,

Many days it is so easy to undo the positive by forgetting who we are.

We are enough. We have a God who loves us and blesses us each day with life. Each breath we take is a gift. All of it is holy. I did not always believe so and some days I still struggle with believing.

In some situations, I will be shaking my head yes outwardly when someone is trying to affirm me in that I am enough to be loved and running far away on the inside.

But I am growing each day and think I will get to more solid ground with it as I press forward. I always believe if you are going to put something out here, then you must also be willing to be honest where you are with it any given day.

Do not get me wrong I do believe about the touching of souls and core of ourselves being spiritual. What is challenging is believing it when the tests come up.

Some days you do feel like you are whistling in the dark. This does not take away my experiences and it does not mean I lied about true connections. After all, it is just a feeling and we go through many feelings.

Feelings lie sometimes. We must accept this basic truth or else we will be filled doom and gloom most of our lives. I do not want to live my life in doom and gloom. Much of my life was already there before my parents and true family.

The after was living my life in addiction and self-hate. Each day is a battle for love to win. Some days are also easier than others.

What I have established so far is that I need God. The God who created me from dust and breathed life into me. That leads to me needing the breath of life.

There are real forces ready to snuff that breath of life out of me if I allow it. My addiction and drinking proved that. I also need truth with out truth I cannot acknowledge what is real.

Without reality I cannot love or be loved. Otherwise it is all empty words and no connection. Ah, but we have already established there is a connection and it is real. We do not get to cop out, as we often will try if we are running the show.

Today I want to establish my grounding believing all that is true. It can be summed up into this one nugget I was given this morning.  In Him we live and move and have our being. This is part of Acts 17 which is in a context, where Paul is advising how to seek after God.

That word stands on its own. We het to live and move and have our being. If we can remind each other of who we are love wins again.

It is in this thought of mind to foster hope in each other and to have grounded connections that the truth sets us free.

Change is coming and it is real.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike   over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

What Will I Do Until The End

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

train on railroad tracks against sky

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone,

I am glad to be on my second day of writing.  I am hoping to make some sense and to grow into a human being that isn’t just sucking life’s air.  I have been in some type of recovery, for what feels like my whole life. I just want to do my best today and maybe have a plan with reasonable goals.

This journey as I have said before, is messy at best. I do some how keep getting up and pushing forward. I figure my life span is somewhere between 7 and 20 years left. I hope I will have left a legacy somehow, even without having children of my own.

I don’t want the end of my life to be just a few words and then finished. Otherwise then it would seem it was just a prison sentence, right?

A book is not quite enough either. I think it must be real changes and hard work.

The challenges before me are difficult. Its physical, emotional, and spiritual. It’s more than any song. It’s more than weeping bitter-sweet.

It’s about taking my thoughts captive and taming my tongue and flesh. Its trusting in God and allowing Him to take control when I am strong or weak.

The questions I now must answer are:

  1. What are my goals?
  2. What makes me happy?
  3. Where is God at in my life?
  4. Is God evident to others in how I am living?
  5. What is my responsibility today?
  6. Can I or have I truly let go of past hurts and wounds?
  7. What can I do in helping others mend?
  8. Have I stopped hurting and wounding others?

I must find these answers inside myself. We do have to ask ourselves the hard questions to be totally open and honest. Otherwise, there is no solid foundation.

Some days I feel like I am adrift much the way in the movie, Castaway with Tom Hanks and Wilson.  I don’t want my life to end just barely keeping my head above water.

I know there’s life out there. I want to show I have lived and left something good behind. I used to think I knew what that something is.

I am not so sure I know anymore. I am going to have to dig and see what I can come up with. I hope you continue to see me on my journey.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

  1. I am thankful for my life and the ability change.
  2. I am thankful for everyone who is and has been a part of my life.
  3. I am thankful for the time to write.
  4. I am thankful for honesty from others and that I get to be honest with myself today.
  5. I am thankful for medical transporters, EMT’s, home health aides, doctors, nurses, custodians, truckers, teachers, fast food workers, store associates, policemen, firemen, correction officers, therapists, and all of whom are taking risks to be of service.
  6. I am thankful for solitude verses loneliness.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to contemplate what the rest of my life might look like.
  8. I am thankful for siblings.
  9. I am thankful for my mom and her husband.
  10. I am thankful for mercy and grace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

 

 

 

Gratitude for Mirrors and Teachers of Ourselves

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Image may contain: flower, plant, text and nature

Hello, on this second grateful day of November 2019. 

I really do want to stay on the topic of gratitude. There’s so much to learn about ourselves and others. Others are my teaches, as well as a mirror for me in many ways.  

I gathered with others around tables this morning and I am grateful I went. I realized I was alone in the hall for a few minutes, so I bowed my head and prayed. I knew I was feeling negative, just a tad. 

I went outside before the meeting started to get my nicotine fill in and said another prayer. 

We started the meeting and this guy behind me is my mirror. He mirrors the way I have behaved in other meetings. Why is this so annoying?  Because it is bothering me. I let him go on for 3 more times! I finally a note and pass it to him to please stop and tell him he’s being rude. 

I’ve definitely won his friendship now. Insert sarcasm anywhere. He responded just the way I would have; because it would have embarrassed me too. 

This man was a mirror of my behavior. We think it is no big deal, that we are having fun, and we are harmless. But we never know whose life we are messing with, if they don’t have the full benefit of the meeting. This is still life and death and it is a big deal. 

Today this man was my teacher and mirror. People have had patience with me. Perhaps again I will have the opportunity to show this man more patience and tolerance. Maybe, I will even show him love! 

Here’s another secret, we can’t change someone else’s behavior, only our own. I am grateful for the teacher and mirror today. 

Here are the questions I now have for myself:  

Is what I have that’s so clever to say, going to add strength to myself and others? 

Are my clever words going to help me work through the steps any better?  

Will joking around during serious discussions, hinder others or my own progress? 

Are my clever words even necessary? 

These few questions are like an inventory that in all likelihood that reveals my clever words are not so clever and are not needed.  

As long as I am honest, I can change my behavior and not be sore about it. It’s all part of the journey. 

  • I am grateful for changes. 
  • I am grateful for mirrors. 
  • I am grateful for teachers. 
  • I am grateful I have been shown patience and tolerance. 
  • I am grateful I now get the chance to show patience and tolerance. 
  • I am grateful for the journey of gratitude and getting to find new ways each day. 
  • I am grateful as friends we truly care about each other and we make a difference. 
  • I am grateful that the truth comes out today. 
  • I am grateful for the sacrifice’s others have made so that I will learn to sacrifice for others. 
  • I am grateful for learning more about a another’s journey. 

Thank you for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike over and out. 

God Bless Y’all Everybody! 

Making a Sacred Space and Having Gratitude

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone, 

I wanted to share more about the upcoming posts. It’s still a daily struggle to try to keep up with my writing. That’s probably because it’s a daily struggle to keep a healthy perspective and my too high of expectations. 

I have a desire to keep moving forward and to be able to live up to my recovery findings. 

In the past and my plans for the present, is to continue in gratitude and making a sacred space that’s safe and healthy.  

I truly believe working the steps of the program and sharing with a closed mouthed friend, God, and admissions to myself, is what will cultivate the sacredness and gratitude. 

I think so much of making something sacred is being honest and worshipping in truth.  

You cannot change without making changes. It takes a lot of work and sincerity. 

In the meantime, I am working actively on the steps and trying to organize to have a regular schedule for writing and having the time for the sacred space I speak of.  

Sacred space for everyone is as different as their worship or what they worship. I am not here to shove down your throat. I can only share my experience strength and hope.  

I will also share my hopes and excitement.  

The personal growth through my blog posts first started some years back after a high school reunion. I shared about my dreams and goals. I have had a few friends help support me through my changes and some people I didn’t even know.  

If I tried to list the m all I would undoubtedly hurt someone unintentionally. So, it’s best not to list anyone, because my memory for names is not always good. 

I have also had new friends come in and help support and reinforce what others have continued to do over the years. I am truly grateful for you all. 

While my progress has been back and forth, as well as all over the place I finally feel some peace. I do feel like I am headed for steady focus and the best is yet to come. 

This does not mean doing anything perfectly, just doing the best of my ability each day and truly being accountable to myself, others, and God. 

It has taken every bit of strength today to just come this far in the twenty-four hours of today. 

  • I am grateful for the chance at new life today. 
  • I am grateful to celebrate friends today. 
  • I am grateful friends have not given up on me even in my most unlovable moments. 
  • I am grateful for my own Mom’s support along my whole journey even when I have been doing it wrong. 
  • I am grateful to share with others that there is a way out from the bitter morass of self-pity which I have walked in my whole life. 
  • I am grateful today for the chance to be free from the bondage of self. 
  • I am grateful for the fact we do not have to do this alone. 
  • I am grateful that whatever I choose matters today and I matter. 

This has been another blog post entry of Boxcar Mike Over and out! 

Thank you for reading. 

God Bless Y’all Everybody!