God

Changes Yet Much Of The Same Things

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Elephant Rock

Hey, Y’all!

It has been several months since I last wrote on my blog and connected with friends on social media. I’m back at the keyboard now, sipping a hot cup of coffee.

I have undergone three or four medical procedures and have learned much about healing through this experience. These procedures have brought about significant changes in my life. I’ve taken my recovery seriously, focusing on fighting infections and promoting wound healing.

In retrospect, they were momentous events at the time and certainly included scary moments. I must improve on my part now.

I have lost sight of the work needed towards healing after bouts of depression. Meanwhile, faith, hope, love, and prayers have sustained me.

The issue is that once I fall behind on daily responsibilities, everything starts to feel like an emergency. I am constantly putting out fires in my life. I have been desperately asking for help, and while I quietly pray, I also find myself sometimes shouting toward God, “Hey, can you help a guy out?”

I had to ask someone for help more recently. I renewed my driver’s license and submitted the necessary paperwork to ensure my benefits continue uninterrupted. Over the past few months, I received some medical equipment that has been essential for my healing. A couple offered their assistance, and if everything had relied solely on me, it would not have been done.

I have an extra health issue going on. But it may get resolved sooner.

I appreciate everyone who has helped me get through the tougher times.

I am making changes in different areas of my life. Each day presents an opportunity to make even the smallest of changes.

The thing with even the smallest of changes is that if you get enough of them gathered together, they can become like building blocks. Like anything that you build, the foundation must be solid.

In the past few months, I have prayed with someone at least once a week. There were a few times missed. However, in the two weeks, everything came together wonderfully.

It was like a reawakening of my spirituality. Prayer has become a game-changer for me. It is powerful and causes changes to happen. While the changes in me are small, they are exciting!

I ordered two eBooks to help support this new phase of my journey.

Last weekend, I listened to three speakers, which prompted me to reflect on my life. I am still learning to avoid praying for problems and to stop making accusations against others in my prayers. I am gradually learning how to pray more effectively.

I am working through the changes, and I feel frustrated because I am committed to making this shift. In my mind, I still hold onto the perfectionism I have always had, and I want everything to be done the right way. I need to let go of my perfectionism and embrace what is absolutely right.

I am not willing to let this fizzle out.

The truth is, I do not know how everything will play out. I do know I will not be doing everything perfectly at every moment.

I am a harsh judge who needs to stop judging. Let God be God. I live in a glass house, so I should not throw stones. Thank goodness for mercy and grace.

Micah 6:8 (ESV) English Standard Version

8  He has told you, O man, what is good;

and what does the Lord require of you

but to do justice, and to love kindness,1

and to walk humbly with your God?

In simple terms, for me, it means acting right, doing the next right things, to give mercy more than I ask for, and walking humbly with God, as I understand Him, and even at times, not understanding God. God sees the whole picture way better than I ever could. I need His mercy and grace every day.

I am thankful for life.

Thanks for reading!

This has been a blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Part Two Soul Washing Christmas One Word

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Photo by uc815uaddcuc1a1 Nui MALAMA on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I must write another blog post entry!

I am sharing my experience, strength, and hope.

As I shared in my last post, it has been a Soul-Washing Christmas! I have always considered Christmas the holiday until New Year’s Eve.

Friday I was in pain praying for it to be lifted. I also had physical therapy which helped in part. When I had to be on my feet I pressed through the pain. I alternated between my bed and my chair.

I am incredibly thankful for someone who cleans, cooks, and takes out the trash. He also does my laundry and dishes, and so much more.

I could not do these on my own at the moment.

To me, this spiritual journey started back when asking God for help and thanking Him at night.

It was around 8:30 PM on Friday when I got up and made myself a snack. I decided it was time to get back to bed.

While I was awake and in pain I wanted something to comfort me. As I have shared before I enjoy country gospel music. So, I turned the TV on in the bedroom. I just pressed on any song to start. I found myself praising God even through the pain.

I used to think the old hymns and that kind of music were dead.

That music takes me back to my roots and there is power in those words. I started talking to God on the bluffs as a young child between nine and eleven years old. I poured my heart out. I decided the rain was God‘s tears. When God would not give me what I wanted which was to be safe from harm. Well, then I asked God for the guts to kill myself. Since I was not getting a gun, I asked Him to give me the courage to jump off the bluffs into the traffic. I decided then, that God was not going to save me from that situation I had to face at home.

I still tried to do better, and I could not seem to do better or fix my situation.

Almost 50 years later, things are different.

I started having a desire once again to do better. Especially, once I came through this last surgery.

I am still going to share the past of when I was a teenager I remember those tender moments. I wanted those more than anything else. I just wanted things to stay that way. I had a self-will that would not stop.

In these last couple of years, I have gotten more real with myself, God, and others.

This Christmas I have had a soul-washing and yearning to be better and hang on to the belief of God. Here in the recent past, I picked my ONE- Word: Faithful.

For once in my life to worship in truth. To believe in a faithful God and to learn to be faithful myself.

I started having a desire to pray for others. It starts with family. I have learned I cannot pray a sincere prayer for others and act like a fool to others.

I am still learning more every day even in tears and pain. But When I worship and tell the whole truth as well as follow the practical direction the pain lifts.

I am not a perfect person, no one is perfect.

I know during that surgery I asked my dad to let me come home and he disappeared, so I saw him. The next thing I knew, the surgery was over.

I still have work to do before I go home.

When I feel God’s power through those songs I cry. I find myself in a position to ask for forgiveness, ready to forgive, ready to do better and to believe in my healing even if I am afraid.

This is part of my journey.

Psalms 147:3 (ESV)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Merry Christmas To All My Friend Family And Readers

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

Merry Christmas!

As I reflect on Christmas in the past, I am grateful for all the years I have had with my family. I realize how often I took those moments for granted, never considering that loved ones would one day be gone. However, I choose to focus on joy because those people are now at peace, and the ones who are still here mean more to me than ever.

Living out my faith has profoundly changed my life. This Christmas has been a deeply cleansing experience for my soul. This journey will require ongoing effort, as I’m only beginning to understand what true surrender means. It involves embracing the moments when God takes hold of all my life.

At this time in my faith walk it means, casting out the negative thoughts and fears. Getting rid of imagination forced upon me. It is like when we get unsolicited advice. We did not ask for advice yet; it was forced upon our brains. We must go with the truth we already have.

My heart was broken shortly after my release from the hospital in the past two or three weeks. While I may still feel the effects of the events that happened; I have the truth inside me. What is more,  I believe my support is unmoved. The truth is the truth.

God has not brought me this far to drop me now.

I felt God say to me, “You are not going under.” I must go with the positive. I am giving God all my pain both physical and emotional pain.

I am asking God for direction, while I am taking direction from my prayer partner and medical team. My life is changing before my eyes. Instead of giving a flat-out no to direction, I am meeting people halfway and trying to be open to more. I am getting stronger even though I notice little problems with other things that are so insignificant, compared to the biggest nemesis.

God is faithful and His word does not return void. Therefore, I want to be faithful to God. I hope I get the chance to share this with everyone going through the challenges, stubbornness, and the same hard-headedness I have had.

The truth is they may not listen. However, a seed gets planted. A seed was planted in me. I believe and I am holding onto hope for myself and others.

1 Peter 1:16 (ESV)

16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” 

In this past year and some just in the last few weeks, there are things I have learned, and I am thankful for.

  1. God will lead me if I ask Him to.
  2. Hope will not die as long as we keep our faith feeding it.
  3. Hope gives us faith to hold on to.
  4. Action is the only way we can change.
  5. Change may be the result of evil men, but God brings the good out of it and you find if two people are being tried to be removed from your support they support you anyway.
  6. Soul cleansing is needed from time to time.
  7. Family are people we have taken for granted hold them and hug them tight. They are gone before we know it, just as we may be gone before we know it.
  8. Faith is a walk we cannot fake, and we can make it through with God’s help.
  9. Asking in the morning for help, correcting and making right a wrong or mistake as soon as we can, and thanking Him at night, gives a clean heart and conscience.
  10. Forgiveness, Grace, Love, and our apologies are strong and moving actions

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

A Faith Walk Cannot Be Fake Its Real

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Photo by Garon Piceli on Pexels.com

 Hey, Y’all!

I am here to write another blog post entry.

I woke up this morning and felt fear gripping me. As of now, I have no answers. Right now, it means waiting it out as some tests are to be scheduled and doing what I am told to do.

I talked to my friend who calls every weekday morning. I was just trying to be positive, failing miserably I might add.

I sat here inside my head for a while. I called my prayer partner I let it ring three times and I said to myself out loud, well, if they don’t call back it is okay because I am not going let this turn into one of my hallelujah breakdowns. They called back. I was feeling a little better. I am stronger now.

I decided to get ready for my physical therapist. I decided all I could do was do what I was supposed to do.

I made a walk farther than the physical therapist had planned and came back did my exercises and felt much better. My physical therapist asked how I was. I told her about my morning she agreed prayer was the best thing.

Every day I think about my whole belief system. This one thing I know, prayer works. When I am weak in faith I need help.

I started to listen to an artist, Brandon Lake. I listened to him sometime back. My favorite song of his is Talking To Jesus.

When I play that music and pray I am strong in faith. I just lay on the bed, listen, and pray. Here lately I am playing Jesus music a lot because especially in a Faith Walk there is no room for sitting on the fence or playing. In years past, I have sat on the fence a lot. The reason I do think about my belief system is because I do not want to be fake. I did a lot of faking before and I did not feel very good inside. I need to be able to live in my skin. Because this works, I cannot deny it.

I make mistakes for sure, and I get tempted to falter. But I know it is like everything else. You have to keep at it. I refuse to give in or give up. I will follow directions and believe in goodness.

Living this way is changing my life. I have not had to take a pain pill today.

Something changed inside of me during this last hospital stay. I am still changing. I am making better choices and changes.

I admit coming home has had more challenges than I had expected. I am better. I expect even better yet.

I am driven to my knees over my brokenness. I am determined to keep praying and to be real.

For me to choose my one word as faithful is no accident and feels like a test to be faithful. The difference in knowing what is true for me happens when no one is watching. It does not mean I do not mess up. It is just different.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 (English Standard Version)

 24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God bless Y’all, Everybody!

Preparing For My One Word For 2025

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Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I was up late because I was in pain and a three-hour nap was necessary.

I am fitting in writing however and whenever I can.

I had been debating about even doing a one-word for the upcoming because staying focused in the past year has not been my strong suit. I have made changes, and my latest life change is proof I need to stick with it this year and press forward.

I have been having hard education lessons coming my way in the past couple of weeks.

  1. I am responsible for my growth process.
  2. I must be accountable to those in my life whom I value and call my tribe.
  3. I must be the steward of not just accepting healing in my body, mind, and spirit. I am responsible for allowing and changing however I can, so the healing multiplies.
  4. I get the opportunity to add value to others’ lives.
  5. There is an obedience principle in all of it so that I can grow and be stronger in my faith.

All of this comes down to the one-word “Faithful.”

I have a desire to pray for and with other people. In order for that to be present and to add value to others I must be willing to accept the responsibility of being faithful.

I have a need spiritually, for help from God to change me so I can be faithful.

While I look back I can only see where I did the minimum at most.

I listened to a message tonight that was given a couple of years ago. Two years ago, I tried listening to this message and it was like a foreign language. Tonight, this message spoke directly to me.

 There is a bottom line to it all. Being faithful does not happen by accident. Building strong habits does not happen by accident. These things happen by being intentional.

I want to be able to say:

I am ready.

I am consistent.

I am devoted.

I am generous.

I am faithful and I am a finisher.

I have seen others appear successful, influential, and happy. I want that also.

The two main things I do not want are to be fake or hypocritical.

Every year I end up saying my life needs an overhaul. Some of it is because I am a perfectionist and if I cannot reach perfection it is too easy to give up or work under half-steam.

I screw up daily while I know I am not alone; it is not okay for me to quit.

I started doing One-Word with my friends and there have been changes I just want and need more.

I must take specific actions just to reach my full potential through healing.

I have been taking my time with this post because I did eventually make it to bed after a long week of being back home. I have work to do as it is a full-time job of keeping up with appointments and arranging for people to come to my home. I also have physical therapy, meds, and simple basic self-care to keep up with.

I woke up at 9: 30 am and had a nightmare that I had to be taken in for emergency surgery to have my appendix taken out. I am glad it is not real.

Habakkuk 2:4 (English Standard Version)

“Behold, his soul is puffed up; it is not upright within him,
    but the righteous shall live by his faith.”

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

The Diagnosis And Update Since Being Home

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Photo by Rahul Pandit on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all,

The original diagnosis was that I was admitted on Friday, November 29th, 2024. I was said to have hypoxia, which is where your vital organs do not have enough oxygen. It can be deadly. I also had an infection that went through my entire central nervous system. I contracted strep throat through a wound in my foot in the infection.

An MRI showed positive for osteomyelitis. Two bones in my foot had had to be amputated as well. At first in the Emergency Room, they thought I was dealing with pneumonia. That was when they caught it as an infection going through my central nervous system.

In the meantime, since being discharged from the hospital on December 6th, 2024. I am continuing antibiotics and was told the osteomyelitis is gone. I am receiving home health and going to the wound clinic. I am also getting home visits from  Physical Therapy.

While Thanksgiving was a bust this year, I have so much to be grateful for. The nurses, techs, and everyone who had any part in helping me. I have had a lot of support. There is still much more work and healing to go through.

Strange enough my faith in God is stronger. I am letting my home health aide do his job and doing my best to not be controlling and trying to have lists of my needs available beforehand.

There are several blessings I have received in the way of both family and friends.

We are about on schedule for the goals I have in keeping my apartment safe and clean.

I Love myself enough:

  1. To heal
  2. To do the work to change
  3. To deal with others with care
  4. To be gentle but firm with myself and not make excuses.
  5.  I want to make sure I never have to go through this experience again.

I hope to make a Thanksgiving meal soon, but it may take a minute before I am ready to do that.

Every weekday is going to be filled with something medical and physical.

I am enjoying my coffee and making my lists for today.

My entire world was turned upside down because everything was good or so I thought. It just proves your life can change in the blink of an eye.

The fun thing and adorable thing I shared in my last post was Rosie The Raccoon, which Tonya gave me. I am so attached to this stuffed animal because it came from her. She is that kind of beautiful person. The attachment of love and care. You just never know where your journey might lead.

There is another nurse who gave me a wake-up call because she spoke to me and loved the music to which I was listening. She really lives her life out loud! It woke me up to the thought I needed to get back to that. Living Life out loud. Stop being afraid of what others think! She also turned me onto her son’s music, and I can feel the beat and lives that have thrived from that.

I am pressing forward while healing!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

It Is A War But It Is Not My Fight

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Rosie The Raccoon Photo by Michael Radin and Tonya Day December2024.

Hey, Y’all!

I am grateful I can write. I have cried over changes and my emotions flooding my face in the past two weeks. To recap I contracted an infection that has gone through my entire central nervous system. It affected me to the point of strep throat and osteomyelitis. I also lost control of bodily functions in the short term until I became hospitalized.

I am going through challenging adjustments.

Before I get too far, I am thankful for my wound clinic team and driver, my home health nurses, my family, and my friends. I need you forever and I want to be there for you.

I feel prayers and love.

I cried in large part because I was not prepared for how hard it is to take care of myself as well as the pain. I am giving a special shout-out to my friends who got me comfort food and beverages. My friend who picked up my apartment did laundry made my bed and waited for me to get in my bed and get my medications.

I am a grown man with the little boy inside me afraid but going through the dark to come out the other side.

I love me enough to heal. I am thankful I can show up for myself today.

I have to take a break and think about sleep- 2:09 am

I am behind the keyboard and monitor to write Wednesday, November 11th, 2024. at 10:03 pm.

Today was a long day, but it was good, even if it was painful. I didn’t think before getting into the hospital van that I couldn’t just pick up my foot, as always, it’s painful to heal.

Unfortunately, a narcotic is necessary. I am being careful checking in and letting people know what I am doing so I do not go backward; besides there are only so many I am allowed and then no more so making them stretch as long as I can. I am doing what is necessary to heal.

Today I went to the wound clinic to get my wraps changed on my feet and legs. I went to my primary doctor after the wound clinic, and then I came home and had physical therapy this afternoon. I took myself off all of my diabetes medicine and controlled my blood sugars through diet alone, which is impressive!

I am grateful for everyone’s good wishes, thoughts, and prayers.

I titled this entry “It Is A War, But It Is Not My Fight” That is because God used everyone and has pulled me through one more time. He is even using a doctor I originally had years ago in St Louis, and here we are in small-town Missouri.

A special blessing is one of my nurses who has been a nurse for a few of my hospital stays or Tech  (I am not sure of the correct title), Tonya. She means the world to me regardless of the outcome I am not looking to gain anything but unconditional love and friendship. I could be related to her husband I am still having to verify exactly how, but like a 5th or 6th cousin.

There is always more to share but I am tired again I had to take a few hours’ nap and now I need more sleep.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

When You Are In A Brown LA Haze

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Photo by Ellie Burgin on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I have shared Jimmy Buffet before here we go again.

“Come Monday”

By Jimmy Buffett

Headin’ up to San Francisco

For the Labor Day weekend show,

I’ve got my hush-puppies on,

I guess I never was meant for

Glitter rock and roll.

And honey I didn’t know

That I’d be missin’ you so.

Come Monday It’ll be all right,

Come Monday I’ll be holding you tight.

I spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze

And I just want you back by my side.

Yes, it’s been quite a summer,

Rent-a-cars and westbound trains.

And now you’re off on vacation,

Somethin’ you tried to explain.

And darlin’ I love you so that’s

The reason I just let you go.

Come Monday It’ll be all right,

Come Monday I’ll be holding you tight.

I spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze

And I just want you back by my side.

I can’t help it honey,

You’re that much a part of me now.

Remember the night in Montana when

We said there’d be no room for doubt.

I hope you’re enjoying’ the scenery,

I know that it’s pretty up there.

We can go hikin on Tuesday,

With you I’d walk anywhere.

California has worn me quite thin,

I just can’t wait to see you again.

Come Monday It’ll be all right,

Come Monday I’ll be holding you tight.

I spent four lonely days in a brown L.A. haze

And I just want you back by my side.

I have drifted along, diving deep into a pit of darkness. I found myself in a very dark place. I am slowly climbing out, holding on to any words I can to help me escape the darkness. It felt like a brown L.A. haze for me too, but it lasted much longer than four days. Embracing the journey and utilizing the tools at your disposal can be challenging. It will not always be an easy path.

I am not where I had hoped to be and that is because of my procrastination in short. I must make peace and accept I procrastinated while all the distractions and interruptions happened as well. I own the fact I did not have the knowledge or allow for adjustments which is why I screamed when things did not go my way.

The biggest mistake I made was going on autopilot.

When I accepted my journey, I said I wanted a better relationship with myself. However, I just stopped checking in with myself and autopilot did not work. Before I can have better relationships with anyone else, I  must have a better relationship with myself. I cannot be checked out and expect things to run smoothly.

If you have set everything on autopilot so you can put out other fires, you are not going to see autopilot not working if you have not checked in. You are also not going to see that you are going down for a crash landing.

You might swear you have done everything you know how, but the proof is in the pudding. If you have crashed and fallen into the pit of darkness, you have not done everything you could do. Therefore, you have not used all the tools you have.

I must admit now that I have not done everything I could do. Thanks to my tribe and writing this blog post, I am aware now.

It is now my responsibility to take care of myself, make amends where needed, and move forward.

For the past two weeks, I have not taken my diabetes medication under the guidance of a nurse, and I have been managing my blood sugar levels well. I am presently losing weight which is making me feel good.

The deal is if my blood sugar starts messing up, I will go back on the medication. I hope to be able to stay off the medication. Everything is a day at a time in my life.

It is now Sunday, November 24th, 2024. I started this post yesterday. I am feeling good and in a great mood.

I am starting first things first:

  • Asking For Help to start the day with prayer (Coffee is immensely helpful to me)
  • Breakfast and medications according to directions of my doctor and medical staff
  • Making my to-do lists
  • Making My calls and texts checking my calendars (taking directions and seeing if I might be helpful and encouraging to others)
  • Stop- Breathe- make a gratitude list and meditate on what is good!
  • Remembering H.A.L.T. (hungry, angry, lonely, and tired)and my pauses ( God save me from being angry!)
  • Get as much done as possible.
  • Checking in, listening to others, or an uplifting message

throughout the day.

It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90

Alcoholics Anonymous World Services

Today, I realized that I cannot manage my anger responsibly by holding onto it. My therapist has been trying to convey this message to me for over twenty years now—he gets all giddy about this kind of insight (shh… do not tell him I shared this secret about anger and feeling disturbed). He believes my thinking is flawed.

I need to view others as individuals who are struggling and require help just like I do. There are certain things beyond my control; I must accept them and move forward.

I make right whatever wrong I have done as soon as possible. I am often slow in this process. However, if I truly desire to be free and be at peace with myself God, and others, I must do it.

At the end of the day, I thank God for helping me make it for these twenty-four hours.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Taking Opportunities Believe Pray And Wait

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Hey, Y’all!

It is always a wonderful day when I can take the time to make a blog post entry.

As usual, I feel strapped for time. I want to take the opportunities I can. I have missed opportunities as well. I feel bad about those missed opportunities. There are times when I cannot make up for missed opportunities.

I must do better, is all I can say to myself.

I have made progress despite taking steps backward. I am learning that there are opportunities I get to take today. Spiritually, there is the opportunity to pray for others. There are people I pray for; I get to pray with them; there are people, I pray for their needs alone.

I had hoped to finish this in early August. It is Now September 3rd, 2024.

I needed my local support team and thankfully each one has been there in whatever way I needed them. I am thankful for each one. I could not have made it without a local support team.

In recent events, I have encountered another infection. Thankfully, I am on a strong antibiotic but doing well thanks to my medical team.

I am learning along the way and finally understand how the longer it takes to heal wounds the more chances for more wounds. The reason is that years of damage cause further deterioration of good skin tissue. I hope I retain this comprehension as it is the first time I acknowledge it.

I am thankful for:

  1. I am thankful for a new carpet extractor to clean my carpet.
  2. I am thankful for the meals and food given to me.
  3. I am thankful for the daily phone calls.
  4. I am thankful for my medical team.
  5. I am thankful for restful sleep.
  6. I am thankful for healing for a family member and their medical team.
  7. I am thankful for the reminders.
  8. I am thankful for celebrating twenty years of sobriety and clean time.
  9. I am thankful for the ones who have stuck by through thick and thin through my recovery.
  10. I am thankful for what my grandma used to say, “Michael, the sun will rise again tomorrow.”

In waiting and praying I do not have to fall apart today. I learned that I could keep busy and do what I can. I can ask questions, seek advice, and allow change to happen.

Sometimes to obtain the information I seek is to repeat what I was told from the beginning. While repeating this information, you deduct your fears and irrational thoughts and stick to the facts. You keep praying, waiting, and believing the best is happening.

There is always more learning and doing right where I am.

Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I Feel Like I am On A Time Clock

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Hey Y’all!

I feel like I am on a time clock racing to get everything done. My writing is important to me. Though my writing has been nonexistent lately, I am trying again. I wish to do better and just show myself doing better.

I am doing stretches and walking. I am doing my pumps and a workout with the chores. I have chores in the mornings. My helper gets here late afternoon, usually, the heaviest thing she must do is the laundry and trash.

Physically, my wounds looked worse on Monday. My head has just gone mad with thoughts about that. Thankfully, they looked much better yesterday when the nurse was here. We shall see what they look like tomorrow and Monday.

I have not forgotten about working on the grief, loss, resentments, causes, and my part where it affects me. I must work toward forgiveness to free myself. I am collaborating with my therapist, the professional I mentioned in the last entry. I must find my way out of the emotional mess.

I am praying for help to be the best version of myself to be the best friend I can be and to give of myself the best I can.

I have been on the other side of seeing nothing wrong and wondering why everything is out of order. I have done stupid things and won stupid prizes. We cannot see; until we are willing to see. It takes work, meditation, prayer, and willingness to change.

There is no answer to the why until we do the work of HOW. That is Honesty, Open-Mindedness, and Willingness. We get down to causes and effects, and admission of our part. The one common denominator in everything that happens is me.

You learn by living it out. I fall apart when I am not spiritually fit. This is why I need my support system and simple reminders. Unfortunately, it takes what I consider devastating news before I call for the lifeline.

 “GOOD judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence- are the qualities needed *(taken from the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous) these and one spiritual we should have, “sensible, tactful, considerate and humble.” *(Taken from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous).

Every time I find myself in a spot, I must change. When we start seeing the changes in ourselves, we get excited. However, it is grunting work in the beginning. It can be an upheaval getting to the root. But it is so worth it. There will always be bumps in the road, when I hit one, I must get through it.

The truth is, I lose control when I hit those bumps. I am determined to be better.

  1. I am thankful for the ability to learn.
  2. I am thankful for the patience of others.
  3. I am thankful for answers when I seek them.
  4. I am thankful for the chance to write and share with others.
  5. I am thankful for the ability to see and understand.
  6. I am thankful for my choices.
  7. I am thankful I can turn around anytime.
  8. I am thankful God is forgiving.
  9. I am thankful for a song that just came on to remind me of happier times.
  10. I am thankful for my courage.

(1 Corinthians 16:13 ESV)

 13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!