Life Changing Heard Forgiveness Is For The Forgiver

January 30, 2023 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

Hey, Y’all!

Forgiveness is for the forgiver. I heard this in a message two weeks ago. Though this is not new to me, it is a fact. I believe it is our thoughts that make forgiveness difficult. Thoughts become feelings if we do not stop the thoughts.

For instance, in writing this blog post entry I have had many thoughts as someone was in the room to interrupt me. I became angry and annoyed by anything they did. I do not always get the choice to write while being alone in the room.

What does this mean? I have a resentment and lack of trust for them. It is a basic trust issue. I am unsure why or what it is other than behaviors I do not care for. Yet, these behaviors are some of the same ones I have exhibited before as well.

Because we have grown in an area others may not have, we place ourselves above them. It still comes down to protecting ourselves from things we learned that are hurtful. We do not wish to feel that hurt or necessarily cause that same hurt. Do we not still want others that cause us to hurt to pay handsomely? After all, we had to pay, so they should pay!

I know as I rewrite this blog post, many conversations are taking place in my head. My thoughts are having court take place and I become the judge. Many times, it comes down to dismissing the cases. How do we let the cases go? It is difficult as the thoughts keep coming. The thoughts are more annoying than the acts we see. We must free ourselves before we can free anyone else.

Every act of forgiveness begins with forgiving ourselves, allowing our negative thoughts, hurts, and behaviors of others to take root in us.

I attest to the fact when the actions of others take root in me unless I stop the thoughts, I begin rationalizing my revenge.

If I can stop the thoughts and step back, I have a chance to redirect my focus. It may mean distancing myself long enough to work through the feelings I have allowed. I must look within myself and take stock of my actions. If I just ignore the situation, an innocent bystander may get the brunt of my wrath.

I have been embarrassed by my behavior. Was being embarrassed enough to change my behavior? Not most of the time. Why? Because I believed I could hide my behaviors and embarrassment. I kept the vicious cycle going. It kept me locked within myself. I could not be free. This is still true unless I forgive myself.

If I am not careful when I step back I isolate myself with my thoughts instead of working through them. This is damaging to my soul. I must take control of my thoughts, so my thoughts do not take control of me.

Recently, I binge-watched a show I love and have seen every episode before. It shows a woman wrestling with her belief in God. I will not tell you the name of the show, because I am not sure it is healthy to watch. To get to my point every time I am wrestling with myself, I find I am wrestling with God and my beliefs.

There’s also a song some of us, once sang for communion, and in that song was a line, “if I don’t back down I hope you win.” This is where I am every time I want to be centered and let go.

We can wear unforgiveness like a rock around our necks or we can let go of that rock, to save ourselves.

Matthew 22: 36-40 ESV

36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law? ” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Forgiveness comes down to loving my neighbor as myself. Man, I hope I hear that!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by BoxcarMike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all everybody!

I Am Dramatic, Wheres The Fainting Couch?

August 15, 2020 / boxcarmike

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Hello Everyone!

I have been reading other people’s writings and announcements. I am becoming freer, while tethered to a PICC line.

The mind is powerful, and life is overwhelming these days. My keyword today would be trauma.

I have been sharing with anyone who will listen that 2020 has surely brought trauma to everyone’s household. The fact of so many different things taking place, restrictions, divorces, illness, deaths, medical procedures, loss of income, loss of jobs, and homes.

In the past twenty-four hours, I have been enlightened to the fact yes, I am dramatic. I love and hate that about myself. It is a real tug of war for me.

When I tell my story, it is of both wounds and victory in some cases. I admit a lot is from a place of wounds and trying to be okay. It is how I process and maybe I always have processed that way.

The biggest freedom in all of it is the realization that I have been trying to apologize for being dramatic when maybe it is the most normal thing for me to do.

I was reminded this is the stuff I drank over before. Let me just say this, a handle of southern comfort or rum and cokes, could not even touch what 2020 has brought with it. (There has been good too).

I have more than one nurse now affirm that my body is reacting as it is in trauma. I believe I have been in denial over that fact. I am finally free of feeling the need to apologize.

I do have reason to be dramatic. I just need to find a healthy way to funnel the dramatic feelings. I also need to trust those in my tribe to tell me if they see me slipping.

Being the dramatic person, I am, a few weeks ago while going through fear one of the hardest things to admit, was that I needed help.

I never knew how hard it was to admit I needed help with a simple task of washing my hair. Getting my back rubbed with cream was another thing I had to ask for help with.

Being that vulnerable is not my thing. I think I was 15 years old when my mom came in and rubbed me down with apple cider vinegar for sunburn.

Life is messy. I was never one to color inside the lines either. I usually did not see the lines.

I am reminded that courage is to walk through the mess, even afraid.

I have no idea how it all will unfold. I do not know how all the pieces will connect. What I do know is I am putting one foot in front of the other until I cannot. I am asking God for help.

I must tell myself it is going to be okay and sometimes I ask others to just please tell me that. But there is one person, she always tells me you are going to get through this. (there may be more than one person who does tell me that).

We all will get through this stuff.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Thoughts and Living Sober In The New Normal

August 10, 2020 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

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Hi Everybody!

Its good to be back to write again. I do not know if I can keep up writing consistently, but I will keep trying.

I am just going to share how I feel and the progress so far medically. I am not sure how much progress, but I will share all I can.

I guess really this new normal is still hard to adjust to. I think all of us are going through emotions from the fall out of it all.

I did spend some time in the parking lot tonight of our complex because I needed out of my four walls. I talked to God during that time and told Him how I feel and I how I knew I needed to do better, while also asking Him to let me stay longer I wasn’t done experiencing life on this earth.

No, I am not dying anymore than most people are dying. I know that I have an irrational fear of dying so I call myself on it as much as I can.

One of the things I asked God to help me with was exactly watching what I say more. Because I do throw out that I am done with this life a lot, when things are not going my way.

Its one of the ways I have coped to make everything so dramatic and it causes me a lot more harm. It no longer serves me it just keeps everything in a fear base.

I also realize today a lot of this spells out self-pity. I want to be done with self -pity and treat those in my life better. They have been my help and guide me to comfort.

I want to be the encourager God created me to be.

I mentioned in my last post about having a tribe. I do have a huge tribe. Yet only a few know me. Everyone has given me so much and a big part of that is they gave themselves to me and I need to do the same in reciprocation

The other side of that coin is we all hide from each other during our challenges. We want to appear to have it all together.

The bottom line is I want to better honor my family and friends.

Its still about keeping my side of the street clean. My side is junky right now. But again, my life is turned upside down with this PICC Line in my arm.

I will say I have learned to rearrange furniture with one arm. Okay I cheated a couple times too and so far, lucky I have not damaged PICC Line.

My apartment is finally really becoming a home. I am so happy about my recliner because its like my own spot I can claim better for meditation and some writing. Its also my Tv chair. I can go to it to escape from my office.

I cannot wait to do some therapy baking and have my home in order to take pics and show off my small piece of heaven here on earth.

I am so thankful for what I have today, and I must let that be the forefront.

Medically, the wounds I have are looking better the skin color is better. I am sleeping a lot because of the medication and the infection both. I have been going through irrational fears as a result of this line in my arm.

I do love all my nurse’s past, present, and one who became my friend. I need to catch up to her. I think they have all become my friend in one sense or another.

Tomorrow I will see the podiatrist a doctor and wound clinic.

Today I will get blood drawn.

Thank you, God, that I do not control the universe! I am too tired.

God Please help us all at whatever level we may be. Thank You God for getting us this far.

This is living clean and sober for me folks!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Facing Everything and Recovering This Too Shall Pass

July 20, 2020 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

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Hi Everyone and Welcome!

I have been more than a few days and once again, I am switching gears.

We will get back to the 4th step, just not right now.

This week is a busy week and I hope to try to stay current in my writing. It is important for me to write even if it is not always the best writing. It is what helps keep me sane, it does help me process, and I hear it even helps others.

In the past week, I have mourned over a friend who died. I have been dealing with physical and my own emotional issues as well.

We all have been dealing with the pandemic and the ramifications of everything to do with it. I know you are sick of hearing about it, as well as myself. I do not want to have to deal with it another day, but that’s not reality.

It is the suggestion of everything for most of us. For others, it is not that simple. They are facing it head-on. God Bless each one of you.

I have learned a few things about myself this week. It is important to have the schedule and stick to it. It is the small stuff that trips me up. The reason being when it is small stuff, it adds up and becomes overwhelming.

For me personally, when I am overwhelmed I have a habit of just staying in bed, not answering the phone, and doing anything I can to avoid the pain. While this is not new to me; it is something I acknowledge. I will not let it remain this way, because after a while there are repercussions of avoiding.

Inevitably, it is all got to be faced and dealt with. I cannot do this by myself. It is imperative that I have help from others and a power greater than myself.

I must believe in hope. Without hope, I will perish. I die inside each time I start to give up and say no to those things that would aid in me being able to flourish.

It goes back to our thoughts, self-talk, and mindset. I am having to ask God to help me change each of these.

Throughout the day, I have found me yelling at myself to stop it! Then the next breath, Devil you are a liar and only God’s Word is true.

This has been my experience. Sometimes it is easier than other times to stay on top of this

It has been difficult as usual to stay in contact with people who are good for me as well. I must do it and start being consistent with to not be defeated.

The pain gets real without taking steps to take care of myself. The willingness to go forward means facing it all, feeling it all, and still take responsibility for taking care of myself, the best that I am able.

It means making those lists and checking them off as I do each thing.

I hope my actions in writing prove my willingness and consistency. This has been a big challenge I hope to change in.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Step Four A Vigorous Course Of Action

July 13, 2020July 14, 2020 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

Hello Everyone!

I have returned as promised. I am just a little later in the day than last time.

I am going to recap a bit on what we last discussed and that defining the difference between facts and feelings. I also went in to how that works when implementing a Twelve Step Program into your life as I and countless others have done.

We only reached as far as the Step 3 and now we are ready to go into how Step 4 should look like and remembering to keep to the facts. That is not to say feelings will not come up.

Most definitely feelings will come up and what a great tool for dealing with those feelings such as Step 4. We cannot do these steps alone. We will inevitably run onto trouble if we do. We run risk the chance of not being honest mostly with ourselves and God, but others too.

It is recommended doing this with a sponsor or clergyman. However, it can be with anyone other than a spouse or significant other. This could cause further damage to an already injured party.

We do not get to relieve ourselves at someone else’s expense. It is just not recovery or even trying to build any life focused, if that is what we do.

It is helpful to start with a prayer asking God to help us list everyone we can think of we resent.

We start with making four columns and the first column we start with the heading “I Resent:” and work down that first column. In that column only we list everyone everything or institution we resent until we have listed everything.

We only must deal with this column only today. This way we can finish the column and not be tempted to just jump over and start writing out casus and blow everything up before we even get started.

We are only responsible for our own recovery and all we have is today. It is good to make notes also, but we deal only with this column.

I keep repeating myself because I, myself need things repeated constantly. I hate it and need it both.

I am one who easily sees the shiny objects in the middle of something important such as starting out on the vigorous course of action. It is important that my attention be gotten a hold of, so I stick close to the task at hand.

Repetition helps me remember things even if I do not like what I am having to sift through now. This is a fact-finding process which undoubtedly brings up plenty of feelings.

However, feelings do not get us close to a solution, but they do explain our reasoning and thought process and help us come to an admission of sorts.

Who or what do we resent? Who or what makes us grind our teeth or spit nails?

That is what this column is all about. Keeping it inside is only going to keep us sick.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Real Recovery With Facts Not Feelings

July 12, 2020July 12, 2020 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

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Hi Everyone!

I really want to start out today with The Serenity Prayer My Way: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. May I do thy will always. Amen.”

Thank goodness for the tools to work with, to help ourselves be more genuine. Even when we may seem or even in fact, we are unwilling to do what is in front of us, there are seeds being planted.

Obviously, I am not going to do His Will always. But I can put it out there as my mission to do so. I need that spiritual connection and I believe the only way to achieve that is by being as close to who I was created to be.

The first part is knowing who I am in this exact moment, right now. It’s not about who I hope to be, or what I aspire to be, or what others want for me, or even what I want. Its who I am right now. Each of us must answer this for our own self.

There are 3 facts that have become a saying recovery:

I cannot, He can, I think I will let Him! Every day I make this choice by my actions in living.

There is a magic word in there I used. Facts are the reality and it is not about feelings. We soon learn we must define each and not confuse the two. They are not the same and we often confuse feelings for facts.

I still do this often and it takes talking to someone and often it is a lot like being talked down from a ledge. Because when we live life by feelings, the insanity has returned, or it never left.

You see the part of I cannot, really means I make the admission my life is in shambles and I am insane. The He can part, is understanding God can fix things with our cooperation of course and we can be returned to that of a sound mind.

The I will let Him part, is deciding to turn my will and life over to the care of God as we understood Him. This is where we begin asking God to direct our thoughts at the start of our day.

It is a daily process and a choice to make each day. I am reminding myself of this very fact. None of us are immune to the ugliness we can feel and let that start directing our day which will end in disaster if we let it.

We are asking God to help us throughout the day first by directing our thoughts. Then we ask for help as too not to add to the wreckage we have already done.

We are taught that if we screw it up, we correct our deeds as soon as possible. Delay may mean we never make it right. It is all about us sweeping our side of the street. What others say, do, or think, is none of our business.

These are the facts in how recovery should work. I am certain we all have our variations.

While we are not cookie cutter human beings or spiritual beings even, the process is still the same.

Stay tuned until next time, as I describe the inventory process and fact-finding results and what it all means. What exactly is that process all about.

We cannot do it all on our own we need help. We are not alone today.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Gotta Keep Picking Myself Up I’ll Be Okay

July 9, 2020July 9, 2020 / boxcarmike / 2 Comments

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Hello Everyone!

It’s been another long lapse in time since I last blogged. I do want to be better at time management and being more consistent in writing.

This week kas been a continuance from the weekend of remembering my dad’s celebration of life and some other memorials throughout my life.

My assignment has been to feel the feelings. It really sucks to feel the feelings when dealing with grief and other unpleasant emotions.

I am dealing with my own sickness and even the soul sickness.

Some might be wondering what a real soul sickness is exactly.

For me the soul sickness is my disease in my own head that is so self-judgmental in telling me, I don’t have a right to continue to grieve. I have had several other people die in a short time that have touched my life in one way or another.

The pandemic has magnified a lot of it too, I will also grant that as true.

On bright side note I will also state I had one full week of not feeling any kind of depression.

The past 3 days have been jumping through hoops to get things done. I just fall into bed after a day is done.

I am horrible at follow through even when its for the good of my health and well-being and having to do the pleasant voice act for professional phone calls make me want to scream.

But I managed to schedule a doctor’s appointment, scheduled a pickup for delivery return, and dropped off a return. I have been playing mix and match with my prescriptions so the right ones get ordered.

I have not kept up again with family and friends, but the truth is I am feeling fragile. After having to get out yesterday, had me feeling I was going to collapse at the bottom of the stairs leading up to my apartment.

While a lot of this is just ordinary everyday stuff to toggle through and work out it is exactly the stuff that breaks us. This is known as the small stuff and it’s hard to do, when you’re not sure how much more you can handle.

To think about self-care in this position is about rest, eating, drinking fluids, taking medications, and my sarcastic side says yes! sometimes getting through by prayer and medication.

Self-care includes those ten-minute breaks of crying, even though it feels like hours.

A big misconception seems to be that one is weak for crying. While I do feel weak for crying; I know today that is untrue.

The pandemic itself has brought on many changes and in some cases, it has taken away a few choices. It sure has brought old and new grief, both.

Grief makes everything come to the surface. Especially, my fears. This now becomes a faith walk. I must find gratitude to combat the fear. Some days are easier than others.

I promised someone I was going to blog Sunday; it is now Wednesday evening. I guess better late than never.

I am grateful to push through and get several things completed.

I am grateful for friends to reach out to.

I am grateful for guidance.

I am grateful for well wishes and prayers said for me.

I am grateful even if I am late, I am walking through and feeling the feelings.

I am grateful I can make this blog entry today.

I am grateful to have made doctor’s appointments.

I am grateful for not giving up and throwing in the towel.

I am grateful to be trying to be less judgmental of myself.

I am grateful I can stay inside the next several days. I don’t have to get over heated.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

National Mental Health Month Death and Dying

May 20, 2020May 22, 2020 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

brown and black train under white clouds

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Hi Family and Friends!

The paragraph below is what I came up with on Google. This is from Mental Health America.

Since 1949, Mental Health America and our affiliates across the country have led the observance of May is Mental Health Month by reaching millions of people through the media, local events, and screenings.

As one who has and dealt and deals with chronic depression, I am reminded at least every week what contributes to my mental health.

Diet and Nutrition
Sleep
Exercise
Spirituality
Connections
Regular Schedule

I do deflect from most of the list above in most of my sessions with my therapist. It does make it harder for me to combat the chronic depression. I hate confrontation of any kind. Worse yet I hate being accountable, but it is what I need.

Refusing to make a choice, is still a choice. Choices are in actions. So, the same is true by not taking an action. It is still an action and it reflects choice.

The responsibility of my choices and actions lie with me, no one else.

The basic need for all things considered is a regular schedule. I detest a regular schedule because it boxes me in and makes me feel agitated and resentful for needing structure of any kind.

The bottom line to it all, is self-care.

Self-care is needed so I do not fall apart. We fall apart when we do not take care of ourselves. I fail to take good care of myself despite the fact, we say it all the time in ending our time with others for the moment.

Take care! When we fail to take care of ourselves, is when we lose our real freedom. We lose any chance of having a rational thought or action. We are not okay.

This whole entry was based on the fact of it being National Mental Health Month. Yet another reason combined with that was, someone I knew of died from a self-inflicted gunshot almost two weeks ago.

It has made me reflect on what could have led him to this action. He put a date and time at the end of his dash. Nothing is sadder than when there is a date and time at the end of your dash. There is no more time for happy memories.

What could have made it better? We do not get to answer that question when the last date is entered after our dash.

This has been the hardest article to write because it forces me to look at everything in my life. Death riles up anger in me because it is an ending. There is so much pain in death and then no pain at all.

I get panic attacks surrounding death; realizing one day life ends as we know it there is no more communication. We are lifeless. We cannot change anything after we are dead.

Death does change us that are left behind. I think at first it only changes us for the short term. As we go through more goodbyes and rest in peace deals, we start changing a lot.

The anger, bitterness, all of it turns us inside out. We are no longer the same as we once were. For some, maybe that is a great thing.

In the early 2000’s I went to like 5 funerals in one week. It was not my hobby. Add to that in the following few year was my grandpa, dad, and cousin’s funerals. A few more years down the road was one of my uncle’s funerals.

I imagine all of us feel at least some part of our family died with each person that died.

Since then quite a few people have died from diseases, natural causes, and some from suicide, or undetermined causes.

There is so much I do not understand, it feels like I must question why?

I do know what it feels like to be suicidal, but the truth is I was so sick I did not understand it was permanent if I succeeded.

My dad dying, for me was the hardest death to take. I have always had issues with death and the fear of it.

I have hoped to not take things for granted. The truth is maybe I have so I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not dying first. I feel guilty because I refuse to quit doing some things that could cause my death earlier than if I would take care of myself.

It boils down to fear in the end. There are even things I have said earlier today that have me even questioning God if He will truly forgive me.

Death takes so many shapes as well.

Physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual. Its like we are preparing our whole life just to die gracefully, I guess.

I must find a way to take good care of me. I do not want to be lost before I die. But I do not want to follow anyone’s rules to be able to take good care of me. I am tired of restrictions while alive!

I finally have a voice to say so. I do not need approval or agreement from anyone but God.

Death is hard. Mental Health is challenging. We will always search for the easiest way to find peace.

Let us not forget each other!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

The Truth Shall Set You Free

May 7, 2020 / boxcarmike / Leave a comment

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Hi Family and Friends,

Its great to be able to reach you all today. I hope what I share today has value and helps even one person besides myself.

A lot of stuff I have shared this week, I have shared before. Maybe not as truthful and maybe not with me taking more personal responsibility. I think it all deals with the personal relationships and spiritual connection.

For me for years I have just grieved and grieved and not healed. Today I am healing and working to get some where in the grieving process. It becomes an honor and not just pain, but real love.

I do not know why it takes almost 40 or 50 years to say I was wrong.

Believe me when I say this there are times there are no second chances.

All we can do is clean our side of the street when those times happen. It is a continual process of living out amends to others. I do not give up hope, but there are times I am worn down. I do feel like I have given up at times, but somehow, I just keep getting back up and say okay, we can do this.

That somehow, is God, friends, and family. I am not alone in anything I do. But I will say that at times, it feels alone. How selfish to think so though?

Because of others, the chance to look at, and say the truth today, I am given many opportunities for growth. I do not always take every opportunity, but I am given them regardless.

There are times I do get stuck and feel like I will never be able to climb out of the dark hole. It is a little more bearable today than what it was. I am content with most things in my life and see some hope ahead today.

I will get better at some things, but I doubt I will do anything perfectly.

I promised myself I would at least make progress on honoring my dad and get things more ready for his spot in my apartment. I stuck to that promise and transplanted a peace lily plant into a bigger planter.

I have a picture of my dad printed out. I am still decluttering my apartment, to make it easier to live in. So progress is the key. Years ago, I was more of a hoarder while today its just getting of a few junky items.

I can be happy about that today.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

I am thankful for the ability to see growth in myself.
I am thankful for God, friends, and family.
I am thankful for ways to make myself follow through today.
I am thankful for the ways of nature and that some things are just natural.
I am thankful for fellow writers and bloggers.
I am thankful for friends I have made from professional helpers in my life.
I am thankful I am still here to tell my stories.
I am thankful I do not need anyone’s approval today or their permission for me to be human.
I am thankful for being able to still smell rain at times.
I am thankful for everything beautiful

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I am Answering My Own Questions

May 2, 2020 / boxcarmike / 2 Comments

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Hi Everyone,

My days and nights are still mixed up, but I finally slept enough to feel better and some tension is relieved.

It was very hard week for me physically. However, now with the much-needed sleep and rest I think I can heal more.

I challenged us all to answer questions and I did. I have not discussed them with friends yet. I did discuss them with my therapist who is like a friend in my mind, anyway.

Here are my answers:

1.What are you doing to take care of yourself?

I am sleeping when I can. I am eating at least two meals a day maybe three on good days. I am keeping up with doctors and medications. I am meditating and praying for others.

How are you sleeping?

I am sleeping erratically but getting it in.

How are you eating?

A lot of the time I am earing too much but at least getting in two meals a day.

What exercises are helping you?

Walking is helping a lot.

Are you really taking quiet time or are you justday dreamingand whistling in the dark?

I am really taking quiet time and doing my best to shut out the negative voices. I am doing my best at arranging my home to be a sanctuary of calmness. (Decluttering is key). The other part is I think some of us, just can’t always meditate. We are always on overload much of the time, so some days it’s hard not to be just whistling in the dark.

What are you doing to help someone else?

I blessed someone else with something they needed that I could get for them.

Are you taking precautions for covid-19?

I am not taking too many trips out; I am staying in for the most part and staying clean.

What areas have you improved on in your life?

I am a work in progress. I am working on facing me more when I am alone. I am learning to compromise more.

What areas in your life need work?

All of the areas of my life need work with a regular schedule.

Will you hold on for one more day?

Yes, I will take each day at a time.

How much hope do you have?

I have more hope today than a week ago.

What’s one positive thing you love about yourself?

That I can be under a lot of stress and finally get sick enough of it to get up anyway and at least set a plan in motion to change things. I am edging other’s opinions about me out because they are none of my business.

The advice I am giving myself is to go over these questions every two or three days, in hopes of just being accountable to myself.

I am also still encouraging myself to discuss these questions with one or two friends.

We often say, if we knew better, we would do better. I want to do better and not according to anyone else’s standards. Every day is a work in progress.

10 Things I am Thankful For:

Sleep

The ability to know myself and listen to what my body is telling me what I need

That I don’t want to stay stagnant and whiny about others or feel the need to criticize others always.

Healing

Smiles and joy

I have been able to provide a roof over my head continuously for over 3 years going on 4 years.

That I can take criticism when it is shared in a nice way

My bills are paid

That I am doing better at admitting wrongs more promptly

I am not going hungry

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

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