I Regret Not Freely Being Myself More

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Hey, Y’all!

I may end up writing a few blog post entries today because I regret not writing more consistently.

Life happens. Wrenches get thrown into plans, and I find I do freak out when I must readjust accordingly. This has happened more than a few times this week. More so the plan changed in the last several months. Dealing with the aftermath has sucked cow’s buttermilk.

For one that has a history of hating routines, I sure have melted down over the curveballs thrown at me.

The latest curveball was finding out my town had a water boil advisory alert! It had been in effect for several days. I freaked out. I grabbed dishes and all the stuff out of cabinets boiled water and added bleach! I should also add, I have a helper. I can be a little controlling when I freak out.

I can be a little controlling about boiling water as well.

As I was telling a couple of friends about my day, one of them pointed out, “not everyone is going to do the same as you.” Another friend said, “Do you realize you told someone how to boil water?” I said in my defense, the helper said, she was not a good cook. I said also in my defense, a year ago I was telling someone how to wash their hands!

I have grown! I am not going to be fixed overnight! My friend said in jest, “you cannot be fixed.” We laughed some more. He suggested, I start a recipe section on social media and tell everyone the recipe for boiling water! I said, I just might do it!

You might think this is the end of this story. You would be wrong. I kept waiting for the updates on the advisory because by the end of the day there was supposed to be an update on the advisory. There was an update that said we were free to use our water normally again. I still did not believe people because I did not see where an official, said as much.

I finally, did see the post that said the advisory was lifted. I now breathe a little bit easier. I do want to play it safe where health risks are a concern. The problem becomes not being able to freely live. My sense of humor disappears. I am not enjoying the same life I am protecting.

I am realizing you can never prepare enough. Some things you cannot prepare for, with a lack of communication. Sometimes you must be more flexible than you might at first be willing to be.

I got a lesson in life today. It is forcing me to look at more things that matter. I need to take advantage of the help I receive in all areas of my life. I do have a responsibility to take care of myself. I do need to quit being afraid of being locked into my own words.

I do fear someone will use my own words against me and make me commit to something they believe.

I shared this funny and sad story. However, it is exactly something like this story, that points to my fears. I want more out of my life than fear.

I want to enjoy freely being me.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Realizing I Cannot Do It By Myself

I seem to fall asleep as soon as I say I am going to try to stay awake until it is a decent bedtime, and invariably it becomes a late night. So here I am writing mainly out of gratitude that I am not in the hospital or hurt myself by some part of me that felt the need to control things.

As we get older, we want more freedom and simultaneously we have more limitations, which we try to ignore.  I have always accused others of being controlling. Ironically, I am the controlling one. This became news to me. It is not recent news trust me on that.

I always want things a certain way. I do not want to have to express that I want things a certain way, or even ask for help in getting things the way I want them. Perhaps I do want people to read my mind and then resent them because they cannot do so.

It was twenty-four hours ago I was trying to help myself get up off the floor because I had knelt and realized I could not get up off the floor. My knees were locked underneath me. I had no strength whatsoever.

Between 2:00 am and 2:30 am my neighbor heard me crying and screaming for help after the 2 hours or so of me praying and asking God for help. It was a total of about 31/2 to 4 hours. I never felt so scared or helpless in my whole life.

I was so grateful for the paramedics and my neighbor. I have vowed to leave things alone that I cannot control. It has been a wake-up call to my situation that I cannot do it all by myself and that I do require help.

There also seems to be another lesson make sure before you take to social media your loved ones are aware and are reassured, you are okay. I still have a few I am way behind on.

I must do some research and figure out away to get me better. I never want to feel that helpless again. However, in the meantime it is about recognizing I have true limits. Respecting my limits is a must.

I find myself happy to be able to be sitting up texting and even writing blog entry. If you had told me even 3 years ago a day was coming, I would not be able to pull myself up off the floor, I would have called you a liar. Yet here I am. My absolutes are, always having my phone and cane on me. I hate having phone on me all the time.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I want to see phones die a horrible death under a tractor trailer. It is not just my phone that annoys me, it is your phone too! The necessary evils they are just makes me want to say bad words.

This comes from a 30 something (Who counts their age after 39 anyway?) who used to be a teen who spent hours and hours on the phone.

I am so grateful for the love support and encouragement from friends and family. I love ya all.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!