Integrity Happens Because I Decide My Behavior

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Walthers Park DeSoto, Missouri 2016

Hi Everyone!

I hope once again to dive deeper into the subject of integrity.

Choosing my behavior begins as soon as I stumble from my bed and get my coffee ready so I can say a prayer.  While it has only been as of late to be consistent with this, so far I am finding it works.

My prayer starts simply: God, please help me today I cannot do this without you. God, please direct my thoughts today to help me to be divorced from self-pity and that I may be of help to others where I can. Help me to pause when angered or agitated. Help me to stay in the right behavior and help me to be mindful of you. Thank you God for another day and help me to live life to the fullest amen.

I look at past behaviors and realize without doing my prayer I would stay stuck the whole day because I did not take that needed moment. I do this before I talk to anyone. Unless of course, I am awakened abruptly.

I try to be as open and honest as I can. I try to be motivated by the right things realizing I am not perfect. None of us are perfect.

I have key people in my circle who I run things by to make sure I am on the right track. Sometimes, it means a talk just to see what is going on inside my head. A lot of times, it means listening to others and not just so I can think of the next thing to say. Sometimes it means being a sounding board to stay out of my head.

Integrity for me means being true to myself and admitting when I am wrong revealing my motives. It also means slowing down a minute and looking at myself through the eyes of others. We cannot always see what others see in us. It also means doing the right thing when no one is watching.

I do my best to avoid behaviors that are going to threaten my freedom. I do my best to avoid behaviors that can lead me back in my addictions. I avoid situations that will threaten my sanity. Peace of mind and minding my own business are priceless today.

I do my best to stop myself from gossiping or entertaining gossip. It has no value in a productive life. However, yes do we all not enjoy a good story every once in a while? I will say it is a trap and can start a trend. It messes with my peace today. I want better for myself.

I write gratitude lists from time to time because otherwise, I can slip into not being grateful. I do not want to be selfish today. Being ungrateful certainly does lead to being selfish.

One of the hardest parts I believe is looking at the exact wrongs and harms I have done to others. But perhaps the hardest of all is making those harms and wrongs right.

Some people and situations will never be the same. My hope is never to do the same wrongs and harms ever again.

For me, it has come down to doing the right thing or not doing it at all. There is no middle ground anymore.

There is more to be continued with this subject of integrity and behavior.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Confronting Every Aspect of My Life’s Hypocrisy

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Walthers Park DeSoto Missouri 2016

Hey, Y’all!

I am here and we have some new viewers and new followers. I welcome you all and I hope everyone feels free to comment and post.

I also added one new page of links to this blog “Cooking Shows And Other Favorites.”

I am excited with today’s topic continuing where I kind of strayed off-topic with integrity. I took a break from it. Without further droning on.

Here, we go!

Hypocrisy would mean lacking integrity. Saying I believe one way and then acting differently. However, I would be preaching to others the importance of holding up a moral code. One I did not follow myself, therefore making me a hypocrite.

I decided after a talk with my mama to look up the definition of integrity I ended up with a good summarization of the word after surfing the internet. One plain definition in just plain talk is, behaving in such a way that one does the right thing even when no one is watching.

A quote shared with me is and found spot on.

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. It’s choosing to practice your values rather than simply professing them.”

— Brené Brown, via twitter.com Dare To Lead

Definition of integrity

1: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values: INCORRUPTIBILITY

2: an unimpaired condition: SOUNDNESS

3: the quality or state of being complete or undivided: COMPLETENESS

Cited from: Merriam-Webster Dictionary

My self-examination and inventory of my life over the years have finally gotten me to scream to myself; “your words and your actions must match up to have any quality of life.”

The things I have had to look and test with are the quotes below:

  1. “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”  George S. Patton
  2. “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.” Stephanie Lahart
  3. “Is it true, is it kind, or is it necessary?” Socrates

I have had to look at my life and something helped that I took hard at the time was when a friend mentioned, “Oh so a lot of your problems have been self-imposed and self-sabotaged?” Well, I was taken aback and embarrassed by the truth in front of me. I sheepishly answered, yeah.

But that seed planted was enough to grow and finally get me to face me.

I started changing as I feel granted more years to live than what could have been. It was not enough. There had to be more crucial changes my diet had to change. I had to admit to my innermost being that I was addicted to food as much as I was an alcoholic and addict.

I started over on my step work I started getting more honest.
I had to get past being a victim of circumstances and I am working hard on that today.

In the not-too-distant past, I had to admit I was addicted to more. I had to start changing what I was feeding myself through screens. It was taking me down and giving me a paralyzing fear.

I listened to a message yesterday at Browers Wesleyan Church. I listened with more intent on receiving a message just as much, maybe, even more, than when I decided I was defeated by my other addictions. You don’t have to agree with me or what was spoken.

Now I have already been making changes before this message was ever spoken. The real question for me yesterday was, will I keep doing what I am doing or go back to old ways.

I want my whole life above board. If I feel the need to hide anything then I am not walking the life of integrity. The thing is I am not hiding anything anymore. I will not go backward on this.

It is the secrets that will kill you.

Colossians 4:6 (ESV) 6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Everything I say is about my journey, my walk; if it helps you then great.

I know this was still a basic overview and hope to dive deeper in the next blog post entry.

I am not done with this subject by a long shot!

Like I have said before, I was told I could have a better life. I want that better life. I am doing what I have to for me to get it.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

A Way Out Through Writing To Myself

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone!

I wanted to update you about the coming soon pages to my blog. I have been lazy as far as those are concerned.

The thing is, this post turned out the way it did. It just is.

Today I am sharing a letter to my younger self. He has been waiting for freedom, and now he is finally free.

To give you the background in my lifetime I have two first names, so I am combing them for the younger guy.

I want to talk to this guy right here!

me at about 15

Jeffrey Michael,

The monsters are gone, and they cannot hurt you anymore. I did not know how to protect you. I tried my best and asked God to rescue you. Through it all, I believe God was there.

You made adult choices between 11 years old to 15 years old and probably even farther. You lived in so many worlds not being satisfied with where you were. You did just want to survive.

My little man, you could not run your life. Your answer to everything was running away.

You got your first-weekend job at 12 years old and had your first drink on the job. This was both comical and sad. You needed all kinds of help. You woke up the next morning forced to do a mile run puking your guts up swearing you’d never do it again.

It was too late you were ready for the next buzz as soon as stuff hit the fan.

You were born into a world of sickness, disease, addiction, and full of dark secrets. You were unwanted on many levels. You carried it with you throughout your life.

There were people assigned to help you along the way that did not always have your best interest in mind.

However, there were people along the way such as clergy, your new parents, and other people, who did and do have your best interest at heart. But you undermined them all to try to get your way.

In the end, regardless of it being your survival tool it only served in self-defeat and was designed only to end your life.

God had to have carried you. That is the only answer to over 20 years of rebellion, addiction, alcoholism, being suicidal, and hospitalizations before you got help. Some people pointed the way, but you could not see your way through.

I am telling you now in the past 9 months you have finally come to terms with some of the things that had you so locked up inside yourself.

Seeds were planted and you were planted right here.

You are finally getting to bloom and accept the life changes. Finally, you are picking up the pieces of your wreckage. You have lots of life left in you. I am not going to let you waste it.

I am ready to surrender you to God to be able to self-parent you with His guidance. They are in the steps of this program which came from God’s word originally.

  1. My life was and is a mess anytime I try to excuse my behaviors.
  2. I had to come to believe I couldn’t be God and had to decide He either was or is not. He Is.
  3. I had to offer myself up and ask for help in turning my life over to God. I can not be running the show.
  4. Had to find my moral compass making a searching and fearless moral inventory. A total self-examination.
  5.  I had to admit to God myself and another human being, the exact nature of my wrongs.
  6. I had to be entirely ready to let God remove my defects of character. I have been holding a rock in my hand the entire time with bitterness, resentment, hate, and judgment. I had to drop that rock. I cannot be throwing rocks. I have to forgive people too. It only hurts me and it puts my life at peril.
  7. I have to humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings, and that is no shortlist. It is an honest appraisal of my short-comings. This gets me ready to do the following. All my secrets are out whew!
  8. Make a list of all persons I have harmed a Good portion may come off that 4th step moral compass we wrote out. Don’t burn that baby.
  9. Our list will let us know who to make direct amends to where ever possible.
  10. Continue to take personal inventory and promptly admit when I am wrong this doesn’t mean I have to wait for this step this is just a good check-in by this point we are getting ready for the next step because step 3 has now been defined by all the steps before and what remains is this:
  11. Sought Through prayer and meditation improve conscious contact with God as we understood God asking only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out!
  12. I am going to be ready to take this message to another person.

This is what is freeing you by laying it all down you got quite a few things to go. Being at step7, you do not have to hold on to the past anymore.

Anything is possible. Like they say Do not quit before the miracle happens. You have had plenty happen and many more are in your future.

I love you.

Love,

Me

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Integrity Not Only In Words But Action

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone!

I am very excited to finally be writing tonight. I have had many technical interruptions that held me off from writing today.

There has been a series of events that happened because of my willingness to change and trust different processes along the way.

In my previous posts, you will have read about my hospitalizations and time in a rehab center following many falls from bed. Plus, there were a host of many things brought on by my health difficulties, of gaining weight, diabetes, wound ulcers swelling, and unwillingness to be hospitalized until a time it was close to the last call.

So, the very first thing I want to share is my right leg and foot are wound-free. Every wound is closed and healed on that leg and foot!

To me, that is a huge miracle! I am so thankful to God for this very thing. I am thankful to drivers’ nurses, doctors, friends, family, and support in all different ways. It took everything and everyone. I do have to keep compression wraps on that leg. But is so amazing.

The left leg and foot where the wounds are, very close to closing. They have a little way to go yet. However, it is so much better.

I left the rehab right before July 4th, 2021; It was then, I made a promise to myself and others, that nothing was going to be the same ever again.

Used by permission of meltblogs from Facebook.com

This right here is what I am replacing my negative self-talk with. Read the words in that meme picture.

I began making changes in my diet asking for help more. At the time I needed more help.

My own photo of What I prepared homemade.

There has been a mountain of changes. Exercising and working with physical therapy, walking more and more so recently. Doing my best to make life less complicated, more organized, and simpler.

I have had to clear my mind of the junk I have held onto for years. I have had to stop excuses for my behavior. It has truly become a program of action. It comes in forgiving others and learning to let myself off the hook for things that were not my fault.

In The last few weeks even, most recently, this week I have drawn some lines in the sand for myself. I have had to get real with God and my faith. I have had to admit some wrongs. I continuously take inventory of myself and even a few lingering details of my past.

I have had to return to a relationship with God built on total honesty and his mercy and grace through all my trials.

I went home and moved to a street-level apartment. I was home for two months or so. Then it was to only be back in the hospital for like a week and diagnosed with osteomyelitis.

I was doing everything I could to get off the PICC line. I was scared I would be on antibiotics for the rest of my life. I have been off antibiotics for about a few weeks now think.

The night I got home from the hospital I talked to God and said I was not ready yet.

I found out I have a whole lot of life left in me. I am making the changes, I am sharing who I am today, what I have done, and this broken mess of a life, I have been leading.

Walking With my walker “Cadillac Jack”
Photos of my walk

I am stopping the negative self-talk, the complaining about not enough. The secret thoughts, I am bringing them to light; I want to show them for what they are and to put them down.

I do want to figure out something as I heal more and more to generate an income and be able to get off government aid and disability. I want to own my own home.

The time is getting real folks! Inflation is going to eat us up.  I won’t sit by and just be quiet anymore. I am also ready to say let’s fire every single one in office as “We the People.” Because almost every single last one in the office is not for the people of this country. We are going to have to pull together no matter which side you are on and be self-sustaining people! Buy Local! I am hearing it from farmers and truckers alike. We must figure out how to replenish what we take from our communities. If we do not, we all go under.

I am getting off track but on track too!

Integrity is taking on the responsibility of my whole self and being true, through and through.

I want to live comfortably in my skin and call a spade a spade. No more hiding. No More on the fence!

I hope you enjoy the many pictures I am sharing as well.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out.

God Bless Y’All Everybody!

Working On Updating Two New Pages To Boxcar Mike

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by: Michael D Radin

Hi Everyone!

I am currently in the middle of drafting two new pages to be added to Boxcar Mike.

One of the pages will feature recovery link resources.

The second page will have the cooking shows I watch and follow on Facebook and Youtube social media.

In my most recent post, I mention how important it is for me to have a routine and schedule. I hope to share more content such as pictures and more specifically, sharing how I live out my daily life.

I have a list of things to do today. These things include laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, cooking, taking out the trash, and walking.

There is always plenty of action to be taken. This is where my phrases of doing the next right thing and first things first, come in as help to remind me to breathe in and out. The next right thing is to take the action.

Lists are helpful for me, but it means taking action again. Lists are not helpful if you don’t take the action. I sometimes have made lists and have not even taken the first step. It all just becomes words on paper never getting anything done.

There are many times when I must keep moving items to be done to the next day’s list. That is until I bite the bullet and complete, said items.

It is the simplest things that can determine how my day goes with my reaction to taking charge of them. The important thing is for me to keep moving forward with exercise health, faith, prayer, and meditation.

Sometimes I must stop in the middle of something go back to the last next right thing. For instance, I had to stop writing for a minute and go grab my phone and put it on the charger, so it is fully charged for my walk.

When walking any distance alone I must have my phone with me for any emergency and my safety. But anyone who knows me, knows I hate being attached to a phone. I think I was born a rule breaker. The phone has that rule of reminding of a routine.

I have rebelled against a routine because I just wanted freedom. I am finding out today that having a routine does give me freedom. It is just about breaking habits now. I mean the habits that get in the way of me following a routine.

I hate discussions on habits, but I know I will be asked about it. It is the habit of laziness and wanting to pull the covers over your head and scream at people to get out!

I am constantly questioning my motives in doing everything because, in the past, all my motives did not always have the best intentions. Here is the best thing about questioning myself today; I have better choices to make.

I do not always choose the better choices. But again, there rings that freedom in making choices. I can always improve.

I went back to writing on my routine again.

The original intent of this entry was to update you on what I plan to add to this blog. Well, originally, I was going to try to feature this stuff on Facebook and have people come over there and interact with me there.

However, Facebook just didn’t have the appeal to me as the platform to share the same pages.

So here we are. I hope to get more updating done today but it will come after my list of stuff to get done.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Yall Everybody!

Routine, Recovery, Gratitude, Spirituality, Integrity, and Normality

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Streetwindy on Pexels.com

Good Morning Everyone!

I am enjoying my coffee and feeling encouraged by the forecast calling for 68°.

One of my most difficult tasks is staying on track with a routine. I do have the routine of going to the doctor’s office and the visiting nurses coming in to help me take care of myself. I am very grateful for this.

Until the past few years, I never understood why a routine was so important. The thing is I crave a routine now. I am just starting at it again with waking up, making my lists, calling someone every weekday morning at 7:00 am, and drinking my coffee.

I believe it is important for me to have a few friends where we discuss recovery, spirituality, gratitude, and integrity. It gives me a normality zone to work with. But even more important, is for me to me have that same relationship with God.

One buddy gave me a detailed rundown of his routine schedule. It all begins with thinking ahead of even how to be prepared. Many people were taught this growing up. However, for some of us, it is an art that we lost along the way.

The thing I want is a life of quality and improving that quality of life. It has been proven to be the only way to do that is through having a routine.

One of the ideas that come to mind, is if insanity is defined as doing the same things over expecting different results, then sanity is doing the same things over and expecting the same results.

The catch is we have to be careful about those expectations. For me, expectations in other areas of my life can often lead to trouble. I believe I am safe, though when it comes to building and keeping a healthy routine.

I have forgotten at times how important it is to have 3-5 meals per day and that they are balanced meals. It is also important to do any exercise I possibly can do and for the most part, it is doing the cleaning and walking as much as possible.

The other thing I am going to throw into the mix is my spirituality. It is vitally important to have that intact. My spirituality has suffered much, and yet it is so necessary.

My spirituality comes in the form of my gratitude and always find at least one thing to be grateful for each day. Along with that gratitude is being truthful and hopefully having integrity. Integrity is a noble thing considered by some men.

For me, integrity is part of living life and being truthful in what I worship. It is when you have peace and have nothing to hide from anyone. I have failed utterly in many ways with integrity.

But having a routine and following healthy examples, as well as giving it all to God and asking Him for help. I believe this is the answer. It is my only hope for peace in God.

Milk may do the body well, but I need the meat and vegetables too.

At some point, the acting has to stop and action must be taken. This is necessary for a routine of healthy living to take effect. I want to always be who I say I am; otherwise, they are just words I am spouting off with no action behind them.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All, Everybody!

Making Choices I Can Live With Without Regrets

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Krivec Ales on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone!
I am having my coffee and cigarette at 3:00 am this morning with a climate temperature of 46°. I am listening to my pandora app reminding me of yesteryear in country music.

Remembering Barbara Mandrell and Pam Tillis. You cannot remember Pam Tillis w/out remembering her father Mel Tillis, who sang “CocaCola Cowboy” Johnny Paycheck “Take This Job and Shove It.” Those artists take me back to a simpler time. But I am not here to talk about country artists. They are favorites I am listening to while waking up with my mug of hot coffee and cigarette.

I love the fact I slept 3 hours wake up to my super clean apartment.

Now, most of the cleaning I have done to keep myself. I am living in the habit of cleaning, which has been fully ingrained in me. If it took 55 years, so be it. I love the apartment that I do call my house.
Yesterday I interview and hired with the agency a caregiver. She had me at the fact of moving things out from the edges of my kitchen to sweep and mop. She even makes her cleaning solutions at home. It is something she does for herself with her own home.

I think she is an old soul who cleans like a lot of our grandmas have and tried to pass down to us.
I am looking forward to becoming fully organized in my supplies, cleaning filing, and dresser drawers. The closets will not be hard to organize, because there is not much room in them, to begin with.
I have been staying busy doing a lot of cleaning and less eating. I ate poorly the last week and a half by overindulging in all kinds of foods to not feel.

I have been dealing with the fact of me trying to avoid the grief I have associated with a couple of deaths. The fact is I have to deal with death without using food. I also do not want to use lack of sleep to become constantly sleeping to avoid things. This has been my pattern in the recent past. I am making decisions to making choices to deal healthily with myself.

I am doing my best to break out of isolation and call people. If I have not called or visited some of you in a long time; I am working on it. It is not because I do not care. Today it is all about trying to keep a balance and get back into trying to get there with you. That is the people I have regularly been in contact with in the past.

I do want to live my best life possible in every way I can do so.
This kind of reminds me how when young wanting my own real family and getting them. The next thing I was doing everything I could to get away from them. Now being an adult and recovering from life itself; I am trying every which way I know how to get back with them again.

We all have and make our choices. Sometimes there are more chances and sometimes you run out of chances. Today I want to make choices that I can live with, without regrets.
Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!
God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Edit: For facts of Johnny Paycheck And Mel Tillis and their perspective songs.

Realizing I Am Too Much Of An Enabler

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone!

Today I received a call from the agency asking how things were going. All the same consensuses from others they called to poll the caregiver. However, I seem to be the only one not wanting someone to lose their job. But I was not going to lie. To sum up, what they implied, I was too easy and should join the bandwagon.

I look at our economy and how everything is going. It is hard enough even if you are working these days. I have always held on to the belief if you cannot make it, then it should be your aim to help someone else over the top, if they do not do you dirty. This could be the definition of an enabler.

However, if I had to judge today’s tasks, everything is done excellently. She took the storm window out of the storm door to clean it. That is a task I have needed to be done ever since I moved in. I was proud of my helper for that. She took time to carefully dust every piece of my Livingroom furniture the vacuuming of my Livingroom and bedroom.

Still, I know there are areas she needs to work on. There are the things I just flat out will not be ready to trust her or even anyone new to do. I do want to help myself as much as possible for as long as I can. This comes especially important since my health is improving.

I am sure soon they will be switching her out at least. It is the cycle of life in the work environment. I must be willing to change as well. I am not doing so bad. But always needed improvement on my part and the parts I play in my own life.

I always play a part in things I allow to go on. I am not willing to give up though, at the first sight of something rubbing me the wrong way. I mean I know; in the past, I have in certain situations. I must confess I was usually too overbearing or wanted everything just the way I wanted it.

Everything points to balance. I have been writing this article since Monday. In this time, I have given thought to the fact if I had to make decisions for a loved one, I would not allow the same of what I do for myself.

Right now, I am on the edge and thinking about how the next week goes if I am willing to keep the current caregiver.

Yesterday as of Wednesday, it had not even hardly begun to drizzle when she said she wanted to cut the day short. Her words as soon as she showed up. She acted like I needed to be grateful to get groceries in before the great storm.

Do not get me wrong I am grateful, but that is not the end of it all.

She has the responsibility of doing her job. Anything else is not my problem. I will work with situations, but I will not continue to enable others to the best of my ability.

I have the responsibility and privilege of taking care of myself. Part of that means ensuring a caregiver that is paid to help me, do their part.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

The Weeks’ Work And Rest Finding Balance

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Los Muertos Crew on Pexels.com

Hey Everybody!

I have had a long week like everyone else. I am happy with myself that I am getting healthier and healing. The important thing about this week has been doing my own laundry. It was more important to show the medical staff the fruits of my labor and blood tests to prove it.

I am needing a balanced routine it has been proven to me, that I struggle with balance. I keep looking ahead and right in front of me. If I get too far ahead, I see impossibility, so I need to stay in this twenty-four-hour.

This weekend is about rest and sleep. If you do not get enough rest and sleep the weight will add on. You need more than one meal a day otherwise everything is self-sabotaged. Keeping the medicine regime and exercise.

Let us recap to stay on track. We need a regular routine of self-care: hygiene, exercise, medicine, sleep, and rest. We also need to ask for help when needed. My showers are so important they are my me-time emotionally and spiritually. I can cry, laugh, talk to myself, talk to God, and meditate all in the shower. Oh, and sing!

I struggle with check-ins. I am supposed to be checking in by keeping my appointment with my therapist and calling 2-3 people. I do get overwhelmed and overtired. I way oversleep. I do not mean to, but it is one more thing to change.

Some days I just want someone to hug me and say everything is all right; you are doing great just keep hanging in there.

I keep doing the dishes, sweeping, mopping, laundry, and taking some of the trash out, I even took the blinds down, washed, rinsed, and hung them back up. I vacuum. I have my helper break down boxes and take the trash out. I also have her wash sanitize doors and handles and now I am preparing all my meals. I do have my helper get the mail.

I also have my helper do some of the vacuuming sweeping and mopping.

I send my helper on errands I do not have transportation for. To be fair I order most of my groceries and supplies for delivery. The balance just is elusive most days.

I refuse to let everything stay the same. Growth is an absolute need. The acceptance of life on life’s terms is one thing. I can change myself and be happier and healthier while accepting those terms.

I have also contemplated the caregiver’s point of view. They are wondering most of the time if they are giving enough care. If they are doing the balancing act correctly with meals, medication, exercises, and personal care? While I have been a CNA in the past, I cannot imagine doing that for someone else today.

It is just as important caregivers do these things for themselves as much as they do for the ones, they care for.

I am doing what I can for myself today. I hope to keep changing and keep getting healthier.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

My Helper’s Motivating Me To Do It

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Rene Asmussen on Pexels.com

Hey Everybody !

Here I am again. This time I am talking about, using my caregiver as motivation for me to just do it. It is hard for me to comprehend just how set I am in my ways of doing things. I am telling you; I have higher expectations for doing a task than most are willing to do.

I am having to set reasonable boundaries; this is something brand new for me and stick to them. It makes me nervous and anxious because for me it is usually confronting something.

I remarked to her face that washing hands are important when touching food, dishes, anything, or anyone, that washing hands is important. She is temporary. Therefore, she is my motivator for me to do my own tasks.

I will just have her do things that are not in direct contact with me. I do not dread this woman; I feel sorry for her. That can be a downfall for me too. She is helping me get stronger; in the fact, I can do more for myself.

How does this fit in with gratitude, recovery, and my spiritual life? Physically, it is helping me do more and be more active. This also helps me emotionally. I have gratitude for being able to do more than I have been able to do in the last 4 years. I must slow down and think what I am going to say; and take those pauses so that I speak clearly, nicely, and still make my statements.

I feel like this helper is to teach me more about understanding rather than me being understood. However, I am also finding my voice and to live peacefully as possible.

Everything changes and I am hoping to keep changing with learning to be more tolerant.

I am loving myself today. I love my apartment and want to take care of it and me. There is more work to do on improving myself and my apartment. The main thing is keeping the promise to myself to do better. There are things I have not done well. I am keeping stock of those and trying to correct those things. They are a huge struggle. In the meantime, it is about being grateful for what has changed, and what I continue to do for improvement.

I refuse to go back to the way I once lived. One day, I hope to get the thorn out of my side and be free. I am working up to trying to get out at least once a month for something I want socially.

Even with all the help and money in the world, no one can do our work for us.

  • I am grateful for hot coffee on such a freezing morning.
  • I am grateful for changes.
  • I am grateful that I can see myself truthfully today.
  • I am grateful for my own space.
  • I am grateful for God who loves and understands me trying to better know Him amid my wrongs.
  • I am grateful I get to change my story today.
  • I am grateful for the desire to have a sincere relationship with myself.
  • I am grateful for the way out.
  • I am grateful for the different seasons and patience.
  • I am grateful there is more life, and that I get to take care of what I currently have in all things.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All Everybody!