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Just To Be With You Me And God

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Hey, Y’all!

I am back here again there is so much always to share and be grateful for. I am learning and relearning new things and old things every day.

First and foremost, Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mamas!

I celebrate my own Mama today! I shared how much I love her the other night on the phone. I told her how much I appreciate her and the wonderful ways she helped me get through life when I was younger and especially in the past year.

Her reply was something along the lines of all I have done been able to do is pray, help, and love you from a distance.  It is not exactly it but close to what she said. I said is that not what moms are supposed to do love from a distance with their grown children? Again, something close was my reply and it was like a lightbulb a went on for both of us. She agreed it is.

Friends there were days in the past year of many tears and fears. Not knowing what to do or how to do this life. My mama knows a thing or two, and that was prayer and encouragement.

Right now, there are logistics to work out and we must work through them for me to meet up with her. I cannot wait for the day we get to meet up. All I can say is that it is complicated, but love and love are not complicated at all between her and me anyway. Otherwise, I would be celebrating her in person!

I encourage everyone everywhere is a way to be with your mama, you go be with her celebrate her, and show her your thankful heart. You let it be all about her today! Take those pillows for her weary head and feet. She has carried you a long way if she is biological or not!

This leads me to also say This mama I told you about is my bonus Mama, and she has bled, sweated, cried, prayed, worried, and laughed all through my growing up and adulthood. She has breathed life into me. But I also celebrate my biological Mama who gave me life and allowed me to fully develop and be born! One of my biological sisters and I lovingly refer to her as Mommy Joyce.

How does all this fit into the new things I am learning?

I am learning to stop the self-hate talk that goes on in my head. Letting go is a decisive process that starts with a five-second rule with the negative thought stopping the thought as it enters in 5-4-3-2-1.

It is taking that time to look at me in the bathroom mirror and look myself in the eye and say, “Hey Mike, you are going to do great things today!” and then high five myself. I am still at a difficult point with this finding it somewhat silly and fruitless.

However, I have made a promise to keep high fiving myself until I want to do it and it does not feel forced. That is not to say I do not have to force myself. Some days are easier, and some are harder.

My whole inner core of myself is to want to know me, be with me, be who I am and be with My God the Father, The Creator, and be all I was made to be. My soul cries out for that and has my whole life

There have been times of my doing the best to drown it out through self-hate self-sabotage and doing everything I can to die.

I am still in a process of fighting behaviors that no longer serve me. I will probably be in a fight with some of those until my last breath! The good news is this it gets better! I have gotten better, but there is always more work to be done.

I want to live today. I want to Celebrate being with you, me, and God.

Just for today!

Thanks for reading!

Other links you may want to find me in, are the following:

My Youtube Channel

My Facebook Page

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

My Gratitude Is A Plan Of Action

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Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Hey, Y’all!

It’s good to be back writing once more. I have been big on gratitude for some time. Perhaps even before I knew just how useful this tool can be and can save me from a day being ruined.

Monday was such a day I had the opportunity to use this valuable tool to turn my day around.

I was feeling, just not with it, and thought maybe I would coast through the day feeling armed with a new form of knowing more about myself during this process of resetting my life.

Somewhere between 11:00 am and 1:00 pm, I was feeling that Monday day coming on feeling and being a little bit hangry. Hungry, angry, and a man of little patience. The self-pity even started to slip in.

The next thing I started contemplating was the fact of me doing this reset. While it may have started as a reset with Mel Robbins, I realized this was my reset. I could start my day over and I started making a gratitude list.

I next realized, “Hey this is the first time I ever thought on my own to do a gratitude list in response to my feelings. Something is working here!”

I have decided to do a daily gratitude list of 10 things each day. In this entry, I am using yesterday’s list as the guide in which I share the changes in why I am grateful for each item.

To me, it is just amazing how you may know useful tools and how one day the light bulb goes on where those tools become more effective.

My list starts in the following way:

  • I am grateful for the fact that I am alive.

This means I have a chance to grow and break the cycles I have remained in and that no longer serve me.

  • I am grateful I can change my attitude.

I do not have to be miserable and make others miserable. I get the opportunity to change my responses to negative things and the thoughts running through my brain.

  • I am grateful I can change my actions.

For a long time, I did not know I have a choice to choose not to respond. I always have that option. In a lot of cases, it is the best choice I can make.

  • I am grateful for a program that helps me get it together,

I do not have to stay stuck. I can make up my mind to follow suggestions that have worked for others. There is strength in numbers and a lot of times just listening to others’ experiences helps me way more than trying some little trick. Though doing something I have never done before works as well, in most cases.

  • I am grateful for my spirituality.

Today I believe God is real and has my best interest in mind. I believe God has fought hard for me in the insane life I have led. He loves me unconditionally. I believe God has a plan for me and gave His Son for me. I am not here to shove it down your throat. It is a fact in my life and what I believe.  

I believe God has used and continues to place people, places, and circumstances in my life for different reasons. All of it is shaping who I am today.

  • I am grateful I do not have to ask family and friends to bail me out of every jam today.

There have been so many times in my life of being irresponsible and keeping on making the same poor choices that left me in the jams of insanity. The many times of having to lose everything start over. I hope to never have to repeat those lessons and pray I stay on the journey I am traveling.

  • I am grateful my life has turned around.

Almost a year ago now I realized I had turned a corner in my life where I reached the physical age of poor decisions and living just plain wrong had a cause and effect upon my life. My body’s check engine light came on and it was no fun. I have made changes and hope to make even more.

  • I am grateful that the simple small actions can make my day a success.

The simple small steps are making a gratitude list. It is getting up as soon as possible and choosing to move forward with my day. Taking the time for self-care. Filling my medicine box, being my advocate, Praying first thing, and getting that cup of coffee before I talk to anyone. Taking a pause, I do not always remember this and usually regret it later.  

  •  I am grateful for the choice to stop the insanity.

Whether it comes through the phone or trying to come in through my front door. I have the choice to refuse it today. To be honest, mostly insanity tries to come into my thoughts and that is where the rubber meets the road. Stopping the first thought can be winning the battle.

  • I am grateful for a place to call home.

I have food in the cabinets and fridge, I have a place to sleep and it is safe to be here. I get to be here today.

I hope this has been uplifting and has helped you on your journey.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcarmike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

We Just Finished A Quarter Of The Year!

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Farmington Missouri 2021

Hey, Y’all!

Welcome to May 2022!

I am in the middle of doing a hard reset of my life. While it is Mel Robbins with the idea of doing a reset and training videos. I am grateful for her sharing the training videos. I have received a more in-depth look at everything.

I have more tools and systems to add to my toolbox. But I must say, even the Bible says there is nothing new under the sun. I have been in therapy for over twenty years and my therapist is the best in my book. He has asked many of the questions and wanted the same work done in this reset that is required.

So I am excited because it gave me a new way to look at those questions and figure out what I want and do not want in my life. What will my life look like if I have all the things I want my life to look like. It is just as important that I get to share this with my friends, family, and people who follow my journey.  

I had the opportunity to fill up my fun tank. I did a brunch with a friend. I got to implement my cooking in action by making a coffee cake and hash brown casserole. I am still learning to ask for help. Most of the time, I admit it comes down to me conceding to the fact I need help.

Sometimes I am surprised when it turns out to be a successful day. It is about connecting with another human being and living life on a spiritual plane. Sharing and loving each other. Taking action. Love and respect in action.

I have been missing the tools that have been right in front of me the whole time. The missing link had been learning how to take action. There is a way designed for tools to work, but the difference is the know-how.

The way to conquer the goals and larger achievements is by doing the small things. Doing the small steps to take a bigger stride.

I am a visual learner with hands-on. This means yes I want control. I have to see it in black and white at least, if not even color-coded, highlighted with exclamation points, and underlined. The bottom line is to just do the action!

When I get to check off what I have completed I feel accomplished. Seeing is believing! I am laughing as I write this part because it is hilarious that this is exactly how I act in real life when given a set of instructions. It is also usually followed up by, are you sure this is right?

Often I think up every reason why not to follow the directions or divert from the original plan. However, I  have to go back and read the original directions and just do what is directed.

I am resetting folks! Do you need a reset? I will be sharing more along this journey.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Spring Reset With Mel Robbins And Catching Up Currently

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“You can’t control how you feel. But you can always choose how you act.” — Mel Robbins

Hey, Y’all!

I am at the last minute getting information out about a very important opportunity that could change your life.

The other evening I was going through my Facebook feed when I came across Mel Robbins offering a free Spring Reset 3- Part training. Mel Robbins is a motivational speaker. I jumped on the chance for this opportunity and hope that many others take this FREE Opportunity as well. Please Click The Link  https://courses.melrobbins.com/reset you will not be disappointed.

I have followed the instructions thus far and already have the training 1 video waiting for me to watch and work through in my email.

I have shared before and continue to share that a year ago when I was in the hospital and rehabilitation Nursing Home, I would not remain the same when I returned home.

I was released the Weekend of July 4th, 2021. My Independence Day personally, was July 4th, 2021. When friends did what they could but especially one friend who asked someone to help me move to a street-level apartment.

My life has not been the same since coming home that day. I have not, nor has anyone else found it necessary to call an ambulance for myself since the Spring of 2021. I want to continue my journey of change.

I am down to two wounds on my left extremity on either side of my ankle. A year and a half ago we were looking at 11-15 wounds total and maybe even more than that. I have lost a total of 75 pounds in the last year and I am hoping to press on beyond that.

I have made my apartment home and refer to it as my house. I feel like I am a sponge taking in everything I can learn, hoping to implement more changes in my life. I have plenty of room for improvement and want more than anything to keep growing and changing.

Emotionally and spiritually there has been an improvement in not having to take other people’s temperatures to see if I am okay.

I am closer to God than I have been in almost the whole seven years I have moved to South East Missouri. Again I have much room for improvement. I am finding I am for once, reasonably happy and content in my surroundings.

I am finding joy in my life. I have accused others of stealing my joy and maybe one or two monsters that were once in my life did steal my joy. But I realize today, I mostly traded my joy for fear, anger, resentment, hatred, self-loathing, and self-pity, Do you get it? I became my monster.

I am working to rid myself of all the monsters today.

I am learning to surrender, pray, and meditate. I have hope and a future.

I get the choice to listen to others and realize they help me more as I listen.

I do not have to defend myself today in stories others may hear about me or see. I have both been a good friend and a jerk. Both are true.

My life is not even close to what it once was and I am pushing forward.

Let’s Do this Spring Reset With Mel Robbins

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

I Have Updated The Links Page and Sharing Life

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I am pleased to announce I have fully updated the cooking shows and other favorite links page to this point.

I hope to add in my planting of a few plants. I am limited in living space being in a one-bedroom apartment with a small square of a patio. It is still my refuge and where I can have my sanctuary of peace. I am very grateful for it.

I do want to share more of my life and the favorite things I like to do. I also want to dabble in new things and share those along the way as well.

To have a quality of life means living and doing things as well. It takes action. Doing things even when you know might fail.

I would rather have the enjoyment of at least trying something than not ever knowing if I could do anything. I am like a lot of people sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. When that happens I know it is time to regroup and start smaller.

Changes and cycles are all a part of life’s way.

I want so much more out of life in doing and being. While this is one page I have updated it is just part of my favorite things. If all I did was watch cooking shows and never try a recipe well then it is kind of pointless. Though my meals may not always have the desired appeal to them, the fact I try at all and come out with a result makes me happy.

I am having to reuse a lot of pictures as far as my pictures because I am running out of them to share.

I hope to take more pictures and do more things. I want to make more memories. Especially as a single in this life, it is important to me to document more and make my mark in this life.

Last year I am not sure I was hanging on to a string of hope. This year is different. It has been a year of healing and hope combined. I am learning more to self-sustain but even more so develop spiritually more in faith.

While I hope for many more years to come at the end of my life I do want to be able to say it has been a fun, wild, ride, I hope to make a difference even if it is only in one person’s life. I hope I see the 80s and 90s of old age and do everything people said I could not do. I want to do the things that I say I never could do!

A year ago, I truly believed in my heart I was having to try and figure out how to leave this world peacefully and with as much grace as possible being angry still.

But it was prayers of faith good thoughts, goodwill, and hope. I am never going to stop trying to take greater care of my precious life. I may give in to a few things. But I will continue the journey to the end.

I do find one thing no matter what to be grateful for each day!

Joy comes in the morning!

Thanks for reading!

This has been a blog post entry update by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless, Y’all Everybody!

This World Is Too Much With Us

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A photo I took out by Bismarck Lake Bismarck, MO

Hey Y’all,

I am back. I am recovering from being sick and it has been challenging to say the least. I did enjoy my birthday, as it was one of the best!

The topic at hand grabbed my heart in the past week or so. I was watching a cooking show and saw someone had a devotion book with the title on the page that read: “This World Is Too Much With Us.”

When I saw the title, I instantly imagined God saying that out in the open as a statement.

I see God as the Ultimate Parent in my world. I see God as The Creator. I see God as love and the Spiritual Being or Divine One.

God in my eyes had rules and expectations, but most of all God had a plan. That plan included us. My views keep changing but the constant is that God loves me accepts me, created me, sees me as enough, and provides for me. He always provides a way out if I look for it. I find myself when going through a difficult time, that Life was never meant to be this hard! There has to be an easier way!

I know when I begin a new adventure I will spend my energy foolishly, thinking if I just start full force with all I have I will plow through with no problem. But it does become a problem because I get worn out realizing I must start at the beginning once more.

It seems when we are the most worn is when we are needed most or that we need to be needed. We want to fulfill some impossible tasks. Because we want to help in some way, be a part of, and build a bridge to make it easier for others as well as ourselves.

We keep hoping for an easier softer way. The reality is if we just do what is in front of us to do is the easier way. The other way just becomes a way of using and being used up. It is like using some unearned credit to make it for what we think might be an easy ride up the mountain. What I fail to realize is that unearned credit is going to be time to be paid back plus interest. This is what living life on credit or a bartering system is like. Because in the very beginning we start using scales that are not balanced, It is just like gambling. Only we do it with our very lives, The house always what? The house always wins! We lose more than what we were supposed to gain.

The ways of this world just do not work. In the faint distance, I can hear my mom and dad calling after me. “We never meant that for you!” In the same way, I hear God today saying: “It was supposed to be easier, did you not hear my instructions? Did you not listen? I never meant that harm to you. That was not my plan for you!”

This world will use you up, chew you up, and spit you out. We get used up trying to find an easier, softer way.

Being on this journey means doing what is in front of me. Letting go of my expectations of what I think the instructions mean and following the instructions makes it easier. I see more beauty in life when I find my gratitude.

Safety comes when I just do my part and it becomes an easier mountain climb just one foot in front of the other. God has been here the whole time. This World is too much with us.

In the end, this is how we walk each other home. My Mama is calling for supper time … I just heard her…”Michael, Michael, Its’ time to come home!” Be there in a minute Ma!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all!

Reflection, Mourning, Celebrating, And Letting Go of Selfishness

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Photo By: Boxcar Mike I use these reminders

HeyY’all!

I have much love and appreciation as of today the 500 plus likes of Boxcar Mike. I am grateful for this platform.

I am gonna get right into it. I have had a few moments of melancholy and that homesick feeling of wanting yesteryear back. You see, every year right before celebrating my birthday, I have cause to reflect on the year and many years now, before it.

I have 56 years to look back on. Some of those years were harder than others. All of them meant some kind of change was going on.

I want the times with my brother back. I want all the good times with my mama and dad back. I want the good times of more recent years of my mama back. No one sang that country song “You’re Gonna Miss This,”  to me way back then. I took so much for granted.

Oh to have my dad alive, healthy, and well. But if I ever wanted that wish so selfishly well my Mama wouldn’t have the man she does today, who she loves and he loves her. It is not that my dad didn’t love her, or that she didn’t love him, it is more life moved on.

Sometimes our selfish wants to step all over our loved ones. So we learn to love and accept life on life’s terms. Some of those terms mean they get to have a life they couldn’t have otherwise. For there is a season for everything under Heaven.

As for my brother, well he’s alive and well living the closest to a wonderful life as he can. He is with a wonderful wife with whom I just skip in law with and call my sister! They have one handsome son, all grown up now and couldn’t be prouder of as I am also.! Ladies, he’s off the market last I heard. He’s now living the awesome dream he wants as well, all out on his own.

I could go on with all my siblings, aunts, uncles, etc Even Grandma and Grandpa. But do you not know my selfish perfect world if granted, would put an end to their close to perfect worlds, that they get to live in and or finally rest in peace. I love my whole family! I never want to invade or try to trump their way of life with my selfishness.

I did choose to live an hour or more away. I knew it might be hard and some days are harder than others. Especially when you want to help or change things. But the reality is there is no more I could do if there than me here. I would be in the way and selfishly stomping all over what God is doing.

I screw up enough in my own life. I am not perfect! Some days you just cry because well, in the past you see where you made it hard for people to love you. But you do not get to wish their lives away for your selfish dreams. Sometimes I wake up and bust out laughing about a dream or a memory that was funny. This sometimes happens, In the wee hours of the morning.

I have been through many changes, hardships, scares, and looking like I could not come out of the woods, this year alone!

There are probably a good 35 years I want back, Right now, I am just trying to make up for the last ten years. They tell me “Mike buddy, all you got is today.” It is back to simplicity. One day, one heartbeat at a time. That is all we have. I just want another hug, another I love you!

May we all be around for the next entry of Boxcar Mike.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All  Everybody!

Integrity Happens Because I Decide My Behavior

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Walthers Park DeSoto, Missouri 2016

Hi Everyone!

I hope once again to dive deeper into the subject of integrity.

Choosing my behavior begins as soon as I stumble from my bed and get my coffee ready so I can say a prayer.  While it has only been as of late to be consistent with this, so far I am finding it works.

My prayer starts simply: God, please help me today I cannot do this without you. God, please direct my thoughts today to help me to be divorced from self-pity and that I may be of help to others where I can. Help me to pause when angered or agitated. Help me to stay in the right behavior and help me to be mindful of you. Thank you God for another day and help me to live life to the fullest amen.

I look at past behaviors and realize without doing my prayer I would stay stuck the whole day because I did not take that needed moment. I do this before I talk to anyone. Unless of course, I am awakened abruptly.

I try to be as open and honest as I can. I try to be motivated by the right things realizing I am not perfect. None of us are perfect.

I have key people in my circle who I run things by to make sure I am on the right track. Sometimes, it means a talk just to see what is going on inside my head. A lot of times, it means listening to others and not just so I can think of the next thing to say. Sometimes it means being a sounding board to stay out of my head.

Integrity for me means being true to myself and admitting when I am wrong revealing my motives. It also means slowing down a minute and looking at myself through the eyes of others. We cannot always see what others see in us. It also means doing the right thing when no one is watching.

I do my best to avoid behaviors that are going to threaten my freedom. I do my best to avoid behaviors that can lead me back in my addictions. I avoid situations that will threaten my sanity. Peace of mind and minding my own business are priceless today.

I do my best to stop myself from gossiping or entertaining gossip. It has no value in a productive life. However, yes do we all not enjoy a good story every once in a while? I will say it is a trap and can start a trend. It messes with my peace today. I want better for myself.

I write gratitude lists from time to time because otherwise, I can slip into not being grateful. I do not want to be selfish today. Being ungrateful certainly does lead to being selfish.

One of the hardest parts I believe is looking at the exact wrongs and harms I have done to others. But perhaps the hardest of all is making those harms and wrongs right.

Some people and situations will never be the same. My hope is never to do the same wrongs and harms ever again.

For me, it has come down to doing the right thing or not doing it at all. There is no middle ground anymore.

There is more to be continued with this subject of integrity and behavior.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Confronting Every Aspect of My Life’s Hypocrisy

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Walthers Park DeSoto Missouri 2016

Hey, Y’all!

I am here and we have some new viewers and new followers. I welcome you all and I hope everyone feels free to comment and post.

I also added one new page of links to this blog “Cooking Shows And Other Favorites.”

I am excited with today’s topic continuing where I kind of strayed off-topic with integrity. I took a break from it. Without further droning on.

Here, we go!

Hypocrisy would mean lacking integrity. Saying I believe one way and then acting differently. However, I would be preaching to others the importance of holding up a moral code. One I did not follow myself, therefore making me a hypocrite.

I decided after a talk with my mama to look up the definition of integrity I ended up with a good summarization of the word after surfing the internet. One plain definition in just plain talk is, behaving in such a way that one does the right thing even when no one is watching.

A quote shared with me is and found spot on.

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. It’s choosing to practice your values rather than simply professing them.”

— Brené Brown, via twitter.com Dare To Lead

Definition of integrity

1: firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values: INCORRUPTIBILITY

2: an unimpaired condition: SOUNDNESS

3: the quality or state of being complete or undivided: COMPLETENESS

Cited from: Merriam-Webster Dictionary

My self-examination and inventory of my life over the years have finally gotten me to scream to myself; “your words and your actions must match up to have any quality of life.”

The things I have had to look and test with are the quotes below:

  1. “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”  George S. Patton
  2. “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.” Stephanie Lahart
  3. “Is it true, is it kind, or is it necessary?” Socrates

I have had to look at my life and something helped that I took hard at the time was when a friend mentioned, “Oh so a lot of your problems have been self-imposed and self-sabotaged?” Well, I was taken aback and embarrassed by the truth in front of me. I sheepishly answered, yeah.

But that seed planted was enough to grow and finally get me to face me.

I started changing as I feel granted more years to live than what could have been. It was not enough. There had to be more crucial changes my diet had to change. I had to admit to my innermost being that I was addicted to food as much as I was an alcoholic and addict.

I started over on my step work I started getting more honest.
I had to get past being a victim of circumstances and I am working hard on that today.

In the not-too-distant past, I had to admit I was addicted to more. I had to start changing what I was feeding myself through screens. It was taking me down and giving me a paralyzing fear.

I listened to a message yesterday at Browers Wesleyan Church. I listened with more intent on receiving a message just as much, maybe, even more, than when I decided I was defeated by my other addictions. You don’t have to agree with me or what was spoken.

Now I have already been making changes before this message was ever spoken. The real question for me yesterday was, will I keep doing what I am doing or go back to old ways.

I want my whole life above board. If I feel the need to hide anything then I am not walking the life of integrity. The thing is I am not hiding anything anymore. I will not go backward on this.

It is the secrets that will kill you.

Colossians 4:6 (ESV) 6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Everything I say is about my journey, my walk; if it helps you then great.

I know this was still a basic overview and hope to dive deeper in the next blog post entry.

I am not done with this subject by a long shot!

Like I have said before, I was told I could have a better life. I want that better life. I am doing what I have to for me to get it.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

A Way Out Through Writing To Myself

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Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

Hi Everyone!

I wanted to update you about the coming soon pages to my blog. I have been lazy as far as those are concerned.

The thing is, this post turned out the way it did. It just is.

Today I am sharing a letter to my younger self. He has been waiting for freedom, and now he is finally free.

To give you the background in my lifetime I have two first names, so I am combing them for the younger guy.

I want to talk to this guy right here!

me at about 15

Jeffrey Michael,

The monsters are gone, and they cannot hurt you anymore. I did not know how to protect you. I tried my best and asked God to rescue you. Through it all, I believe God was there.

You made adult choices between 11 years old to 15 years old and probably even farther. You lived in so many worlds not being satisfied with where you were. You did just want to survive.

My little man, you could not run your life. Your answer to everything was running away.

You got your first-weekend job at 12 years old and had your first drink on the job. This was both comical and sad. You needed all kinds of help. You woke up the next morning forced to do a mile run puking your guts up swearing you’d never do it again.

It was too late you were ready for the next buzz as soon as stuff hit the fan.

You were born into a world of sickness, disease, addiction, and full of dark secrets. You were unwanted on many levels. You carried it with you throughout your life.

There were people assigned to help you along the way that did not always have your best interest in mind.

However, there were people along the way such as clergy, your new parents, and other people, who did and do have your best interest at heart. But you undermined them all to try to get your way.

In the end, regardless of it being your survival tool it only served in self-defeat and was designed only to end your life.

God had to have carried you. That is the only answer to over 20 years of rebellion, addiction, alcoholism, being suicidal, and hospitalizations before you got help. Some people pointed the way, but you could not see your way through.

I am telling you now in the past 9 months you have finally come to terms with some of the things that had you so locked up inside yourself.

Seeds were planted and you were planted right here.

You are finally getting to bloom and accept the life changes. Finally, you are picking up the pieces of your wreckage. You have lots of life left in you. I am not going to let you waste it.

I am ready to surrender you to God to be able to self-parent you with His guidance. They are in the steps of this program which came from God’s word originally.

  1. My life was and is a mess anytime I try to excuse my behaviors.
  2. I had to come to believe I couldn’t be God and had to decide He either was or is not. He Is.
  3. I had to offer myself up and ask for help in turning my life over to God. I can not be running the show.
  4. Had to find my moral compass making a searching and fearless moral inventory. A total self-examination.
  5.  I had to admit to God myself and another human being, the exact nature of my wrongs.
  6. I had to be entirely ready to let God remove my defects of character. I have been holding a rock in my hand the entire time with bitterness, resentment, hate, and judgment. I had to drop that rock. I cannot be throwing rocks. I have to forgive people too. It only hurts me and it puts my life at peril.
  7. I have to humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings, and that is no shortlist. It is an honest appraisal of my short-comings. This gets me ready to do the following. All my secrets are out whew!
  8. Make a list of all persons I have harmed a Good portion may come off that 4th step moral compass we wrote out. Don’t burn that baby.
  9. Our list will let us know who to make direct amends to where ever possible.
  10. Continue to take personal inventory and promptly admit when I am wrong this doesn’t mean I have to wait for this step this is just a good check-in by this point we are getting ready for the next step because step 3 has now been defined by all the steps before and what remains is this:
  11. Sought Through prayer and meditation improve conscious contact with God as we understood God asking only for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out!
  12. I am going to be ready to take this message to another person.

This is what is freeing you by laying it all down you got quite a few things to go. Being at step7, you do not have to hold on to the past anymore.

Anything is possible. Like they say Do not quit before the miracle happens. You have had plenty happen and many more are in your future.

I love you.

Love,

Me

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!