2023

Doing All I Can To Keep Busy

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Hey, Y’all!

I hope this finds you well. I am staying busy with doctors’ appointments as usual and spring cleaning. Yes, it is that time of year! I can see the light ahead. I will accomplish more purging and cleaning. Keeping busy helps my mind not wander too far out.

In my last blog post entry, I mentioned having health concerns and I am being able to have those treated at home and in the wound clinic. I am grateful that this is how we are proceeding thus far.

I do believe sometimes; a little scare can keep me motivated and steady the course. I do want to live my best life and be the best version of myself I can be.

I am finding I cannot do everything overnight and changes are being made a little at a time. I take my inventory constantly. You know sometimes I will say, “Eyes on your paper.” I often say this to myself especially when I am disregarding my backyard.

I am trying to live out my word consistency. As much as I want consistency in my life, it is far from being consistent. I am slowly realizing how important it is to at least make a few things consistent. I know that by finding gratitude for a few things; being consistent in a few things I can grow more consistent.

It is imperative to take care of my health. This includes getting the sleep I need and taking my medicine at the same time as directed daily. It also means eating balanced meals at the same time. I also need my sleep to be at the same time. I have the medicine down it is the rest of the things as well as keeping physically active. Simple walking and exercising.

I am being more religious with my lymphedema pumps. especially during this spring cleaning. I care more about myself today than I ever have in my life.

I do want that feeling of being in love with life. I am willing to keep working at doing what is needed to achieve just that.

Today as I write, I am listening to all the songs from my younger years, and it feels nostalgic. I am refusing to allow myself to get all down in the mulligrubs. If I let my mind go too far it can go, there. This is where I can take all my thoughts captive.

There is a lot I do miss from my younger years. I wish could go back to that man and tell him some truths as well as a few funny stories. The biggest thing is, I would make sure he knew he was worth loving and that things would not always be this way.

It has been two weeks since the previous paragraph was written. I waited for labs and tests and fears of being hospitalized again as I am fighting another infection. I have had to deal with the normal schedule and fit in time for extras, which has taken me away from writing.

Fortunately, normal wound care and oral medication are working. I believe prayer and faith have been of utmost importance for healing and protection. Despite my many faults, God hears my prayers and is moved with forgiveness for me. I am hearing a lot about Psalm 91.

I hope to write more about Psalm 91 soon. It has been a part of my journey in the past. However, it was conveniently put on the back burner until this week. More to come soon!

Psalm 91:14-16 ESV

14“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
    I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble;
    I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Repeating Some Of The Same Things Over Again

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Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

It is good to be writing once more.

I have been awake since 3:03 a.m. I fell asleep praying to God. It did take a while to fall asleep, but I felt defeated.

I am having my coffee and trying to write something of a positive nature in the negative I feel inside myself. It is like that moment when you go to pay for something, and your checking account reads insufficient funds. I did not know I would be in the negative when I woke up yesterday.

A string of the same emotions as before in my life when everything looked negative. This is when I needed my people the most. However, in this round of events I am trying to show I do have more strength and courage than before. One friend told me he thought I could handle it.

I do believe I can handle it. My friend is such an important part of helping me recognize the tools I have to cope with life’s struggles. I think we sometimes repeat things because we are being tested on things we forgot or hid from ourselves conveniently. Sometimes the same arrow is thrown in our direction because it is time to battle.

As I write this, I am battling negative thoughts and fears. I am also recognizing the things I have been learning are leading up to this moment in time. The way I am taking control is not falling apart due to fear. Is it not interesting I have been on this course of taking control? Maybe I need to hear someone’s woes besides my own.

I am still kind of in limbo about everything and waiting to hear what is going to exactly happen. I am preparing myself for events to come. Even though some news has been disclosed; I am not ready to disclose it to the whole world. I also want quiet the fears by not allowing them power over me.

The mind runs rampant while facts are yet to be fully seen. Self-examination is a must when preparing for battle. I must be prepared for the fact that things may not be comfortable and some decisions are mine to make while others are not mine to make. I am getting ready to do the best I can ever do in facing myself and other things. Those things are hopefully something that will not break me. As they say, more will be revealed.

I do want to live my best life ever. Some days are hard and I say to myself, “I did not know it was going to be this hard to live with some of the choices I made today and even previously.” All of our choices previous and present have led us to this moment in time. Whatever that looks like.

The two most important things I am still learning:

  • You are always one decision from a different life.
  • We are all walking each other home.

Life is still the sum of our choices however I do believe God can change things. I think sometimes we are forced into a waiting period so we can be humble and realize that we are just a small part of this world. This is true even when it seems big things are happening to us.

Better days are coming. More news to follow soon.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV)

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I am A Perfectionist While Exhausted And Overwhelmed

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Hey, Y’all!

I want to share something with you all, that maybe you can identify with.

I am a perfectionist in at least planning. The execution of a task can be somewhat of a letdown in the end especially if I am exhausted. I then end up redoing the task and reordering the steps in how it is completed until it is perfect in my eyes.

I get distressed and procrastinate until I am groggy and just avoid a project altogether. This is often true even in my writing and blog post entries. I then busy myself and allow myself on autopilot while allowing depression to run rampant. It becomes a new vicious cycle.

I then worry because I have avoided and procrastinated by trying to plan the perfect execution. I become overwhelmed and sad. When I am finally fed up and decide to just do the action needed, I find the original task has now snowballed and becomes an impossible elephant to remove from the room.

The next thing I know, nothing ever gets done!

Have you ever been here? Can you relate to this? Do you have unrealistic expectations? What about when others come into help, do you have unrealistic expectations of them?

I know I do. I can see it more clearly now.

I believe that this has been pointed out to me my whole life!

However, you never hear until you hear. This kind of thing came up in the training program that I am currently finishing up. One more thing I have procrastinated on. However, it was not clearly defined for me to see crystal clear until my men’s group message for this week.

If you read the previous blog post entry I shared the phrase about being only one decision away from a different life. Make no mistake, it is still a process. I say this as I am presently writing in the wee hours of the morning once more.

I must take responsibility for my decisions. What does this mean?

It means later today if I feel crabby, I must realize I am tired because I chose to be up in the wee hours. I chose to be up earlier on Tuesday when I became too tired and was filled with worry and anxiety. A byproduct of my overthinking.

Choices become one bad choice after another, thinking I will catch up. It is a vicious cycle at work within me. It now sends my head spinning and doing the same thing over expecting different results. Insanity is what it is.

What must I do?

Stop!

Stop the insanity! This is where my men’s group came to the rescue in the message given.

Philippians 4:6 (ESV) 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

  1. Stop Worrying!
  2. Pray and ask for help (guidance, peace, direction, and clarity).
  3.  We take action by prioritizing the first 3 things and doing them. It does not take overthinking. Overthinking only leads to destruction and straying stuck.
  4. Repeat the previous steps
  5. You can only do what you can in a day.
  6. Thank God for what you have completed and do these steps the following day with gratitude, prayer, and exercise. You will find (as I am told) a successful day.

I do not know about you. I am tired of finding myself stuck and spinning in my day.

I hope this encourages and gives you as much hope as I feel at this moment.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

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One Decision Away From A Different Life

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Hey, Y’all

It has been a little bit again since I last posted anything.

We are now on May 1st, 2023. This means we have completed one quarter of the year 2023. The last four months are gone. We cannot get months, nor any day of those months back!

All we can do is start from where we are right here, and now.

I realized over the weekend I needed to restart once more. Here I am doing what I can to reframe how I hope to take more serious my writing, emotional, and physical well-being.

What if I told you each of us is just one decision away from a different life?

Thank goodness we have today to turn things around. It can only be today. The reason is, all we have is this twenty-four-hour period or what is left of it anyway. I have decided, I must follow through with consistency.

I must reframe how this is to be done by acting on my decision.

I have bombed out at being consistent since the beginning. I must accept the fact I have done the best I could in this last quarter. Today is the day to decide and do better.

I did not even realize until this moment that I cannot succeed at something unless I practice the art of mindful self-compassion.

One of the ways I do that is by giving myself the loving talk and positive reinforcement by saying to myself, “I love you and I am proud of you for showing up today.” I need to say this is my second time saying it to myself and meaning it.

The old me would say something along the lines of it being a bunch of horse hockey and that it will never work. Do not knock it until you try it.

Oh, how I would cringe before to have to say that to myself! You would have thought I was cussing myself out. I want this change badly and it is not for the faint-hearted.

It did take me practice. Today it took deciding that I want a different life. This is only the beginning of a different life. Reframing the way, I look at things. Starting honestly right from zero in most aspects. That is not to say there have not been two decades or more of years of therapy.

I want to have the capacity to give more to myself and others.

Making the changes will naturally add to my gratitude which in turn gives me a boost in my day.

I was asked if I wanted to make changes and learn mindful self-compassion just this last weekend. I eventually said that I would like to try to learn how.

This syncs with other training I am in the middle of doing. Life is precious and so is time. All we have is today folks!

I have a good friend and others too. They tell me and I used to need to hear it a lot, “Things will not always be this way.”  They were right!

As friends, we always remind each other of the truths we find along the journey.

I said another thing over the weekend. I said, “I want the religious spiritual part I used to feel back.” I felt it as I was writing this entry. Writing can be spiritual for me. In writing is healing. Healing brings restoration.

The song going through my head as I wrote this was an old hymn “I Have Decided.” Only the version mostly how Amy Grant sang it because it is true for me.

“I have decided being good is just a fable. I just can’t cuz I am not able…/”

On my own I cannot be good I need God’s help.

We are one decision away from a different life!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Taking Control Starts With The First Step

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Front of my Workbook.2023 With Mel Robbins

Hey, Y’all!

Taking control begins with the first step!

I woke up early this morning. I was excited because I woke up early on a Saturday.

I changed the choice of my morning coffee I was given some Duncan Donuts Iced Coffee bottles. So I had one of those with two doughnuts.

I thought about accomplishments for this week and things I was supposed to do but missed out on as well.

One thing, in particular, was missing out on a meeting I was supposed to call into but slept through because I was too tired because of wasted energy on being angry. I was too concentrated on just appeasing another person meanwhile anger festering inside.

I will tell you I did confront that situation the next day and I did so in the right way. It brought positive results. I was able to navigate and come to an agreement with the person.

The mind gets weary with wasted energy and shortens our life much more so. I am not willing to waste my energy on things that make me angry. Sometimes we must take a break and do some baking.

I was able to have my apartment to myself long enough to boil some chicken and shred it off the bone. I wanted to try making this Chicken Casserole recipe. I was very pleased with how it turned out.

I did take three different recipes and came up with my own. I also used the casserole to use in my confronting conversation. Sometimes conversations go better with comfort food.

Boxcar Mike’s Chicken Casserole:

Preheat oven to 350 °

I boiled 4 Frozen Chicken Quarters until done.

Shredded the Chicken after letting it rest for 15 minutes.

Spray a 9×13 glass pan with nonstick spray.

I Opened 2 cans of Cream of Chicken and spread them evenly in the pan.

I mixed the chicken with 1 can of cream of mushroom soup.

I opened 1 large can of my mixed veggies which included lima beans, potatoes, carrots, a few green beans, corn, celery, and lots of pearl onions.

I opened a regular 15 oz can of cut green beans and added 3 dips of the chicken broth I made from boiling the chicken probably adding up to 1 1/2 cups of broth.

I also put in 3 huge globs of sour cream I am going to guess 2 ¼ cups.

I topped it with some turkey stuffing (I crushed stuffing with a meat tenderizer) and let it bake for 45 min covered with aluminum foil. After 45 min top again with stuffing and put it back in for 15 minutes more.

Add spices as you wish.

Below is a picture of how mine turned out.

I have leftovers and I am missing my neighbor and friend Shirley. This is something I would have shared with her. I am going to eat some after I finish this entry.

My point in this whole post is we do the things that help us help ourselves. We do not have to take control with an iron fist. It is taking steps to change the things we can. It is also accepting those things over which we have no control.

I made up my mind to walk today even while it was sprinkling telling myself I will not melt.

It is empowering to be awake today and take the steps I can.

I want to be better for myself without everything being a struggle. It is possible.

Today, may we travel lightly.

22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Mindset Changes For Living A Fuller Life

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Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I am enjoying my coffee in the wee hours. I want to catch up on everything that seemed impossible to get done yesterday.

I started this entry off by saying a prayer.

I forgot how important saying a prayer is before I do anything, so I may have the right attitude. I want changes and to have changed means changing how I operate so I have more than words. Anyone can say the right words but change only happens by action.

Prayer is key in changing me so that I may have the right motives and attitude. If I begin with prayer, I am opening communication with God. In effect, prayer enables God’s hands in being able to help me. In other words, it is not just my will at work.

Prayer involves the conscious contact with God I have always desired.

I know I have shared this before but as a little boy I went to the bluffs for serious talks with God. I knew I needed His help. No one else could or would. I often seem to forget that as an adult, now over forty years later I need to go to Him first and foremost.

Prayer for direction, safety, help, peace, and love will get me much further in accomplishing the things I am supposed to do.

The next thing is finding gratitude so that I am grateful no matter how situations and circumstances may be. This helps me build consistency.

Consistency is a challenge for me. It is my word for the year instead of a resolution. I want to be consistent in doing the next right thing. I cannot say I am doing well with that, but I am aware, and I am doing better in some areas. More work is needed in other areas of my life.

It does help me if I start with prayer and gratitude.

The next thing I must watch out for is the thoughts that pop in. Not only thoughts but lies I tell myself in my thought life. I also get thoughts that are nothing but lies. I need to catch those early and call them out as the lies they are and speak the truth.

Stopping the lies and negative thoughts is imperative to my change and growth.

I am finding I need to remind myself of this daily. As I remind myself of the untruths, I need to seek God for truth and call out those truths and realign my thoughts accordingly.

Some of it is simple stuff.

I can eat a balanced diet that is right for me.

I do not have to think badly of that person.

I do not have to talk ugly to those people.

They did not do it intentionally to ruin my day.

I am not always a failure.

I can walk. I can climb in and out of the truck without difficulty.

I am not a bad seed.

Not everything I touch turns to crud.

They do not think badly of me.

I can tell the truth.

My life does matter.

I do have a purpose.

  1. I am thankful for my nurses and doctors.
  2. I am thankful for joy today.
  3. I am thankful for friendships.
  4. I am thankful for forgiveness.
  5. I am thankful for the mindset changes.
  6. I am thankful for being able to read and write.
  7. I am thankful for the ability to make my own decisions.
  8. I am thankful for healing.
  9. I am thankful for a Loving God
  10. I am thankful for my life.

As I close, I leave you with this Holy Scripture:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

It Becomes A Holy Moment In Recovery

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Photo by Ashlee Marie on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I am back and looking forward to sharing more in this entry.

I have shared some about my recovery and my journey since being clean and sober. I can tell you now that in my experience finding recovery in your inner being and seeing it work is holy. You find it in others and it is just as holy seeing it work in their lives also.

When changes happen by forgiving and allowing your will to change.

You see in my world, there is law and order mandated by God. Yet God in His divine ways, which are higher than my ways, made a way for grace and mercy. Because of grace and mercy, a way gets made out of no way.

I found forgiveness is for me when it comes to me forgiving others. What forgiveness does for me is much more than I ever knew. Forgiveness means I am letting go. Forgiveness means I am withdrawing myself from that story. If I have been offended it means something touched me deeply that was awakened in me.

Forgiveness gives me the freedom to finally deal with myself and God.

I thought being forgiven had taught me something. However, when I learned about being the forgiver, I was in for a true awakening. I am still not finished learning about forgiving and being forgiven.

To reiterate why forgiveness is holy is that it means I want peace more than my right to stay offended. It frees me and the other person both. I do not have to stay enslaved to the pain and hurt. It is one less thing to carry in my excess baggage.

There is yet another part of forgiveness and that is forgiving ourselves. It is another way of saying that excess baggage because when I arrived in the rooms of recovery I had a long list of both hurts I had caused and a mountain full of hurts in my mind of what was done to me. Also, not all of the hurts were just in my mind. On both counts, I wore that shame. My heart was hard and I was scared of facing a day without a drink and having to face the real stuff. I let them lead me to doctors for pills.

Okay, let’s do pills. What could they hurt? A lot especially, when you go back out and add alcohol. Smoking a joint was trickery for me Id get high and then am paranoid as heck.

But I digress, shame was at the root of everything. Wrongs were done both drunk and stone-cold sober. My heart got very hard back then.

Recovery has changed me. I have to face myself and everything I am still in the process of letting go. In my journey recently my heart was hardening some. I was staying angry and holding on to some things.

I was starting to doubt my recovery and it welled up in me in a moment and shocked me as I saw it work in a particular moment with another person. I had my mind made up Sunday Night that I was gonna blast someone with words Monday Morning.

It changed at a moment’s notice when communicating with someone else we ended up helping each other. It softened my heart. It changed the course of my actions.  Today has been a day of more softening of my heart and more rest for the body and soul.

I will say I cannot afford to keep going in circles. By not forgiving I am allowing my shame to deepen, therefore, making it even harder to forgive.

I am the one who makes me crazy when I refuse to forgive. I want recovery more than ever. This is not philosophical, this is real.

As I close, I am leaving you with these three verses from The Holy Scriptures.

  • For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14 (ESV)
  • 15. but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16. since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”  1Peter 1:15-16 (ESV)
  • 8. He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8 (ESV)

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Saying Goodbye To A Friend Friday Night

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Photo by alleksana on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I have not been able to finish any writing lately. I have started a few blog post entries, but finishing the pieces was impossible. I am happy to find my way in another route. The timing had to be right. Some stories are not mine to tell and some have to wait for time to pass. 

I can see more clearly now. Sometimes, it is just about waiting and having rest.

My friend and neighbor died on the morning of the last day of March. She did all she could and finally, it was time for her to pass from this earth. A week later we (her friends and loved ones all gathered together), all saying the final goodbye to her.

I will say in her death, there were many lessons for all of us to learn from. I found many lessons for myself.

One of the lessons I learned was everyone lives and dies in the way of their choice. Everyone has their own beliefs. Each person in effect will live and die accordingly.

Another lesson I learned, there is not always the time when you say, “I will be right back.”

Still, yet, the other lesson I learned is, you cannot make everyone happy no matter how you live and die.

Dying is hard for everyone. There is a responsibility and need for dignity in both living and dying.

Harsh words and unsettled affairs can never be taken back or settled once death has taken place. Make the most of your time now. Leave this earth with no regrets.

Be ready and prepare as much as possible right now. Having medical directives for a living will and the last testament prepared, leaves less room for misinterpretation. You have a better chance of your last wishes being kept and respected. Not doing anything to prepare leaves open everything to misinterpretation and little choices that represent your true wishes.

Funeral homes are in business to make money. Our choices in how our remains are cared for are up to us. Having as much spelled out and paid for in advance saves the added stress later on, for loved ones suffering from shock and grief.

These are the lessons I have learned so far in this journey. Yes, death is a part of all of our journeys.

Things I will miss with my friend Shirley, are late-night country music barbecues. Looking at the stars and watching the neighbors and goings on in the neighborhood.Watching tv shows together and having snacks and sweet tea while often on the phone or sitting in her living room.

Thanksgiving and Christmas times The many hot afternoons with ice pops and treats. Sharing meals for no particular reason.

Shirley had her niece make Mexican food for me with freshly baked brownies. This was shortly after I got out of a temporary stay at a rehab skilled nursing facility.

Our first time together was on the Fourth of July barbecue, which Jean our mutual friend/neighbor and her husband hosted, as I was being moved into my new apartment. We each baked cookies, cakes, pies, and cobblers.

Shirley was feisty, sarcastic, and funny. When Shirley was serious she did not mince words. She was my friend and a generous person who was light-hearted. The pain was too great and after many miraculous comebacks, time was no more here on earth, for her.

I will forever miss Shirley. Good Night Sweet Lady and Friend!

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Life’s Experiences Have Given Me Many Blessings

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Photo by Alex Rusin on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

It is great to be behind the keyboard again. I apologize for ghosting my blog for the past couple of months.

When I am not writing, I get scatterbrained because I lose my center. I want to change by getting plugged back into writing. I am looking forward to wound healing and healthy tissue progressing. Things are looking great with my wounds.

There have been many obstacles that got in the way of my healing. However, my body seems to be overcoming the obstacles. The weight loss progress is a different story. I am looking at what to do differently and taking in new information and calling upon what worked before.  

I will take the good parts of any day over the negative results.

I am not that person who wants to show grotesque pictures to the whole world or even to my loved ones. At one time I did some things like that but I just want to take the healing and not have to look at how bad things are I suppose.

The other side of the coin is, multiple times a week for years I have seen pictures of my wounds. I did show others once in many years what seemed to be an endless nightmare. I am not healed yet, but I feel healing is manifesting for sure.

Right now I am dependent upon taking my blood sugar and the pills to control it. However, I still take care in choosing what I eat most of the time. My blood sugar is excellent being controlled at 5.2. I am very happy with this result.

In other news, I have rearranged my house (my apartment). I am staying busy going through the drawers and getting rid of papers and things to make life more manageable. It is so much easier when less is more.

This evening after a long day of doing wound care and a doctor’s appointment, I took a nap. I was tired and needed the rest.

I have a lot of work ahead of me.  I have many goals to meet in all of the different areas of my life. Sometimes I get sidetracked and focus on stuff that has no real meaning or place in my life. This is why my writing is important, if even insignificant to others. It helps keep me grounded.

I am so grateful for my friends and for learning that they are not to be taken for granted. I also get to see where I am a friend to them and I also have learned I am not to be taken for granted either. I get to be a friend to me today and I am learning to treat myself better.

Life is one big recovery field I get to glean from and learn how to change and grow. This takes losing to gain so much more. It means less of me and mine to get to us. Together we can do this. Alone, I cannot accomplish as much.

Gratitude goes a long way in my recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of body, mind, and spirit. I must count my blessings.

Numbers 6:24-26 (ESV)

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Willing To Do Be BetterThan Yesterday

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Hey, Y’all!

We want things to change and be better. We want everything and everyone around us to be of a higher standard and to meet our needs accordingly. The sky is the limit! We are reaching for those stars. If we pay attention and look closely, maybe everything is better than we could ever hope for.

Here begs the question. Are we willing to do better and be better than yesterday? Are we willing to come up to a higher standard? I am just remembering after reading so many times, “we cannot transmit something we have not got.” If we do not have something we cannot give it.

I know from my experience, one day I can turn around and see the change in others. However, I may still be holding on to judgments, pettiness, and anger. Meanwhile, everything and everyone else around me has changed and come up to a higher standard. Suddenly, it is a whole new ball game. The team is ready for us. Are we ready for the team?

We suddenly realize it is not about who is better.  Are we willing to be better than yesterday? Even if we have something, we can lose it or give it up. In most cases, we give it up in trading what we might have for something newer, shinier, and bigger.

If we are not careful death becomes us.

In the beginning, the thing we most wanted was to free ourselves and all of those around us. Our vision becomes clouded by the things we refuse to let go of. What we know suddenly becomes everything we have believed from assumptions and decisions we made long ago. We decided and so it was until we decided to change. That is if we make that decision.

Pain has been my biggest motivator in making changes. It has taken both physical and emotional pain. Sometimes, even just seeing the pain caused in others by my decisions and actions. I admit, mostly it is my personal feeling of pain.

If we just take the opportunity to be open to hearing others out. I said the words not too long ago; that most people just need us to listen so they can unlock themselves. I remember once a friend of mine suggested that I have tunnel vision.

I was so wrapped up in myself that I had not even noticed the sarcasm in his voice. I asked him if it was fatal and if it was permanent. His answer was plain, it could be fatal, and it could be permanent if I was not willing to change some things.

It would be many years before changing my ways. I am still changing and have gone back and forth.

Some days are simply better than others. On the whole, everything is better, and I am better than I once was.

Yesterday I heard the word, humility. Humility is in the way of not waiting or wanting applause for choosing to do the next right thing by others.

It comes down to putting off our selfishness and letting go of my old ideas. It is seeing the good in everything and everyone.

It boils down to finding gratitude in the hardest of things we often go through.

We soon learn to be grateful for all the doors that close and the doors that open to us.

Psalm 119:105 (ESV)

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

I hope to continue writing and sharing my journey more consistently.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!