2023

My Journey For The Past Three Months

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My Patio

Hey Y’all, 

Today is my first attempt at writing about my journey currently and what has happened in the almost three months break which I never intended.  

I have experienced some short-lived joy and some sadness, but mostly doing what I need for my health. There have been at least two surgeries and two inpatient hospitalizations. It started as soon as I returned from visiting my mama and attending my grandma’s funeral. 

I also lost my tomatoes and jalapeno peppers which were making me happy to have living things growing. Also, my patio has been replaced with new dirt and rock. I do feel getting the dirt replaced was a blessing considering the state did that to get rid of the lead in our ground. 

I am healing from having the head of one of my bones taken from my foot. I hope to finally get the stitches taken out this week coming up. I am supposed to see a vascular surgeon next week. Some of this I feel is routine when it is not supposed to be. 

There have been lots of prayers on my behalf that make me feel grateful. Did I mention life stops for no one? Well, let me be one to tell you it does not stop, at least not until you draw that last breath. But then it is only the one that draws that last breath that it ends for on this side of everlasting life. 

My mama and friends keep me going. Without my mama I am convinced I would be a ridiculous fool and I guess I do behave as such sometimes. 

I am also currently going through things such as trying to keep life as simple as possible, but it feels rough much of the time. People talking behind your back does add stress. I can say people are ignorant because they are ignorant of the facts of what is needed to live my life. 

I am challenging myself to post pictures of my apartment and to prove as a single person you can keep a house clean daily and that you do not live in filth. Even through the holidays. Not that I have always been perfect but to prove I am not an unclean person. These are the types of things people make assumptions about, especially if you are a smoker. 

I will put in extra work because I want to do the extra work for myself and do what makes me happy. So, it is a win/win. Shut people’s mouths and be satisfied. 

I am not decorating this year because there is no need to. I do keep cards and do try to send them, but it is not as important to me as living happily and having peace. 

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. Besides, are not the true decorations in the heart and living a life of thankfulness? Holidays are not a time for competition, to keep up with others or to try to outdo someone. 

You give of yourself and the true gifts that you were born with as we try to do each day. 

No one’s journey is easy. So, should our aim not be for love, peace, and happiness? This is where we connect and find joy. 

  • I am thankful for life.  
  • I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. 
  • I am thankful I have gratitude during storms.  
  • I am thankful to share what I have with others. 
  • I am thankful for the connection. 
  • I am thankful for those who remind me: “Praise The Lord Mike!” 
  • I am thankful for the gift of writing and connecting with God. 
  • I am thankful man is not the true judge. 
  • I am thankful that joy comes in the morning. 
  • I am thankful for a clean safe home

I may fall and fall hard but I am getting up! 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV) 
In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

Thanks for reading! 

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out! 

God Bless Y’all, Everybody! 

If Forgiveness Was Easy Would It Be Forgiving?

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Remembering my plants 2023

Hey, Y’All,

It has been a while since my last blog post entry. It seems I say that starting every entry.

Going through my journey has taught me a lot of life lessons. Some of those lessons I keep repeating. Some lessons I cannot seem to grasp. It is very similar to banging my head against the wall.

Before I share my experience lesson with forgiveness, I want to share I did celebrate 19 years of sobriety and clean time. You see this time is not possible without the work put into it. It is done because people have helped place tools before me and their help in guiding me.

Forgiveness comes down to letting go of my thoughts and realigning them with harmony in this life. It takes prayer and asking forgiveness for myself. Even in what I imagine as harm to myself I can cause harm to others. In most cases, I have done just that.

I must realize once more that I am powerless over people, places, and things. My dependence upon God in this lesson is vital yet, I feel far away. I am asking for his help and again letting go of the rock that will for sure drown me.

Forgiveness is akin to going through grief to process everything.

This weekend may not be the healthiest I have been coping with the sadness by eating comfort foods and being thankful for the same plants that were destroyed through what I perceived as harmful to me.

Someone else gave them to give me happiness and hope. I went through anger and perhaps some anger is still left. I am mostly sad and feel bad that I allowed it to make me angry. Then I cried and felt bad that perhaps I even appeared ungrateful for the original gift. I am grateful I was given the chance to grow something living.

My tomatoes were just beginning to grow, and the peppers were just multiplying. To have it all stopped by things beyond my control was heartbreaking!

All of life and living things and beings are a gift. How blessed we are to experience life in different ways.

Just like anything else you work for and work through, forgiveness means freedom.

Forgiveness has become another lesson in freedom and once more doing the next right thing. It is important to be the best version of me I can be.

The best version of me means being good to others and myself. It means taking care of myself and doing what is necessary to heal physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Forgiveness means I am not blocking any healing.

Change is uncomfortable but necessary. I must do whatever is necessary to make it through this situation at hand. Including finding a healthy closure so it can be put to rest. It will take physical work to make the symbolic pieces laid to rest. I want peace more than being right. I must remind myself of how often I have been forgiven.

This has been one of the hardest lessons to walk through.

Colossians 3:13 (ESV)

13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’All, Everybody!

Live Usefully and Walk Humbly Under The Grace Of God

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

It has taken me a few days to get back behind the keyboard since a recent hospital stay. While I was in the hospital, I was hoping to get well and that I be more alive and do more once I healed. I still want to do more to show I am alive.

While I scream inside for my independence, I am realizing the need for help from others. It is very humbling to ask for additional help. However, this is the road toward more independence for now. It will not always be this way. This is how I will recover and be better.

At one point I was fearful I was on my way out of this world. Thankfully, it was a low-sodium level without major repercussions.

I believe I am grieving over the death of my grandma. I think I am angry because I had to do whatever the medical staff said just days after returning from her funeral. So, I did not get the chance to process the whole thing slowly and fully.

There were moments of healing that took place during the time I stayed with my mama for the funeral and at the funeral itself.

My friends Sandra and Doug just getting their hugs helped so much and the time to talk with Sandra and my family members as well. I do regret not talking to all the family because I am very self-conscious in ways, especially if it is like not knowing them.

I am grateful for making sure there was peace made with those I could and for recognizing my changes and theirs. I want to keep changing and do even better.

I decided with everything that has taken place, to make sure people know I love them and hope only the best for them.

One key message at the start of my journey was I have no control over people, places, and things. I can only control my decisions and actions. I still have a hard time accepting that at times to the point I attempt to still try to control people, places, and things.

However, I still find the answer of not mine to control. All these things change when I surrender and realize acceptance is the only answer. Sometimes I feel I am blind feeling my way around these same things. Thank goodness, for The Grace of God!

Surrender to win what a paradox!

Early on in my journey, I read a definition of true ambition. While I did not know how to get there, I knew it was something I wanted. I am not saying I have it all now, but I am on the road to learning it.

Here is the definition I read: “True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God.” (Taken from the book The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions by Alcoholics Anonymous Pages 124-125).

In the end, we are forced into change by the things around us or we can choose the changes now by simply making decisions and acting on them. Make no mistake, by not deciding and not acting on it, you are still making a choice and then you are forced only into what comes.

I have decided to live in peace with myself and not be forced.

John 21:18 (ESV)

Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.”

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I Am Loved By God Family Friends and Me

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Photo by Jordan Benton on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

There are friends, family, and people I don’t even know in some ways: I wish to thank them for their heartfelt condolences, prayers, and thoughts. You know who you are on Facebook and other places, offline people too, I felt so much encouragement. It was a blessing reconnecting and healing as well.

I am trying to take things I have learned in processing things and put them to use in my life now that I am home.

Life is truly short. This is not new; it is just more real to me now than ever. Time stops for no one as they but there are moments it feels like a lifetime of missed opportunities. I hope I am living every day to the fullest from here on out.

Families and all relationships are messy. I told one of my brothers I do messy all by myself. I love my family and miss them all.

Not everything has to be catastrophic today. Life is a process of many events and love makes the difference. We love the best we know how, and when we learn better, we do better. We have a lifetime of adventures to still live out.

I am reminded of the fact that there is a time for everything under Heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (ESV)

3 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Hindsight is 20/20, especially in love and war. With messy lives, it often feels like love and war. We will fight to keep our family and to keep love alive. It is hard and painful at the most inopportune moments, but if it were easy, we would just keep taking it for granted. Do you not agree?

There is always something to be grateful for no matter what. If I can just remember this in all things.

One of my new lessons is when things are aggravating and stressful is to say. “Praise The Lord!” I can see a situation for what it is and believe me I need more improvement, but it makes me less anxious than the alternatives.

Life is what you make it, right? I will do the best I can just for today!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I’ll Fly Away Left Me Bawling When Least Expected

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Photo by Rahul Pandit on Pexels.com

I had to edit enough to get it all on the page…

Hey, Y’all!

My Grandma met Jesus face-to-face at 4:15 p.m. Saturday. I thought I was done crying earlier in the week. I guess I am not!

I was not there physically with her but as my mama relayed what had all happened, I was there in spirit. You see I imagined my Grampa, dad, and two uncles in a boat. As I saw it, they were fishing and probably a friendly debate.

I figured they were going to meet her, and I was sure they were dilly-dallying. But as information came across to me, she was the one keeping them waiting. Then I remembered the many times leaving after service waving at Grandpa as he sat in the car waiting for Grandma.

It all finally makes sense. I am not here to tell you information second-hand. It is just not my story to tell.

I loved my grandma a lot. I wish I had shown her more love, as I wish I had shown a lot of my family more love when I had that chance.

I think I cry more because I truly connect with my spirit in this weak body. Compared to my spirit my body is weak. I am not 98 but I am not 29 anymore as my grandma used to say after whatever birthday it was.

My grandma did whatever it took to love. She prayed with anyone for anyone, she cleaned, she taught, she sang, she cooked, she babysat, she set rules, and she had fun. She helped in whatever way she could. She never left my grandpa to go without doing these things. She lived!

I thought I was done crying. I prepared to go to bed and got in bed listening to a pastor on a podcast. I then listened to some hymns to lull me to sleep. Then it happened! I’ll fly away played and I was imagining Grandma set free over and over.

The next thing I knew I was bawling. She was a true gift to me.

You bet I have never valued the people I love enough in their lifetime or mine.

Several are gone now! I am doing what I can to keep changing that. I can be sad and realize I am just going to cry when I need to cry. The world is not going to fall apart because I cry.

However, I have the hope of seeing her on the other side and many other loved ones and the stories we will share. It is because of Christ in me The Hope of Glory.

I will never be rested enough on this earth.  I only hope to have a pinky tip full of hope faith and love that woman showed to everyone. Grace and mercy.Again, I am reminded of,

1 Thessalonians 4:9-12(ESV)

9 Now concerning vbrotherly love wyou have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been xtaught by God yto love one another, 

10 for that indeed is what zyou are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you,

 brothers, to ado this more and more, 

11 and to aspire bto live quietly, and cto mind your own affairs, and dto work with your hands, as we 

instructed you, 

12 so that you may ewalk properly before foutsiders and be dependent on no one.

This is how my grandma lived. This is how my grandma and grandpa lived together. My grandpa himself did not have a lot to say. When he had something to say, he said it.

I hope to continually stay busy and mind my own business.

I will always love my grandma!

I’ll Fly Away

“I’ll Fly Away”, is a hymn written in 1929 by Albert E. Brumley

1. 
Some glad morning when this life is o’er, 
I’ll fly away; 
To a home on God’s celestial shore, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away). 

Chorus 
I’ll fly away, Oh Glory 
I’ll fly away; (in the morning) 
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away). 

2. 
When the shadows of this life have gone, 
I’ll fly away; 
Like a bird from prison bars has flown, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away) 

Chorus 

3. 
Just a few more weary days and then, 
I’ll fly away; 
To a land where joy shall never end, 
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away)

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Numerous Anniversaries Some Sweet Some Not So Sweet

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Angel On My Patio 2022

Hey, Y’all!

This blog post entry, I started earlier this month. I am going to bring it up to date because I cannot let it go unfinished. I am still editing this blog post entry as late as a day before this month’s last day.

While celebrations are usually defined as happy occasions, some are bitter-sweet. Some anniversaries are just sad. The latest mark on the calendar is one that is bitter-sweet.

I have felt a whole gamut of emotions. My life is both different and the same. I named the weekend of July 4th, as my Independence Day a couple of years ago. I was released from a skilled- rehabilitation unit.

I have signed 8 leases in total, since moving to these apartments. I moved once as a condition of my being released from the rehabilitation unit, securing a street-level apartment. I have made it my home.

My life got better, it got worse, and now it is better again.

However, it is spiritual and takes believing God exists especially when things are beyond our control. We scream out in fear, wanting control. The heart pounds heavy. The tears seem endless. The realization comes to us that we are dependent upon prayers and faith.

This is not unlike my last post that it takes friends, family, God, hope, love, faith, prayers, meditation, forgiveness, and letting go. It all works together with balance and checks.

Real recovery is taking steps to be freed from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. It does not happen without a spiritual experience.

For me, the spiritual part only began after finding gratitude. Without gratitude, we have no hope.

One thing is for sure, as my grandma would say, “The sun will rise again in the morning.” My grandma said this was hope, and that we always have hope because Jesus lives in our hearts.

One more important thing my grandma said was when I was mad that it was okay, I was mad. “You will get glad in the same pants you got mad in.” I did not always listen to my grandma especially when she told me I needed to make things right. She was usually referring to making things right with my dad.

It would take a long time to follow that advice. Eventually, grace and mercy would come into the picture to change things. I take that back. Grace and mercy have always been in the picture, rather it has taken a bit for it to be acknowledged by changing and making things right.

Some things I have not been able to make right. Thank goodness for forgiveness.

While I needed forgiveness it has been just as important, I forgive as well to let go of that which holds me back and it is the only way to heal. If something pops up to drudge up old feelings, I must repeat the process. To forgive is a most holy moment of setting me free.

I need reminders often that always it is my job to forgive now since much has been forgiven of me. Unforgiveness makes me stay sick and stuck.

I must remember this with all people. All means all.

A calendar of anniversaries has taught me a lot about life. Every day you must be thankful for the experience.

Today as I close, I will miss my grandma forever on this side of Heaven. But I have the hope of seeing her again on the other side.

Romans 14:8 (ESV)

8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Teach Your Children And Live Quiet Lives

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My Jalapeno Plant And Tomato Plant July 2023.

Hey, Y’all!

When I am up late writing it is not usually planned. I had no idea I was staying up as I needed to take some medicine. Who knew?

I love music! I grew up listening to different genres of music. If there was a song for tonight’s writing; it would be, “Teach Your Children” written by Graham Nash of the band, “Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.”

You can explore more on your own about how it originated and all who have played it since.

My point in bringing up the song is my parents even liked the song and believe it had some truths to hear in it. Parents, please check the lyrics for age- appropriateness.

I digress, there are so many lessons along life’s highway. There are going to be choices made on both sides of parents and children. Individual choices will eventually be made that you cannot turn back from. Can choices and routes be forgiven? Yes, of course, they can!

Sometimes choices cannot be undone. It follows your whole life until you learn to live differently. Some things cannot be undone. It is a fact. They can be healed though. It takes nearly the rest of your life to try to undo the damage.

There is no magic wand effect that you can just say presto, good as new!

Relationships of any kind take love, belief, hard work, trust, and vulnerability. Sometimes it is working through heartbreaking moments that are so painful. It is you did not realize some of the cards you played in the past, are not dead.

Somehow you must put your foot down in the middle of that old card game and say, “Game over!” This is when it gets real, and I had no idea all this was going to come from listening to a message very short but powerful message! So powerful in fact, I wrote a short note because it moved me and made an impact on me. And another part is it was a friend who gave that message. Again, I will get to the point.

So, there is this song, a message, my parents, and the whole family are in the mix. Let us not forget, I am also sharing my lessons in my recovery! Not just recovery, but wow believing! Believing God can change me, and He is.

I thought maybe this one family member would be the glue like that super glue they use on some deep cuts and just help smooth things over. Guess what? IT IS NOT THEIR JOB! They cannot be the glue to make it where everything is happy again and nothing is wrong.

I cannot fix what I did in making choices, but I can stop the old game from being played, by cards I chose in the past.

My friend chose this passage for his message, it rang a bell in my recovery and more! I am starting two verses above maybe, I could be wrong, let me be wrong. It is okay if I am wrong today.

1Thessalonians 4:9-12 (ESV)

9Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, 10for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, 11and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, 12so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.

Verse 11 is the killer awesome live quietly and mind your own business, to work with your hands as we instructed you,

I need instructions for living today! I cannot do this alone that’s why I need God. On my own, I foul up every day!

My point in getting here finally is this, my dad gave me a warning. One day you are going to be sorry. There are choices you make now; you cannot change later. You will not be able to fix it. I will probably not be here to fix it. Those were some words I kept hearing even in my drunk years.

 Oh, he will probably outlive me was my thought. The words are here, man! My dad is not here. He could not be Superman!

Get it across to anyone you know some choices cannot be undone. Parents teach children!

Make all things as right as you can and leave the rest up to God.

I am passionate about this because it is life and death! It can get lonely; do what is right anyway. Some may catch up; others are waiting for you.

Hang on to your… well, hat?

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

.

I Have Fought My Unbelief To Believe Him

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July 1st, 2023 Elephant Rocks State Park Belleview Missouri

Hey Y’all!

It has been a while since I have been active in blogging. I have been fighting infections with the help of doctors, nurse practitioner, and nurses. My driver has also been instrumental in helping me as well. My mama, grandma, and lots of people have been praying as well. I have learned a lot about myself and my faith in these recent events.

Following directions, having faith, and doing the best I can to be compliant is important during these times especially when seeking healing. I think of the following scripture: Mark 9;24 ESV 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” I have found it important for me to listen to faith-filled podcasts with scriptures speaking about faith and healing. During my first full night of praying and listening I felt a physical change happen as I asked for healing. I was in fear of facing amputation and it did so happen that amputation thus far has been avoided.

It has been challenging to check my attitude at the door. It is important even more so to forgive others and let go of resentments. It can be a battle of my will against faith and belief in healing. Anger can turn toxic and cause me harm. It works against healing. It is a scientific fact that anger and resentment are poison to us. I find myself talking to myself saying let it go. It feels like I am saying let it go constantly and I am resentful for the fact that I am the one having to let it go all the time.

However, I am also the one asking for forgiveness all the time as well. Change is constant for me to grow. Here is the other part. There is a scripture that states the following: James 4:1-3 ESV.

4 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions[a] are at war within you?[b] 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

Some translations just say you have not because ask not, however, I love this translation because it gets to the root of mankind holding on always wanting more.

When I do my self-inventory, it does come down to at least thinking someone else has a bigger portion or a better portion. The reality is we do not know what someone else has had to walk through or go through to get their portion, who knows maybe that is their final portion upon this earth.

I still have a lot of steps to go through in this healing. Sometimes the healing is already there, and it is about making the most of what we have and letting go of the toxicity.  This reveals the gift we already have. I want healing and a clean slate. I do not wish to hang on to anger and forgiveness.

The walk to healing means work but the healing itself is a gift.

This brings me to the point of gratitude.

I am convinced that being grateful is just as important as breathing. Without gratitude, we cease to exist. We have no faith without gratitude. We also have no faith without gratitude. Finding one thing to be grateful for grows our faith which is important in healing.

Perhaps at the end of the day, it comes down to letting go in general to finding we have had more all along.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Letting Go Of What Weighs You Down

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My Plants June 2023

Hey, Y’all!

Today I want to share about how we can create the life we want to live. If we want something, we must work for it. We must let go of negative thoughts that weigh us down so that we can build meaningful lives. We build a bedrock for us to live life on purpose.

We begin by choosing what we want, instead of drifting along hoping something good falls in our laps.

I am taking stock of my own life as I write this blog post entry.

Stopping the behaviors that no longer serve us frees us that much more. Letting go of resentments and bitterness. Yes, even jealousy and envy of others who have made their lives doing exactly what they want. Instead of being jealous, we can see them shining a light on our pathway instead.

We can make our dreams a reality if we do the work needed.

We take the necessary actions regardless of how we feel. Our feelings and moods cannot make our dreams come true. Being honest with ourselves about our feelings, moods, and resentments is the practice of self-awareness.

If we write it all out and make a conscious choice, to let go and forgive what has been done to us. Admit what we have done to others and ask for forgiveness. None of us are innocent by word, thought, and deed.

We get out of all the negative and start working on the positive such as having something we can be grateful for.

Exercise is also important no matter how much we get our body moving and stop being a lump in our bed.

No matter where we are presently, we can say to ourselves, “Things will not always be this way.” I can tell you my life has gotten different since learning to say this and learning to take direction from others.

The next thing I am presently learning along with placing boundaries for self-preservation is, “Happy people do things that make them happy.”

I want to be happy and dream big without letting life just slide past me.

Doing the smallest thing to make ourselves feel better. Making our lives simpler is also key. Getting rid of the clutter in our minds and home helps us be able to build brick by brick.

Sister Theresa first said, “Do it anyway.”

A lot of us have had lives built on fear, at least previously. Broken, messy, stuck, and alone.

It is by acting on changing our lives just even by changing our thoughts to positive thoughts and to be encouraging to others and ourselves. I desire to live a real and happy life.

In the picture above are my two plants, the one on the left is a Mammoth Jalapeno Pepper Plant, and the one on the right is a Beef Steak Tomato Plant. A friend started these for me. It is now my job to enjoy these plants and help them grow by nurturing them and watering them.

They are thriving. And so it is with my own life, my job to grow and nurture the good life within me so I can thrive.

I can be the future me by doing simple things.

10 Reasons why I want this for me:

  1. I want to be happy.
  2. I desire a change for more positivity.
  3. I love me.
  4. I want to light the path for others as we walk each other home.
  5. I want a legacy.
  6. It is worth it. Because I am worth it.
  7. Proof that change is possible.
  8. I want to grow and thrive by the choices I make.
  9. I do not want to be stuck.
  10. I believe God will help me do better.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (ESV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Relaxing After An Insane Spring Cleaning Purge

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
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Hey, Y’all!

It is great to be writing to you all again. What I write is mostly about myself. I invite you along for the ride in hopes my experience may be of help in either doing or refraining from doing. I do not have a degree in any subject. All I have is my experience, strength, and hope.

I have stayed so busy purging and spring cleaning and doing what I could to pass an inspection of my place. I was living in fear of failing because of my standards and projecting them onto the task at hand. I passed the inspection with flying colors.

At the end of the day, I just crawled up in a ball on my bed and cried. I was busy living in fear over everything my health, my sanctuary, the rules where I live, and much more. I learned a lot about myself, and I am still learning more. There is so much more to me than my shell, thoughts, and feelings.

My spirit inside is trying to emerge while I take on battles. A lot of the battles I am fighting are of my own making. It is important to take responsibility for myself today. It is a never-ending battle when you believe and refuse to lay the battle down. It is because of allowing dark thoughts to come in and not taking those thoughts down instead.

You can fool yourself into thinking you are doing the work to care for yourself while you are just going through the motions. There is a tug-of-war that goes on when you are determined to get real. Every spear of darkness comes at you when you are ready for a breakthrough. It becomes a battlefield of the mind. I was foolish to let the thoughts come at me.

I realized the two strongest points for darkness to come at me are before I sleep and when I am still waking up for the day. As I cried the night after winning the passing inspection, I went to sleep off and on as I listened to a new podcast. I got good rest, but I needed more rest and still need more rest.

I am just now writing once more, as I struggle to finish this with the midnight oil on Friday at 11:30 pm.

The two points where I feel bombarded in my thoughts are when I am preparing for sleep and waking up for the day. I will tell you the reason I cried because it was a hard fight to finish the project cleaning and being ready for the inspection. I was fighting myself more than anyone because of the thoughts and wanting it to be perfect.

Now how is it to be ready for the arrows of darkness that come into my thoughts? It is the constant self-inventory making sure my side of the street is clean. Prayer and meditation. It is trying to stay in a place of gratitude and say the prayer of God help me! When negative emotions come in this prayer works when I mean it!

I am ready to move past my craziness of wanting perfection and relax some more.

I feel as though more breakthroughs are brewing. This is not just a one-time lesson or the only lesson. There is more coming soon.

Matthew 11:28-30 ESV

28 pCome to qme, all who labor and are rheavy laden, and I will give  you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and slearn from me, for I am       tgentle and lowly in heart, and uyou will find rest for your souls. 30      For vmy yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!