2022

Still Readjusting To Find My New Normal Schedule

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
its the link where i got this

Wednesday, October 19, 2022Hey, Y’all!

I am here again however I am up late dealing with some nausea from not eating on schedule. I still need to eat but I want to write as well.

I have been napping off and on and missed my afternoon/evening phone calls and checking in with my mama. I have been making it a habit or routine to check in with people and I am having a rough time keeping up perfectly.

I am tracking my blood sugars and vitals daily. Now that I have finally read the instructions for pairing my glucometer, I have been able to get rid of an extra phone app. I transferred data over and everything is up to date.

I am using my pumps daily as well today I spent two and a half hours in my pumps. I have one more day of antibiotics and I will check back with the doctor and see if I need a refill. This month has flown by so fast.

There are only two more months left of this year, it is so unbelievable!

As we get older, it seems all we see are the changes. When I was young, I was impatient for the changes to come. There is hardly time enough to grieve over what once was. What will 2023 bring? I fear some of the possibilities of change.

I am excited about new possibilities and hopeful news breaking forth. I hope for joy. I hope to remember to be kind and thoughtful no matter the changes. I hope to be that voice of reason and comfort to someone else.

I have lost track because it is a new day because went back to sleep after starting this entry.

Here it is Saturday Night October 22nd, 2022.

Things are better. I am supposed to get sutures taken out of my foot Wednesday I am using my lymphedema pumps for swelling in my legs and feet.

To be honest I was scared at the beginning of the week a decision to put me back in the hospital would be the outcome by the end of the week

Today I wrote my mama a letter and as I look at my wall my brother, his wife my mama, her husband my grandma, her husband, my mama, my dad, and finally my dad. My grandpa and my dad could be in the cloud of witnesses but no matter they all are with me when I need them.

My pastor friend Nathan and me looking at me from a picture on my bookshelf help me too.

I have experienced a big mix of emotions this month. People died and one was murdered. Watching the justice system fail again. They promised the man would not be released after harming himself to avoid court and was put in the hospital.

The word is they did a big escort, and he was set free after his release from the hospital. My heart grieves. I have no control over the system.

I am okay physically and healing from surgery. I am doing the self-care.

My emotions are coming to the surface and emotional traumas are being expressed.

My friends, family, helpers, nurses, and drivers, you all help me.

Thank God it was in-person therapy I broke down waking up in a pool of sweat in my bed.

I cried I did not want my therapist to go but the explanation was he had to go home to where he lives.

My mama was the first to introduce me to twice-baked potatoes! I crave them as much as nachos, hamburgers with cheese, her chicken, her meatloaf, and her homemade turkey potpie.

I want my dads smoked meat or bbq .

I want to joke with my grandpa and my uncles and sarcasm with my aunts and mom. I want stories from my grandma. Tell me again grandma- about Jesus mom share a bible story again

My aunt Mary and aunt Doris I want another ride listening to music. My aunt Judy always the positiuve one finding good in anything usually.

My brother and sister in love a ride just gabbing about my brother another ride to a concert and mom riding too singing one toke over the line sweet Jesus. my nephew seeing his big smile always grateful no matter my shape.

John more sunrise watching the sailboats with mister donut donuts!

My brother plays guitar sitting on the breakfast table, and the whole family stops to hear and sing along.

I want to roller skate again to Sammy Hagar john cougar and Georgia satellites etc.

I am not correcting any part of grammar on the part of my memories and wants.

Inger let us go to the world store again!

Wait I want to hear your southern yeehaw again. I just want parts of my life back, but no one is sad all of us happy …is that what a hostage taker says I wonder? Let me clarify I mean emotional hostage taking not physical.

We are never the same going back home. Yes way off topic that is today!

I miss me too!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Life On This Earth Is Temporary

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Walthers Park

Hey, Y’all!

I am here again beginning the second week of my recovery of my post-surgery.

Today is a busy day starting with an early phone call and making breakfast. I am taking my medicine and getting ready for my ride for a lung cancer screening and a trip to the wound clinic for a dressing change.

As of Friday, I have been tracking my vital signs and taking my blood sugar test daily. It is all part of me taking care of myself.

I am dealing with feelings and emotions. I am looking at how my behavior has been and what it is I am looking for and want so that I might reach some goals to make my life better.

I am not always proud of how I behave but I am improving with time.

What do I want my life to look like?

I want to be successful and find a way to be prosperous, and simple. I want to be an example for others. I want to show others and prove to myself I can do anything I set my mind to and to live positively and mindfully that will allow me to be free and not hang on to the guilt of past mistakes.

What will help simplify my life?

Having an organized routine and making the changes possible to follow through. So often we allow people and things to bombard our lives when we are trying to set a routine.

We must be selfish when it comes to our time and spend it wisely because there are only 24 hours in a day and how we spend those 24 hours is completely up to us. We must take responsibility for our decisions because we have a limited number of twenty-four hours allotted to us.

Once we have this perspective it makes it easier to know what we are willing to spend our time on much like having a budget with a bank account.

Our bank account may look limitless but will run dry if we do not invest money and put more in our bank account.

The same is true with our time. We need rest. We must rest otherwise we become depleted of energy and life.

What is acceptable and reasonable?

Taking care of the responsibilities that are mine and which will help further my self-improvement. To have my understanding of God expanded and to understand that God loves me and that I can be loving and accept myself too.

I can take time to answer questions I do not need to respond to immediately just because it is demanded by others.

To have a positive outlook and change things up. To be willing to try new things as the occasion may arise.

To follow a daily routine and realize changes may come that may be pertinent.

What is unreasonable and unacceptable?

Guilt trips from others to try to manipulate my decision process are not okay.

To be irresponsible with time and resources have unnecessary consequences I cannot afford. If I can look at each activity throughout the day and realize the price tag each item has, I would be all the wiser.

What are my accomplishments?

I have completed a GED and obtained my GED in 2011

I have overcome Osteomyelitis through surgery and have all my limbs.

I have made blog entries off and on for years and working my way to writing full-time and getting better with time.

I have made dietary changes and have had to make changes based on finances.

I am initiative-taking in my health care and doing things to help enhance my health. I still have room to grow in this area.

I am taking responsibility for my actions.

What is it in my life that needs improvement?

My writing needs improvement constantly and to be more consistent with my blog.

My daily diet needs improvement. I need more exercise.

I need to call out others when they are responsible for the care of my physical health and neglect those needs fearlessly.

I need to not be a wimp and realize I have rights and stand up for myself in the right ways.

To be more consistent in my routine.

What does success look like for me?

Making money doing what I love and helping others.

To be a rock star at writing and turning my life around.

To be an encourager and full of faith.

To assert me and know my values and treat others with the respect they deserve.

The things I am thankful for:

I am thankful for this second week of recovery and for being willing to be well and grow.

I am thankful for everyone still praying and checking in on me.

I am thankful for the ability to be home, drink my coffee make my own meals and write.

I am thankful for a clean home and a bed and all the basic things.

I am thankful for prayer and meditation and a Loving God as He may express Himself in my life.

Thanks for reading!

 This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Post-Surgery Physical And Emotional Healing Choices

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one of my favorites

Hey, Y’all!

A little more than a week ago, my hospital admission occurred. Admission to the hospital is hardly ever a pleasant experience but necessary. In my case, it was very necessary. I am very blessed to still have all my limbs and lower extremities.

What the doctors and I did not know is that I had an active case of Osteomyelitis. It was causing wounds not to heal and was in two small bones in my foot. Last Saturday, I had surgery to have those two small bones removed and I could begin to heal.

I have about made it through the first week of healing at home. It has been multiple appointments and having Home Health come back to my home to resume care of wounds. Though the one doctor and the wound clinic are taking care of the foot that had surgery.

I have like six weeks before the sutures come out and I am to take it easy and allow others to do for me, which I admit I resent.

I am trying to find time to take that deep breath throughout the day without answering questions that seem constantly coming at me.

I need everyone to leave before the end of the day sometimes. I need time for myself besides just having to lie down and rest and elevate my feet. I need time for writing, meditation, and conversations besides with friends who do have time.

While I was in the hospital, I was very emotional much of the time. During my first few days, I was still reeling from one of my favorite country music stars death Loretta Lynn. I found myself singing God Bless America Again very loudly something hardly do except to cope with stressful situations.

The nurses easily poked on and dug into twelve times for an I-V and some attempts left lasting marks. Nurses that put in I-Vs, you must do better. Please do not dig, that is not the way to do it because you are afraid of running out of time for a break or because you have other patients. Do it right or do not do it. Admit you need better training. Supervisors, help your Nurses. Do not sit on your butt watching Facebook or other social media. If you do it correctly the patient will have minimal discomfort!

Saturday, I had my surgery and while I did have pain, it was tolerable. I needed four tablets of tramadol to get through recovery time until I went home Sunday afternoon when I was discharged from the hospital.

I was happy to attend my Men’s Group on Tuesday online where the topic of anger came up.

Many things push us into anger and feeling overwhelmed by everyday life-type things.

The importance is in identifying what anger looks like and catching our thoughts early on. Being able to control our thoughts and remember to remind ourselves of true statements instead of believing a lie.

The first part of everything begins with how we start our day and the self-care in beginning our day.

This comes from prayer and meditation.

We encourage ourselves and affirm ourselves by using “I am statements.”

The attitude of gratitude by remembering and writing down the things for which we are thankful.

Reading for me which would be in God’s word and remembering God loves me and wants the best for me.

It is a lifelong process.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Reframing The Negative Thoughts We Get Changes Feelings

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I have borrowed this from Dandelion quotes .com

Hey, Y’all!

It has been another minute since my last writing.

I am here to share my experience, strength, and hope. My experience is going through repetitive lessons. Most of life seems to be a repetition.

I am experiencing a lot of the same lessons. My lessons go deeper in learning more each time.

I am picking this piece of writing from last week. I write a thought. Yesterday, the nurse said I needed to go to The Emergency Room by today. It conjured up all kinds of thoughts and feelings.

I am in the middle of getting my clothes and hygiene items together on the high probability of admission to the hospital. I am very scared by the conversation we had. I cannot be more specific. Suffice it to say I went into meltdown mode.

I had to call or text my tribe members. I am following through in fear. I have learned from past mistakes, not to put things off until I have no choice left.

I have cried out of fear and raised unanswerable questions. I must believe that God will make things okay, but that faith is weak right now. I tell most people; I wish that someone could just hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I wish I could just know that there is nothing to fret about.

There are considerations and things I do not know that only doctors can decide on. I wish that I could walk away with no consequences. The fear of the unknown is strong. For every action, there is a consequence.

I must get some breakfast, take my medication, make my regular morning phone call, and come back to explain how I am going to reframe my negative thoughts.

I first had to produce a plan in just the last few minutes.

I am going to face this dragon head-on. There is already an X-ray ordered which I will have done when I first get to the hospital, and then go directly to the ER.

The negative thoughts are still an issue, but I shall overcome them. I fear the things required for my health. I am not looking forward to a Picc Line in my arm limiting my activity.

Reframing these thoughts means I am in fear of the unknown. I am not a medical professional therefore the orders will be to help me heal properly and safely. Everyone wants me in good health. I want myself in good health.

I am willing to follow the instructions needed to get through this bump in the road.

While things may be frightening, I will walk this road and see the courage I have gained by following through. I will lose the fear with each step I take forward.

I want to be good to myself and trust in God’s plan for me. I will come out on top of this and not lose control of my emotions or let everything be based on fear.

This is my journey as I am reporting on it today.

Thank you for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Thankfulness For The Tools In My Toolbox

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Farmington, Missouri

Hey, Y’all!

I know it has been a few days. It has been hard to keep on top of my game. However, I have managed to make it through each day regardless.

  1. I am thankful for having gratitude as one of my tools
  2. I am thankful for the ability to take inventory of my behavior and motives.
  3. I am thankful for being able to follow directions and take suggestions.
  4. I am thankful for knowing how to pause when necessary.
  5. I am thankful for the truth and to know when I am lying to myself.
  6. I am thankful there are muscles to stretch. Taking the time to stretch those muscles before just using them is advisable.
  7. I am thankful for outside resources and for being able to express my needs.
  8. I am thankful for the people in my life who hear me practice before I find myself in a situation.
  9. I am thankful I can call myself out and admit I am wrong.

Today, it is about finding the answers and keeping my side of the street clear. There is always room for improvement. I do not always make the right choices. I am not perfect. I just hope to do better than the day before.

I watch things happen and sometimes they seem to happen in slow motion. However, as I am ready to scream no, it is often too late.

I do not have to participate in the insanity. I can make better choices. Yet here I am.

To not make a choice is leaving myself open to the insanity of this life.

I have more self-respect than that. I want more for myself than just allowing things to happen to me. I want to enjoy life and be free.

There is something about minding my own business and doing my best to lead a quiet life.

This is not to say I do not get excited about life and want to live life out loud.

It is those quiet moments of a pause with coffee, prayer, and thought given to the day ahead, where I will find the most peace.

It is an important part of my day to strengthen me, for the tasks ahead.

My actions for the day:

I will choose joy.

I will choose happiness.

I will be in pursuit of peace as far as it depends on me, that together we can make it through this day.

I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible when anyone reaches for help so that I can at least point them in the direction of help.

Most times, most people just need their thoughts and fears heard. It is in listening that I can provide the most comfort. What most people need is someone to listen. We all need someone to listen.

It is the encouragement found in pausing, reflecting, sharing, and engaging with one another, that brings about the courage to keep pressing on. We keep putting one foot in front of the other.

We just do the best we can, and in doing the next right thing, we can sleep at night.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I am Starting With Thankfulness With Another Self-Talk

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The Bluffs 2016

Hey, Y’all!

I am here and ready to share my thankfulness and another conversation in my head.

  1. I am thankful for early morning calls.
  2. I am thankful for the moments of silence and prayer with my coffee.
  3. I am thankful for the challenges to help me see when things can go right. Going right does not mean it always goes my way. Going right means it is good and often it is way better than my plans.
  4. I am thankful when I feel like crap, I can choose to make it better by choosing to be more positive. It takes just doing one thing at a time and remembering to encourage others!
  5. I am thankful my alone time is more solitude and a chance to claim sanity.
  6. I am thankful I am not the same person as six months ago.
  7. I am thankful for not having to wrestle with my honesty and sanity like I once did.

Today, I can see more choices set before me. I am thankful I get to participate in my own life instead of waiting for things to happen. There are things and people that are important to me. I am important to me today.

I can care for those close to me and listen to others. I pass on to others what I have. I get up when I fall. I know when to ask for help more so than I used to. I can follow directions. Sometimes in life, we must back and reread the directions.

I am thankful for the people in my life not giving up on me.

I am thankful for my recovery and spirituality. When a day comes along and not always feeling it, I can take a longer pause, say a prayer, and change my view.

You are going to do better because you want better. You are better.

You finally dropped the rock to grab the life preserver. You are well into the continuous journey of making wrongs right. You are having regular conscious contact with God seeking through meditation. You are going through and admitting when you are wrong more quickly and seeking to make things right where wrong has taken place.

You pass on your experience, strength, and hope and do your best to not claim anything you do not have. You have more clarity as the journey contuses.

You have hope today that you have never had before. It is never just enough because we learn until our last breath. We learn as we change. We change as we take necessary action.

The strength and bonds you have with people are much stronger. You hold life closer and try to not take for granted the time we have left on this earth.

Failure is never final if we get up. Our past does not have to dictate the future.

Hold on to thankfulness, hope, peace, and love. One more day of packing into the stream of life and not just taking from it.

This is how we live.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

A Conversation With Myself Take Good Care

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I Remember

Hey, Y’all!

I have stayed too busy for some of my self-care. By noon each day, I am exhausted. It is just going to take what it takes to be up on this routine that starts at 430am.

I am trying something just a tad different by sharing the actual conversation in my head I am having with myself. For some of you, it may sound out there, and some people may be scared.

I just want time with you, life is too short to not have time to reflect, dream, laugh, cry, and see the wonders of all the earth around me like when I was a child. This is how I learned to talk to
God.

I think of you often and wonder what you will do next. You hold your friends and family close to your heart. Will you hold you, that close? I used to dream of you becoming famous. Now, I realize all I want is you. It sounds narcissistic. I do not mean it that way.

Will you remember to love you? Even when you make mistakes it is okay to love you.

I want a shed that allows me to look out a window and see the sunshine and all the different weather conditions. I also want a safe walkway that stays covered and makes the fierce winds go around the structure.

A fireplace and a day bed would be in this shed along with a kitchenette so I could stay a couple of days just to myself. It must have a bathroom and shower as well. To have internet in this shed would be pointless except, I am nosey enough to get my phone to click in to see what is going on with all the people. I would click out before I had to respond to anyone.

I think God and an Angel or two would come to visit during my naps. A lot of this is just a dream, but it is better than fame or fortune. I would have candles everywhere and a bear skin rug next to the fireplace. The place would smell like Honeysuckle and rose of Sharon. You could smell the vanilla from baking, The same way in my mom’s house where the sense of peace is. My writing would continue until my last breath upon this earth.

A few might know of my secret shed. The dark curtains for night and sheers for the day, as sunlight glistens on the flower vases.

I now must work hard to get through this time to take loving care of myself.

Do you know you are going to be okay? You are. You are willing to do what it takes to make your goals, even as they are late. Timing has not always been your best suit but God’s Timing works wonders.

You get to do better with your future as you lay to rest the past and accept what is now. It is the new memories you get to make. Let go of the mistakes and regrets. Today is your best bet. Let us move forward now.

Take Good Care of Yourself!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Are We Not The Deceiver Of Ourselves?

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Kateryna Babaieva on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

First off, Happy September!

Second Happy Monday! and Happy Labor Day!

Here we are for another look in the mirror. It is all that time and space filled with trips in our brains filled with memories of fun, happiness, joy, sadness, anger, grief, hope, gratitude, and peace.

Our dreams and nightmares have it all wrapped up inside us. How we respond and live each day is in direct proportion to what we hold on to. We hold on to stuff because we either have not found a way to make thing things right or we have not made peace with it. In other words, we have not cleared our side of the street.

Are you interested in what started this ball of regret, cluttered, and dysfunctional life of living hell started? Are you ready for the truth? It has taken me 50-plus years to produce the same answer told to me many years ago.

It started with a lie! The lies that others told me and the lies I believed are some of the same ones I told because I thought they were the truth. I was not so good at making up my lies I had to practice those lies. I had to lie to myself hoping, I could believe my lies so that others would believe them too!

No matter how small a lie is it can take you to some dark places. What woke me up to this was a nightmare I had last week. I was never so scared and grateful to wake up from it. I woke up to the ringing of the phone. Thank heavens, quite literally! I was in Hell.

For some backstories, I have gotten lazy in my writing. This is usually a clear indication I am lazy in self-care. This means even prayer and meditation are suffering. This also means there is a ticking bomb inside me ready to go off if someone I allow lights the fuse.

A friend called and we were going to go through a study together. I leaped out of that bed to do exactly that. In another time and place, I probably either slept through the phone or woke up staring at it and telling it to shut up. I even said to my friend I have never been so grateful for a phone call.

Here we are! I write a letter once telling a lie, I was not going to mail it but still, it had that lie. The letter was found in a trash can by someone else, who then confronted me with the letter. I then quickly lied, by saying I lied about something else so I could escape this situation I found myself in.

I then tried to tell myself none of this was happening. One, being confronted by someone with a letter of lies, two that what had happened in the past, did not happen since I just made the new lie up. How do I keep up with this lying?

There was so much wasted energy wasted time, and then burning bridges on fire at present! It did not stop there!

Love and romance were for me, or so I thought. I just wanted to be a normal cool guy. Heartbroken by number one and soon number two, she was a genie in a bottle who held the bottle of Jack Daniels and a joint. Nothing was going to stop me now.

She lied to me! Why would she lie? She messed up everything. I let her because I lied to her too! I did not see all that was coming. Why would a Genie lie to me? In a smashed-up Mustang convertible, she and I lied but we had been hit by a drunk driver. I escaped with my life with barely a scratch. She escaped too with a broken arm or leg but with her life.

I watched as the officer poured out our Jack Daniels. The true love of my life was being poured out on the ground, and I am underage! Lies full of lies!

The Love Train was a train wreck! Miraculously, we were not charged with public intoxication, and she did not get a DUI! Her web of lies my web of lies it all kept working till she and I both destroyed me in my family’s church, and it was trying to destroy my family.

I can tell this story because it is my story.

Not once had I laid a hand on her, not once had I talked to her like trash or threaten her but a whole church believed her. Yet, I had no idea this was even being said. I was oblivious to it. I let her lie.

That is just the beginning, with some middle parts of the story of lies in my life that I created or believed.

Now, all this has me singing in my head, George Strait’s song, “I Let Her Lie.”

We all believe what we want to believe in the end. Who and what are you going to believe in your own life today?

I do not know about you. I am seeing some solid foundation, finally.

It is time for some more coffee, scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Hearing Someone’s Story I Step Back From The Spiral

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Bismarck, Missouri

Hey, Y’all!

I woke up at 4:15 am today. I am still working on my coffee. I woke up mad. I am disgusted, mad, perplexed, and in general on the edge ready to spiral again. I pause long enough to read in our local gossip area someone reaching out for help.

Now was the time for the judges, jury, and executioners of our fine county to decide if the person was worthy of helping. More than a handful thought so, was the verdict! Humanity is back at work despite the doubters.

For the back story of the person needing help. It was a pregnant woman due in ten days needing a safe place for her and her kids. Food and money for gas to make it to another state which would take a couple of days drive.

The thing about it is, that she was only asking for places to get food. She did not ask anyone for anything. Thankfully, people stepped up and she was grateful. Someone paid for a hotel room, and someone bought food. She also had half the gas money needed to make her trip to her family that was waiting for her and the kids.

This melted my heart.

I am stepping back from the edge again. I do not want to spiral down.

My coffee has started waking me up some. It is in my dad’s coffee mug I have held on to it since my mom gave it to me sometime after my dad’s death. I think even once going through a homeless phase I have held on to it and determined to have coffee no matter what.

It is my piece of peace to feel as though I might be sharing a cup of coffee with him.

I did get to see my dad in a dream this past week. I want to come back to this in a minute. I must catch you up on my readiness to spiral and what has gotten to me first!

I must confess. I have done some screaming, cussing, crying, talking, and sharing. I have not found it necessary to punch a hole in the wall, yet. I sure have envisioned it! I am thinking it through now. A broken hand, another trip to the emergency room, destruction of property that I do not own, and repairs.

What has made me so angry?

I have an infection in my wounds! I am angry because it was preventable, and I did not cause it! It boils down to insurance and money! I had gone nine months infection free! It is a bad infection; it may take having PICC Line once more! Why? Insurance and money.

Thank you, said Insurance Management Company, unsaid!

I feel the swelling and the pain. I started the regular oral antibiotics. I am changing the wraps at home as well as at the wound clinic for now.

Tomorrow I am going to get labs done before entering the wound clinic.

I thought to myself. I can be angry because of this infection. Where is it going to get me in reality? Nowhere!

I switched to this management company because they offered a free monthly food card and extra services. The food and the services are not free. This could cost me dearly! But that is not how they presented it to me.

No, I will not take the blame for this! Believe me, when I say, I have some choice words about this whole situation!

Now back to seeing my dad in a dream. There was a clear river flowing steadily. I stood on the bank right close as if I were to cross. My dad was on the other side of the river, on a bank. He was still wearing his glasses, but much thinner in a blue shirt. No expression on his face, just staring straight through me and the dream ended.

I first thought it is my time to cross, but on second thought, it is not my time. Incidentally, this dream was before I knew about the infection.

It makes sense as it is time to fight this infection!

I think about the song Alison Krauss sings, “Down To The River To Pray.”

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all Everybody!

Staying Miserable Is Not A Choice I Choose

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Leadington August 2022

Hey, Y’all!

Today I just wanted to clear up my statement in my last post. I have done enough rehashing of last week’s trip to the Emergency Room. I am grateful things were not more serious they looked questionable for a while, and even some throughout this week with headaches and lightheadedness.

Sometimes things pop up to derail us from the journey we are on. We get to evaluate ourselves in these times. How will we react emotionally? Where is our gratitude? What are we willing to let go of? Where is our self-care? You also look to see who surrounds you.

I am thankful for the people around me today.

I am thankful I can follow some simple directions.

I am thankful for forgiveness, grace, mercy, and peace.

I am thankful and love seeing the ones who show up time after time, reminding me who my people are.

I am thankful in painful times I can communicate my shortcomings and where I need help, especially with professionals.

I am thankful I can be concerned but not remain miserable.

I am thankful to have some boundaries today and to be able to communicate those to some people, who are not always healthy for me to be around.

I am thankful for the things and people I hold in my heart.

I am thankful for waking up today.

I am thankful I care about myself today.

Those ten things that I am grateful for, make up a good part of who I am.

I do believe in looking to others for direction but mostly the answers are on the inside of us if we will look and search deeply.

In life, just like on the internet. we must scroll past a lot of small stuff We think some small stuff but that is just us blowing it up and out of proportion. We may fail five hundred times at something, but it is just as important to get back up the five hundred and first time.

We do not have to stay stuck or defeated unless we choose to. If we choose to, then it is a choice we have made. I realize today I must take responsibility for all my choices. I am the one who must live with myself.

I need to build my faith up, affirm myself, encourage myself, and accept the fact I have weaknesses that I can overcome. It is also important that I build up, affirm, encourage, and help others when and where I can.

This life is not for the faint of heart. If it were so, our lives would be shorter than they are. Our lives are short in any case.

I want to keep changing and doing the best I can. Sometimes my best is not good enough, but then it changes if I do not give up.

There is no fairness when it comes to self-improvement. We must stay with the bat in hand until we hit a home run!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God bless Y’all, Everybody!