2022

The Countdown Begins Happy New Year’s Eve!

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I am hoping to get this blog post entry on time.

Today has been a day of action. I am still in the process of finishing all the tasks, I had hoped to finish.

I refuse to let myself off the hook for finishing the task as they are reasonable to have finished by the end of the day. The only exception would be putting together the stand. That is only because it involves assembly with screws, bolts, and shelves that are awkward to manage. Even so, I do believe I can manage it.

Aside from the tasks, tonight is a night for me to be thankful for the things I have gone through on my journey in the past year. I also want to pray and meditate for the next year coming up. I need God’s help to stay committed to being consistent in the next year.

I believe the next year will surely have challenges. But we cannot cry and shy away from takings the risks necessary because it is difficult.

On a side note, I may not finish this entry in time for WordPress to count this as part of today. However, I hope the relevance of the message is more important.

As I look to find better ways along my journey, I hope to extend my life by being more initiative-taking with my health. I want to be more loving to myself. I want to show myself more grace while still pushing forward. I am harder on myself than anyone and judgmental of my failings.

I do love the current changes I have made and hope to correct the wrongs I have made along the way.

I love my therapist in the way of a brother that has some insight and is not judgmental. He is supportive regardless of if I am supportive of myself in a few or many single sessions, or not. That is another point in my journey, I do want to do better and be present for myself.

So yes, the upcoming year is a chance for a huge reset and to do the things that help me thrive physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I hope in the next year to embrace the Nature God Created, hug a tree, feel the grass beneath my feet, in walking to see the beautiful colors, and soar high with eagles in meditation and prayer.

There is beauty in this life that gets bypassed in the business of the day.

I hope to even get back to my spiritual journaling and write a lot like what has been attributed to David the Psalmist. I did write a lot like that at one time and made me feel much closer to God. I need that, to be fresh and free spiritually.

I am not sure many can relate but it is more of a thing of being more in my spirit, poured out first, to God. It is okay if you do not understand it. What is important is that I do and that I take that action.

I do not know how to fit it all in daily, but the timing will come, as does this New Year!

Thanks for reading!

Happy New Year’s Eve, Y’all!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Consistently Committing To The Hard Work And Determination

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Kampus Production on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I have a lot to share and put into action myself today. I did say I may write a few posts today and so far, that does seem to be the plan.

I am enjoying my coffee and being in my writing mode.

I want to be quick to point out, I am not just writing, talking, or thinking about things today, as on this last day of the year. All I have is today. What will I get done in these last twelve hours?

I am working on the never-ending decluttering of my desk and tables. I have a little stand to put together. I have gathered clothes for the task of doing laundry. I have dishes soaking in the sink and I plan to mop my walls with bleach today the mop bucket is out.

Each day there is a plan to get things done. Why is it important so much gets done today? I am not willing to wait another day to get things done that I know I can be finished with today. I am determined today is the bottom line.

This is a way I can take care of myself. The more I can get done the less anxious I will be.

I am no one special. We all have these types of things waiting on us to get done daily.

I am not waiting on the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth day of January, or never, to get started completing even the smallest of goals. I want to live more simply, and not always feel in a rush to be on top of things.

Oh my gosh! I was taught, not that I managed the concept well, or even carried it out if we prepare ahead of time, we do not have to sweat the small stuff. Thinking about it, talking about it making lists for it, is still not doing it.

It is doing the behind-the-scenes grunt work, which is going to give us the jump in living our daily life. Hard work and determination get us farther than just thinking about things. It is what will make us successful. The key is sticking to making that commitment daily.

I have thrown away some old ideas and listened to others on what makes them successful. The problem becomes, as in some of the new things I am learning my brain still goes into default mode because it has not fully learned the new ideas.

Change does not happen overnight. It never has and it never will. We must put the information into our brains and most of the time that is done by doing. Taking the action necessary to make changes.

One of the biggest things for me to get the concept of is that I do not have to react to change by screaming, getting into a huff, or slamming the door, because the process is hard. Change is doing what is unfamiliar.

Change can look like a threat. It is a threat to our default mode. Yet change is part of life, and it happens daily.

Finally, if we have set ourselves like flint to stone, we have arrived at acceptance. We have a choice. We have a life choice before us. It can make or break us

What will we choose?

It is time for me to get on with my tasks for the day. I am hoping to come back one more time at least, with more of my thoughts and actions of the day.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

I Regret Not Freely Being Myself More

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

I may end up writing a few blog post entries today because I regret not writing more consistently.

Life happens. Wrenches get thrown into plans, and I find I do freak out when I must readjust accordingly. This has happened more than a few times this week. More so the plan changed in the last several months. Dealing with the aftermath has sucked cow’s buttermilk.

For one that has a history of hating routines, I sure have melted down over the curveballs thrown at me.

The latest curveball was finding out my town had a water boil advisory alert! It had been in effect for several days. I freaked out. I grabbed dishes and all the stuff out of cabinets boiled water and added bleach! I should also add, I have a helper. I can be a little controlling when I freak out.

I can be a little controlling about boiling water as well.

As I was telling a couple of friends about my day, one of them pointed out, “not everyone is going to do the same as you.” Another friend said, “Do you realize you told someone how to boil water?” I said in my defense, the helper said, she was not a good cook. I said also in my defense, a year ago I was telling someone how to wash their hands!

I have grown! I am not going to be fixed overnight! My friend said in jest, “you cannot be fixed.” We laughed some more. He suggested, I start a recipe section on social media and tell everyone the recipe for boiling water! I said, I just might do it!

You might think this is the end of this story. You would be wrong. I kept waiting for the updates on the advisory because by the end of the day there was supposed to be an update on the advisory. There was an update that said we were free to use our water normally again. I still did not believe people because I did not see where an official, said as much.

I finally, did see the post that said the advisory was lifted. I now breathe a little bit easier. I do want to play it safe where health risks are a concern. The problem becomes not being able to freely live. My sense of humor disappears. I am not enjoying the same life I am protecting.

I am realizing you can never prepare enough. Some things you cannot prepare for, with a lack of communication. Sometimes you must be more flexible than you might at first be willing to be.

I got a lesson in life today. It is forcing me to look at more things that matter. I need to take advantage of the help I receive in all areas of my life. I do have a responsibility to take care of myself. I do need to quit being afraid of being locked into my own words.

I do fear someone will use my own words against me and make me commit to something they believe.

I shared this funny and sad story. However, it is exactly something like this story, that points to my fears. I want more out of my life than fear.

I want to enjoy freely being me.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

2022 We Have Less Than Three Days

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Free picture (New Year’s Shiny happy new year 2022 background) from https://torange.biz/fx/2022-background-year-new-happy-shiny-212262

Hey, Y’all!

Today is a drastic change in my weather, from a week ago. We are reaching close to 60° Fahrenheit. There is some light rain. Where last week we were having freezing temperatures with ice and snow. It is nice to have better weather.

I am taking time to listen to worship music even with my caregiver here and a lit candle glowing. It is freeing to just have time in my head and heart while disconnected from my caregiver. It is allowing me my prayer and meditation time even as I write.

I fall so short of my own beliefs many times but no matter, I need my prayer and meditation time. I am also doing my lymphedema pumps on my legs and feet. You can say I am multitasking.

What is upon my heart to share is the fact we have less than 3 days of 2022. My One-Word for 2022 was the word, seek. I have sought through a lot this past year. I continually seek better ways than what I have done in the past. It is in the middle of the quietness I usually get my answers.

I am grateful for the changes in me and many more to come.

I feel an urgency to make these last 3 days count more than any of the 360-plus days before them. There has been a new normal I have been trying for more so in the past nine months. I am feeling my way through while on this path.

There is a saying I strive to live out. “To Thine own self be true.” I seek my own heart to see if it holds God as I understand Him, The Word He has for me. However, I am not perfect and fail daily in some way. But God is all I can say.

My spirit is just being washed in this music as I say my prayer quietly and still. It feels like rain in my soul. For Once, it is not bitter-sweet tears just fresh clean. I smell the scents of nature all around me.

I think about God making everything new. He is making things new for me. My very first One-Word ever was, “Renew.” There have been several words in the past several years. I mention these words because everything is being made like new. I am seeking with my heart and soul. I am excited about the new year.

My prayers are for us all to have our eyes open. I am praying for chains to be broken. I am praying we all experience grace so that we might pass it on to others.

I am grateful for the grace given to me by others; I hope to pass it on.

I am grateful for having closed-mouth friends and being a closed-mouth friend as well.

I do not know all the plans just that I want to be consistent and possess consistency in my life.

May we live out everything we wanted in 2022 in these last three days.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Our Family Is Everything Merry Christmas!

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

Merry Christmas, Y’all!

This is a day late. However, until New Year’s Eve, I consider it Christmas.

I received a lot of precious cards from several people. They do mean so much and I did not get cards out to many people. I feel bad because you know today, everything changes in a heartbeat. But I am grateful to be able to pray for people and situations.

I want to share some words from my Mama and her husband that mean so much to me because it describes us.

“To the son of my heart-and my friend and brother in Christ”

My background is I am adopted, which I believe I have shared before. At the tender age of twelve, my Mama and I had a connection and started as friends. There was a space in time between our meeting and meeting up again. Where she and my dad got me for many weekends and led us into a home study, for them to adopt me. I am skipping a lot to make this part a short story.

Our friendship deepened as I was maturing some days and not so much, other days. God just worked on all of us, and life gets messy in between. I needed a family and to belong in a family. Life got messy in my growing up even more, but love was still there. We had a bond even in the worst of the mess.

Even through my lies and addiction there was a friendship and many times it needed to be revived, but I was still her son. She was still my mama. She prayed for my safety and for me to get honest. It has been a journey. Christmas Eve, we shared a conversation that was pure and honest. The conversation cemented our friendship more so.

The ability to be openly honest with another person is a true gift. What tops that even more is the fact offense is not taken and there is no preface needed.

I am not having to hide my screw-ups today. I am responsible for myself. I will not hide, or pretend, nor will I be blocked in. I get to grow at my pace.

No, we never get out of this life without some regrets. However, I am doing my best to minimize regrets by becoming stronger; and that does not mean anyone will like me any differently. It does mean, change for the better is possible.

When I talk to God, I can be more honest and do better. I can rest better. I can lower my expectations of others and realize not everything, or anyone is perfect. and put more energy into every relationship just a bit better than the day before.

Some of the best gifts have no wrapping paper, curling ribbon, or neat little bows.

While I described this conversation with my mama, the best gift yet. I believe that not just for the family you are raised with, but for everyone in your tribe, this is possible. It does not always happen overnight.

One day though, it can happen.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

My One Word For 2023 Is Consistency

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

It is cold here in Southeast, Missouri at 29°. It is feeling like winter for sure. Christmas weekend is predicted to be cold. I do not feel ready for that kind of wintry weather. However, ready, or not I am certain sooner rather than later Winter will make its presence known.

This weekend I am being productive in getting my carpets cleaned. I started getting a schedule started for 2023 on my calendars, so I do not feel rushed at the beginning of the new year to put everything in the calendars.

It is a clever idea to have a plan together to arrange transportation when needed. It also helps me to understand my schedule so I can give a fair answer to others wanting to schedule me into their plans. It is mostly dealing with the professionals of doctors and visits from health care workers. It also allows me the freedom to schedule time for myself.

I want to do whatever I can to create less stress for myself. It helps me not become angry and ready to scream. I need to be able to do things at my speed and not just be pushed. Pushing myself is better than someone else doing it for me. I do admit sometimes it is important that I reevaluate my speed.

I am striving for less stress and tension and reminding myself it is not the end of the world if my plans do not pan out.

I am just now continuing this blog post entry, this Wednesday Morning with my fresh hot cup of coffee. I began this entry a few days ago.

I talk big for plans most of the time but bringing everything to fruition is a whole other ball game.

I believe the key thing for me is to have smaller goals and to be consistent with the steps to completing those goals in 2023.

What I am discovering and have discovered over and over is being consistent with a smaller list of goals brings better results than doing a larger list never gets completed. There is so much I am behind on, and I want to do better overall rather than just do enough to scrape by.

In the men’s group, I attend we talked about the fact of trying a process once or twice and failing.

The reasons for falling back are not working through the process and our destructive thoughts.

The first thing in many instances is that we do not know the process until we have fully worked through the process. Our destructive thoughts include worrying, timidity, and thinking we are not good enough. We give up before we ever succeed.

When we freeze up, our destructive actions come into play indecisiveness and procrastination.

Committing to the process and giving everything, we have is what is going to get us to grow and succeed.

I am ready for a change to stick to and to keep growing. I do not want to keep falling back and keep starting over.

One of the most freeing things said that jumped out to me from my latest meeting: “What may be a part of my story is not who I am today!”

I am not giving up today!

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

What Is It Costing Me To Not Change?

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

My Baked Ziti December 10th, 2022

Hey, Y’all!

I was baking this afternoon into the early evening making my Baked Ziti. I have the spices, meat, and sauce down okay. I still need more practice before I have this recipe down.

As I boiled the noodles, I thought about how each ingredient goes in the recipe to produce a great taste. It did turn out good; it just was not that makes you want to slap your mama taste!

As I was mixing the ingredients I was thinking about each task, person, belief, routine, quality, trait, and gift that makes up our life.

I am having to do a reset even as I write this post. Today has been a total stop-and-reset day so I can write. It takes that meditation time and getting in my zone with God, Whom I have avoided concerning my me time. Dealing with my behavior and thoughts by myself in my choices.

I cannot even pray without getting in the meditation time. Here lately, it has been doing the autopilot self-will run riot just briefly pausing at times and other times not so much. My greatest accomplishment is making the daily check-ins with one person for all five working days I do believe.

I did do check-ins with two other guys for as much as I could with time, or if I were not falling asleep at the wheel you know.

The thing is, I can call upon God for others usually without a problem. However, doing my daily check-in with God has been far away. Thus, here I am resetting.

What does it cost me not to change?

It has cost me my deep meaningful time with God. It has cost me using the right judgment in situations that may have hurt other people and myself by making a stupid mistake in just joking.

It cost me not to state boundaries clearly. I have given others the free pass by saying people will be people. The cost of boundaries crossed is resentment and seething. Yes, this is getting the honesty out because it makes you want to scream!

Everything is happening so fast and in slow motion at the same time and I am saying to myself (did you see what that so and so did, and you did nothing!), oh heck, no! Son of a biscuit eater!

The hardest part is in not forgiving myself and burying one more thing as I seethe.

As it comes up and is pointed out by others then I end up screaming because what am I supposed to do now? It costs a person their sanity and peace of mind.

Change is of utmost importance; it is the path of my growth journey. We can stop raising our red flags to get smacked with some of the stuff that happens to us if we put down our pride and get real.

I want to do the passive role and not make waves. Instead, I make jokes, use sarcasm, and do anything to deflect from the reality of hurt.

This is not to say that I have not grown, I have. It is another growing pain. It is a bump in the road along my journey, which has distracted me.

It takes a reset to call out things for yourself. It costs a high price until you are willing to face reality.

You cannot lay down anything you do not acknowledge; you just bury it until it gets dealt with. You may think you have control just make sure you are not in self-destruct mode.

My journey constantly involves taking a personal inventory of how I interact with life. I hope to make clear boundaries and be mindful when they are crossed. In turn, I can communicate assertively when or if someone has crossed a boundary.

When the first thirty years of your life have been nomadic, you tend to not have clear lines where things start and end. I have never stayed on the same property for longer than five years. I have stayed where I live presently for six and a half years. Because of an absolute must, I have changed apartments, but it is on the same property.

It is five days later as I wrap up this blog post entry.

I am blessed and have much to be thankful for and always room for more growth.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Happy Belated Thanksgiving Preparing The Year’s End

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

Thanksgiving 2021

Hey, Y’all!

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

While there are so many things going on in the world, there is much to be grateful for.

I have been off my game this year by being more vocal and about an attitude of gratitude. I do want to walk with thanksgiving in my heart and to live it daily. There have been a lot of changes and many goals with grand intentions, but not been reached.

Some of those goals have been due to regression of healthy living and some because my health took a bad turn.

I am praying everything is more caught up with wound care as this week I will be getting some grafts put in wounds to promote healthy skin tissue as a jumpstart in the wound beds for healing.

This year was quite different for my Thanksgiving. I was not concentrating so much on the meal. I was grateful for a day of rest. It is still a bittersweet time as one of my dearest friends passed away just days before Thanksgiving.

My friend always persevered through and let nothing stop her. I know in my heart she fought her fight until there was nothing left to fight. That is how she lived and will always be remembered as such.

She never let anyone go hungry. There was always a way to make a meal out of nothing much. She was there to listen and share. She saved any judgment for all the facts. The truth will always shine.

I am grateful that Millie was my friend we shared many laughs and tears. We sometimes laughed through tears. I love you, my friend.

I know I touched on this in another pot. Whether it was one before this or in a draft for one coming up, I am not sure. Millie was a great friend.

Life happens in the middle of my writing and often a break is needed.

I am back here writing. There is so much that has happened this year and even in the past three months. It has been a roller coaster ride.

Sometimes to stop the roller coaster you must get yourself in that quiet moment to yourself. In that quiet moment is where prayer and meditation happen. If you listen peacefully inside, you can hear that still small voice inside.

At that moment you can have your confession and praise for the things that have helped you along the way. It is also a time when you are confronted with your wrongs and how to make them right.

This is where I ask for direction to move forward. I need my thought life redirected many times throughout the day.

Thanksgiving is exactly the time for our thoughts to be redirected to that for which we are thankful. It is a time when we can reflect on that which truly matters and let of that keeping us oppressed.

We do not have to stay depressed or let our thoughts overtake us if we just allow that which is true to light.

  • I am thankful for devoted friends.
  • I am thankful I can change my thought life
  • I am thankful for the light that shows the lies I have been willing to believe.
  • I am thankful for the time to confess my wrongs and right them.
  • I am thankful for the ability to change my behaviors.
  • I am thankful for the tools I have been given to cope with this journey.
  • I am thankful for joy.
  • I am thankful for being able to take back that which I have let go of or otherwise stolen from me.
  • I am thankful for the chance to celebrate others’ lives.
  • I am thankful for the opportunity to heal.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Dude, Where Is Your Peaceful Joy?

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment
Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

Hey, Y’all!

Let the dominoes lay where they fall! I will pick them up one at a time. I cannot get them all at once because that is taking on too much. I can only deal with one thing at a time. Since it is only one, it means getting my peace and joy back.

I have the door open for fresh air and my worship music going to help me combat the insanity taking place outside my door as I write. I pray silently inside.

I have not written since Thursday of last week followed by two different snowfalls of insignificant amounts that were unexpected. I keep letting things interrupt me. I am bothered by not being back one hundred percent since my stay in the hospital.

Here I am, two or three weeks later. I have my coffee at almost 10 am, with a breakfast of scrambled eggs, butter, and red plum jam toast. I am running way behind. This breakfast tastes good.

I am still healing and will share more positive notes on that soon.

This week is bittersweet as I have my private way of saying goodbye to a friend who left this world and mixed it with the Holiday of Thanksgiving. I have so much gratitude in my heart for this friend of mine, Millie. She and I shared many meals and watched ballgames together.

Millie was always thankful and lived a life that way as she was proud of and loved her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

It saddens my heart she is gone but grateful she made the world a better place for anyone alone.

Finally, here we are back at the question that started this entry. Dude, where is your peaceful joy?

I get off track and 30let 03other things blind me. Anger hurts, and I lose touch with myself. I must keep current and when I fail my routine, I lose that peaceful joy.

Today I am hearing the music once more, as it plays in the background, and it is bringing me peace.

I must keep grounded and do my absolute best at staying in my twenty-four hours. It is in doing the next right remembering to have and living out my life in thankfulness for the gift of each day.

It is a gift to be able to live today and not fall apart and be inconsolable. I never understood how selfish that can be when others need more from me.

Grieving is a tricky thing that can keep you on a slippery slope that just can keep you trapped. I have been wrapped up in myself enough. It comes down to priorities and keeping up with a plan that keeps me more balanced.

I am ready to do better for myself and still allow time for me to heal fully.

I cannot afford the time for anxiety. If only, taking the suggestions offered adds something to the life I want to live and the person I grow to be.

It is time to get up and act for the day.

Find your gratitude today and live it out.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

Catching Up In The Spirit Of Writing

/ boxcarmike / Leave a comment

The Bluffs I never tire from seeing them.

Hey, Y’all!

I am still recovering, and it is all looking good in comparison to where everything was. The appointments get overwhelming after a while.

I keep breaking promises to myself and others regarding my writing. I wanted to do my laundry, but my body gave out just gathering it up. I decided to let someone help me and take over the laundry today and instead I would catch up with writing.

I am playing some soft worship music as I write, and it is helping me be at peace and I feel more peaceful with everything around me.

Spiritually I feel like I am at a tug of war with life. Emotionally I have been anxious and experiencing panic attacks which have made me crazy.

Change stays constant, at least around me it is always changing.

I am doing my best to keep up with my Mama she is in my eyes so sweet, tender, strong, and fragile, all at the same time. I am finding it is no picnic for anyone but if you do what you do with love it becomes a joy in the labor of love. It brings peace and rests even as it takes a toll on the body.

My heart is heavy because inside I see the broken mess that I seem to hold on to while letting go and picking up the pieces seems so hard to do. It is how we gain strength or so, that I am beginning to believe.

I am stronger than I once was, and I will gain more strength as I grow

I pay my bills today and I am doing all I can to help myself. Everything gets more expensive, and it takes all I can to get through each month. But when things are paid, I can rest easy.

As people we always want more but learning to live within your means when things are stretched makes sleep easier.

I am sitting here in my living room/office area with the door open and the window raised with the sun shining bright in the 70s temperature-wise. It is so beautiful outside. This is priceless weather and a beautiful setting.

I enjoy having this time to myself to write and just be at peace.

I have whined a lot inside myself about feeling abandoned at times, but people are still there loving me for me. When you can say all this to yourself honestly, you have love and gratitude.

  1. I am grateful for the love and gratitude I feel in my heart and soul.
  2. I am grateful for God and His love for me.
  3. I am grateful for peace and joy.
  4. I am grateful for two gentlemen I met while waiting for a ride home from an appointment. One guy was named John, he gave me Hall’s cough drop and told me of his belief. Another man named Joe needed my help and had a rough life like I once lived. I told Him he was loved, and I loved him as my brother. I gave him what he said he needed, and he was incredibly grateful he smiled wide. It did my heart good. (A merry heart does good like medicine).
  5. I am grateful for everyone who has helped me and given me help.
  6. I am grateful for those who care for me by talking to me, transporting me, physically caring for me, and medically tending to my needs. Those who help me so much emotionally and with laughter and tears.
  7. I am grateful my life is full of so much more than tears and fears.
  8. I am grateful for the ability to choose calm.
  9. I am grateful for pauses and reminders along the way in my journey.
  10. I am grateful to be hopeful.

While my life is not constantly in a state of peace it is good to know peace today.

Thanks for reading!

This has been another blog post entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!

God Bless Y’all, Everybody!

.