It’s been another long lapse in time since I last blogged. I do want to be better at time management and being more consistent in writing.
This week kas been a continuance from the weekend of remembering my dad’s celebration of life and some other memorials throughout my life.
My assignment has been to feel the feelings. It really sucks to feel the feelings when dealing with grief and other unpleasant emotions.
I am dealing with my own sickness and even the soul sickness.
Some might be wondering what a real soul sickness is exactly.
For me the soul sickness is my disease in my own head that is so self-judgmental in telling me, I don’t have a right to continue to grieve. I have had several other people die in a short time that have touched my life in one way or another.
The pandemic has magnified a lot of it too, I will also grant that as true.
On bright side note I will also state I had one full week of not feeling any kind of depression.
The past 3 days have been jumping through hoops to get things done. I just fall into bed after a day is done.
I am horrible at follow through even when its for the good of my health and well-being and having to do the pleasant voice act for professional phone calls make me want to scream.
But I managed to schedule a doctor’s appointment, scheduled a pickup for delivery return, and dropped off a return. I have been playing mix and match with my prescriptions so the right ones get ordered.
I have not kept up again with family and friends, but the truth is I am feeling fragile. After having to get out yesterday, had me feeling I was going to collapse at the bottom of the stairs leading up to my apartment.
While a lot of this is just ordinary everyday stuff to toggle through and work out it is exactly the stuff that breaks us. This is known as the small stuff and it’s hard to do, when you’re not sure how much more you can handle.
To think about self-care in this position is about rest, eating, drinking fluids, taking medications, and my sarcastic side says yes! sometimes getting through by prayer and medication.
Self-care includes those ten-minute breaks of crying, even though it feels like hours.
A big misconception seems to be that one is weak for crying. While I do feel weak for crying; I know today that is untrue.
The pandemic itself has brought on many changes and in some cases, it has taken away a few choices. It sure has brought old and new grief, both.
Grief makes everything come to the surface. Especially, my fears. This now becomes a faith walk. I must find gratitude to combat the fear. Some days are easier than others.
I promised someone I was going to blog Sunday; it is now Wednesday evening. I guess better late than never.
- I am grateful to push through and get several things completed.
- I am grateful for friends to reach out to.
- I am grateful for guidance.
- I am grateful for well wishes and prayers said for me.
- I am grateful even if I am late, I am walking through and feeling the feelings.
- I am grateful I can make this blog entry today.
- I am grateful to have made doctor’s appointments.
- I am grateful for not giving up and throwing in the towel.
- I am grateful to be trying to be less judgmental of myself.
- I am grateful I can stay inside the next several days. I don’t have to get over heated.
Thanks for reading!
This has been another blogpost entry by Boxcar Mike, over and out!
God Bless Y’all Everybody!