Good Morning Everyone!
I am finally getting a post in again! Its so great to be able to share with you all my journey.
I have taken break from my regular reading but that will start again today. The past week I have been celebrating my 15 years of being clean and sober. I have been to all my regular gatherings around the tables.
I am just overwhelmed still by the natural structure the meetings have placed in my life.
I have so much to be thankful for.
The gatherings as I refer to them, are about being apart of and doing the deal. One of the gifts in sobriety today is being included. I also get to experience that fellowship time. Another is sharing with people in a general way and still a few, at gut level. I still tend to be guarded and at least I can recognize that today.
One important lesson I have learned in the past few weeks, but it did not hit home until tonight. That is when my willingness stops all the teachers disappear. They may show up as friends and all but man I learned I am heavy with the judgment. The doors slam with a clang when I start that crap.
The world is not all about me today. I often act like it is though. I even mentioned I was not a good example of sobriety and I do mean that. I am hoping restarting the willingness and really doing this deal, changes that.
I am also hoping for the people who aren’t good for me I continue the distance thing and start including more who are good for me. I need to get out of the driver’s seat and listen to some direction though.
The biggest thing for me and I think all people is letting go of the crap that doesn’t serve us. I’ve held on to a lot out of sentimental reasons. Wanting my fantasy back and not accepting people moved on and some have died. I have no control over that crap.
There’s been a lot of hurt I know I am in denial of, that I even created. It doesn’t matter if its unintentional. Trust me when I say, probably on some level it was intentional. That’s the truth.
Sometimes the truth hurts. That’s why in all honesty it has to be dealt with. We have to be hard on ourselves, but down the hammer. Beating ourselves up will never make it right and in fact its just false pride thinking we don’t have to face the real music as long as we continue beating ourselves up.
In California we’d have camp meetings around a fire. Someone would yell “get off the cross, we need the wood for the fire!” when one would start blubbering about all the crap they did. I used to think that was harsh. I thought it was harsh because, I was one of the ones blubbering.
Today I get to be a ripple if I am willing.
I have a page on my personal Facebook and my page is Boxcar Mike check me out on there https://www.facebook.com/BoxcarMike-1589704404503496 If you try to friend me on my personal time leave me a note in Boxcar Mike otherwise I will consider it spam. If I don’t know you, I don’t know you. Also just give it a minute and like me.
I am doing a 30-day challenge of rewiring my brain of 3 things I am grateful for each day. I got the Grateful Dead playing “Ripple”.
Thank you all for reading! This is Boxcar Mike over and out!
God bless Y’all !