Thanks for joining me!
The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. Ernest Hemingway
I don’t know where exactly to begin. I am in the middle of trying to revive some life back into myself, while opening myself up at the same time. I am on a journey and have been for some time now. My life is forever changing and yet I feel the brokenness of my soul so heavy.
I claim to be a writer and to be able to paint pictures with my words. The pictures I have inside myself are not so pretty. I fell hard while trying to do this life by myself. I fell emotionally and spiritually. As a result I am starting to feel bankrupt emotionally and spiritually.
I have no words of wisdom nor can I fix anything on my own. I can only share my journey and walk with you, my friends, and family.
The reviving started tonight I have friends in my life that will say the words I need to hear out of nowhere. Someone mentioned BoxcarMike ! Bam… BoxcarMike was reborn and starting fresh. This is how this blog was born. I did not know how badly I needed a fresh breath of air.
I have to remind myself just because we get a fresh of breath air doesn’t mean we can ignore the past or shut the door on it. I cannot afford to live in fear or hide away. In fact it means facing things head on and repairing what I can along the way. Our choices affect everything and all of those around us. My life cannot be lived alone on an island.
My life is more than just about putting down drugs and alcohol though its been some years now since picking up , sometimes the true recovery begins when our eyes are opened. When the pain gets real and has gone deep; no matter how you didnt mean to cause more pain and wreckage, its done even clean and sober.
Its going to take time to really be there with others and stop avoiding the issues at hand. I want to be there for others give the smile they need. The encouragement and be a living example of what it means to be on this journey.
While I feel I have lost myself in my emotional turmoil and chaos I created. The only place I know to start is at the beginning. Its time to face me I stopped facing me some time after the first of the year with good intentions and well wishes. There’s a jumping off point and I was real close once more.
I can’t afford to jump off and lose my sobriety and clean time. Its been 14 1/2 years and I won’t pick up for no one or anything. My world will never be the same. I say that a lot and it is the truth.
I hope to share more about BoxcarMike his story (my story) is filled with humor sadness growth and determination. I battle with hard times and depression, as a lot of folks do. But somewhere inside me I believe in waiting til the miracle happens. Sometimes we have to be our own miracle and push through.
The blog is new but I may reuse some pics and content from some of my previous blogs.
I hope you have enjoyed reading and continue to do so. Thanks BoxcarMike